Thanksgiving Choice

Apparently I have become an object of pity, I don’t even know how this happened. Wait, that’s a lie, I do know how this happened. I did it to myself, I have cultivated a life that is void of any human contact except for work and my children.

I am such a creature of pity that even my ex-husband decided to invite me to Thanksgiving. I politely declined, as I politely declined every Thanksgiving invitation.

Why you ask, its simple, Thanksgiving is family time and I don’t have one. Yes, I have my children, but at Thanksgiving they are purely their dad’s children. I gave up any thanksgiving rights a long time ago. I will not be reclaiming any of them, I refuse to go somewhere that I feel awkward.

My parents are gone, I am adopted, my siblings never saw me as real, so their families don’t see me as real. One brother is gone, the other is in a nursing home and my sister has her own family and I’m not real anyway. So I would not e spending any holidays with anyone who thinks I’m not real.

I have cousins, but they have their own families, once again the awkward thing comes into play. Its one of the reasons I don’t go to many family reunions. Because they all have shared experiences and memories and well I wasn’t there and it’s awkward. So I stay away, I’ve never remarried, so I’m alone, with a dog and a cat.

Its fine, I did it to myself and i’m good with it, for the record I had 4 invitations to Thanksgiving dinner, but they are not my family and well awkward. When you are with family you relive stories and catch up and you don’t really want a stranger sitting there with nothing to offer. It is really for the good of all I don’t show up to anything. I tried a few times and I always feel like the lone person out. So I stopped going to anyones home for a family affair.

Apparently I am an object of pity now, so old that no one would ever want me for a life partner, I mean men my age are demanding and getting much younger women, and my children are their fathers children on Thanksgiving. I would never dream of insinuating myself into that situation.

I feel it would be disrespectful to his wife, this is her show and she should be front and center in this family holiday.  Her husbands ex-wife should never show up for a family holiday. My daughter pointed out that we all get together at Easter, but this is at my son’s home. Not theirs, if it were at theirs I would not show up, because it would be disrespectful and here’s that word again, awkward.

I write all of this not for anyone to feel sorry for me but because I need to get it out, I need to expunge my feelings in writing.

I have no regrets about my life and the way it turned out, i’d do almost everything over again. I’d only change one small thing and I think we all know what that is.

So Happy Thanksgiving, if you have family and are with them, cherish it, I wish I had known the last time was the last time I would have a real family Thanksgiving. I think I would have cherished it more, I would have saved every minute in my memory bank so I could bring it out and relive it.