Month: July 2011

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday, she would have been 98, two more years to 100, she was born in 1913, July 30, 1913 to be exact. As most of you know from reading me, my mom passed away in 2003, August 11 was the date. I still miss my mom, I miss her humor, her wisdom and her quiet presence, I miss that most of all. I always felt like I was a better person just by being around her.
I remember the exact moment I fell in love with my mother, just really, heart, and soul, mind and being adoration of her. It was after my grandmother died, I was extremely close to my grandmother, she and I were so much alike, she gave me my love of trashy romance novels, Hollywood gossip and taught me to argue like a Southern woman. When she left this earth I was bereft, I very literally ran away to home, back to my mom and dad. I took my son Jeffrey and went for a week.
I think my mom was really sad to see me in so much pain, I remember it clearly, I was sitting at the dining room table and my mom was in the kitchen. She walked over, sat down, and took both of my hands in hers and looked me in the eye and said “I’ll argue with you if it will make you feel better”. I know that doesn’t seem like a huge thing to most of you out there, but my mom hated arguing, with a passion. I said yes, I think that would make me feel better. However we kept agreeing on everything and ended up in laughter agreeing to agree! It was a pivotal moment in our relationship, I knew without a doubt I would love this woman forever and I knew she loved me like a real daughter. Being adopted it was a huge moment for the both of us, I believe.
Her willingness to do something she didn’t like in order to take away my pain says so much about the kind of woman my mother was.
I know that in heaven yesterday there was a huge party, with my mother surrounded by all of her loved ones up there, her mother and father, her siblings, the baby she lost, my son, and of course her beloved Daddio, my dad. I can see them holding hands, her blushing like a school girl while he steals a kiss on the cheek.
Happy birthday Mom, I love you, you are my favorite mom!

Today is my Friday, I am very grateful; I am very tired, very stressed out and in need of rest, at least 8 hours of rest. Tomorrow I will be heading to Bonham to see Jeffrey Andrew and getting my car fixed, the air is going out and now there is an exhaust leak. Then at 3:00 I will be seeing Tessa! Very excited about that, I have not gotten to see her in a while and she has not gotten to spend the night with me in a long time. I miss my girl.
So last night, in the middle of the night, my son Alex wakes me up and says come in the living room, he bought me a new couch! It was shocking, I am very happy, I needed a new one and this was a very nice thing for him to do.
Saturday is my mom’s birthday, she would be 98, I know there is a huge celebration planned in heaven for her. Trust me when I tell you she earned all of her birthday celebrations, I miss her so much, but I know that one day I will get to see her and catch her up on all that has gone on. Perhaps she knows, perhaps she is very busy up there with my dad, my son, her parents and siblings. I envision them celebrating and singing and visiting non-stop, I also see my mom as being a young woman with my dad being a young man, in the early days of their marriage. They were so cute together, even in the “twilight” years of their marriage. Always holding hands, sneaking kisses, flirting with one another and always having each others backs. They were an amazing team and I am so happy that they are together now.
Week after next will be a difficult week for me, August 9th is Michael’s birthday and August 11th is the anniversary of my mom’s going home. If I am cranky and moody and sometimes downright mean, please have patience, perhaps I shall not write that week, or I may go overboard, hard to tell. Every year is different; it has gotten more difficult since my mom passed two days after Michael’s birthday. Perhaps that was her last act of mothering to me; she went to watch over my son, until I can go be his mom again.
I know I am kind of all over the board today, I feel scattered, perhaps it is the medication, it may have taken effect now. Today is the second day and I took the meds with coffee, heaven help us all.

Yesterday was the visit to the ENT, he was personable, charming and incredibly good-looking, he also looked up my nostrils. Embarrassing, wish I had cleaned with the Netti pot beforehand. He said that he believes that I have nerve damage from the sinus infection I had a few months back.
He gave me a round of steroid, which I have never taken before and told me that the meds would make me jittery and have energy; I laughed and said it would have to go a long way to beat the coffee that I drink every day. He then expressed surprise because I seem so calm and laid back. I told him it was years of conditioning from all of the caffeine I have consumed. Anyway I am looking forward to the jittery, hyperness. Bring it on!
I did not have a good evening, I went home to find the DVR box in the bedroom would not play back my recordings, I called Time Warner, the woman consulted a manual, then had me reset the box, which seems to have broken it. I can no longer view television at all in my bedroom. A totally black screen, with the cable box stuck on something labeled OCAP. This is devastating for me as at this point and time the bedroom is the only room I can live in. I can’t go in the living room, I most certain am not going into the other bedroom to watch television. So I did the only thing I could, took an ambient at 5:30pm and cried myself to sleep. I woke to still no television, so today I will make the hated phone call again to tech support at Time Warner. They are not helpful and are torturing me, the good news is today I can watch television in the living room until at least 6:00 pm, then if the cable is not fixed in the bedroom I will just go to sleep. No need torturing myself by remaining awake.
Tomorrow is my Friday, I am so excited!

My faith in humanity has been restored and I can write again, I know you are all excited about that. I am having my coffee and contemplating starting my workout routine tomorrow. I know what you are thinking, why not today, well today I have an appointment with and ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor), I have lost my ability to smell things. Well I take that back, I can smell things if the odor is very strong and very close to my nose. So I am a little concerned about that and feel the need to check it out. Will keep you all updated on my olfactory issues.
I am still losing weight, which I like, however it is not fast enough for me, I feel the need to be super skinny by summers end. I am convinced that if I am thin enough all of my problems will be resolved. And before you say anything I know how crazy that really sounds. But being ingrained with the saying, “you can never be too rich or too thin” I fully believe both. I really can’t do anything about the too rich, but the too thin, I can totally work on that. I also know that makes me crazy, there I beat you to it.
I am incredibly excited to be off this Friday, I am also excited about Thursday night, it is the Irishman’s monthly 1759 meeting, what is exciting is not the fact I will be tagging along (yes I invited myself and I do not think he wants me there) but Rachel will be there! So he doesn’t have to worry I will have someone to talk to and he has no fear of me wanting to be around him.
Rachel is incredibly cool and fun to be around, she is from Ireland and has the best accent, she is also funny and smart and great company. I am so excited to get to hang out with her! Sometimes I am amazed at the caliber of people I know. I feel so fortunate to be around people who are smart, funny, engaging and good looking/pretty (depending on the gender). I don’t know why they want to be around me, I am just grateful they do!
Today is my Wednesday, I am very happy, I kept thinking when I woke up that it was Thursday already, I think I was hoping I had slept through Tuesday and Wednesday. I can’t wait for Friday; I get to see Jeffrey and hopefully Elizabeth. My car is not acting right, so off to Bonham I go, to the best service center in North Texas. I am not just saying that because my ex-husband owns it and my son works there, seriously if you are in that area you need to take your car to them. While my ex no longer works on the cars (he was a mechanic when we met) he runs a shop that is fair in price and excellent in service. I do have to give him recognition for being a mechanic though, my dad used to say that he was one of the best mechanics he had ever met and coming from my dad, that was huge. Jeff has a way of just laying his hands on a car and can ascertain what is wrong with it. An amazing ability.
So my friends, I will sign off for now, I found I was very wordy today, missed you all yesterday.

I am taking a break today as I am filled with sadness for the world and for our future as a human race. Peace out homies

James Nicholas Dotson was arrested, tried and convicted of injury to a child causing serious bodily injury, the child in question was his step-daughter. Since the court records never reveal her name, neither will I, you see I know a little about this case as James Dotson was a co-worker, in fact he sat two cubicles away from me and was on the same team as I. He was a jerk at work; I will say that, the only ones that seemed to like him was management, probably due to the fact that he was non-union and constantly bragged how he would cross the picket line if we ever went out on strike. Needless to say he was not popular with any of his co-workers.
To reconcile what I knew of James Dotson and what happened in his home was not a hard stretch for me. We all knew he didn’t like the little girl, he was always making disparaging remarks about her, and that she was always in the way when he wanted to play video games. Yes, video games.
In the court documents it outlines what was done to this child, I am going to copy what the court documents say verbatim so there is no mistaking where I got my information:
Background

“ A.L. and her mother, Miranda, moved into appellant’s home in the summer of 2007. Appellant married Miranda in September of that year. A.L was five years old and weighed 51 pounds.
To discipline A.L., appellant would hit her with his hand, a belt, and a shoe. He would also kick her, tie her hands and put her in a closet, make her stand in a corner for hours at a time, make her stand or run in place while holding weights over her head, and kick and spank her when she got tired from the weights and fell to the ground. While she was living with appellant, A.L. was worried he would kill her.
About a week following appellant and Miranda’s wedding, A.L.’s teacher sent home a behavior report concerning an incident at school on a Wednesday. A.L. loved school, so to punish her, appellant and Miranda kept A.L. home on Thursday and Friday.
During those days, A.L. was punished by being made to stand up all day and by being struck. Miranda hit A.L. with a belt and appellant kicked her and hit her with his hands and a shoe. On Friday, A.L. had been made to stand in the living room all day, and she was trying to carry out her punishment of running in place while holding a weight. The weight was “very heavy” for her, it made her tired, and she fell to the ground. Appellant became angry with A.L. for falling and kicked her one last time in the leg. When appellant kicked A.L.’s right leg, he broke her femur.
A.L. testified he did not apologize or help her, but continued “being mean.” He and Miranda initially lied to 911 and the hospital staff, saying that A.L. had broken her leg by falling off the bed. Only after being confronted with the medical staff’s suspicions of abuse did appellant confess that he had broken A.L.’s femur by kicking her.
A.L.’s femur was completely broken in two. At trial, multiple medical professionals testified that a broken femur is a “very” uncommon injury since the femur is one of the strongest bones in the body and the most difficult to break. A.L.’s femur was not broken in the middle, but was broken high up by her hip, where a break would require more force. Dr. Matthew Cox, medical director of the child abuse program at Children’s Medical Center, testified that A.L. had sustained a very directed blow to the top of her thigh, a very acute sharp injury. According to Dr. Cox, a violent kick could contain enough force to break a femur if it was executed with “severe” force.
In addition to the broken femur, A.L. arrived at the hospital with multiple bruises and abrasions to her arms, legs, shoulder and torso. She had recent belt marks and a recent bruise on her back that showed the tread marks of a shoe, a bruise that appellant admitted he could have caused. The bruises were of different ages, evidencing multiple episodes of abuse over a two-week period. A.L. also showed signs of a pancreatic injury, which could have been caused by a blunt force to her abdomen or back.
Multiple medical witnesses who saw A.L. after her leg was broken testified that A.L. believed she deserved to be punished because she was “bad.” They also testified to her high tolerance for pain and her matter-of-fact attitude toward her injury, indicating she was accustomed to being abused. Allison Nyugen, a physician’s assistant in the Emergency Room of Medical City Hospital with seven years of experience, testified A.L.’s case was the worst case of child abuse she had witnessed in a hospital setting.”

What these documents do not tell you is that her mother and her maternal grandmother were not only in the home; they witnessed the abuse first hand and turned a blind eye. As a mother and a grandmother I cannot imagine allowing this kind of abuse inflicted on a child, much less my own flesh and blood.
What I want to know is why was this case not in the news? Where were the reporters? Where was Nancy Grace? This is one of the most horrific cases of abuse that a hospital worker had witnessed in her seven years there, why did we not hear about it? This poor child thought she was going to die in this house, I can only imagine it was divine intervention that day that her leg was broken and they had to take her to the hospital for treatment.
I believe in my whole heart that this case should have been reported, it happened right here in Collin County, Texas, in a small town, a picturesque town, if it happens here, it happens everywhere. I wonder if the teacher who reported her bad behavior realized the punishment that would be heaped onto this child. Kept home two days from school to endure pain, torture, suffering and finally a broken femur. I wonder if she ever knew what happened to her pupil, why she never came back to school after she sent her report home. Not that I am blaming the teacher, but if she did find out, you know she had to feel incredibly guilty.
It is my understanding from what James Dotson revealed at work, that the little girl’s father was trying to gain custody of the child before any of this happened. I wonder why Miranda didn’t let her go, if you allow your child to be used as a punching bag, why do you want to keep her? There are so many unanswered questions to this case. I pray daily for this child and have since 2007 when we all first learned of this tragedy, this preventable tragedy. I pray she is safe, I pray for her physical recovery and I pray for her psyche. I understand she is now with the father that fought so hard to get her, I hope he is good to her.

It’s Friday and I don’t think I can enjoy it, I need a vacation from my life, nothing I ever do is right; everyone has something to complain about, in regards to me. If I have done something right in regards to whomever you are a shout out would be great. Because at home I am under so much stress and cannot seem to do anything correctly. Not even order pizza, it is crazy, or maybe I am, I am telling everyone right now that I need a vacation. I need a day at a spa, I need a massage, I need to sit down and read a book without that being criticized. And it is not one single person doing the criticizing it is many people. I can’t do anything right at work, not at home, not even in my car. I need a break, I need something. I need praise, let’s be honest, I feed off of it, I crave it and I am not getting it. Anywhere. I miss my Mary Kay meetings; I was always guaranteed praise once a week. I wish just one person in my life had something positive to say about me. I feel so beat down right now.
I find myself not looking forward to anything anymore, although Taco Bueno with Elizabeth Anne was greatness, I did like that. This overwhelming feeling of failure is not greatness, I have so many failures recently, I have failed at being a mother, apparently at being a fiancé and anything else I can think of. My life is a mess and I don’t know how to fix it. I still miss Sandi every day and I have the compounded grief of missing Dee, not to mention Arthur. Now everything else, craziness, I used to be such a together human. Everything seems so difficult now, I go home, watch TV, do laundry, vacuum, then hide the rest of the evening in my bedroom. For several different reasons, not just one.
I am afraid the stress in my life is going to make me look old, I know you are thinking, that is your big worry, well yes, yes it is. When you are a person like me, who has gotten by on their looks all this time, that is a huge fear. I guess there is always Botox for that worry.
Any other suggestions for lessening my stress or for stress relief are greatly appreciated, as I do not see the stress factors going away anytime soon.

I have decided on my life vocation, comedian, I think I would be brilliant at this. Here is my goal, become a stand up comic, get discovered by Hollywood, get my own sitcom and hire Dean Cain as my love interest next door neighbor co-star. I think I could do it. I am very funny; of course it is more commentary funny than anything else. Or maybe reactionary funny, I can’t decide. I just know that I would be brilliant at it. However if you are going to come to one of my shows, don’t bring the kids, you make more money if you work blue.
I don’t know if I have always been funny or if I became funny after a lifetime of pain, interesting they say the best comics have had something traumatic happen to them. Well that would be me; I have not had an easy life however I have been able to keep a sense of humor throughout it all. My dad always said it was better to laugh than to cry. I believe him, I am not a pretty crier, so laughing is definitely better for me.
Side benefit of being a famous comic, I might get to do sci-fi, I mean seriously, who does not want to be a green girl? Or a mutant, I wonder what my power would be? I totally need a character that is Cordelia like in nature as I am basically her or she is me. I can’t decide which came first, the egg or the chicken. I know without a doubt I have been wasting my potential. The potential for comedy, I think I have proven I am great in situations that are outside my norm. The Scott Baio incident proves that, as well as the Garth Brooks one. Plus I am pretty, pretty girls who are funny are all the rage now, so I am hitting at the right time. As far as age goes, well, after a few shows I can afford plastic surgery and will be able to shave a few years off, ok, more than I already do.
I do believe this is going to be a good vocation for me, I think I have found my calling in life. And so late in life, wonder what God was thinking.

At work I am on a new team, well sort of, I still have the same manager, however, all new people. I am the only one from her previous team that followed her to the new team. We had our first team meeting yesterday, and what a pleasant one it was. The team is made up mainly of women, and we have all been with the company in other areas, not just this one. We are also a more mature set, all within 10 years of each other. We all bring experience and knowledge and none are shy about sharing. All are respectful and show a tendency towards insightfulness. I loved it, one of the best team meetings I have been to in a long time. I look forward to working with this group.
Yesterday I had one of the creepiest things happen to me in a long time; a man contacted me on Facebook and wanted to know if I wanted to chat with him. Now I don’t know this man, have never heard of him and his not friends with any of my friends. I asked him if I knew him, huge possibility we had gone to school together and I had forgotten him, he said no, he saw my profile and picture and I was cute. I thought I had all of my privacy settings very strict, well apparently with each change FB made the system degraded my privacy settings. I was nice to him, I told him while I was flattered he found me attractive enough to contact, I was in a committed relationship and he would need to find someone else to chat with.
I want this to be a warning, go check your privacy settings today on Facebook!

I have serious addiction issues, I am going to list my addictions here and I would love feedback, I want to know if everyone thinks I am as crazy as I think I am.
1. Television
2. Chocolate
3. Popcorn
4. Taco Bueno
5. Mexican food
6. Watermelon
7. Facebook
8. Smurfs game
9. Sleep
10. Diet Coke
11. Boy Bands
12. Blueberry Tea
13. Coffee
14. Coffee Treats
15. Starbucks
16. Iphone
17. Email
18. Ipad
19. Candy
20. Soap Operas
21. Being thin
22. Sour Skittles
Those are just a few addictions I have. Please tell me yours.