As we know Father’s Day was just last weekend and as usual Facebook and Twitter had a lot to say on the subject. Honestly, I try not to read any of them because it makes the dust kick up in the house and my eyes water, somewhat. But one caught my eye, it was a comment made by a woman, not a friend of mine, but someone shared this post. It said what about the single moms who fulfill both roles, then it went on to say Father’s Day was sexist and misogynistic in nature. Hmmm, when Mother’s Day was here back in May, I saw no posts from men saying how unfair it was that women got a day. That it was sexist and what about the single dads raising their children alone.
I know several dads that have raised their children alone, most of these were when the mothers decided they didn’t want to mother anymore and just walked out. Sad, but true, anyway, no complaints from them on Mother’s Day, asking for equality.
I am a single mom, I have been since 1993, however, my children have a father, a dad, a male role model. I was a single mom in my household, however, I did not raise my children alone. And the majority of single mothers do not raise their children alone.
To take away the credit and the roles that fathers play in their children’s lives is sexist and, well, stupid.
The father of my children and I could not stay married, we were both alphas trying to take control, it did not go well. I often tell people, he was a bad choice for a husband for me, but he was a great choice for the father of my children.
He was always there, he continues to be there, just as much as I am there, he sees two of them more often than I, due to geography and well they work for him. Right now I am talking emotionally and mentally, hands down he was the right choice.
I am a single mom that wants no part of Father’s Day kudos, now I realize there are some women who are truly alone raising their children. Widows come to mind. I know a woman that was widowed when her children were young. It was unexpected and devastating, and she did have to play both roles in her household.
That is hugely different that a regular divorced couple, where both parents are very much involved with their children.
I get irritated when I see things like this, people who want to take something away that is uniquely male in nature. Its craziness, sheer, unadulterated stupidity.
To the moms out there who do things to keep the children from their dads, shame on you, I’m going to tell you this, one day it will come back to bite you right in the rear end.
I happily give my ex-husband his due credit, he is a good dad, not a perfect dad, but then my kids didn’t get the perfect mother either, but a good one. Only a few people get to have perfect parents, I did, I was given perfect parents.
Leave Father’s Day alone, let dads have their day with their children, just because you are in two different households does not mean you play both roles.
My Dad
What I miss the most about my dad is his laugh, it was all-encompassing and you knew he wasn’t laughing at you but at the situation. He always told me it is far better to laugh than to cry. He was right, I have used that philosophy to get me through some really tough times.
I miss his wisdom, I always knew I could go to him with a problem and he would have the answer. Life was so much simpler when I could rely on him.
I only had him for a short time, I wasn’t born with a dad, oh I had a grandpa, uncles and older cousins, but I didn’t have a dad. Until I acquired one in my great-uncle, he took on the responsibility of raising another child when he didn’t have to. He was in his golden years, retirement, but he saw a need and he filled it.
I fully believe, to this day, he and my mom saved my life, I honestly don’t know what would have happened to me. So today, when fathers are honored, I honor the man who didn’t have to be my dad but decided to be my dad.
When I moved away from Owasso and landed in Texas phone calls were not cheap as it was long distance back in the day. We didn’t have cell phones and one waited until after 7:00 pm for night rates to make long distance calls. My dad was a stickler for this rule, he rarely broke it, after all, why waste money when you didn’t have to.
One day, he broke this rule, I’ll never forget that day, it was the middle of the day! I answered the phone and heard his voice and my first thought was someone died. Because you didn’t call long distance in the middle of the day back then unless someone died.
I said who died, he said no one, why would you say that, I said it’s the middle of the day dad. He laughed and then said no one is dead but he had something serious to discuss. Then he proceeded to tell me a story and it’s not politically correct to tell these days, but I’m going to tell it anyway.
He said do you remember that Sunday School teacher you argued so much she quit? I said yes, and if she had known her bible she might have won one of those arguments. He said, well, she left her husband and ran off with a woman and I blame you.
I said DAD! He said well, if you hadn’t argued with her so much in church she might not have done that. Then he could not contain himself he burst out laughing. I said you called me in the middle of the day to tell me that.
He said it was worth the price because he had been working on that funny all week. Then he handed the phone to my mom, who was laughing so hard she could barely talk.
When she caught her breath she told me she was laughing harder at the fact he thought that was middle of the day call worthy.
I miss my dad, I miss his laughter, his wisdom, his argumentativeness and his presence. My life is so much better from having been his daughter.
Tuesday in the Drive-Thru
On Tuesday I decided to stop on my way to work for some coffee at McDonalds. So there I went, into the parking lot, mind you I have already had a frustrating morning, there was another car coming the opposite direction. He couldn’t make up his mind, I do the only thing I can, I yell make up your mind and gesture emphatically (a little something for Buffy fans). He gestures for me to go ahead and I do.
I get to the ordering thing and I hear a honk, I thought seriously, you’re now honking at me. I look behind me, nothing, I hear the honk again. He is beside me, I think, this is it, I am going to die, in the drive-thru at McDonalds. Not a particularly elegant way to end, but there you have it.
I roll down my window, he is an older gentleman, he says you look like you’re having a frustrating morning. Not what I expected, stupidly I start to tear up, I said I really am. He said I just want to tell you that your backup light is out on the driver’s side. I thank him, the tears start to fall out and he says are you ok, I say no, I’m really not. He said well you woke up beautiful this morning, you have a really blessed day.
I lost it, I started bawling like a big fat baby, the kindness of this stranger was too much. For those of you who know me well, you know I’m dead inside. I am cold, hard and not a crier. I’m not used to people saying nice things to me in the course of my days.
You see my days are filled with people who scream at me, who curse at me and call me names. Who cut me off, won’t listen, even though they called me for help. I have actually been called the C word, the C word people. For simply asking a customer to verify their account before changing their email password. That was a woman that called me that, by the way.
My days are filled with people telling me I am retarded for not doing what they want. What they want is not possible, or I have to get them to the correct department.
The worst are the I state people, once again, the people that know me well, they know what that means. The women, it’s the women! They will cuss you out faster than you can spit. Its jaw dropping, I want to ask each one of them if they kiss their momma with that mouth.
I am jaded, I have no hope for humanity left, until Tuesday, Tuesday in the drive-thru of a McDonalds gave me hope in humanity again.
Passion
Passion. It’s a word that seems to guide a lot of what goes on in the world. Passion for what you believe in for example can cause all kinds of things. From saving the world to annihilating it. Passion is found in relationships; Webster’s Dictionary tells us passion is a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone. It also tells us a strong feeling that causes you to act in a dangerous way.
The type of passion I have been thinking about for a long time is a strong feeling of enthusiasm for something or about something.
I hear it a lot, find something that you are so passionate about you would do it for free.
The one consistent thing I have ever been passionate about in this way is words. I love words, written, spoken, they have the ultimate power. With words you can either break someone or lift them up. You can be a truth teller or a story teller, you can be a politician or a journalist. Although in today’s world there are no true journalists left.
Back to me, my grandfather taught me to read when I was four years old. He did this, not because he sensed any great intelligence in me, but because I bugged him every 5 minutes to read to me. Even then I loved books, I loved a good story, I wanted to immerse myself in them. Even then they were my escapism.
So, instead of reading to me every 5 minutes, since he did have things to do, he taught me to read. I have not looked back since.
Words have saved my sanity at many points in my life, to be able to pick up a book and completely lose myself in the characters and the story has been a gift. I am totally in awe of a person who can pick up a pen and craft a story so compelling that people don’t want to put it down until they get to the very end. After that you miss the characters, the story, what happens next, sometimes there is an answer, sometimes not.
With words there is power, one has the power to heal a broken heart, to soothe a child, to turn the course of history and sometimes to save a life.
I don’t know what to do with this passion, I don’t have a book in me, I can’t write fiction, trust me, I’ve tried. All I can do is tell my opinion and I don’t think that counts for a lot.
I have so many opinions about everything, the current state of affairs in my own country. That comes first in my mind, since I am a citizen of said country. I would make a horrible politician because I would tell the truth, about everything.
With all of that being said, I would love to find something I am passionate about and do that for a living. I think everyone should be able to do that. I do believe there are people passionate about being in the service industry, I have met a few. I believe there are people who are passionate about horticulture and lawn care. I believe there are people who are passionate about cars, I have met so many of those.
In all of that, at my age, I want to find my passion, something I am so passionate about I would do it for free, but don’t have to, because someone will pay me to do it.
As always you can contact me at angie@angieworld.com
Another Rant
So now it starts, I have seen it myself, posted on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, let the minority pour out.
By minority I mean the racists, the hateful people who have nothing better to do than to tear people down. Not only the racists a lot of what I am seeing is jealousy. Someone did something, achieved something, through hard work and perseverance that you could not. Or are unwilling to do.
You see we have a new Miss USA, she is Deshaun Barber Miss District of Columbia. And she is beautiful, physically yes, however in my eyes what makes her truly beautiful is her selfless decision to become an Army Reservist. She is in our Armed Forces. She protects our freedoms, she has made an oath to the United States of America to stand up for our freedoms, our way of life and our very lives.
I saw the side by side photos of her in her army fatigues and the one of her winning the title of Miss USA, in her ball gown. She is beautiful in both, but to me, the more telling one was the one of her in her fatigues.
Oh have I mentioned yet she happens to have a little bit of a darker pigmentation to her skin than I have? Oh, I thought it was implied with the racists coming out of the woodwork comment.
The thing I find most upsetting is that now on Facebook I am seeing all white people, or the people who are pigmentation challenged, let’s be politically correct shall we, being lumped into one category. Racist.
How did I earn that title? Why are we being lumped into one category?
Am I allowed to ask my friends that? Do you view me in the same vein that you are posting about? All white people are racists. Is that how I am seen? Have I done something I don’t know about to give you that impression? Please tell me.
When I see a person I don’t judge you based on something you had no control over at birth. Your eye color, your skin color, your height (although freakishly tall people scare me a little, not scare freak me out), shoe size, and other things that you had absolutely no control over at birth.
I think by now we all know I am a pretty judgy person, I try not to be but it’s there. Here is a list of things I judge on:
Morality
Grammar (I’m trying not to be so judgmental here, but it’s difficult)
Shoe style, I mean seriously if you are into Crocs, we can’t even.
I mainly judge on morality, integrity, loyalty those matter to me more than a person’s skin tone, hair color, what car they drive and yes even their taste in footwear.
So if you are one of the people in the world who look at someone and judge them purely by things they had no control over at birth, shame on you. No matter your skin color, you should not be judging someone by theirs.
Judge on things people can control, judge yourself by things you can control.
I am hardest on myself, things I can control, my reactions to things happening beyond my control. My footwear, my hair color, my fashion choices and my choice to always do the right thing even when no one is looking.
I will always do my best to do what is right, my dad instilled that into me, if you always do what is right and have morals then you can always pay the price for that.
Hold your head up in great pride Miss USA Deshaun Barber, you are a great example for EVERY little girl in our country right now. You truly are an American Warrior Queen, I cannot imagine there is anyone out there in this moment and time who deserves the title of Miss USA more. You represent us in a way that no one has before, you have pledged not only to represent the USA you have pledged to protect the United States of America.
I look forward to seeing what you do with your future, I foresee great things for you.
As always I can be contacted at angie@angieworld.com
Happy Birthday Dad
June 3rd is my dad’s birthday, I know I didn’t write on that day and there are reasons, I really wanted to have my thoughts together for this one.
I loved my dad, he was the best dad on the face of the planet, however, when you disappointed him it took him a long time to get past it. I did something that he was so disappointed with he did not forgive me until he was very literally on his deathbed.
I want to start off by telling you about how truly amazing my dad was, he loved to argue, not fight, argue, debate. He was a master at it and it was one thing that bonded us. We loved to debate, so much so that my mother banned it from the house. We had to debate outside, because we kinda debated loudly. About all sorts of things, one time it was The Beatles, he had read a book that made one of their songs sound untoward.
I told him the word the person had blanked out and made to sound dirty was actually a Russian word, balalaika, which is a musical instrument. I had to actually get my poster that had the words to the song on it and show it to him and then he looked it up in the dictionary. upon me winning that round I got a huh and why would this person try and make it seem bad. I said I don’t know, maybe you should research your authors better.
That smart comment got me grounded for two days. not a serious offense but it was disrespectful. I tended to stay grounded, mostly for my sarcasm, never the eye rolls. surprisingly my parents didn’t get offended by that, I think they knew they were inherent and not going to change.
My dad taught me so much, how to laugh at life and not take myself so seriously, how to think and question everything. He taught me that life was a journey not a sprint and to always, always keep learning. Read everything, learn to use your mind and discern right from wrong. He taught me to always do the right thing, even when no one is looking.
But disappoint him I did, several times for the same thing, first off I got pregnant, then I had the baby then I gave her up for adoption. He never quite forgave me for that, he did support me and was there for me, but he was so disappointed. He told me he thought I was smarter than that and that I had ruined my whole life.
Then when I got married and started having children he didn’t particularly like that either, he really wanted me to go to college and be an accountant. Mind you I can’t add 2+2 (an exaggeration) but he thought I could get a decent job. I wanted to study history, politics and journalism. Not huge money maker subjects.
I remember when I told him I was pregnant with my last child, Alex, there was a long pause at the other end of the line and he said in all seriousness, I really thought you would have figured out what causes that by now and handed the phone to my mom.
I went to see my dad the weekend he passed away, I didn’t know it was going to be the last time I saw him. He was dying, I knew that, my mom let me have some time alone with him. I begged him to forgive me, he did, he genuinely did. I told him I could not allow him to move on to the next life without him forgiving me. He smiled and took my hand and squeezed it, at that time he was non-verbal. But when he squeezed my hand and gave the smile and motioned for me to hug him, I knew he forgave me.
I loved my dad with all of my being, he was the best dad I ever had, and I had a couple. Happy Birthday Dad, I hope you got coconut cake.
I am in Love
I have fallen in love, I foresee a wonderful courtship, a short fling and then it will be over.
First off I feel I must put a disclaimer, I am not a foodie, I am not one of those people that searches out fusion food, food that sounds complicated and quite honestly weird. I will never be caught in the kitchen whipping up a little something.
I don’t cook, I never have, I do make some things and the things I do make are good. Not the best on earth, but edible.
But last night, oh last night I fell in love, hard, I fell hard and fast. A night out, dinner not from a soup can, or seaweed, a real plate, real food.
The Irishman wanted to go to Vickery Park, of course, unbeknownst to me, there was a soccer game on. He made it sound like he wanted to go out with me, however, I believe it was a hollow gesture that he didn’t honestly expect me to take him up on.
However, I did, and I decided to order the special, I am not sorry. First I’ll give you the menu, Honey Dijon Pork Chops, asparagus cordon bleu and blackberry whipped sweet potatoes with orange pecan pesto.
With the first bite I literally thought I had died and gone to heaven. The best thing I have ever put in my mouth and yes that includes any chocolate I have had up to now.
The combination of tastes and textures was nothing short of brilliant. I am not a gourmet or self-proclaimed food expert, but if I were you I would run to this place and get this special.
They change weekly, I have never had the dinner special, until now, only the brunch ones, which are always amazing. I will be going to dinner more often; this chef is nothing short of pure brilliance.
Cooking is too mundane to describe the pleasure this food brings. Is there another word for cooking? Cheffing? Who knows, I don’t, I just know you all need to go to Vickery Park in Dallas, TX, you will not be disappointed.
Oh and did I mention the specials are also specially priced? I received this bountiful, delicious meal for $10.00. Yes, $10.00. People, seriously, don’t put off trying one of Chef Pastel’s amazing meals.
Great service, great food and a wonderful atmosphere.
As always you can direct any questions to angie@angieworld.com
AS I See It
We live in a world that has seemingly gone mad, a place where animal lives are worth more than a human toddler apparently, a place where the police are vilified by not only the populace but by sports writers, celebrities and politicians.
Our choices for the leader of our country for the next 4 to 8 years are abysmal at best, terrifying at worst. All of them. ALL.
I fully support the military, I have said it before, a member of my family has been in the United States of America’s military since its inception. Throughout the history of this country we have been there. From the Revolutionary war until now, including now.
I am so proud to come from a people that support this country, the one our ancestor chose to come to. It is incredible to me that people are not supportive. Why do you think you enjoy the freedoms we have? The very freedoms are under attack right now.
Freedom of Religion is a big one, freedom of speech is another, the right to bear arms, these are rights.
We’re focusing on the wrong things people, while people are worried about where to pee, take a good look at what is being chipped away from your rights.
While people are vilifying the police, what is being stolen from your neighborhoods?
While people are putting down the military, what freedoms are slowly eroding in this country?
You can call me what you want, I am a proud American who waves the flag, I am a proud supporter of the police department, I am a proud Christian who reads her bible.
I am someone that follows Jesus and took to heart when he said three things will last forever: faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.
I can love my fellow man without agreeing with everything that comes out of their mouths. The same way they can love me without agreeing with every single thing that comes out of my mouth.
I have many friends that do not share the same politics, religion or eating habits that I do. In some cultures, eating habits are important.
However, we remain friends, because core friendship is not based on sameness, if it were I would have a lot fewer friends.
So, in conclusion, support the people that have vowed to protect us. Yes, I know not all of them are the scions of valor that we would want them to be, but the majority are.
oh BTW I do have a direct email to this blog at angie@angieworld.com, if you have any questions about this or any other entry I will be happy to answer.
Angie World 