Happy Father’s Day

As Father’s Day is tomorrow I will, of course, be writing about my dad.
You see my dad chose to be my dad, he and my mom made a decision to become parents in their golden years. Years they could have just taken it easy, enjoyed retirement and gone on their merry way. They chose to take in and formally adopt a girl no one wanted. For that I will be forever grateful.
My dad was my hero, he was funny, smart, giving, tough, kind and said whatever he thought. He was the perfect example of how a true Christian should behave in all situations. He never spoke down to anyone, he listened to everyone’s opinions before voicing his own. He lived by example not words, now he had words but his example was tantamount to who he was.
I like to think I get a lot from him, my ability to laugh at tough situations in life, rely on God for everything. Recognize when God is sending help and opening doors and voice my opinion and listen to others. Express concern, take action when necessary and step back when needed.
My father was an extraordinary man, an example of manliness when the world was trying to stamp down on masculinity. He could fix anything that broke, he could sooth a crying child with a word and let would be suitors know he knew how to use a gun if need be.
This is one of my favorite stories, I rarely got second dates and I couldn’t figure out why. Until one of the boys I went out with finally told me what really happened after they knocked on the door.
Like any true girl of a certain age, I waited the 5 full minutes after the boy knocked on the door to come out of my room.
My dad took full advantage of that 5 minutes, he would silently lead the boys into the den, where his guns were on the wall. He would sit them in front of the guns, he would look at the guns, then look at the boy. He would do this the entire 5 minutes.
I went home and confronted my dad, he laughed for a full 20 minutes. He then said if a boy couldn’t withstand that kind of scrutiny he didn’t deserve me.
I miss that man so much. He was so full of life and laughter and was truly a man of God.
We could all use a Foy Testerman in our lives, I will be grateful the rest of my life that he chose to be my dad when he didn’t have to. That he gave up an easy life to take on a wild child and take on the Herculean task of taming her.
Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads out there, whether biological or otherwise, you all rock.

Father’s Day Misogynistic?

As we know Father’s Day was just last weekend and as usual Facebook and Twitter had a lot to say on the subject. Honestly, I try not to read any of them because it makes the dust kick up in the house and my eyes water, somewhat. But one caught my eye, it was a comment made by a woman, not a friend of mine, but someone shared this post. It said what about the single moms who fulfill both roles, then it went on to say Father’s Day was sexist and misogynistic in nature. Hmmm, when Mother’s Day was here back in May, I saw no posts from men saying how unfair it was that women got a day. That it was sexist and what about the single dads raising their children alone.
I know several dads that have raised their children alone, most of these were when the mothers decided they didn’t want to mother anymore and just walked out. Sad, but true, anyway, no complaints from them on Mother’s Day, asking for equality.
I am a single mom, I have been since 1993, however, my children have a father, a dad, a male role model. I was a single mom in my household, however, I did not raise my children alone. And the majority of single mothers do not raise their children alone.
To take away the credit and the roles that fathers play in their children’s lives is sexist and, well, stupid.
The father of my children and I could not stay married, we were both alphas trying to take control, it did not go well. I often tell people, he was a bad choice for a husband for me, but he was a great choice for the father of my children.
He was always there, he continues to be there, just as much as I am there, he sees two of them more often than I, due to geography and well they work for him. Right now I am talking emotionally and mentally, hands down he was the right choice.
I am a single mom that wants no part of Father’s Day kudos, now I realize there are some women who are truly alone raising their children. Widows come to mind. I know a woman that was widowed when her children were young. It was unexpected and devastating, and she did have to play both roles in her household.
That is hugely different that a regular divorced couple, where both parents are very much involved with their children.
I get irritated when I see things like this, people who want to take something away that is uniquely male in nature. Its craziness, sheer, unadulterated stupidity.
To the moms out there who do things to keep the children from their dads, shame on you, I’m going to tell you this, one day it will come back to bite you right in the rear end.
I happily give my ex-husband his due credit, he is a good dad, not a perfect dad, but then my kids didn’t get the perfect mother either, but a good one. Only a few people get to have perfect parents, I did, I was given perfect parents.
Leave Father’s Day alone, let dads have their day with their children, just because you are in two different households does not mean you play both roles.

My Dad

What I miss the most about my dad is his laugh, it was all-encompassing and you knew he wasn’t laughing at you but at the situation. He always told me it is far better to laugh than to cry. He was right, I have used that philosophy to get me through some really tough times.
I miss his wisdom, I always knew I could go to him with a problem and he would have the answer. Life was so much simpler when I could rely on him.
I only had him for a short time, I wasn’t born with a dad, oh I had a grandpa, uncles and older cousins, but I didn’t have a dad. Until I acquired one in my great-uncle, he took on the responsibility of raising another child when he didn’t have to. He was in his golden years, retirement, but he saw a need and he filled it.
I fully believe, to this day, he and my mom saved my life, I honestly don’t know what would have happened to me. So today, when fathers are honored, I honor the man who didn’t have to be my dad but decided to be my dad.
When I moved away from Owasso and landed in Texas phone calls were not cheap as it was long distance back in the day. We didn’t have cell phones and one waited until after 7:00 pm for night rates to make long distance calls. My dad was a stickler for this rule, he rarely broke it, after all, why waste money when you didn’t have to.
One day, he broke this rule, I’ll never forget that day, it was the middle of the day! I answered the phone and heard his voice and my first thought was someone died. Because you didn’t call long distance in the middle of the day back then unless someone died.
I said who died, he said no one, why would you say that, I said it’s the middle of the day dad. He laughed and then said no one is dead but he had something serious to discuss. Then he proceeded to tell me a story and it’s not politically correct to tell these days, but I’m going to tell it anyway.
He said do you remember that Sunday School teacher you argued so much she quit? I said yes, and if she had known her bible she might have won one of those arguments. He said, well, she left her husband and ran off with a woman and I blame you.
I said DAD! He said well, if you hadn’t argued with her so much in church she might not have done that. Then he could not contain himself he burst out laughing. I said you called me in the middle of the day to tell me that.
He said it was worth the price because he had been working on that funny all week. Then he handed the phone to my mom, who was laughing so hard she could barely talk.
When she caught her breath she told me she was laughing harder at the fact he thought that was middle of the day call worthy.
I miss my dad, I miss his laughter, his wisdom, his argumentativeness and his presence. My life is so much better from having been his daughter.

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