Month: August 2023

August 29, 1985, a day I will never forget, it is the day my heart began to heal. Rainbow baby was not a term used in those days but it is what you are. The day you were born was both terrifying and joyous, then they said you were born with water on your lungs.

Those 5 days when you were in the NICCU were excruciating, when the one doctor told me you would never be “normal” it was infuriating. I admit I may have had a few choice words for him.

You did grow up to have perfectly normal lungs, a few normal childhood illnesses but all in all perfectly, beautifully normal.

You were always funny and bright, of course an incredibly beautiful boy. Always saying the funniest things, to this day I don’t know where you got some of those things. Other things I know exactly where they came from. Your dad liked to tell you outrageous things and thought it was hysterical when you repeated them. 

After we moved to Texas, I discovered Lord and Taylor and Neiman Marcus, important to the story, I promise. When you were three we were in Lord and Taylor, on the escalator, two older ladies were in front of us.

I was very pregnant with your sister, fingers swollen, so no wedding ring, you turned and looked at me and said, in your very loud 3 year old voice, “Why won’t you marry my dad???” 

The two older women turned, with eyebrows raised, stared at me, as I turned beet red. I said honey your dad and I are married, mommy just can’t wear her ring because of swollen fingers.

Then the next words were well why won’t you let daddy have a girlfriend. 

Needless to say we very quickly left without me spending any money. 

You have always been quick witted and so smart, I’ve always been amazed at how your brain works.

There are so many memories I could go on about, Grandpa Reno giving you that first taste of candy. 

Climbing to the top of the refrigerator, making your mothers heart literally stop.

Tying your brother up, (along with Daniel)  and waiting for him to get himself out of it.

I hope your birthday is the best ever, you deserve all of the best. You were literally my gift from God, my Rainbow, even thought I didn’t know you were a Rainbow. 

I am so proud of the man you have become, your beautiful family you created. Happy Birthday Son! I love you so much!

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, and I’ll say it in the future, the beginning of August is hard. The end of August is incredible.

Today, August 9, is my son Michael’s birthday, I still remember every moment of that day.

I was past due and the doctor decided to induce labor. At one point the pain was so intense and it was not a labor pain it was in my hips, it felt like he was sideways pushing outward. I told the doctor this and he said oh yeah if you get up and walk that pain will go away. I said great let’s do it, he said no you’re doing fine. I said what, he reiterated he did not want me to walk, I said fine, get me some Demerol, he said no, it was at this point my inner sailor came out. 

I grabbed him by the tie and pulled him close and said if you do not get me some **&&^% pain killer you will not see one *&^%$%^&**&^%%% red cent. I then let go of his tie with a flourish and he angrily walked out of the door.

My husband at the time, Michael (and all of my children’s) father looked at me and said I didn’t even know you knew those words. I then turned my glare to him and he backed away slowly.

It was then the nurse walked in laughing with a needle and said honey I don’t know what you said to him but he is red faced and mad. I looked at her and said give me the meds.

Later, after intense labor, Michael’s heart rate dropped drastically and it was decided an emergency c-section was needed.

The cord was wrapped around his neck twice, he would not have survived a natural birth.

But he was there and crying and huge! He weighed in at 8 pounds and 10 1/2 ounces.

He was beautiful and perfect and my world was complete.

It was short lived, a mere 12 weeks later he was gone, SIDS, I don’t want to relive that day, it comes soon enough.

While he was here he brought so much joy, this birthday is particularly poignant, you see Michael has been reunited with the one he was named after. Michael Marino Barsi, he is now with his grandpa Reno, I find comfort in that. 

Reno loved that little boy so much, he was his first grandson, that in itself made him special. They had a bond from the beginning, Reno could make Michael belly laugh at a young age I know he grieved Michael as much as we did.

I know that this heavenly birthday will be special, it will be a first with his grandpa Reno, perhaps my mom will bake her famous coconut cake. My dad, mom, brothers and Grandpa Reno will sing happy birthday. I can actually picture it and it is soothing.

Happy Birthday Michael, mommy misses you so much, every single day. I love you and know I will see you again one day.