I would like to thank everyone for their words of encouragement yesterday, especially Elizabeth Anne who suggested a plastic surgeon. She knows I so want plastic surgery; two things keep me from going, money and fear.
I fear that once I start I won’t be able to stop, look at the celebrities who have it, they do not stop, Courtney Cox doesn’t even look like herself anymore and she was so pretty in Friends.
My mother used to tell me true beauty starts from the inside and works its way outward. I never really bought into that until later, when I looked at my mother in her 80’s and she was so beautiful.
So here I sit, pondering my future, wondering, always wondering, however, that is just me. I have read too many romance novels to know that it is only the young and beautiful that have excitement in their lives. I am past excitement, romance, the thrill of youth.
I never really had any of that in my youth, I married at 19 and started having children. My children have always been the loves of my life, I don’t regret having them when I did, I’ll always be grateful that I got to have the ones I did.
My biggest regret in life is not finishing my journalism degree, which I truly regret. I love words; nothing takes the place of the written word. Even on the Internet I truly do not enjoy videos, I like reading the news story better than watching an interview. Although some articles written on the Yahoo news site is incomprehensible, how do they hire these people? Some aren’t even written at a 5th grade level, horrible writing, biased leanings, just give me the news! Tell me what happened, do not interject your opinion, I miss true news reporting. Someone dig up Walter Cronkite, if you don’t know who that is, please look him up, he was awesome. At one point he was the most trusted man in America, no one trusts news reporters now. They interject their own agendas into the reporting, it is a travesty.
I know I got sidetracked, so back to me, in my dotage I vow to be more like my mother, seeing the good in people. Living life as it comes to me, not wishing for something I never had and will never have.
Even though now, when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me, I saw a gray hair yesterday. Must purchase new hair color.
Depressed
As I sit and ponder my looming birthday the enormity of my age weighs heavily on me.
Questions form in my mind, will I start to fall apart? Will I begin to get health problems? I see my peers on Facebook complaining of things that ache or high blood pressure, high cholesterol and how their bodies are betraying them in other ways.
I am ridiculously healthy, even for being as fat as a pig I have normal cholesterol, normal triglycerides, normal everything. I have never had a broken bone, never had a broken anything really. Wounded pride yes, broken heart no. I do have low self esteem however I believe every woman has that. Almost every woman. I know there are some that love everything about themselves.
Getting older does not signify getting better for me. It signifies rejection on a different level.
My looks will be rejected even more so now, my body will begin to reject itself and my mind may reject knowledge. The world at large will reject me based on my age and looks, I am used to being rejected based on my looks, however now it will be taken to a different level. Wrinkles, gray hair and sagging body parts await me. Growing old bites!!
I’m Alive!
I have a lot and a little on my mind, this month is quickly winding to an end and I am happy to see February on the horizon. First up, Elizabeth Anne’s birthday then mine, both milestones this year. Elizabeth Anne hits the quarter century mark and I hit the half-century mark. And for the first time she is half my age, this happens rarely and I believe it is a good sign, not that I really believe in signs or luck or anything else of that nature.
Still enjoys this rare occurrence, I shall, fully.
We are still enjoying the new abode, the house is wonderful, I am loving having carpet only in the bedrooms. I know the electric bills in the summer are going to be much less than being in the apartment. So many great things about living in a house as opposed to the apartment. Number one is no one is stomping on my head that was so completely annoying.
I know I haven’t written in a while, so let me get you all caught up. Last week Tessa’s mothers called me on Tuesday and said Tess was out of school Friday and could I pick her up and have her spend the night. Let me tell you I was all over that, put in for the afternoon off on Thursday and it was a Tess and Gigi day.
A pancake for breakfast, a quick run to Bed, Bath and Beyond for a special brush that is supposed to get tangles out easer then off to Kid Mania.
Fun was had by both Tess and Gigi, then her dad came and got both her and Russ as he was staying with us for a week.
The next day was museum day, I had promised Tess a trip to the museum and Jeffrey said let’s make a day of it. So we took her and the Irishman’s two girls to the DMA (Dallas Museum of Art) where we did indeed see a couple of mummies. One was a not royal person so their sarcophagus was not constructed as wonderfully as a Pharaoh’s would be so the feet were exposed. She could see what an actual mummy looked like. She was a little shocked, she thought they would be all wrapped in pristine linen, when I explained that the mummy was thousands of years old and that’s what they look like her jaw dropped. Totally worth the time and effort to get her there.
This weekend was uneventful, cleaning, laundry oh wait, no I lied! I got to see Elizabeth Anne for a few moments Friday evening and Saturday was lunch with Alex, very nice indeed. So see not so boring after all, today is back to work where I am sure I will be helping a ton of people keep their connection to the world. It’s always a good feeling to help someone keep connected.
Have a great Monday!
The Bachelor Ignorance
I want to get this straight, the newest Bachelor has decided that because the show he is on is such a paragon of virtue that there should never be a gay bachelor because that would be detrimental to the morals of the show.
The incongruity of that statement stuns me, when did this program show any kind of morals? You have one man making out with 20 or so women who are backbiting and trying to outdo each other for his attention! Seriously! I have said it before I will say it again this show is an abomination to our nation, future generations will look at this and think what the heck.
This and its counterpart the Bachelorette needs to go away, the whole thing is nothing but trash. Yes, by all means, let’s hold this show up as a paragon of virtue, let’s teach our children it is ok to fight over the opposite sex, to stab each other in the back and for one person to have that much physical contact with that many people over a short period of time.
By all means let’s hold up the straight version of the Bachelor as a way to teach our children how to behave.
They all sicken me, what kind of parents enjoys watching their children do this sort of thing? These people that participate must have parents, some of them are parents, this is the example they are setting for their own children. Wonderful future we are facing.
I say good for the Gay community for not doing this show, they appear to have some common sense and apparently better morals than the straight counterparts that are doing this show. Keep strong, stay away from this nastiness.
Happy Birthday Granny Dee
Today is Granny Dee’s birthday, she has been on my mind a lot lately. I really miss her, she always seemed to know when I needed her to call me.
It’s an odd thing in today’s world to actually like your mother in law, it’s odder still to like your ex-mother-in-law, but I did, she was always good to me and my children I have no complaints at all about her.
There were times she could infuriate me, like anyone else, but, if I were honest, it was times she was right and I was wrong. No one likes being wrong, especially me.
But today, on her birthday, I would like to remember the great love she had for her grandchildren, the way she gave unconditionally of herself. She loved them all beyond anything, I understand that love after having been given the gift of Tessa, she never judged them, she would listen to all of their problems and didn’t tell them that their problems were of their own making.
She was gentle and patient with them, showing them a world where they could be themselves and tell her anything and she would still be their grandmother. Giving them time and attention, there were a lot of years I feel like she lost out due to physical distance, being in California while my children were here in Texas.
I wish they had gotten to have her for a longer period of time and I wish she had lived closer to them, that is my regret, the physical distance.
I feel like so much was lost during that time, I know why she felt she needed to be in California and I don’t begrudge her that time there.
Ok, let’s be honest, I wish I had more time with her, she was a great mother-in-law and a great friend and I still miss her every day. So today I say Happy Birthday Granny Dee, I know you are in heaven with your own mother and father and Michael having a great celebration!
WoooHoooo Friday!!!
What day is it you ask? Well, it’s Friday! Not only Friday but Tessa day as well! Yes, I am taking off early and picking her up from school, she has no school tomorrow on the actual Friday so she is spending the night with her Gigi!! Oh, that’s me by the way.
We have had a visitor for the past week, Russ has been here visiting, for those of you who don’t know, Russ is Jeffrey’s dog. Stormie loves having canine company, it socializes her and gets her used to being around 4 legged friends. Russ will be going home tomorrow, I do believe he misses his dad. for the past few nights he has slept practically on top of me. He is incredibly sweet.
Lately there have been so many health issues with people in my life, I don’t really think I am at the liberty to list them, however say prayers for the health of your loved ones.
We take it for granted, or at least I do, I am disgustingly healthy, so when people around me become ill or come down with a physical ailment I find it shocking. Several of the health issues have to do with growing older, some are mysterious headaches, others have to do with internal workings. Praying to the Great Physician to heal all of the people in my life.
I am still trying to figure out what the rest of my life should be about, amend that, I know parts of it, giving thanks to God for all of the awesome things in my life. I do have many, I have three of the most awesome children in the universe, I have a granddaughter who is nothing short of amazing, I have a fiance’ that loves me and encourages me to utilize the talents God has given me.
The friends that have been brought into my life, well, I don’t know what I did to deserve them, I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating, I am just glad I did something. Because more than a few of them make me want to be a better person.
I hope you all have a fantastic day and yes, I do realize today is Thursday and not Friday.
Shameless Plug
How do you behave when you think God can’t see you? Provocative question. It is one that should make you think. Even question your own behavior.
If you really want to know what I think on this topic head over to http://www.convosate.com. You can hear Shanon Jay and myself discuss this topic.
Too many times, and I, myself, am guilty of not always behaving like I should. As my grandmother would say “you’re doing something you ought not be doin'”. She was a very colorful speaker.
I am here to tell you that no matter where you are God sees all, He knows all. I see it far too much in the world. People forget that when they let the world know that they have accepted Jesus Christ into their hearts as their Lord and Savior they are then being watched. By everyone. Some want you to be successful in your walk with Christ others cannot wait to see you stumble and fall.
Here’s the thing, if you tell someone you are a Christian and they look you in the eye and say I would never have guessed that. Your behavior does not reflect what you want people to see about you.
To hear about this head over to wee.convosate.com.
Giving Up
There have been several things I have given up in the past year, diet coke, I have not had one since before Easter of 2013, microwave popcorn, I have not had this since January of last year. Thank you Elizabeth Anne for that one, the Whirly Pop is awesome. Artificial sweeteners, I gave those up in 2012, one would think this would cause me to lose weight. No, not me, fat loves me, wants to stick around, sad is what it is.
I now have my coffee at home, except for Fridays, and have water with lemon in it the rest of the day. A real lemon by the way, not lemon flavoring, no sugar, just water and lemon.
I find myself craving it now; your body starts wanting the water and the vitamin C. I highly recommend it.
I know I need to exercise, I am hoping to start this Friday, my friend Gladys belongs to place that has Zumba at 7:30 in the evenings. While I cannot do it during the week, I can do it on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. That is three days more than I am doing anything at the moment.
I am going to go this Friday, pray for me, I know it will kill me, like, literally kill me. I seriously hate exercise, I know I have said it before, I never get the endorphins people talk about, the love never comes. However, Zumba feels like dancing and that I can do. I know I will look like a zombie on crack doing it, but do it I shall.
Off to work I go, to have the fun, talk to the people, fix the Internet, because that’s my superhero power.
Monday Rant
There are things in this world I truly despise, loath really. The first being peppers, all peppers, I don’t discriminate in my dislike. Liver, have real issues with this particular food item, and skinny people who talk about obesity.
Loath and despise are really too strong for what I feel for them. Disdain is a better word.
I am not talking about people who have battled the weight issue and conquered it. I am talking about the naturally skinny people who maybe gain 5 or 10 pounds now believe they are qualified to weigh in on the battle against obesity.
Seriously! Until you truly know what it is to be fat, to be ridiculed because you have weight issue do not talk about the national obesity rate. Good grief, I am beyond insulted when this happens.
I want to yell YOU’RE SKINNY at the top of my lungs. I want to tell these people you have no idea what my struggle has been.
I am floored by it, once again, just addressing people who have never known true obesity.
I’m done now.
Medical Mask Needed
I don’t know what is happening here at work, people around me literally have the bubonic plague, it is medieval, meds people, meds!
I don’t even know how to properly explain it, but all at once, today, everyone started hacking, sneezing and making strange noises. I wanted to run to a drug store, buy a mask, cough drops and cough syrup to pass out. Do not give this to me people!
I refuse to get sick, I have a healthy metabolism, I will overcome all of the germs in my office environment.
On a happier note, or should I say healthier note, I am doing well with staying on the wagon. Today I incorporated a Starbucks treat within my point range, very happy about that. It is a once a week treat and I am ok with that, as long as I just don’t just slide back into old habits.
The thing is, I know what to do, and when I do it, I do it well, it is just the backsliding that trips me up. A decadent chocolate creation, sitting, teasing, waiting for me to indulge, what is one bite I say. One bite is everything.
I cannot do it, I cannot stray from my goal this time. I will be thin, I will be pretty, I will be attractive.
I heard this thing on the radio, it was asking women to name one part of themselves they liked. Physical, not mental or emotional, it stumped women, that simple questions. So I thought to myself, what do I like about myself physically, the word nothing immediately came to mind. I pushed it back down, I thought some more, I decided I like my mouth. I like the way it is shaped. I don’t have thin lips, they are not giant lips, they are perfect for my face.
I would love to hear what you like about yourself physically.
Angie World 