Someone across the room is hacking and coughing, I am staying away from them! I do not want to cough again, I am still congested and my ears feel stopped up, I got the name of an ENT from my doctor. I am calling today to make an appointment, I am guessing that they will tell me along with whatever is wrong with me I also have severe hearing loss. I have a hard time hearing a lot of things. I have only myself to blame, a lot of really loud rock and roll when I was young and well not so young. I still like loud music, there is just something about playing Kiss as loud as one can get it and simply rocking out that gets my day started the right way.
I often wonder if there is something wrong with me, I thought at the age that I am my musical tastes would have evolved. I am so across the board in my likes, everything from Disco, boy bands, hard rock, heavy metal, rap (yes rap) classical, orchestra (who does not love John Williams?) I have a deep love of pop music. It is insanity, I should go on Kidd Kraddick’s bit, does that make me crazy. I am not overly fond of country, however, I do have my favorites, Tim McGraw, Toby Keith, oh who does not love the great I wanna talk about me song! LOVE IT! I wonder if anyone else has as strange listening habits as I do. Oh and please check out my ultimate favorite these days Christian Kane, he totally rocks.
Well our nations birthday is coming up, I will not write about it now, however want to give you fair warning I will be waxing on in a completely sentimental way.
I hate the heat, I think everyone knows that by now, let me tell you exactly why I hate the heat and I love the cold. When you are hot there are only so many items of clothing you can remove, when you are cold you can always add layers. When you are hot, you sweat and smell, when you are cold there is no sweat therefore no odor factor involved. In the heat you become drained, when you go out into a snow filled wonderland you are invigorated. The heat leaves you feeling wilted and yucky, a cold in the summer is 50 times worse than a cold in the winter. In the summer time there are allergens in the air, in the winter the cold kills them off.
Let’s talk about snow, snow is the great equalizer, you put a blanket of pure white sparkly goodness on top of the world and it is beautiful. You put a layer of scorching heat on the world and you get pure nastiness. I believe in that one sentence I have proven that winter is better than summer, not to mention great sweater dresses and boots, the boots! I am enamored with boots, I love them, ankle boots, knee boots, over the knee boots, you name them and I love them. Black boots, brown boots, purple boots, red boots, they are all amazing.
So there you have it people, you don’t smell in the winter plus fabulous outfits, what more could one want? Seriously.
Although, I have to admit, I miss my summers spent in Owasso, going to the creek and the pond, swimming, fishing with my dad. Laying out, watching soaps with Tammi, I do miss that, immensely. Especially this week, I am feeling incredibly nostalgic, it is probably because it is almost 4th of July. We always had everyone over and shot firecrackers and ate watermelon by the ton. It is probably one of the reasons I crave watermelon so much this time of year. I eat it every day, with salt on it, with that first bite I am transported back to a table covered in newspaper and my dad making the first cut on that first watermelon of the season, pure goodness.
I hope everyone has their moment of pure goodness this watermelon season, I know in this day and age we could all use that moment to get us through difficult times.
I am not able to talk about current events so I am going to go back to the past and talk about this time last year.
Last year on Fourth of July, the weekend was great, fun, food and hanging out with friends. Then the weekend is over, I go to bed at my normal time, now when I normally get up it is always dark, and this time I woke in the light! I look at the clock 8:30! I am panic stricken. What to do! I know what you are thinking, being late is not that big a deal, well maybe not in the real world, however, in the telephone company world it is huge! I have never been late, not like this. In my panic I pick up the phone and call our attendance department. I tell the person who answers, we will call her Azure, because that is her name, and I say Azure, I’m late, I can’t believe I am over 3 hours late, is there anything I can do? Take a vacation day, something. She says, um Angie your not late it’s a holiday, I say no, that was yesterday, she says no it’s today. I said Azure it is 8:30, she says yes it is. In the evening, I continue to argue with her, she begins laughing. At one point laughing so hard she can no longer talk to me. Then it hits me it is 8:30 pm, I slept about an hour, woke up and decided since it was light outside I was late for work.
The most embarrassing part was actually arguing with Azure about what day it was. I was incredibly disoriented. I was able to go right back to sleep and my alarm went off at the right time the next day and I was on time for work.
I know I wax on about Starbucks, but I did have and continue to have a love affair with a different venue, Taco Bueno. Yes this is my tribute entry to Taco Bueno, I know you have all been waiting for it, but I had to gather my thoughts and emotions evoked by this great iconic fast food restaurant. There are so many great offerings on their menu, of course I have my favorites; the Mexi Dips and Chips, the Beef Mucho Nachos come to mind. And yes while I am on Weight Watchers I have had to scale back on my outings to the great Taco Bueno, however, I have figured out the point values of my favorite items and plan accordingly.
I have also raised my children to be Bueno Heads, Jeffrey; my oldest son who will be 27 in August had his first Mexican meal from Taco Bueno. It was from the one in Owasso, Oklahoma, they had just opened it, greatness, I no longer had to drive to Tulsa to get my Bueno fix. And it was right around the corner from the housing addition we lived in at the time.
Alas my time with Bueno came to an end for a while, we moved to Atlanta, Georgia and there were no Taco Bueno’s there, only Taco Bell, yuck. I do not like Taco Bell at all. Then we moved to Plano, TX and at the time we moved here there were two Bueno’s!!! Two! The bounty!
I have raised all of my children loving Taco Bueno, if you have not tried it, I highly suggest you do, get the Beef Mucho Nachos, it is a treat for the taste buds, an enemy of the waist if you do not plan accordingly.
Today is Joss Whedon’s birthday, which of course makes me reflect upon his body of work thus far. Of course there is Buffy and Angel, Firefly, Dollhouse and Serenity, but did you know he was a writer on the Rosanne Barr show? And did you know he is writing and directing the new Avengers movie? To say that I love Joss Whedon is an understatement. I think the man is pure brilliance, his dialogue is snappy and fresh, the characters are not of the norm. This could be why he is not a ratings draw on regular television.
I firmly believe that if Firefly and Dollhouse had been on cable channels instead of Fox they would still be on the air, of course that would mean someone else would be playing Rick Castle. The numbers that these shows were pulling are on par with Dexter on Showtime, in fact they were better than Dexter and that show is considered a huge hit. But on network television those numbers do not mean anything and the shows were never allowed to grow and gain a following.
Buffy was allowed to grow, however it began its growth at the CW which historically allowed their shows to grow and gain a following, then they launched Angel, and allowed it to grow. These were great shows and are greatly missed.
I can hardly wait for the Avengers movie, I am so curious to see what he will do with these characters as they are well established characters and not ones he is creating from scratch.
Well I saw the new episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey; this episode opens with a shirtless Joey Gorga, all I have to say is they should open every episode this way. This episode was just heartbreaking however, Teresa Guidice and Joey Gorga are brother and sister, for those of you who do not watch, while they were growing up they were each others best friends. Now they just fight and find fault with each other. They are both at fault here, and Joey’s wife Melissa is the instigator, and he cannot see that. Teresa is at fault as well, she just can’t let things go and she is insulting to Melissa, throwing her cookies out, and then telling her that she did it because they were not good enough. Melissa taking pot shots at Teresa, Melissa trying to sing, thank goodness she did not sing on this episode.
It looks as if the brother and sister are a step closer to reconciliation, which is good, however, the big showdown between Melissa and Teresa will be next week, should be explosive! In another part of Jersey Caroline Manzo has gotten her own radio show dispensing advice to everyone. And she is good at it; I wish I could call in for advice from her! She totally rocks; she is smart, quick to the point and doesn’t mince words. My kind of person, I think she and I would be friends in real life.
Yesterday was another good sleep night, I fell asleep about 8, slept hard till about 2:30, that was when the Irishman woke me up to talk about the crash that killed Ryan Dunn. I have nothing to say about that because it did not make me happy. Then I fell back asleep until my alarm went off, then I procrastinated getting up, then I ran out the door. But I am here, I am alive and I am feeling so much better! That steroid shot did the trick, if this happens again I am going to tell the Doctor to start off with that, not end with that 3 weeks later.
So yesterday was back to the doctor for me, he gave me a steroid shot to reduce the swelling in my sinuses and open up my lungs. I have never had a steroid shot before; I don’t mind telling you it knocked me out. In a really strange way, I slept really hard for about an hour, woke up, then went back to sleep off and on all night, but it was a hard sleep every time. Very strange. I hope that shot works; I am so tired of feeling bad and not having coffee and not being able to smell anything. I can’t smell my food. I do feel better this morning, I am not coughing as much, nor am I blowing my nose as much. Keep your fingers crossed.
My doctor asked me if this was the longest I had ever been sick, I go to the doctor maybe once a year, this has been crazy. I said yes, yes it is, and I am sick of it! He laughed at me and then said you are getting a shot. Maybe he is sick of seeing me.
Now for a familiar segment, does that make my dog crazy, of course the dog in question is Chewie. Every weekday morning I get up at 3:300 am, or that is when my alarm goes off. Every weekday morning I have to wake Chewie up to eat and do his business before I leave. Every morning that I have the day off, from 3:00 am to 6:00 am Chewie will not leave me alone. He constantly wakes me up, I feed him, let him out, make sure he has fresh water, he continues to wake me up about every 30 minutes, until at 6:00 I get up and tell him that is it, I am up, what do you want. He then goes in front of the television and lays down. Does that make my dog crazy, or is he making me crazy?
Some days I am starving and some days I could care less about food, today I am starving. This morning was weigh-in for me, I have lost weight again, yay me. I really want to be super thin, I never have in my entire life, even when I was a down to a size 4 after having Elizabeth Anne, I still had huge legs. I don’t get it, what is it going to take to get skinny thighs? I know the answer, you don’t have to say, lipo. Well it is an option, it will have to be next year, I am going to start saving up for it, I need so much work it is not even funny. It would take a 20 hour surgery just to get started on all of my flawed areas. I don’t know why God does this to us, well certain us people. People like me, you know, I have the kiss of death, a great personality. Once someone says oh she has a great personality you know that person is ugly. I have been told this so much in my life that I know without a doubt in my mind I am not attractive, oh I pretend I am. I put on a good front but I know I’m not. Not really, which is why I only look at myself in the mirror without glasses on, that way I don’t have to see every flaw.
Sometimes I hate going out in public because of how I look, I don’t like people looking at me, I can read their thoughts. Why is someone so unattractive leaving their house, its hard when all of your friends are super pretty. I think this is why I love all of the Disney princess movies, all of the fairy tales, you can always wish for a fairy godmother to come and make you pretty. This is a pretty maudlin post I admit, but I have had a rough few weeks. There are so many things that have just bombarded me from all sides. I miss my ex-mother-in-law, there is no funeral service being planned for her. It is hard to know how to say goodbye. This time of year I was always in communication with Sandi, and by now would be planning my week at Mary Kay Seminar with her. Add being sick for 2 weeks on top of that and well, you have one messed up Angie. There are other things going on as well that cannot be talked about here. Just know that everything that is happening tells me how really unattractive I am.
The best part of the weekend was getting to see Tessa on Friday night and having her spend the night, that girl is so pretty and smart. Insanely smart, I am in awe of her, the older she gets the more and more she looks just like her dad, and her intelligence is so evident. I wish I could see her every day, however her parents have lives.
Today I am rocking a great Ralph Lauren jersey dress with 1940’s style pumps, that make me feel better! I hope everyone has a great Monday; I am back to the doctor today.
So the diet thing is working very well, today I am wearing a dress I have never been able to wear since the day I bought it. So very happy! I look good! I will eventually be as skinny as I want to be, perhaps a size 0, dare I wish? That is a pipe dream, I have never been that small, EVER, in my entire life, maybe when I am a really old woman, I will be shrunken to that size. You shrink when you get older, I look forward to that.
I still cannot quit coughing and am still incredibly congested, I can feel the fluid in my ears, this is not good. I called the doctor yesterday; I am waiting for a call back. This is not normal, if anyone else has had this illness please tell me how long it lasts. Sometimes it is hard to breath, which is also not normal and not good.
I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, I will have Tessa tonight but she sleeps till 9 or 10 in the morning, so I will be sleeping until at least 6! Very excited about that situation, I am so ready to not wake up at 3:00 a.m. Our new shift bid just came out and I of course chose the same shift I have now, due to the fact I love getting off at 1:30 in the afternoon. However, next time I may choose a 9 to 5:30 shift. Go to work at a normal time, perhaps even workout before hand then go to work, and then go to bed at a regular hour like 10:30 or 11, instead of 7:00 at night.
It is a short one today, as I am tired, exhausted really, being sick all the time has done me in. I just want to be better, I want to quit coughing and I want to quit blowing my nose.
Well the end of the world is near Heff and Crystal called things off, her decision. I am so sad; if those two could not make how can anyone make it? Seriously I am glad she called it off, I always felt like she was using him. I like Heff, I know that is odd, but I really do, I think he deserves to be with someone who loves him for himself, not his money or how he can further their career. Good luck Heff, I hope you find someone to spend your remaining time on earth with.
I am still sick, I would still pay someone to take care of me, and I cannot get rid of the cough or the congestion. I am going to call the doctor back today. I hate being sick, I am so very tired. I wish I could sleep for a week. I am looking forward to Saturday when I can sleep at least until 6am.
I am always the happy one, the one who is full of energy and for lack of a better word, perky. Does anyone know how tiring that is? When do I get to be the depressed one? The angry one? The sad one? Why do my feelings at that level not count? Would anyone even listen to what I have to say? Would anyone take me seriously?
Sometimes I feel as if I don’t have a voice, that I cannot be heard, and even if someone hears me, they don’t listen to me and what I have to say doesn’t matter. My feelings don’t matter, I am a non-entity, if I were to disappear off the face of the planet tomorrow no one would even miss me. That is the fear isn’t it; if I am gone no one will really notice. Perhaps that is the reason for this blog, to make my voice heard, so that if I am gone perhaps someone will say where did Angie go? I miss her writing here.
I sometimes wonder if I make a difference, that is another thing we all want, we want to know that we make a difference in the lives we touch. I don’t think I do, part of me would love to be able to quit my job and traipse off and find myself in the jungle, join Peace Corps, do something meaningful. I know what everyone is thinking, didn’t you raise children? Wasn’t that meaningful? Well yes, but they are grown now, and I feel adrift without them. On the one hand I miss feeling needed, on the other I would love to be taken care of. Quite the conundrum.