Month: December 2014

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Merry Christmas

It’s here, Christmas, well, Christmas Eve to be exact, this is the day that we celebrate as a family. My family is bigger this year, with an added son-in-law and Alex is bringing his girlfriend; bigger is better. It was good with the four of us, now there are more and it is greatness, I love that we have more people at the table.

This time of year is a double-edged sword for me, I love it and I hate it, I hate it due to the fact that I miss my mom so much. This was our time of year, she would hide the presents and I would find them. It was our game, and we loved it, one year she thought she had out done me. That I had not found that years presents, however, I did, and she knew, but we did not confess until years later that I found them and she knew I had found them.

I still remember the first time I couldn’t go home for Christmas; I was pregnant with Elizabeth Anne, very pregnant to be exact. My doctor laughed at me when I asked if I could sit in a car for 5 hours to go home. I took that as a no, I called my mom to tell her I would not be home, she told me it was ok, she had been expecting the call. She told me not to do anything foolish, don’t do anything that would put the baby at risk. She then told me no matter what, she knew that my heart would be with hers for Christmas.

She was the first person in my life that made me feel like I belonged, my grandparents did their best, but I always knew I wasn’t like my cousins. I didn’t have a mom and dad that wanted me, I lived with grandma and grandpa and great aunt Effie. They lived with their mothers and fathers, I was different, I didn’t belong, I would like to reiterate here, they never said anything to make me feel like this. My cousins loved me, I just knew I was different, then God gave me parents.

A mom and dad that loved me, taught me things, accepted my nerdiness, in fact encouraged it, along with being outside and active.

I pray my children know that no matter where their lives take them, their hearts will always be with me, that I will always be in their corner. As of now, their lives are close to mine, I can spend time with them, see them and talk to them without hundreds of miles separating us. I am blessed beyond belief and am grateful for it.

So, today, the day we celebrate as a family, the birth of Christ, our Lord and Savior, I am reminded of how much I have been given. I was given grandparents, a great aunt, aunts and uncles and cousins who loved me. Then I was given parents that loved me and guided me into adulthood and prepared me for motherhood. I have been blessed with friends who became family, friends who have seen me through some of the toughest times in my life.

I have no complaints, no what if’s or druthers, I have a future to look forward to as I know God will continue to work in my life. Bringing me friends and new family members to add to my many blessings.

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My Review of Pioneer Girl

I have done it, I have read Pioneer Girl The Annotated Autobiography of Laura Ingalls Wilder and it was glorious. With every word I was taken back to a time and place that was wild and unsettled, one where Americans were staking claims and surviving great odds to populate this vast land.

I have read all of the children’s books, of course, and often re-read them even now, the stories still ring true and you can feel the era coming alive. This is her original manuscript that is written in first person and leaves in more adult themes, a woman trying to steal another’s husband, tackles alcohol abuse and the roll churches played in helping settle the vast emptiness.

With every word I read, I imagined my mother sitting beside me, reading with me, she would have loved this book and how it fleshed out the original series. She would have loved hearing more about the love story between Laura and Almanzo, she would have loved hearing more about the family overcoming hardships. How I wish I could share this book with her, she used to tell me a lot of the things in the books were her own experiences growing up.

The same games, songs and a one-room school in a rural area, my beautiful, strong, smart, funny mother was raised in rural Oklahoma, in Love County to be exact. She went to school in a one-room schoolhouse; she learned a love of words that stayed with her until she passed away. She learned also learned Latin, she told me once that she went to a church revival and it was one where people began to speak in tongues. If you are not familiar with that I suggest you look it up.

She said that she had always been skeptical of that particular gift, until that evening, she said that the man who was speaking in tongues was speaking Latin! She recognized the language, she said there was no way that dirt farmer knew Latin, she said it was in that moment she knew it was a real gift. She was not skeptical after that, even though we belonged to a denomination that does not practice that, she believed.

I was sad when I got to the end of the book, it was the end of feeling my mom sitting next to me, it was if she was there for the reading then went back to Heaven. I know that people will say it was my imagination, however, I choose to believe God allows us comfort and visits, not often, just when we need them the most.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who was a fan of the original series of children’s books. I also highly recommend introducing your own children to these books, they have stood the test of time and allow us a window into the settling of America after the Civil War.

Happy reading everyone!

 

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The Most Wonderful Time of Year?

I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year, while on one hand it is the most wonderful time of the year; on the other it is the most difficult. I love it for the reason we celebrate, the birth of our Lord and Savior, the lights, the overwhelming sense of love and goodwill that permeates. I love the sights, sounds, smells, everything about it.

I hate the sense of loss, the missing people that are not here, I miss my grandparents, my great-aunt Effie, I miss my mom and dad, most of all I miss my son who never got to experience a Christmas.

I am emotional this time of year, I am not a crier, yet I cry at every Christmas themed commercial, every movie, the sappier the more tears. I abhor myself for this emotional display that is not seen any other time of the year; it is disconcerting.

This year is particularly emotional, as Elizabeth Anne has begun a new chapter in her life, which is a good thing, however, it brings a new set of emotions. I am not good with emotion; I am better with logic, yes Angie logic, but still, logic all the same.

As I put ornaments on the tree, I couldn’t help but think of when each one came to be, I have one that my mom gave Jeffrey when he was little. Yes, it’s Jeffrey’s and yes I have it, just for the record I have offered it to him and he said he likes it on my tree.

I am going to try to keep my emotions in check, I do not enjoy a good cry the way some people do, I would rather not, thank you very much. I am going to enjoy the twinkling lights, the decorations, the sights, sounds and smells without one tear this year.

I am going to celebrate the times I spent with people who are no longer here; I am going to relish the time I have with the people who are still here. I am going to enjoy spending time with my children and granddaughter, with new family members such as a son-in-law and a new granddaughter. I am going to enjoy friends, seeing their pictures of loved ones and gatherings.

I will not cry, as tears do nothing but get my face wet, it doesn’t make me miss anyone any less, it doesn’t solve world hunger or world acrimony. All they do is make my face wet. This is my mantra this year.

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Elizabeth Anne Got Married

My hands are finally untied, I can talk about the thing I was forbidden to talk about for so long. My daughter got married! Yes, Elizabeth Anne got married Friday, December 5, 2014 at roughly 2:30 pm. It was a simple ceremony witnessed by her closest friends and family and her precious cows and chickens oh and can’t forget the donkeys; they were in attendance as well.

So happy her Aunt Rena and Grandpa Reno and Grandma Mike could be there, it was good to see them again and I do know that Rena is one of Elizabeth’s favorites, don’t tell the rest. Shhhhhhh, our secret.

The bride was beautiful in a simple knee length hi-low dress, it was cream-colored lace, and with the addition of cowboy boots it was perfect for the setting. She is beautiful to begin with, her friend Chelsea did her hair and makeup and she was radiant.

With the hard work of her dad’s wife, the affair was perfect and went off without a hitch. Before you can scratch your head, the wedding was on their property with the reception in their party barn. And yes, as mother of the bride I took a huge step back and allowed this to happen as she does a lot for my children, even though they were grown when she arrived on the scene.

She did an amazing job, from the food to the decorations; I honestly cannot find one fault with anything she did. Elizabeth Anne is not a planner so this took a lot of stress off of her, to which I am grateful.

Jay Renee Photography did the photos, and yes I have an in with the owner of that fine business, Jason is the son of my friend Sandi. We would NEVER have trusted anyone else with this function; he is an amazing photographer and part of our family.

I am so happy with the turnout, how many people could come on a Friday afternoon, so happy my BBFF could make it. Sad my nephew Chris could not, but understandable as his fiancé was having some medical issues. It was right he was there to take care of her; I know he was there in spirit. Sad also Miss Jan could not be there as she has known Elizabeth Anne since, well before she was born, however, she was busy taking care of her daughter who had medical issues. Which we totally understood, a mother’s children come first. That is the way it should be.

It doesn’t seem real, my baby married, it is so adult, for the life of me I can’t figure out how she even got a marriage license due to the fact she is only 5 years old. At least that is what it feels like; time went by exceedingly fast, warp speed it you will.

feel like there is so much more I need to tell her, however, when I think about it, there is nothing left to impart, as I talk a lot and she has heard all of my words of wisdom. I say wisdom; she says insanity, tomato, potato, whatever.

I look forward to this new chapter in her life, to watch her grow even more, I look forward to our family growing with the addition of a new son-in-law and the daughter he brings with him. Nothing but goodness and mercy shall follow them all the days of their life together.

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Musings

As many of you know I am completely fascinated by time travel, I often think about where I would go, or when I would go to. It is tempting to go to a different time period, such as the time of the Pharaohs or back to the 1800’s or even the beginnings of America. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like during Viking days, considering I am a Viking, however, logically speaking, if one could not assimilate they would be burned to the stake as a witch. Or maybe, in really ancient times, worshipped as a god, or goddess as the case may be.
There is a movie, Peggy Sue Got Married, which has a woman going back in time and inhabiting her own body as a teenager. She gets the chance to do it all over again, and she tries, she really tries to make changes. She doesn’t want to marry the person she married, then she realizes she would not have the children she has if she doesn’t. She wants to go home, back to her life, with her children.
I think about that, if I did go back and inhabit my own body at a younger age, what would I change, would I take more risks. Be more daring, travel more, not get married at 19 years of age, then I think, wait, no, I would still get married. I like the children God gave me, so that I would not go back and change.
I would take more risks, not physical risks, but emotional and personal, as far as my field of work goes. I would like to think, if I went back, and am the person I am now, just in my younger body, I would start writing sooner and put myself out there. Try and give my work to newspapers and magazines, I would have loved to have been a writer.
I am by nature a solitary person, to those who know me, they think I am outgoing and lively, however, the truth of the matter is I would be happy to never or rarely leave my home. I could live in a cave if I had all of my books, television and the internet. My children would come visit me, my granddaughter could come visit, I would be happy.
But alas, I live in the real world, I live in the here and now, not the then and there, I am firmly planted in the present. However much I would love to time travel, especially in the way past, seriously who would not want to go back and find out for themselves how the Roman myths actually started. Or see a Pharaoh crowned, see the fall of the Roman Empire, or the beginnings of a nation.
Where I would really choose to go is to Owasso in 1978, I would appreciate being there more, being with my parents, in the country, hanging with Tammi. That is where I would choose to go, if I could time travel.