Thanksgiving Choice

Apparently I have become an object of pity, I don’t even know how this happened. Wait, that’s a lie, I do know how this happened. I did it to myself, I have cultivated a life that is void of any human contact except for work and my children.

I am such a creature of pity that even my ex-husband decided to invite me to Thanksgiving. I politely declined, as I politely declined every Thanksgiving invitation.

Why you ask, its simple, Thanksgiving is family time and I don’t have one. Yes, I have my children, but at Thanksgiving they are purely their dad’s children. I gave up any thanksgiving rights a long time ago. I will not be reclaiming any of them, I refuse to go somewhere that I feel awkward.

My parents are gone, I am adopted, my siblings never saw me as real, so their families don’t see me as real. One brother is gone, the other is in a nursing home and my sister has her own family and I’m not real anyway. So I would not e spending any holidays with anyone who thinks I’m not real.

I have cousins, but they have their own families, once again the awkward thing comes into play. Its one of the reasons I don’t go to many family reunions. Because they all have shared experiences and memories and well I wasn’t there and it’s awkward. So I stay away, I’ve never remarried, so I’m alone, with a dog and a cat.

Its fine, I did it to myself and i’m good with it, for the record I had 4 invitations to Thanksgiving dinner, but they are not my family and well awkward. When you are with family you relive stories and catch up and you don’t really want a stranger sitting there with nothing to offer. It is really for the good of all I don’t show up to anything. I tried a few times and I always feel like the lone person out. So I stopped going to anyones home for a family affair.

Apparently I am an object of pity now, so old that no one would ever want me for a life partner, I mean men my age are demanding and getting much younger women, and my children are their fathers children on Thanksgiving. I would never dream of insinuating myself into that situation.

I feel it would be disrespectful to his wife, this is her show and she should be front and center in this family holiday.  Her husbands ex-wife should never show up for a family holiday. My daughter pointed out that we all get together at Easter, but this is at my son’s home. Not theirs, if it were at theirs I would not show up, because it would be disrespectful and here’s that word again, awkward.

I write all of this not for anyone to feel sorry for me but because I need to get it out, I need to expunge my feelings in writing.

I have no regrets about my life and the way it turned out, i’d do almost everything over again. I’d only change one small thing and I think we all know what that is.

So Happy Thanksgiving, if you have family and are with them, cherish it, I wish I had known the last time was the last time I would have a real family Thanksgiving. I think I would have cherished it more, I would have saved every minute in my memory bank so I could bring it out and relive it.

Feliz Navidad and all the Good Things

I’ve decided to give my BBFF an early Christmas gift. You see he has a song he absolutely hates, it’s a Christmas song and every year I torture him with it. Feliz Navidad, if you see him please sing it to him if you see him. He LOVES it so very much.

There are two songs I absolutely loath and I have never told anyone what they are. They are by the same singer and everyone loves this singer. This will be my most unpopular opinion yet.

I’m finally going to reveal what they are and who sings them.

It’s Willie Nelson, On the Road Again and To all the Girls I’ve loved Before. I hate them, they are like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Granted I am not a huge country music fan, although I seriously love Dolly Parton, she’s amazing.

I don’t know what it is, I just can’t stand those two songs, if I never hear them again I would be good. So that’s my Christmas present to BBFF. Now he has something equally as loathsome to torture me with.

If you know him be sure and look for the Feliz Navidad posts to begin soon!

Inappropriately Aged

Ok, so, a few weeks ago I was reading Hollywood gossip, which is fun, right, we get a peek into a world most of us will never get to live. When one of the stories say a 65 year old actor is now engaged to a 26 year old college student.

She is younger than his child, I had no words, so I immediately rant to BBFF, who says Angie this an actor, then silence and the I can see how this could be upsetting because that is your target.

This is the reason, one of the reasons, I don’t date, men in my age range, no matter their socioeconomic status, want young girls.

I will be honest I have my share of younger men that hit on me, I say no because number one I refuse to date anyone I could have given birth to.  And b. I don’t want to have to explain any of my pop culture references, lastly I’m not going to take care of anyone and raise them. I already did my job, raising three amazing humans and I don’t have the wherewithal to raise anyone else. I’ve done my job, it’s done, I’ve earned the right to sit on laurels, because they all turned out so well.

So here I sit, sliding fast into my dotage, with a cat and a dog because I chose this life. I’m good with it, I refuse to date not in my age range, either side of it, and there is no one in my age range to date.

So there you have it folks, the unadulterated opinion of a way much older man engaged to a woman that in all honesty could be his granddaughter. I know Hugh Hefner did it, he was married to a woman that could have been his great-granddaughter, this does not make it ok.

We all know why she is with him, especially after learning she is currently working towards her Ph.D. in accounting. Smart girl, she’s going to need that degree a few years from now. Ironclad prenups are not what they used to be, loopholes are there.

If I sound bitter, I’m not, I’m a realist, I know I don’t sound it at times (Dean) but I am. I know what my limitations in real life are, I really have no illusions about who or what I am.

When men grow older society says they are distinguished, when women grow older they are just old. Or referred to as hags, crones, witches or just ignored. Forgotten, if they are in the movies or on television they normally turn to plastic surgery, botox or any number of beauty treatments that the average person can’t afford.

I admit I do take care of my skin, I do a lot to stave off wrinkles and saggy skin. I do think I look amazing at 55, for an average woman, not one that can afford the really good plastic surgeons. I have nothing against plastic surgery, maybe I am a little green that I really can’t afford the good surgeon. Best advice I have had was Jenna Owens saying don’t get botox off of Groupon. So I won’t be doing that either.

65 and 26, I just can’t let that go, its crazy! When did this become acceptable? Ok, the beginning of time, I know, men always go after the younger.

I still say I wasted my 40’s on someone who didn’t appreciate anything I was or did. That was my fault, I have no one to blame but me, I have to look at it this way God will use what I went through one day. I may not even know how He uses it or who He uses it with. So maybe not wasted time, maybe it was useful, maybe I was there for another purpose. Interesting, I should stop looking at it as wasted time, I should look at it as a learning experience.

I love how I do my own therapy here, you all pay the price, reading complete nonsense. I love you all for it, thank you, especially the Japanese readers. I have a lot of hits from Japan and China, I’d love to know if anyone gets anything from my ramblings.

On another note, I highly recommend Dollface on Hulu, so good, funny, smart and complete escapism. Kat Dennings is, well, herself, it is really good.

Right now I am watching Brittany Runs a Marathon, inspiring, it makes me want to run one. Not really, I’m never going to run 26 miles, like ever.

But I will watch someone else doing it, that’s all I have for now, I have things to do today, to accomplish. Maybe, I’m undecided if I am actually going to do any of them.

As usual any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here or sent to angie@angieworld.com

Big Hair and Sleep Pants

I love going to health food stores, GNC, The Vitamin Shoppe, places like that. I love getting my snacks from The Vitamin Shoppe, they have the best protein almonds and chips. Having said that I am going to tell you when not to buy something, when you ask if they have tried a certain protein bar and they tell you yes, you ask how it tastes and they hesitate a full 5 seconds, then say interesting.

Never buy that product, it is made by minions of satan, literally the worst thing I have put in my mouth. And it was a flavor I love, chocolate mint! And it was hideous, so there, I took a hit for all of us, never buy anything to eat when the worker at the store says it is interesting.

It’s not easy eating clean and staying Keto, but I persevere. On an upbeat note Legendary foods are amazing products. I am currently addicted to their Pecan Pie almond butter. It is so good, no embellishment needed, it is like a party in ones mouth.

Speaking of health things, the vitamin D3 has been a miracle, I literally have no more joint pain in my left shoulder, it has been there for several years. None, all gone. I bought these sleep pants, I know you are thinking, um pajamas, no, these are compression sleep pants. They are supposed to improve circulation in your legs while you sleep. My hip flexor pain is almost completely gone, these are amazing. I found them on Facebook, I highly recommend them. I have 4 pairs now and if I don’t wear them I miss them. So much health going on here, it is disgusting.

The weather here is weird, usually this is my good hair time. Not this year! It is humid, with mild temperatures, my hair is huge! Pray for my hair, I know things are bigger in Texas but this is ridiculous. I hope Dean likes curly hair.

On another note I am still loving Disney +, I do wish they were faster with the Mandalorian episodes, so far only two. However I am finding so many other things to watch, it is so much fun reliving childhood favorites. Do you have any Disney favorites that would make you want to purchase this streaming service? I find I am reliving my childhood and my early momhood, watching things I watched with my children. It is glorious.

Also I have my ugly Christmas outfit picked out. Last year I won the competition at work. I’m working on two years in a row! I’ll add a picture of last year’s winner.

As usual any questions, comments or criticisms can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com.

Coffee Fueled Ramblings

With Steve Rogers going back in time at the end of Endgame shouldn’t Agent Carter get a revisit? What a great show with only two seasons, ABC you missed the mark canceling that one. I know I’m late with this and it has been over for several years, but with the release of Disney+ I find renewed passion for the show.

Last night I was treated to dinner at my oldest son’s home, homemade hamburgers and sweet potato tater tots. Not to mention good company and being regaled with stories from children. I also played games with a very lively 5 year old, I think he cheats, I warned him I cheat at Candy Land and Monopoly, but I think he’s better at it than I am. So much fun!

When I picked Tess up from school yesterday her mom sent me a text and asked me to call her and put her on speaker phone. Of course I obliged, she then told Tessa that she had received a call from her history teacher. He said that Tess was a born leader and he has started calling her Madam President. He said the other children in the class look to her for leadership and she is his favorite student in that class. In a class of 30 kids she stands out, I am so proud of her!

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with humility to think that God chose me to be the mother and grandmother of such great humans.

This mornings ramblings are brought to you by coffee, one half Black Riffle Smooth Silencer and one half Godiva Caramel. So good, I wish Godiva still made the Creme  Brûlée but they have apparently stopped making that particular flavor.

I love creme brûlée, unfortunately for me, so many calories and so much sugar, but the coffee was heavenly and had no sugar or calories. If anyone knows someone at Godiva that has influence tell them of my plight and disappointment.

Last night when I got home 20/20 was on, does anyone remember when that used to be a real news show? I used to watch it growing up and I loved it, Hugh Downs was excellent, now it is a true crime show.

I miss real news shows and real news anchors, I know I have said this before, I’m not senile, but I really miss Walter Cronkite. There was something comforting in his sign-off, I am all for bringing back real newscasters, now we have people who insinuate themselves in the story and put their own spin on it. Ridiculous, tell me what happened and I will form my own opinion about, well, everything.

Dean would make a great newscaster, have you ever noticed they all have great hair. He has great hair, and he’s literally the prettiest man alive. Even in person! Why yes, I will be telling everyone that I met him and he was even better looking in person.

Back to Peggy Carter, the show was smart, funny, action packed, well written, directed and acted. Not to mention the costuming was pitch perfect for the time period. It was killed off way too soon and there was no closure, Hayley Atwell deserves better. We, the fans, deserve better, Captain America deserves better, let’s just say it, America deserves better. I may have had a little bit of coffee (a whole pot is not too much right?), for cognizant thinking.

I’m going to go now because I am rambling and I have things to do, I bought a new Christmas Tree and I want to get the living room Christmas ready.

Have a great Saturday, as usual, any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com

Disney and More

In case anyone is keeping track I now come with Disney+ in my dowry. Just in case a certain someone needs to know, to date that is Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, DC and now Disney.

I do believe we know who that someone is, do I really need to say? Maybe later, he might need to know if he is going to walk down the aisle. Not crazy talk at all, faith, I have faith.

So, Disney+, I admit I paid for a three year subscription, yes, three years in advance. Before anyone does the math, I am a VIP member of the Disney Movie Club (not to brag or anything) but it did score me a great discount for those three years.

I have had a chance to peruse the library and I can say without one doubt it was well worth the cost. I have watched Endgame (for about the hundredth time), Spider-Woman, the original Ducktales, The Fantastic 4 (the cartoon) and of course the first two episodes of the Mandalorian. I shall not be giving any spoilers, let’s just say it lives up to the hype. Very well done, fantastic is the word that comes to mind.

I think I come with a great dowry, I mean it can’t compare to cows or horses but we can watch a lot of stuff.

Dean, ok, it’s Dean, but don’t tell him, I want it to be a surprise. Or, I don’t’ want a restraining order, at least not in this state.

We had a cold snap here in North Texas, but it is not enough, I want snow. There is nothing that compares to that white, wet, cold blanket. There’s something about the world covered in a blanket of sparkling white, the sound is slightly muffled, the glistening  snow makes everything beautiful. It’s like a wonderful hug from God, the stark trees turn into a thing of beauty, a work of art. We need that in this world, a reminder that there is something greater than us.

So I shall be doing the dance of snow later today, with the husky, the Flerken does not indulge in such frivolity. He is very judgmental, as most cats are, there are times I can feel his eyes roll at me.

That’s all I have for now, it has been almost two weeks since I met my superman and I am still enamored.

BBFF said he thought I would be less enamored after meeting him in person but no, I have doubled down in my resolve.

Just remember I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested (stolen) I have faith.

May you all have the kind of faith I have in this issue. Peace out for now, as usual any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com

Grow Where God Plants you

I work with some amazing people, I have since I first started working at the major telecommunications corporation that I am employed at. If one is keeping count that is 22 years filled with people that make my daily job enjoyable. 

In all different departments, I have been completely blessed, working with some of the best people I have ever known.

I have created family with some of these friends, lifelong friendships that I will cherish for all of my life.

It almost didn’t happen, when my dad passed away, in 1993, I, of course went back home to attend the funeral. While I was there everyone kept telling me how I needed to move back home to take care of my mother. Some just assuming I was moving back, after all I had no support system in Texas. 

After retruning home I began to make plans to move back to Owasso, we had a house there, my soon to be ex-husband was willing to let me take it in the divorce and move our children up there. Willing, not happy, of course he didn’t want to be 5 hours away from his children, but he was willing to allow me to take them there if I felt that was my only option.

The more I thought about it, the more I dreaded it, I didn’t want to take my children from the only place they had known. I was raising three Texans, I didn’t want to take them away from their father. No matter what happened between us, he was a good dad and loved our children as much as I did. I finally broke, I called my mother sobbing, ugly cry sobbing, she could barely understand me. She finally understood what I was saying, I didn’t want to move back to Owasso.

She asked why I was even considering it, you see she didn’t even know I was making plans. I said well everyone said I needed to move back home to take care of you.

She was silent for a good 30 seconds, then said “what makes you think I need taking care of? I am old enough to take care of myself and if I do need help I have three other children here, right by me. I love you, but I need you to grow where God planted you.” That is the kind of mother I was blessed with, I am so joyously happy she chose to be my mother.

So stay I did, I have never regretted it, my children have a good relationship with their father and it turns out I did have a support system here. Filled with fabulous friends and even ex-in-laws and yes, the father of my children. 

If I had not stayed I would never have found employment with the company I am with. I would not have the friends and the people in my life that I do, and my life would be a little dimmer without them. 

I believe my children would tell you that I made the right decision as well, they are true blue Texans. Loving the state that they are in and loving the people in said state. They all three are generous, kind, funny, smart and successful humans. I am convinced it was because they had both parents in their lives. Just because we were not together, we were parenting together. I like to believe we were successful.

I really hope everyone is as blessed as I am, I genuinely like the people I work with and enjoy coming to work. When your work is stressful, the people that surround you are important. To think if I had made a different choice and moved to Owasso I would not know these humans. I am really happy I heeded my mom’s advice and grew where I was planted. 

Nerdvana

You know that moment when you wake from a hard sleep and you are convinced you overslept? That happened to me this morning, at 2:00 AM. Thankfully I am one of those people that can immediately fall back asleep.

Fat Catstard did not appreciate me sitting straight up and frantically reaching for the clock. He let me know it by meowing loudly in my ear at 3:00 AM.

I keep telling everyone’s is an evil overlord waiting to take his rightful place in the universe.

The weather is delightfully chilly, now if the northern states would just stop bogarting all of the snow I would be ecstatic. I am merely happy right now, when it snows I shall be doing the dance of joy.

We are well into boot season add that to Disney + dropping, well it’s a good time to be alive.

This is seriously nerdvana, I can hardly wait to get home and see what I can watch! Did anyone else purchase a subscription? I got a deal on a three year package, I admit I yelled take my money as I was signing up.

I have my weekend plans firmly cemented. I know, I’m supposed to leave my house to meet someone and I don’t want to. I met the most perfect being in the universe. I have no desire to meet anyone else.

If anyone else purchased the Disney + I’d love to know your thoughts.

Parenting Goals

On social media we see a lot of #couplegoals #relationshipgoals #squadgoals and on and on, but what about parenting goals? If it is out there I have yet to see it, so I will tell you mine. Even though my children are grown, I still have parenting goals, I believe parents have them until the day they die. Which will not be for a very long time for me.

I talk to people all day every day and I have friends and people I went to school with and people I have known in life and the saddest thing I hear is “my kids won’t have anything to do with me”.

I don’t know how to respond to that sentence, my children became my world the moment I learned of their existence and they continue to be in my thoughts and prayers on a daily basis. We talk and text and see each other often, I moved to a different city to be closer to them as adults. I literally cannot imagine a world where they don’t speak to me or have anything to do with me.

Maybe a lot of it comes from being a single parent, we are all close, maybe it comes from me being that nosey parent, I just can’t let go. This does not mean I don’t live my life and do the things I want to do, quite the opposite.

I do all of the things I want to do for me and I still have plenty of time to invade my children’s privacy, I mean talk to them and see them. 

Have we had differences over the years? Absolutely, there comes a time when daughters try and break free of their mothers because they want to be the rulers in their world. There comes the teenage rebellions, the I know everything and you know nothing stages, but through it all, I never allowed them to put a lot of distance between us. I believe I gave them just enough space to find themselves and be who they are supposed to be, yet enough closeness to let them know I would always be there and be their safety net along the way. 

It very literally breaks my heart when people tell me they don’t talk to their adult children. I had a customer call in, who was incredibly angry that the channel she normally watches (Hallmark Murders and Mystery) was not showing Matlock, instead they had Christmas movies on. She said do you know how this makes me feel to see happy people? I had no words, I had to explain that we could only show what the network gives us. She said well I have nothing then, my kids don’t talk to me, I have no friends all I have is Matlock. I honestly didn’t know what to say to all of that.

For all of my love of television and movies and yes Dean, Lois and Clark, Chuck, anything with Star in the title (Star Trek(first love) Star Wars, Stargate (all of them) Battlestar Galactica and on and on, if I didn’t have my children my life really would be meaningless. 

So my parenting goal is for my adult children to always know I’ll be here, no matter what, no matter where their lives take them, no matter the people in them, no matter what decisions they make along the way, I’ll be there.

As usual any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here, any hate or vitriol will be deleted as it is my world, or you can email me at angie@angieworld.com

Just Call Me Empress

Age is a great equalizer, we hear that a lot, but I will tell you what a real equalizer is, when someone’s internet or tv service goes down. That is the real equalizer, I see it a lot in my industry. People across the board, young, old, wealthy, poor, middle of the road, all turn into the same person when their services go down.

I see it a lot, I see a lot of human nature in my job, I can see where society can crumble in an instant. We have nothing but a sheer veneer of civility falls away quickly when something in our world doesn’t go the way we want it to, or think is should.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I understand that reaction, sometimes I do not, at times I look at what is happening and think if that is the worst thing that happens in your world, it’s going pretty good.

But at time I understand it due to the fact that I have been through it, I have lost my internet for almost a week and completely lost it when they called me and said they sent a signal to the modem. I had no sync! I lost my mind, or my civility at that point.

Here’s my question, if we lose our ability to confer civilly when a service is down, how do we expect to keep it during a real crisis?

No internet or television is not the end of all life, it does hinder a business, but I am talking just regular people, for this scenario we are just talking normal, everyday usage. Not emergency services or business, just residential.

Can we trust ourselves to act with civility during a real earth changing crisis? Zombies, nuclear winter, something of that nature. I like to think I would be a Rick Grimes, but he lost his civility several times. I would probably lose mine as well if my family were threatened, I know I would, there is no doubt about it.

I like to think I only lose it for important things, or when I have been pushed to my limit. There have been those instances in my personal life, I have been pushed to my limit emotionally and mentally and that was it, I have snapped. 

It takes a lot to push me to the edge but once I am there, all bets are off, that veneer of civility is completely gone. I suggest when that happens people leave the state of Texas. The whole state, it is never pretty and I can be ruthless, it is typically when I feel attacked or when my children are maligned in some way. 

I know without one doubt that I would survive in an apocalyptic world. I would be Empress, with Fat Catstard as my enforcer, Tess as the EIT (Empress in Training), BBFF as my majordomo. I am liking how this world is shaping up.

I’m going to go plot my takeover now. Have a great weekend. 

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