Saying Goodbye

Nancy Reagan will be laid to rest today next to her beloved husband President Ronald Reagan. Hearing of her passing hit me hard, I loved Ronald Reagan, that is no secret, I think he was a great American, an excellent president (although who wouldn’t have shined after the disaster that was Jimmy Carter) and together they were an amazing example of romantic love.

Ronald and Nancy Reagan reminded me of my parents in so many ways, they were happiest when they were together. They made each other laugh, they protected each other and they were perfectly happy alone.

When President Reagan died I watched his funeral and sat on the floor and bawled (no, not cried, yes, bawled) like a big fat baby. I was a blubbering mess, what pushed me over the edge was watching Nancy Reagan at his casket not wanting to leave him. She was genuinely bereft and the pain in her eyes was palpable.

I saw the same look in my mothers’ eyes 11 years before, when my dad passed away. The same pain, the same intense longing to go where he was.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces for her, not only for that moment but for the years leading to his death.

Alzheimer’s is not an easy disease to live with and I believe it is even harder on the caregivers. You have to watch your loved one sink slowly into an abyss where you cannot follow. She lost him a lot sooner than his physical body gave out, she never lost his soul.

When my mother was lucid she would tell me she wanted to go home and be with her daddio (her nickname for my dad). I knew what she meant, she wanted to go to heaven, home is our word for heaven. We don’t speak of death we speak of going home.

Nancy Reagan is finally home, with her beloved Ronald, what a great day it is for her. What a sad day for us, we have lost an icon of a generation that loved with their whole heart, that believed in the greatness of America and believed we truly are the greatest place in the entire world.

We lost someone that showed us what true love really looks like, although I had that example in my home, others were not so lucky. The Reagans showed us by example what loyalty looks like.

I am sad today with the laying of rest to a great woman, a great American and an excellent example of class, loyalty and perseverance.


Thursday the gateway to Friday

The page is blank, it is taunting me with its whiteness, fill me it says, if you can. Perhaps one day I will not be able to, I do not look forward to the day my head is completely without thought, or I lose the ability to convey the thoughts that bounce around in there.
I live in fear of having Alzheimer’s, my mother had it, my great aunt Linnie had it; it is a truly horrendous disease. I do not believe enough attention is given to it. The absolute heartbreak of watching someone you love go into a world where you have no place and they can’t find their way back is sad. Sad is the word to describe it, I believe sad is an overused word, to me sad is a word that should be used when it is truly sad, when your heart is just broken and it seems it cannot be put back together.
Such macabre thoughts, when I am not in that type of mood, the moon is still high in the sky and it is so beautiful, I am wearing a brand new OU jersey and it is Thursday. Thursday is the gateway to Friday; I will be getting my nails done after work, so it is all good. Tomorrow is my last day to wake up at 3:00 am; I am hoping I don’t regret my decision to go to a later shift. It means more sleep, in theory more time spent with the Irishman, and hopefully to be less tired all the time. I have been on this shift for over two years and I have to admit I am exhausted, I am tired of having to go to bed by 7pm in order to get up at 3am, and I am tired of being tired all of the time. I hope this new shift is good, it also comes with an hour lunch, I have not had an hour lunch in years, there is a ton of shopping close to me, I am hoping to get Christmas shopping done in my hour lunch time. Or maybe shopping for me, or a trip to Starbucks where I can sit inside and enjoy my lunch, take my IPad and just relax for an hour, the possibilities are endless!

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