Adoption Rant

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, anyone who knows me knows that.

Something was said that I cannot shake, what I am about to say may be shocking to some, others not so much, but fair warning there might be some strong language.

So, everyone by now knows or should know that I have a daughter I gave up for adoption. Not a secret, I am not her mother, but she is my daughter, an odd thing, I know, but there it is.

She did a DNA test, finding out I actually supplied 90% of her DNA. Which is a good thing, she posted about it, someone said oh you can upload your results to this other site and it will actually tell you if your birth parents were related. hahahahaha. Not funny.

I want to say I in no way shape or form had sex with a relative to give birth to her. I am not some toothless whore from the backwoods of whatever. Who the hell says something like that then laughs about it. What the hell.

Not every one of us that have had a child in our teenage years and given up for adoption are barefoot, backwoods, backward, incestuous creatures.

I have no idea what this person was thinking, but it was seriously a thoughtless post.

Once again this is not in any way shape or form directed to my daughter. She does not think that, it was the other person, who in all honesty, I can’t remember her name. Nor would I say it here.

I was not uneducated, backwards, toothless or mentally deficient in any way. Maybe I was stupid for having sex that young and unprotected at that, but I wasn’t a complete drooling idiot.

So there you have it, a rant I had to get out. People should think before posting crap like that.

Dean Who?

Alexa did not disappoint me today, I said Alexa, play the BeeGees, I am now being serenaded by the best voices the ’70’s had to offer. Seems apropos for what I am going to divulge today.

I have been keeping something to myself for a little while now, not too terribly long, but I just wanted it to myself before telling it to anyone else.

I met someone, and get this, he grew up in Owasso, and graduated the same year I did. And no, I don’t remember him, how awesome is this! At first he really didn’t remember me either, but then he saw my senior picture and said oh yeah, I know who you are. So then I had to ask, was I a jackass to you. Because you never know, teenage Angie could be quite the snob. Shocking revelation, I know, but I had to ask. He said no, that he saw me in the halls at school a few times and would think she’s really pretty and has a great smile, outa my league, and keep walking.

I said he should have said hi, I was somewhat nice to everyone.
So anyway, now we have met as adults and I old fashioned like him. I’m really glad we didn’t know each other back then, we might not have liked each other and it would have ruined us for anything as adults.

He is funny, smart, has a razor sharp wit (so important), sarcastic, snarky (he hates that word BTW, I love it) sweet, thoughtful and amazingly cute. I seriously didn’t know men my age looked like that, he works out, eats like I do, pretty clean, he has his vices, puffy Cheetos and coke, which drives me nuts because I would love to indulge in those things and cannot. He’s not on social media, very nice to spend time with someone who is not glued to their phone. Also not documenting every moment as it happens. It has kind of forced me to be a little less active on social media and it has been a nice break.

He brought me new Owasso shirts because he knows how much I love Owasso, he does not.

He lives in Oklahoma, not in Owasso, so I don’t know where this is going. I will tell you one thing, I am going to enjoy it for whatever it is. I old fashioned like him, I love talking to him, the conversations never lag, at all. One night we were on the phone roughly 7 hours. 7 hours. Not a dull moment, I was never bored, the only reason we hung up is because we both had to get up in a few hours and go to work.

Oh yeah, he works, and has worked for the same company for 21 years, so refreshing to see a man committed to something that long.

Ok, so there you have it, like I said I don’t know what will happen, I am just enjoying this. 16 year old Angie is very happy as is 54 year old Angie.

As usual you can comment here, or email me at angie@angieworld.com

Goals

It’s been a couple of strange weeks, weather wise and otherwise here in North Texas.

I met with the owner of the gym I go to, Infinity Personal Training in Allen, Texas. Well, with one half, Ray, he asked some thought provoking questions. Ones I did not have a ready answer for, I am pretty quick on my feet, but the ones he asked were not something I was prepared for.

For example, what makes you happy Angie? Then I had to say I didn’t really believe in happiness, which I don’t, oh I am happy. Certain things make me happy, but I believe more in joy than happy. Then he asked my fitness goals, and I was all like um to be healthy. He said that’s what everyone wants and that goal is not really sustainable. Which I can see, in the long run, it is so easy to get side tracked with no definable goals.

I thought for a minute and said I want to be able to hike in Montana, Wyoming and Colorado without being winded. I want to hike in Alaska in the snow without getting tired. For hours at a time, I don’t want to go hiking for a minute, I want to go until I lose track of time.

That’s what I want, so keeping with that, Ray has decided I should run around the building after every workout. Several times. And add more calories to my daily diet, it might sound fun, but we are talking non-dairy yogurt and Epic bars, along with heartier soup. I kind of live on soup. It’s my thing. 

His questions brought up some very thought provoking points. Happiness, what is it? Is it obtainable? Sustainable? Is happiness setting short term goals in order to achieve long term goals?

I have happiness in my life, of course, every time I’m around my children I am happy. Spending time with Tessa makes me extremely happy. Seeing my children happy makes me joyous.

I believe in joy, seeing the sky with the clouds and the sun gives my soul great joy. It is a reminder that God is there, painting the sky for our pleasure. That there is an entity greater than ourselves and He loves us. Unconditionally.

That is my belief, and this is Angie World, which means I get the final say in this world. If you disagree you can have whatever you want in your world.

I am stupidly excited about my upcoming trip in October, it is going to be a blast. I have never taken a girls trip, and it being a road trip is going to be awesome! I’ll post pictures, no video, as Shay and I have decided we are going to find a karaoke place and sing ebony and ivory. No videos of me singing, ever.

I have a lot more to say, however, I am not ready to say it, not yet, maybe later. Maybe never, we’ll see.

As usual, any comments can be left here or sent to angie@angieworld.com. TTFN

Cold Soul

I love the cold. Anyone who knows me knows that, as a matter of fact the very first thing people learn about me is my love of cold weather. I am all about wintry weather, however, I hate the wind and I hate cold, windy weather in April.

If it’s going to be cold, like my soul, I need it to be dark, like my soul. Sunshine and cold is a cruel joke.

I know I said earlier I was ready to date, I think I’m going to take that back. I don’t think I’m ready for all of that emotion. It’s all too much, and I don’t think I’m going to be that good at it. I believe I live too much in my own head. Maybe I’ll stick with my books, television and movies. It never hurts to live vicariously, right?

Besides I’m too old for all of that, I think God is telling me to just be alone. And think about it, what if I met someone who lived in a different state? Maybe my home state. Could I move? Would my children graciously let me go? Would I be able to come back every other week and pick Tess up from school? What about shopping? Do they have good shopping? I don’t know.

I do know that I have never been good at sharing myself, my thoughts and feelings, hopes, dreams, my life. I always have held back. I am not too trusting when I comes to that. I fully expect to be hurt so I try to not get too attached. If I do get attached it is just so incredibly painful.

So alone it is.

I Wanna Talk About Me

I am coming up on my one year anniversary of me finding my freedom. More like running headfirst into freedom. But nonetheless here we are, almost a year later.

I have taken that time to work on me, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and yes, physically. I needed to find out who I was again, to reconnect with God, reconnect with me. It has been filled with peace, laughter and insightfulness.

I am now doing more things for me, I got my nails done today, visited the brow threading shop and on my birthday had highlights put in my hair.

I have also discovered two items that have revolutionized my eating habits. I have a really hard time with getting enough to eat. I know, huge surprise, but there we are.

First up I bought a Ninja Blender, I’ve been wanting one for a long time. It has made my morning smoothy routine so much easier! I can finally do the whole smoothy at one time. So easy, so smooth and the cleanup is super easy. I’m in love.

The second thing has to do with dinner. A woman I work with, Michelle, was talking about her air fryer. She was coming in every day talking about fajitas, and all kinds of good things. I started asking about the air fryer, how does it work, are the foods really that good. Well, she talked this thing up so much I ordered one.

Well let me tell you she didn’t exaggerate, I am so happy I took her advise and invested in one. Steak, fish and even veggies come out perfectly. It has cut down on cooking time, I can now come home from working out, put my food in the air fryer while I jump in the shower. I get out, get dressed and boom, my food is waiting on me. I am so happy!

I think I am ready to date now, I feel fully healed from the past, I am at peace. Now, if I can only meet Dean Cain.

As usual you can comment here or email me at angie@angieworld.com.

Who Inspires You?

Ok, so, I have two podcasts that I listen to, one is A Sandwich and Some Lovin’ and the other is Life, Love and Business done by Ray and Amy Cattaneo.

Their podcasts are short, anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes in length. So not a huge commitment in time to listen. One of the episodes was about who inspires you and you never know who you are inspiring.

Now I am not inspiring, but so many people inspire me on a daily basis. My children inspire me, my granddaughter, some of my friends. You’re going to be wondering which ones inspire me now, aren’t you?

I think a lot of people as they get older don’t believe that younger people can inspire them or influence them. I disagree. There are so many people that are younger than I am that just blow me away.

Their passion and commitment to life goals and even relationships is awe inspiring. When I first came to the department I’m in now I sat next to a young man (age wise my children’s age), he had way more knowledge about the job than I had. Can you imagine if I had that mindset of I’m older there’s nothing you can teach me. We ended up becoming friends, even giving each other book suggestions. And sharing music interests, I would have missed out on great information that helped me get up to speed in my job and would have missed out on a positive friendship. Simply due to pride, don’t let age deter you from seeking inspiration and learning opportunities.

I don’t find myself inspirational in the least, I am quite ordinary and geeky. I haven’t really accomplished much, with the exception of my three amazing children. I do believe I did a great job with them. I take full credit for how they turned out.

So, who inspires you? I would love to hear from people. I mean obviously my parents inspired me, my cousins, aunts and uncles, niece and nephew, grand nephews and nieces. But who do you look and and say oh wow that person does whatever. You can leave a comment here or contact me at angie@angieworld.com.

Cleanse Update

I had a dream the other night that I had a huge bathtub, I mean abnormally large. It was filled to the brim with coffee and dark chocolate, I was diving into it like Scrooge McDuck. Rolling like a pig in mud, it was heavenly, I really didn’t want to wake up, but I did. It was sad, the waking part, I think the cleanse is causing me to have hallucinations.

I started to think about it, everything we love is waiting for us in heaven, right? So, if that’s the case, I am so going to get a tub filled with coffee and chocolate, and I shall dive into it and roll around in it.

I may do that when this cleanse is over, get a pool and put it in the back yard and fill it with coffee, just roll around it in, luxuriate in it, that’s not crazy.

I don’t know what I miss more, sugar or coffee, I am going to go with coffee. After all that is how God says good morning, I love you Angie and then hugs me in the goodness that is coffee. I miss that. So. Very. Much.

Other than that I’m fine. My temporary crown fell off today, luckily I am going Friday for my permanent one. I don’t understand the whole crown in my mouth and not on my head, but whatever. It doesn’t feel great, I did call and leave voicemail, the dentist is closed today.

I’m going to go now, I am feeling very sad and I do believe I will go sniff some coffee beans to see if I can get a pseudo hug.

Confession

I have a confession to make, it’s a little embarrassing, ok a lot embarrassing. I don’t even know if I want to admit this, even to myself, perhaps saying the words out loud will help me begin to heal.

I think I’m turning into a hippie, I know! The embarrassment! Ok, so stay with me, I’ll get to why I believe such an outrageous thing.

It’s not the healthy eating, the going organic has always been in my DNA. I come from farm stock, to us organic is just food. Real food, grown in your garden food, it is not surprising I would return to this. No, it’s not that in itself, the unhealthy attachment I am developing witch Whole Foods is one factor.

But that in itself is not enough, perhaps it is the pesticide free cleaning supplies I am purchasing or maybe it’s the essential oil obsession.

Yes, that is the one, lately I have really gotten into essential oils. Their purpose, their uses, what ailments can they cure. I’ve never liked going to the doctor. Now before anyone criticizes me, if I found a lump or had serious symptoms I would consult a physician.

There are some things though, that home remedies are best. I don’t feel the need to pump my body full of antibiotics or painkillers when I can take care of simple ailments naturally. I fully believe God has given us so much on this earth we can use. I also believe He gave us doctors as well.

Am I turning into a hippie? I hope not, I enjoy using underarm deodorant too much for that to happen.

But I am going to continue to explore oils and herbs and spices for healing and cleaning.

If anyone ever sees me in Birkenstocks and flowy things, for the love of all that is holy please hit me.

Yesterday

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending the memorial service for my friend Gail. She had an amazing send off and I know she would have been humbled to hear all of the words of praise directed towards her.

I talk about funerals a lot, I have been attending them since I was 5 years old. I don’t think a year goes by without me going to one.

Saying goodbye is never easy, but saying goodbye when you know it isn’t goodbye, it is a see you later is a joyous happening. I know without one doubt I will see Gail again, I will get to tell her if Tessa really did name a daughter after her. That is a story all in itself. I will see her infectious smile again, hear her laughter and catch up on everything she has seen and done in Heaven.

The drive home was not a happy occassion, there was a semi overturned and gas was everywhere. They shut the entire highway down, the entire highway, both sides.

It literally took me almost 4 hours to go less than 5 miles.

I posted it on Facebook, one woman thought it was hysterical. I took umbrage with her assessment, naturally. I don’t even know what kind of person finds that funny. I most certainly would not find it funny if someone said they were stuck like that. This was not a traffic jam, let’s be clear, I leave far enough out where those are not an issue. This was the whole highway shutting down for a semi truck driver that could not control his truck. The second time this year, I believe, in the same spot. What is going on that truck drivers are doing this? I hate driving next to those semis, I had one that almost pushed me off of a bridge in Oklahoma. Since then I have hated driving anywhere near them. The drivers don’t pay attention, they believe the road belongs to them and they don’t care how many wrecks they cause. Isn’t there some kind of test before they get their commercial license? There should be a better one if there is.

Well I broke down and have bought a new washer, it will be here today. I tried to have my old one repaired, the repair man was extremely aged and I thought he was going to have a stroke or heart attack working on my machine. There were many grunts, groans and profuse sweating, after three hours he said he couldn’t fix it. Now I will tell you that whatever he did, made it work for a few weeks. Maybe all that pushing and pulling did something, so it lasted a little longer. The new one will be here today, thank goodness.

That’s all I really have for now, there are a lot of things in my head, but none that can or should come out right now.

As usual you can contact me here or at angie@angieworld.com.

February

Well it has been a month so far. Usually February is the best month of the year, I did have a great birthday. But it’s have also lost two friends this month.

I’ve already been to the funeral of one and the next is this coming Thursday. My heart is broken over the loss of these two amazing women. Each one different on how they tackled their worlds, but both of them phenomenal in their own right.

The first was supremely hard to say goodbye to, the one coming up this week will be doubly hard.

I will move on to my birthday, I bought myself several presents this year.

The first being a Ninja blender, I have wanted one for several years and decided this was the year. It is amazing!! My smoothies are smoother and creamier and it is easier to get 4 cups of water in the thing. Perfect present to give myself.

Also the highlights in my hair are my present to myself. I am loving those as well.

Since I can’t make up my mind on the tattoo I am holding off.

So, now, the first day of my 30 days with no coffee. I feel bereft, I had to say goodbye to a dear friend and will not get to converse with them for a month. A whole month. It is so very sad, I am so lonely without my beloved.

I keep telling myself it is worth it, I will feel better, physically and mentally. Maybe not emotionally because I am bereft.

I am completely sold on the essential oil thing, they really do have healing properties. You know there is something to be said for holistic approaches. I am loving researching this, I believe everyone should take their own health in their hands.

Now, I’m not stupid, serious ailments should be seen by a Dr. However, I highly encourage everyone to do some research before getting ill. Like start now, before you’re sick.

I have to go now, I have essential oil capsules to take and lemon water to drink.