Strangeness

The past few nights dreams have been disconcerting to say the least. Plus I do believe I have lost my mind, no, I do not need affirmation this is true, I will submit the proof myself.

First up I have a favorite cup, it is one of those really good insulated ones. I bring it to work every day filled with my green smoothie. It keeps it cold for as long as I am drinking it. I drink a smoothie for breakfast and lunch. The cup is a very important part of my day.

Well, on Tuesday afternoon I discovered it was not with me, I thought I had left it in the downstairs women’s restroom. So, on my afternoon break I went down and discovered it was not there. So, of course, the only natural conclusion I could draw was someone had stolen it. I proceed to tell anyone who would listen, my cup is gone the building has thieves. Everyone is very concerned about my cup, or maybe my sanity, I can’t decide.

This goes on until Thursday, when, at lunch, I go to my usual bench outside. What do my little myopic eyes spy, why yes, it is my cup. Sitting there in silent condemnation, I had abandoned it on Tuesday, did not come back until Thursday. I was so happy to see it, then I had to go back and tell my coworkers. I have to admit, I laughed so hard I had tears, of course the first person I called to tell this story to was my BBFF.

Next up are my really strange dreams, first I dreamed that my back door was wide open and it was pitch black outside and in my house. I hear a noise and I look up and there is a man standing at my backdoor. It was one of those dreams where I could not move or scream, and he just stood there, menacingly. It’s at this point I must say I’m glad I live alone. I’m pretty sure I woke up with a scream. I haven’t had a dream that horrifying in a long time.

The next dream was last night, I dreamed I went with two friends to their plastic surgeon. Now, these friends really do get fills and botox regularly, so them being in my dream was not off the mark. Anyway I went and was talking to the doctor about fills and botox for me. Once again, not out of the realm of possibilities with me. So, he talks me into these two procedures, it wasn’t a hard sell, I willingly said heck yeah.

He used sawdust for the fill, it was awful, I looked like Jack Nicholson’s version of the Joker. I was horrified and begged him to redo it, that’s when the botox was injected, once again, awful results. That nightmare was worse than the strange man at my house. The moral of that story is I will not be getting fills or botox any time soon.

I hope everyone has a great Saturday, a fantastic weekend and an amazing life.

You can leave a comment here or email me at angie@angieworld.com.

Mr. Owasso

So it has taken me a while to process my weekend, I’ll try and put it into words that are actually readable.

My Saturday really, I don’t know any other word to describe it other than perfect.

I spent all day Saturday with Mr. Owasso (a name he hates, but has to live with), and we did nothing. When I say nothing I mean we watched old movies (Pillow Talk with Doris Day and Rock Hudson), we watched Wonder Woman, The Big Bang Theory, Young Sheldon and a couple of episodes of the Dinner show, not sure of the actual name.

We talked, we laughed, we played Battleship, yes, Battleship, which he won, all three games.

Next time I will soundly trounce him in Trivial Pursuit, he has no idea who he is dealing with when it comes to completely useless facts.

I’ve never experienced anything so easy, fun and comfortable. It’s more than a little disconcerting, when will the other shoe drop. When will he stop being less than perfect?

He’s still funny, smart, snarky, sarcastic, irreverent, sweet and still super cute. The last part was from 16 year old Angie. 54 year old Angie thinks that as well.

I still can’t get past it, men my age don’t look the way he does, seriously, I want to ask him if he really is that kid I went to school with.

Because I have seen the others we went to school with, nothing bad about them, at all, but man alive, they do not look like he does.

It is more than a little intimidating, he’s perfect and well, I am not.

Being a woman of a certain age and having had more than my fair share of children, well it causes insecurities and doubts about me. He could do so much better in the looks department, not the personality or brains part, I’m pretty snobby about those parts of myself. I think I’m really smart and funny, so there’s that.

But the other part, he so totally could do better. I hope he doesn’t realize it.

That’s all I have for now, oh, while I was in Oklahoma I did go to Owasso and found Owasso Rams socks!! How does one find those socks and not buy them? I don’t know the answer to that because I bought them.

As usual any comments can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com

Adoption Rant

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, anyone who knows me knows that.

Something was said that I cannot shake, what I am about to say may be shocking to some, others not so much, but fair warning there might be some strong language.

So, everyone by now knows or should know that I have a daughter I gave up for adoption. Not a secret, I am not her mother, but she is my daughter, an odd thing, I know, but there it is.

She did a DNA test, finding out I actually supplied 90% of her DNA. Which is a good thing, she posted about it, someone said oh you can upload your results to this other site and it will actually tell you if your birth parents were related. hahahahaha. Not funny.

I want to say I in no way shape or form had sex with a relative to give birth to her. I am not some toothless whore from the backwoods of whatever. Who the hell says something like that then laughs about it. What the hell.

Not every one of us that have had a child in our teenage years and given up for adoption are barefoot, backwoods, backward, incestuous creatures.

I have no idea what this person was thinking, but it was seriously a thoughtless post.

Once again this is not in any way shape or form directed to my daughter. She does not think that, it was the other person, who in all honesty, I can’t remember her name. Nor would I say it here.

I was not uneducated, backwards, toothless or mentally deficient in any way. Maybe I was stupid for having sex that young and unprotected at that, but I wasn’t a complete drooling idiot.

So there you have it, a rant I had to get out. People should think before posting crap like that.

Dean Who?

Alexa did not disappoint me today, I said Alexa, play the BeeGees, I am now being serenaded by the best voices the ’70’s had to offer. Seems apropos for what I am going to divulge today.

I have been keeping something to myself for a little while now, not too terribly long, but I just wanted it to myself before telling it to anyone else.

I met someone, and get this, he grew up in Owasso, and graduated the same year I did. And no, I don’t remember him, how awesome is this! At first he really didn’t remember me either, but then he saw my senior picture and said oh yeah, I know who you are. So then I had to ask, was I a jackass to you. Because you never know, teenage Angie could be quite the snob. Shocking revelation, I know, but I had to ask. He said no, that he saw me in the halls at school a few times and would think she’s really pretty and has a great smile, outa my league, and keep walking.

I said he should have said hi, I was somewhat nice to everyone.
So anyway, now we have met as adults and I old fashioned like him. I’m really glad we didn’t know each other back then, we might not have liked each other and it would have ruined us for anything as adults.

He is funny, smart, has a razor sharp wit (so important), sarcastic, snarky (he hates that word BTW, I love it) sweet, thoughtful and amazingly cute. I seriously didn’t know men my age looked like that, he works out, eats like I do, pretty clean, he has his vices, puffy Cheetos and coke, which drives me nuts because I would love to indulge in those things and cannot. He’s not on social media, very nice to spend time with someone who is not glued to their phone. Also not documenting every moment as it happens. It has kind of forced me to be a little less active on social media and it has been a nice break.

He brought me new Owasso shirts because he knows how much I love Owasso, he does not.

He lives in Oklahoma, not in Owasso, so I don’t know where this is going. I will tell you one thing, I am going to enjoy it for whatever it is. I old fashioned like him, I love talking to him, the conversations never lag, at all. One night we were on the phone roughly 7 hours. 7 hours. Not a dull moment, I was never bored, the only reason we hung up is because we both had to get up in a few hours and go to work.

Oh yeah, he works, and has worked for the same company for 21 years, so refreshing to see a man committed to something that long.

Ok, so there you have it, like I said I don’t know what will happen, I am just enjoying this. 16 year old Angie is very happy as is 54 year old Angie.

As usual you can comment here, or email me at angie@angieworld.com

Goals

It’s been a couple of strange weeks, weather wise and otherwise here in North Texas.

I met with the owner of the gym I go to, Infinity Personal Training in Allen, Texas. Well, with one half, Ray, he asked some thought provoking questions. Ones I did not have a ready answer for, I am pretty quick on my feet, but the ones he asked were not something I was prepared for.

For example, what makes you happy Angie? Then I had to say I didn’t really believe in happiness, which I don’t, oh I am happy. Certain things make me happy, but I believe more in joy than happy. Then he asked my fitness goals, and I was all like um to be healthy. He said that’s what everyone wants and that goal is not really sustainable. Which I can see, in the long run, it is so easy to get side tracked with no definable goals.

I thought for a minute and said I want to be able to hike in Montana, Wyoming and Colorado without being winded. I want to hike in Alaska in the snow without getting tired. For hours at a time, I don’t want to go hiking for a minute, I want to go until I lose track of time.

That’s what I want, so keeping with that, Ray has decided I should run around the building after every workout. Several times. And add more calories to my daily diet, it might sound fun, but we are talking non-dairy yogurt and Epic bars, along with heartier soup. I kind of live on soup. It’s my thing. 

His questions brought up some very thought provoking points. Happiness, what is it? Is it obtainable? Sustainable? Is happiness setting short term goals in order to achieve long term goals?

I have happiness in my life, of course, every time I’m around my children I am happy. Spending time with Tessa makes me extremely happy. Seeing my children happy makes me joyous.

I believe in joy, seeing the sky with the clouds and the sun gives my soul great joy. It is a reminder that God is there, painting the sky for our pleasure. That there is an entity greater than ourselves and He loves us. Unconditionally.

That is my belief, and this is Angie World, which means I get the final say in this world. If you disagree you can have whatever you want in your world.

I am stupidly excited about my upcoming trip in October, it is going to be a blast. I have never taken a girls trip, and it being a road trip is going to be awesome! I’ll post pictures, no video, as Shay and I have decided we are going to find a karaoke place and sing ebony and ivory. No videos of me singing, ever.

I have a lot more to say, however, I am not ready to say it, not yet, maybe later. Maybe never, we’ll see.

As usual, any comments can be left here or sent to angie@angieworld.com. TTFN

Cold Soul

I love the cold. Anyone who knows me knows that, as a matter of fact the very first thing people learn about me is my love of cold weather. I am all about wintry weather, however, I hate the wind and I hate cold, windy weather in April.

If it’s going to be cold, like my soul, I need it to be dark, like my soul. Sunshine and cold is a cruel joke.

I know I said earlier I was ready to date, I think I’m going to take that back. I don’t think I’m ready for all of that emotion. It’s all too much, and I don’t think I’m going to be that good at it. I believe I live too much in my own head. Maybe I’ll stick with my books, television and movies. It never hurts to live vicariously, right?

Besides I’m too old for all of that, I think God is telling me to just be alone. And think about it, what if I met someone who lived in a different state? Maybe my home state. Could I move? Would my children graciously let me go? Would I be able to come back every other week and pick Tess up from school? What about shopping? Do they have good shopping? I don’t know.

I do know that I have never been good at sharing myself, my thoughts and feelings, hopes, dreams, my life. I always have held back. I am not too trusting when I comes to that. I fully expect to be hurt so I try to not get too attached. If I do get attached it is just so incredibly painful.

So alone it is.