Tag: Dear Abby

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Answers One Does Not Want

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love Dear Abby, I read her every day and have since I was 12 years old. I read her today; however, it was another advice column that really caught my attention. One I have never even heard of, Dear Amy. What caught my attention was the headline, Mom Doesn’t Like Answer to Question.

I was quick to click, what did she ask that she didn’t like the answer to! Curiosity got the best of me, I admit it, I wanted to know what not to ask my own children. The mom lives on the West Coast, all of her children live on the East Coast.

She asked her children, two of whom live in Boston and one in Baltimore, where they would like her to live, so she could help with the grandchildren. Her words, help with the grandchildren. The two in Boston said we don’t need help, move to Baltimore, the one in Baltimore said yes I would love to have you and the help. With an answer like that, you know that mom (it’s a daughter that lives in Baltimore) needs help and welcomes it.

The two in Boston knew that as well and are directing their mother to where she is needed. This mom did not like that, she is not happy, she wants to move to Boston where she has friends and relatives.

I was aghast, why ask??? Why on earth would you ask if you were not going to like the answer? If one of my children said I need help, trust me, I don’t care if I don’t know anyone in the city, I am going to the one that needs me.

Well, Dear Amy hit it on the head, she said why did you ask, just move where you want and then be prepared for the hurt feelings. Because it is going to happen, all three are going to be not happy with you, mom, because you asked! Then, when you didn’t like the answer, just did what you should have done in the first place. Do what you want.

It’s insane when people ask a question then don’t like the answer they are given. When the time comes for my children to take care of me (it’s going to be soon, I am old) I am just going to go around and spend a few months with each.

They are going to love that, I’m sure, their mom there, 24 x 7, asking intruding questions, eating popcorn, hogging the remote control.

Oh wait, Elizabeth Anne doesn’t have television, no cable, no satellite, I may have to do some thinking on this. Install satellite at her house, for me, I hope she doesn’t want me to help with the roosters, I am still reeling from my last time.

 

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Soap Box

Real letter in Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a divorced man, “Chris,” for four years. He has a son who is 16. On the weekends Chris has his son, I become the “invisible girlfriend.” Sometimes the three of us will go to a movie or out to eat, but I am never welcome to spend the night.
Chris and I have talked about living together, but never in depth. Unless I bring it up, he never says anything about it. When Valentine’s Day came around, Chris asked if we could celebrate it a few days late because he was scheduled to have his son that night. I was heartbroken because even a Valentine dinner for the three of us was out.
I am beginning to think there is no future with Chris. He seems fine just dating and seeing me every other weekend as someone to hang out with, but not to commit to. Suggestions? — DISMISSED IN DENVER
DEAR DISMISSED: When you started dating Chris, his son was 12. It seems to me that what he has done is put his parenting responsibilities before anything else, and I respect that.
If romance and marriage are what you’re looking for, I suggest you stop asking Chris about living together and ask instead about whether the two of you have a future. Chris has been treating you like a friend with benefits for four years. The pattern is set and it isn’t likely to change by itself.
Me again, so this dad is doing it right, he is putting his son before his girlfriend, and this woman has issues with this. Wow. That is all I can say, wow. I say kudos to this father for putting his son first, for being a father who is worthy of the name. Father. What this woman wants is a devoted boyfriend, to only her, and if she wants that, she deserves it, however, this man is not the man for her. He is, rightfully, devoted to his son, who did not choose to be in this world.
I want to make this clear, the woman is not selfish, she is simply with the wrong man, I have no idea why she has been with this man for 4 years. She knew up front that his son was going to come first; I cannot imagine he would not have been upfront with that little tidbit. Not with how she describes their four-year relationship, she should have moved on within the first month. I say that because she will never be what she wants to be to this man, number one, she will always come in second. When his son gives him a grandchild, she will become even less of a focus for him, she needs to find someone who will give her the kind of attention she craves.
I think this man is awesome; it is a rare thing in this world where a man puts his child first before a woman. I see it all the time, this woman could have her pick, my BBFF is one of those rare men who puts their child first. He is to be commended for the way he takes the role of dad to the highest level. He gives me hope for fathers everywhere. My son is another; he is devoted to his daughter, and puts her first over women. These two show what it is to be a devoted father, it’s easy to be one when you are married to the mother of the child, you have two parents in the household sharing the responsibilities. When there is only one parent in the household the work and responsibilities and also the joys are there just for you. Going it alone is not the easy road (not that parenting is easy for the married either, just focusing on single parents because it is what I know the best) keeping the course and focusing on your child (or children) is a lonely row to hoe. However, it is worth it, the sacrifices, the nights where you have to do all the work, caring for a sick child, or three at once. When they are adults, and well adjusted, because you made the sacrifices you made, letting them know they are number one, are so worth it all.
For my single parent friends, stay strong, keep the course and never allow society or anyone pressure you into making decisions that would adversely affect your child.

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The Cold Within

Today I am taking a break from writing and instead posting a poem I read in Dear Abby, it is timely as our country is at a crossroads, again, with everything that is happening. Let’s all remember God made us the same inside, the only differences are what people see on the outside. I hope you all have a great Day!

The Cold Within
written by: James Patrick Kinney

Six humans trapped in happenstance
In dark and bitter cold,
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story’s told.
Their dying fire in need of logs
The first woman held hers back,
For of the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking across the way
Saw not one of his church,
And couldn’t bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use,
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned,
From the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man’s face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
The last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave,
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death’s still hands
Was proof of human sin,
They didn’t die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.