Pie in the Sky

Men lie. There I said it, I see it a lot on Facebook, men saying oh I just want a good woman I don’t care what she looks like. That’s not true, in reality men want the airbrushed perfection, if they didn’t Playboy would never have even seen the light of day.
In our world Playboy, Sports Illustrated and Maxim do exist and are doing gangbuster business. All because men want airbrushed perfection.
It amuses me to see the denial running rampant on social media. Even in my own home, I hear it a lot. I love you no matter what you look like. That is not true.
Most men take what they can get realizing they themselves will never get the model in the magazine. Those women go for money, so unless you have a lot you will have to settle for the real woman.
There are a few women in real life that are exceptionally pretty, my daughter being one of them. I also work with a woman that is model pretty. I keep asking her why she works here.
Most women know their limitations, we do what we can with dieting and makeup and the fortunate ones that can afford plastic surgery.
I will continue reaching for the pie in the sky. Beauty treatments galore to make my skin less wrinkled, less saggy, I will diet constantly and occasionally work out.


There are times when I think my life is just, well, horrible, then I get a call from Alex or Elizabeth Anne will send me a text or I will hear from Jeffrey. Every morning I wake up to the sound of the coffee maker going off, coffee that was put in there the night before by the Irishman. I know without a doubt my life is not horrible, that my life is incredibly blessed.
I don’t use the word lucky to describe me, there has been nothing lucky about my life, there have been times of incredible blessings from God however.
If someone came in and looked at my life as a whole, from the moment of my birth they would think that I am the most unlucky person ever. They would see that I wasn’t wanted by my birth mother, that she left the hospital without me, I think they would miss the fact my grandparents came to the hospital and paid for me so they could take me home.
I think most people would look at it and think, poor little girl, no one really wants her, I think they would miss the fact that two people did indeed want me and eventually got me. I am blessed to have had the parents I had, I am blessed to have been raised with a moral code, a code that tells me the difference between right and wrong.
I am blessed to have the children that I do have, the ones I raised to have a moral code, to know the difference between right and wrong. To know that they have a mother that will stand by them, if they do something they are not supposed to, I will call them out on it. I will not allow them to go through life with an air of entitlement, I will not only call them out on their misbehavior, I will stand with them through the consequences.
I will tell them I am proud of their accomplishments, without giving them false praise, you see that too often on television. The reality shows are filled with young hopefuls whose parents have told them they can sing, dance or whatever, when in fact they cannot.
I am blessed to have the job that I do, to get up every day and go to work and for the most part like what I do, I like the people I work with, that is also a blessing.
I am blessed to have the friends that I have, from my BBFF to my BFF to all of them, so many, too many to name individually.
I am incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be on the radio, I will be forever grateful to Shanon J, for asking me to do Conversations with her. I am still shocked that she asked me to do the show with her as I had no broadcasting experience. Well, except for the 3 times I have called into the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning show. Besides that, no experience. Every time I walk into the radio station offices I feel nothing but acceptance and warmth from the people there.
I am not lucky, I am truly blessed.

Stormie News and Other Stuff

Well here we are, Tuesday again, Wednesday for me, very happy about that. This Friday is a Tess day, incredibly happy about that. I have something very fun planned, I hope she likes it.
I am thinking about bringing back does that make my dog crazy as Stormie is crazy, I mean seriously crazy. Well not all the time, just sometimes.
Our favorite game to play with her is to ignore her until she swats us with her paw, it is the funniest thing, she will stand there waiting for us to love on her. If you just sit there she will take her paw and swat you with it, letting you know she wants some loving.
She is this big, lovable furball, she loves to give kisses and loves her belly rubs and has learned to jump on the bed. Finally, it makes me less sad to have her sleep with us, I know that makes me crazy, but I still miss Nocona so much and she used to sleep with us.
Well, another day, another dollar, off to work I go, to make the money to buy Stormie chew toys so she will stop chewing on the office chair, oh and my shoes.
I foresee me having to go shoe shopping to replace a pair or two, look how sad I am at the prospect of shoe shopping.


Well, Friday is upon us, we call all rejoice once again. I am doing better, I still miss Nocona more than I have words to express. Part of me feels extreme guilt that she died alone, I wish I had been with her, telling her how much she meant to all of us these past 10 years and 3 months. I hope she knew how much we all loved her.
Ok, I am just going to say the thing we are not supposed to say. I really love me. Not the way I look, I think that is well established. I love my mind, my personality, my brain if you will. I love the way I process thoughts, I believe it is unique, I also believe I have passed this thought process on to Elizabeth Anne.
I love the fact I am eclectic in my television viewing and my reading choices, oh and musical selections. I love how I can meet someone and tell you within 5 minutes if they are trustworthy or not. I love that I can spend all day watching the history channel or scyfy channel or discovery or anything that most women don’t watch. I said most, not all, I love that I love words. My grandfather really instilled that within me by teaching me to read when I was 4, he got tired of me asking him to read to me all day long.
So there you have it, I love me. Everyone should love themselves, unless they are racist, then they should not love their personalities, they should change the way they think.
Ok, I’m done, see you all later.

Another Monday

The weekend is over and I survived the weekend without Nocona, it was hard, it’s hard coming into my home, I sit in the car not wanting to come in because she is not here to greet me. It is hard going to bed because she is not at the end of it or right next to me. It is hard waking up because she is not there to wake up with me, eat eggs with me and have coffee with me. I just miss her so much.
Stormie won’t sleep with me, I tried putting her on the bed, I had to wrestle with her to pick her up and then she just looked at me like I was crazy and jumped off the bed. Oh well, maybe tonight.
I do really like waking up at a normal hour, 7am is so much better than 4am, coffee, funnies, Dear Abby and a few Bejeweled Blitz and I am good. This week is going to be easier, I know it, maybe I’ll go back to store on Thursday night, see if I can get hit on again. Maybe not, unless I actually have to go.
Having Tess here Friday and Saturday was good, she is a breath of fresh air, so full of energy and life, I love having that little girl with me. She is bright, funny, smart and so very pretty, she is a true credit to both of her parents.
Well, that’s all I have for now, I hope you all have a great Monday.


October is an incredibly hard month for me, Michael died this month, my friend Sandi has been gone three years today and now Nocona has left us in the month of October. I am beginning to hate October, my heart is in about a million pieces right now.
I did get to pick up Tess from school Friday, so happy to be able to do that again, she was able to spend the night and we had fun on Saturday. We have discovered a new place to go, thanks to a friend at work.
It is called Kid Mania and it was so much fun we went twice, she loved it, a very physical place where a kid can get out energy and get a ton of physical activity in. I highly recommend this place for everyone.
Yesterday I posted a blurb on how I felt about myself, my looks in particular, I stand by it, it is how I feel about myself, it is how I have always felt about my looks. Melissa, your comments will not be posted and please know the drama you tried to stir up did not work. I spoke to the one you mentioned and she took umbrage with your words, she is trying now to find you to tell you that.
This won’t be long, I am going to run to Costco and the grocery before settling in for a night of television, it is The Walking Dead, Once and Revenge tonight. Very excited for the new season, I love when the new seasons start, it always reminds me of the beginning of school. I don’t think one ever outgrows fall, new shows, new weather and new teachers.
Oh, one more thing, I have a friend who is hysterical in his pain, he has a gift with words, I am trying to convince him to start a blog. Once I am successful with that endeavor I will be mentioning him often and create a link to his blog from here.


On Thursday night I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work, how is this blog worthy you ask, well I’ll tell you. I was hit on. By an actual man, a good looking foreign man, he was Italian, loved the accent. At first I didn’t know what was going on, it’s literally been a lot of years since I was hit on. It was when he tried to slip me his number that I realized what was happening.
I was of course flattered, it made me feel attractive, something I haven’t felt in a long time, as much as I talk a good game, I do in fact own a mirror. I know what I actually look like and I know that I am not what men want in a woman. I am not super model pretty, I am not a size 2, I am old. All of these things work against me, but that night I felt attractive so I will take it.
I have never been the type of woman that gets a lot of attention from the opposite sex, they seem not to notice me, I am for all purposes invisible.
I am ordinary in a sea of extraordinary, North Texas is filled with amazingly beautiful women, thin, gorgeous women, it is a bit intimidating at times. I don’t have a complex regarding this, as I said I know what I look like, I have no illusions that I will ever be beautiful or even pretty. I don’t have the money for that amount of plastic surgery. I will be forever grateful I did not pass on my genetics to my daughter.
She is a truly beautiful human, somehow her father’s and my genetics created three gorgeous creatures. I am so happy she doesn’t have to go through life looking like me. That she will never know what it is like to be unattractive and undesirable on all levels.
One brief moment, on a Thursday night, I got to feel attractive, it was nice.

Saying Goodbye

The day I have been dreading, that we have all been dreading, happened yesterday, Nocona went home. The Irishman found her when he got home, he said he thought she was sleeping. She had climbed into a little chair we have and simply went to sleep.
Alex came and said goodbye to his friend and then we took her to Elizabeth’s farm and laid her to rest. She loved the farm so much, it is where she got the chance to do what she was born to do. Round up cattle. Jeff and Elizabeth dug the grave and the four of us said our goodbyes.
I still remember the day she came into our lives, you see I had promised the kids when we got back into a house with a yard we could have a dog. We had two cats, Mickey and Arthur and I seriously thought they would forget about the dog promise. Chewie would come to visit occasionally, I foolishly thought that was enough.
Elizabeth called me one Sunday and said Mom, remember that dog promise, I said vaguely. She said well we found a dog at the lake house and we are bringing her home. I said um what.
Well they brought in the dog, that they had aptly named Nocona, after the place the found her and soon she found her way into everyones heart. She was funny, sweet, loving, territorial, crazy and well, a complete Barsi.
She was the family dog, going with the kids to Jeff’s house on the weekends they were there, when my mom passed away, Nocona stayed with Jeff.
it is fitting he was there to say goodbye to our friend, our companion, family member, you name it she was it.
When I started dating the Irishman and introduced him to her, he fell in love with her as well, it’s hard not to.
She has stayed with all of us, with Jeffrey when I would go out of town if Elizabeth wasn’t able to keep her, with Jeff, Elizabeth and Alex.
The only time she has been parted from us was the 9 hours she was in the vets office without one of us. I know she was scared, wondering if her family had left her. I know in my heart that when I came back for her that was when her stress was relieved.
She lived longer than the vet said she would, yesterday morning she gave no indication she would be leaving. She followed me around, took her medications, ate, drank and went outside.
Now she has no more pain, and as my friend Jan said, Michael is getting his opportunity to be with the Barsi family pet. I know Nocona will take good care of him for me.

Buffy Monday

Well, so far so good, this morning has started with coffee, Buffy, rain and dogs, not necessarily in that order. I think I could get used to this, I guess I will find out when I am working until 9:00 pm. I do believe I am going to like this schedule, drinking coffee in leisure, spending time with the pups, trying to get Nocona to take her fish oil pills. Now that is real fun.
Last night was filled with television, The Walking Dead came back strong, if you have not seen it yet I will not be posting spoilers, just know it was awesome! I can hardly wait till next week, I do believe this is going to be a great season.
The Irishman and I are having to make some decisions in the next month, could really use prayers, nothing major, just deciding whether or not to move and if we move where to. It’s hard to try and move this time of year as the holidays are just starting and the expense of moving with the expense of Christmas, well, as I said, say prayers for a wise decision.
Going to sign off for now, I am going to leave early as it is pouring rain, which makes me happy, but cautious in my driving.

Weekend Update

Last weekend was filled with anxiety, worrying about Nocona, I have to tell you, I hardly slept at all. I kept checking her breathing to make sure she was still alive. What a change a week makes, Nocona is very alert, she is eating, drinking, walking somewhat effortlessly and she is back to being feisty.
What a difference 7 days makes, in 6 days the Lord made the earth, in 7 I have a dog that is no longer on the brink of death. I believe in prayer, and I believe all the people who prayed for Nocona made a difference. I am so grateful she is mending beautifully, so grateful I am not one of those people who blindly follow whatever a doctor says.
I saw how wrong doctors could be, first with my grandmother, when she broke her hip, the doctor said she would never walk again, well, she did. Then when Jeffrey was born we were told he would always have breathing problems and never be able to run and play like the other kids. Well he didn’t and he did, he did not have breathing problems and he was able to run and play with the other kids. He also played sports, something the doctor said he would never do, I don’t buy into doctors knowing everything. I don’t believe in fatalistic diagnosis, I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking.
Sometimes I don’t think doctors take into consideration the human element of their patients, the ability to think positive, to allow God to do His will. There are some things that happen in this world that are inexplicable, some things we should not try to explain. This is one, I’ll take it, I’ll take Nocona getting better, eating, drinking, being feisty, she is well-loved and knows it.
Tomorrow starts my new shift, I will be working 4 days in a row, what on earth will I do! This has not happened in a while, the hours are really new to me, 10 am to 9pm, I have never worked that late in the evening before. I hope I stay awake. I am not even joking about that one, anyone who knows me, knows that I am used to going to sleep by 8pm. This is a whole new adventure, I must say I am looking forward to not waking up at 4AM. That is going to be a treat, I am also way excited to be able to get Tess on Friday after school Jeffrey’s weekends again.
Well, not a lot more new here, status quo as it were, it is a full evening of television viewing for me, first up, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, followed by the Walking Dead, Once Upon A Time and ending with Revenge, sleep, and awake in the morning at an hour that does not make most people flinch.

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