Category: General

Well it is the week of Thanksgiving, where families get together and give thanks for all of the good things that have happened to them the past year. My children spend Thanksgiving with their dad; they do this every year that is typically when his whole family gets together, I never wanted my children to miss that. So I typically don’t do anything, one year I actually got to do a Buffy marathon, when I started working in the subsidiary I work for now I have worked every Thanksgiving, and the day after. Last year was the first year I have ever done anything for Thanksgiving; I went to Henry and Alicia’s house. This year Gladys has invited me and the Irishman, I believe he will also be in possession of two of his children.
I will be working, but will be done by 3:30, so plenty of time to join in the festivities. I have to admit it is odd celebrating Thanksgiving after all of these years of purposely avoiding it.
Well, now for my own list of things I am thankful for this past year:
I am thankful for a fiancée that doesn’t try and change any of my weird quirks.
I am thankful for a new technique in the medical field that will relieve my son’s pain.
I am thankful for a daughter that is not only beautiful but thoughtful, insightful, intelligent and wickedly funny.
I am thankful that my son is finding his footing in this world.
I am thankful for a healthy, amazing granddaughter.
I am thankful for amazing friends; I seriously don’t know what I would do without you all.
That is all I can write for now without blubbering like a big fat baby, I hope everyone has a great holiday no matter how you celebrate it, whether it is with family or in solitude with a Buffy marathon.

I was listening to the radio on the way in today, Christmas music, of course, and I’ll Be Home for Christmas came on. It reminded me of the first time I didn’t get to go home for Christmas. I was very pregnant with Elizabeth and my Doctor said no way. I was very upset as was my mom. At that time I was very into; don’t faint, cross stitching, so I made my mom a Christmas plaque that said All Hearts Go Home for Christmas. Corny, I know, but my mom said she displayed that and told everyone she knew my heart was there.
It’s true; all hearts go home for Christmas, but what happens when your home is no longer there? My childhood home is occupied by strangers; my mom and dad are both no longer on this earth, so where does my heart go now? Well, I will tell you, my heart stays here in Texas these days. I have my beautiful children and granddaughter that have my heart; I have a fiancée this year that occupies space as well. My heart and home are incredibly full for Christmas. I still miss going “home”, I miss my mom and dad, I miss the winter weather, but my Christmas now is amazing.
I can’t wait to get moved and get everything situated so I can decorate for Christmas. I will have a fireplace to hang the stockings, a huge kitchen in which to make sugar cookies and a perfect place for a tree. I am way excited. I love the lights, the sounds and the smells of Christmas, the music, the food, and the overwhelming desire to make other people happy. I love that feeling!
I miss you mom and dad, but I know without a doubt you are here with me in my heart, home for Christmas.

I have a confession to make. I love Barry Manilow. I mean LOVE. The very first vinyl album I ever bought was Barry Manilow, his song This Ones for You speaks to me. He wrote it for his Grandfather and I adored mine, it came out the year mine passed away. I believe Barry is brilliant, his songs have meaning and are catchy and fun and if slow will make you cry. So now you all know my dirty little secret, don’t judge.
I was late for work today, whether you are late by 2 minutes or 15 it all counts the same, so I think we all know what that means. STARBUCKS. Yes, since they open at 5 and I was already late I stopped; I got a triple venti caramel brulee. I am not sorry; in fact I am reveling in it.
Yesterday Jeffrey had laser surgery on his back, the doctor said it was successful and once the pain of the surgery itself is gone he should be pain free for ten to fifteen years. A true miracle, Jeffrey has had back pain since he was sixteen years old; he is twenty-five now. I am so grateful to all of you who prayed for him and his surgeon’s hands.
Next week is Thanksgiving, a time we reflect on what we are thankful for, I am thankful for my family, the one I was adopted into and for my birth one. Having just reconnected with my favorite cousin I am feeling much more connected than I have in the recent past. I didn’t know I felt disconnected until I was reconnected. I know that sounds strange, however, it is me, so no huge surprise there. I am thankful I have a daughter like Elizabeth who is thoughtful, caring, intelligent and caring. She also is my Jiminy Cricket these days; trust me when I tell you at times I need one.
Happy Friday everyone, I hope you have a great day, go out and make it a Starbucks Day!

I think there is something wrong with me. I cannot cool down. I am hot all of the time. I have not turned the heat on in my home because it would kill me! I walked outside today and was so grateful for the 43 degree breeze that welcomed me. I think my internal core processors are damaged. I blame stress. That is what I am sticking with because the other explanation is just not acceptable at this point in my life.
I don’t know why women are singled out in nature to be tortured. I believe that men should be tortured by nature. But not, look at Hugh Hefner he is still cavorting with 19 year olds and he is almost 90! What the heck. Women that age are expected to knit or something. Nature is so not fair.
I am still trying to decide what color I want my hair to be, if I had gray hair I would go blonde. I am thinking about going back to red, but it took me a long time to get that out of my hair. I went back to my natural color and while I like that right now I am bored and need a change. Any suggestions?
So I am currently reading Cleopatra’s Daughter, so far I am liking it, I love reading anything about that time period. The book is a fictional account of what happened to Cleopatra and Antony’s two oldest children after they were taken to Rome. It made me think about the story of Romulus and Remus, then that made me think of Romulans and Vulcan’s, then that led me back to the alien greeter job. It is a vicious cycle. It all leads back to that job. Then I started thinking about Star Trek and Spock. Everything in life is found in Star Trek. We should make that the national Television show, and movies. Except for the one with the whales, oh and the other bad one. The latest one was pure brilliance.
I am going to have to work up a proposal to submit to the committee who decides these things; Congress seems to have nothing better to do these days. Perhaps I shall send it to them.

Yesterday was the best day in a long time. I not only found my favorite cousin in the entire world, the day before, yesterday I spoke to her on the phone. We talked for one hour and 43 minutes! The only reason we hung up is both of our phones were dying! Cindy is my real cousin, as many of my readers know, I am adopted. Cindy is my blood cousin; my birth mother and her dad are brother and sister. When I was growing up I idolized her, would follow her everywhere, I know she got sick of me!
We have not been in contact in years, not big fight, no falling out, just one of those things where you lose contact. Was the days before Facebook and the search engines, I will be forever grateful to Facebook from this point on. I found her on Facebook; there are so many Cindy’s out there, and a ton with our maiden name, which as you all know I never say, for privacy reasons. But the day before yesterday I decided to give a stab, again, and this time there was a Cindy with a picture I recognized. It was my Cindy!
It was amazing catching up with her, finding out what is going on and what has gone on with all of the other cousins, aunts and uncles.
I also got to see Wanda again after work, love spending time with her, since Sandi passed I have been feeling adrift and disconnected. Visiting with Wanda makes me feel connected again. So grateful that because of Sandi I have so many amazing friendships that will continue on.

Yesterday I discovered a local radio station is playing Christmas music already. This made me happy. Last night was Castle night, I cannot wait to go home and watch it! Love, love, love Nathan Fillion. For a Canadian he rocks.
I know yesterday I talked about finding Christmas presents for other people and Elizabeth wanted to know what I found for her. Well she reads this! Just know I do know one thing I am getting you so far, but you are elusive, I cannot pin you down on anything! I say is that what you want, you say maybe. So coy!
I love Christmas, I love the lights, the smells, the brightly wrapped presents, I love choosing the perfect gift for my loved ones, i.e. my children and granddaughter and of course now the Irishman. I love a real tree, the smell, just amazing. I am not a big fake tree person, every year, I swear I am going to go the day after Christmas and buy one, but I never do. Oh, I look at them, but never purchase.
This time of year I actually bake, I bake cookies, sugar cookies, I love making the shapes then icing them, I really loved it when the kids were little. I don’t know if they remember this, but we always made the cookies and iced them with the different colors of icing. They were so good, made better because we all made them. I miss that. Making the cookies with them. Maybe Elizabeth can come down from her farm and we can steal Tessa and make cookies.
I have not gotten political here in a long time; I just want to say how disgusted I am by our current president’s lackadaisical attitude toward American jobs. He made a trip to Mumbai and told them he supported them taking our jobs. I work in a place that would love nothing better than to take my job and move it there. Thank you Mr. President for making it easy for them, there is a lot going on in the political arena these days that I find distasteful. I seriously wonder who the Republican contender will be in 2012, I find Sarah Palin unpalatable, I don’t understand how she is so influential. I am so shocked that the masses have embraced her and her ignorance. I don’t pretend to get it. I also cannot see another 4 years like these last two have been. I am disturbed by how the current administration seems to not like Americans. He seems determined to bring it all crashing down. I love this country, I don’t pretend to understand how someone could want to tear it down, move our jobs overseas and no one calls him on it? Am I the blind one?
Ok enough of that, I am incredibly tired today, this weather makes Chewie drive me crazy. He wanted in and out all last night, and I don’t want to not let him out on the off chance he has to go do his business. But that was not the case 3 out of the 4 times, he just wanted to go and sniff the cool air! So, broken sleep for me, which is not good, I am going to go home and watch my programs and lock myself in my room. Maybe just leave the backdoor open until I go to bed. But I have to tell you I did that yesterday and he still woke me up all night. I love the cold air, but he acts like this is the first time he has sniffed it!

This past Saturday was the big take Jess shopping day to get his outfit for the big family Christmas photos. First stop Bueno, yay! Then on to the mall, the shopping experience was made so much more pleasant by the sales girl Ann. She was personable without being obnoxious, helpful without being intrusive, the perfect blend. We were successful! Great outfit for Jess, sent photo to Amy, her approval was forthcoming, and then a tasty Starbucks treat! All in all a very successful shopping trip.
Then it was grocery store then home, Sunday was spent totally inside the homestead. Laundry was done, sheets changed, saw Alex, all in all another good day.
The schedules for Thanksgiving Day and the day after came out; I am working 7:00 to 3:30 both days. Very happy with those hours, I can sleep in two hours both days. Before you think oh wow she has to work, I volunteered to work. It is good money and two relatively easy days.
So I found the perfect Christmas present for the Irishman, I am so freakin excited about it! I cannot wait to see the look on his face Christmas day when he opens it! It is perfect! I am way excited about Christmas; I have in mind what I want to get Tessa. I am not doing any major shopping until after we move. Then it is on! Shop till you drop then crawl!
So this next two months means no new shoes for me, I will be funneling all of my extra cash into Christmas. Happily so.
Today is my BFF’s birthday; I want everyone to give a huge shout out to Tammi! Happy Birthday to someone who has been my best friend since we were thirteen years old! She has been there through thick and thin. Tammi you rock, I hope you have a totally awesome day!

To all of the veterans in America, thank you. I can’t say it often enough or more sincerely. I grew up with the knowledge of everything you do for us as a whole. No matter who is in the White House, you are there, protecting and fighting for our right to vote in whoever we want. I am in awe of you and the sacrifices you make for me and my family on a daily basis. I am in awe of the sacrifices your family makes so you can go fight for us. I don’t have to words to sufficiently express my gratitude for everything you do.
This day belongs to the ones who have served and are now retired from that service. I send thanks to my uncles who fought in WWII, to my ex-husbands Grandfather who lost his leg in WWII, to my brothers who served during Korea and Vietnam, to my cousins who were in the Marines and Air Force, to the very first one of my ancestors who came here and was in the Continental Army, to my friends who were in the Navy, Marines, Army, Air Force, National Guard and the Coast Guard. You people simply rock.

One thing that can make me happy is discussing Whedonesque topics. Nicholas Brendon was on Private Practice the past two weeks, for those of you not in the know, he was Xander on Buffy. His performance was nothing short of brilliant. Truly Emmy worthy, I hope the academy is paying attention. The same night, on Grey’s Anatomy, Amber Benson, once again, for those not in the know, Tara on Buffy. I want everyone to know that I have raised my children the correct way, that night I received a text from Elizabeth exclaiming “OMG Willow’s girlfriend is on Grey’s”. Then “Xander is on PP”! It was a proud parent moment.
God bless Shonda Rhimes, the creator of both shows, she is a self admitted Buffy fan, she has a lot of the Buffy/Angel alums on her shows. Huge thank you to her!
Yesterday I got my copy of Toy Story 3 in the mail! So excited! Cannot wait to watch it, yes, I saw it in the theater, however, this is a watchable movie and I will be watching again. With or without Tessa.
Oh! Huge news! I have been given the task of taking Jess shopping. His sister has specific things she wants him to wear for family Christmas pictures. My idea for their family photo is all of the boys dressed as Snoop Dogg, Jess’ son being Snoop Pupp of course, the girls as Katy Perry, with their Patriarch Ed being Snoop Clause. Brilliant Idea! I cannot wait to see those pictures! Amy, seriously, think about it! OMG I am cracking up just thinking about it. Greatness! They are the perfect family to do it, as it is so out of character. They are all so classy and sophisticated that no one would expect it! Perhaps if they decide against that they can do it for April 1!

Last night I had a dream about Sandi, only I don’t think it was a dream. My family has a history of seeing people who have crossed over in their dreams. Anyway, she asked me how the first Mary Kay meeting went without her. I told her I had not gone, granted it was a conference call, but they hold these things after I am asleep, she was not happy with me. She was infamous for her CTJ’s, for those of you not from the south that is a Come to Jesus Meetin’, well, I got one. She told me she was disappointed with me, that I needed to support my sister consultants. She is right of course. But it is just so hard. I don’t know why I am having such a hard time with this. There are days, and this is one of them that I feel as if I am surrounded by jello, everything moves in slow motion, I can’t stop crying, this morning was particularly bad. Makeup ruined for work, but no one sits by me anyway so I guess that is ok.
Without Sandi I am the odd man out, I feel as if I am on the outside looking in on all of my Mary Kay unit members. Not that I feel unwelcome, just an outsider. I just want this to end; I want to be normal for me again. Oh I smile, make jokes, deal with a twelve year old that hates me, but on the inside, I can’t stop. In the infamous words of Gary L Carter, Good Gawd Amighty, enough. But the thing is I don’t know how to break this. Coming to work and talking to people who just have problems with email or can’t type their own names correctly is becoming increasingly difficult as I want to tell them, you don’t have real problems.
This past August when Sandi and I were at seminar together she told me she wanted to host my wedding shower. Now that will never happen and the thought of having one just makes me cry. Of course it is a moo point, yes, moo, like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter, due to no one else has offered. So that is a blessing. I don’t even know if I could deal with having one without her there.
I know I am morose these days and blame no one for not reading me; perhaps eventually I will get back to some semblance of normalcy for me. We all know I am not the definition of normal on a good day. But perhaps I will be Angie again.