Meanderings

I’m finally normal, how did this happen you ask. Good question, I was listening to Dr. Oz on the Kidd Kraddick show when someone asked him what the optimal temperature should be for a good nights sleep.

He said 64 degrees, I was blown away! I’m normal! That is my best sleeping temperature! I have always slept better in the cold, this is not a new thing.

Since entering menopause I like it even colder. It has been 49 degrees at night here recently. I still sleep with the air conditioner on.

Since switching to the different plant based estrogen and the progesterone cream my hot flashes seem to be under control. Which is a great relief.

Hotworx has been a God send, I look forward to it and feel better after going. I have also started drinking lemon water and have done away with drinking watermelon water. My heartburn seems to have lessened since making the change. It is not gone completely but it is on the way out.

My joints are not aching, my tiredness is going away, the weight is also going away. My exercise pants are getting too big. I have to pull them all the way up, old man style. It is quite the look. So sexy.

I’ve come to the time of year when I am emotional. I am not an emotional person but here we are. I’ve had so many people that I love die and this time of year is a reminder of all that I don’t have.

I don’t have, nor have I ever had anyone in my life that loves me. In a romantic way. I’m allowed to mourn what I have never had and and never will have. I’m too old and no man wants an old woman going through menopause. I’m not stupid nor unrealistic.

I also don’t have family to spend holidays with, oh I have Christmas Eve and I relish that. Which explains why I have a tendency to go overboard with gifts.

But Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Years, well I’m on my own. Saturday my ex-husbands wife invited me to Thanksgiving with them and my children and their family.

Honestly it’s humiliating, to be looked at with pity by the father of my children and his wife. She doesn’t mean it to be that way, please don’t take this the wrong way. She is a lovely woman who is extremely kind. But I am humiliated, being a loser who has no one in their life who wants to spend that day with me.

Everyone knows it, but to be faced with it is not pleasant. I don’t know how to politely decline, I may just ignore it and hope she forgets.

I usually work, that day so I don’t have to face anything, but my office now closes on Thanksgiving. So maybe a Buffy marathon is in order.

I don’t write this for anyone to feel sorry for me or to give advice. Seriously there is nothing worse than someone who has family and a romantic partner trying to tell me I have so much to be thankful for. I know I do, it’s just this time of year is hard. I miss my mom, I miss my dad, I miss my son, I miss my grandparents and so many cousins and aunts and uncles. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. That’s all.

I have made the decision to not share my meanderings on Facebook anymore. This allows me to write much more freely. I hope you all have a good day, if your parents are alive go see them, listen to their stories and hug them.

Empathy

Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days you know that Basketball legend Kobe Bryant and his daughter passed away, along with 7 other people in a horrific helicopter crash.

I am not going to sit here and tell you I was a huge fan of his, I was not, not because I didn’t like him, but because I don’t watch sports. But like I said, you would have to be living under a rock to not know who he was.

When I heard the news I was shocked, and then saddened, because I imagined his wife and three other daughters hearing the news. I imagined the other families learning their loved ones would not be coming home.

I read the news articles and then the comments, comments never fail to shock me. Someone wondered how can people be sad at the passing of someone they have never met.

I’m going to tell you, there have been a couple of times I was deeply saddened by the passing of someone famous that I had never met.

The first was President Ronald Reagan, when he passed away I very literally sat on my floor and sobbed like a baby. He was my first President and I loved him, I also felt keenly for his widow, watching Nancy walk up to his casket and lovingly touch it and not wanting to leave him. Well it was like watching my mother at my fathers funeral.

He also had Alzheimers, my dear mother had that horrible disease, I felt for Nancy Reagan, I know what she had gone through the last few years of her beloved Ronnie’s life.

The second was Kidd Kraddick, he was a local radio host here in North Texas. I had been inviting him and the morning crew of 106.1 Kiss FM into my home and car since the early 90’s. He was a fixture in the mornings, I loved his 8:30 rule. The 8:30 rule, for those not familiar, is simply put, they would not say or do anything on the air until after the kids were in school. This way parents would not have to explain anything they weren’t ready to their children.

His passing was so unexpected, I sobbed hard, ugly sobbing, upon hearing the news. A friend I worked with at the time, Pam, also listened to him. She asked if I wanted to go the memorial. It was in downtown Dallas. We took the train after work and celebrated, mourned and took comfort in being around so many people who had loved him the way we did.

I felt empathy for his daughter, she would never have her dad walk her down the aisle or be there for any grandchildren she might one day have. It saddened me that she had lost her father, way too soon.

So that is why we are sad when someone famous passes away, we feel empathy for the ones left behind. We feel sad that we won’t hear their voices on the radio, see them on television or on the big screen anymore.

It is an odd thing when someone dies that you don’t personally know but you feel the loss.

It is not crazy, stupid or inane, it is human nature to feel the loss that others feel. Even complete strangers.

My heart breaks for Vanessa and their three daughters left behind, my heart breaks for the family that lost a mother, father and sister. My heart breaks for the pilots family, for the coach’s family, for the team missing their teammates today.

Loss is real, even when one doesn’t know the other humans involved. We can feel all of those things and that is what makes us human.

To those of you who didn’t know any of the people on that helicopter but still mourn, I understand.

Just Do Something

So last night I got to do something really cool. It all started last Friday evening, I received a message from my friend Cheryl. She asked if I knew about Jenna Owens (from the Kidd Kraddick in the morning show) was having an event promoting her skincare line, Fitish. I said no, I did not, she sent me the link and said that she had already signed up and she knew that I love Jenna and Fitish as much as she does and thought I would like to go.

The day was a Thursday, perfect, as that is my Friday, I immediately said I’m in.

The event was in Dallas at a place called Camera Ready Cosmetics, I had never heard of this place, not unusual as I am in Anna. I immediately bought my ticket and sent an email to let them know Cheryl had referred me.

The big night came, Cheryl and I met in Allen and drove to Dallas together. Since we are roughly the same age we immediately began to compare age happenings and found so much commonalities.

We also agreed we would stop each other from Baioing it up in front of Jenna. If anyone is curious about that phrase, it is about me not Scott Baio, do a quick search here and you will find the abbreviated version of my story. I digress, we would stop each other from overly gushing over Jenna therefore not embarrassing ourselves.

We arrived and went into the location, we were greeted and given a gift for coming. If you bought your ticket online, you received $25 off of your purchase that night and also you received $150.00 in product from Camera Ready. They were so nice and welcoming from the front door to the room where the event was being held.

Cheryl and I were among the first to arrive and we scored front row seats. Trying not to fangirl out, we kept each other calm.

Then in came Jenna, she came up to us, shook our hands, asked our names and then talked to us. Really talked to us, conversed, she was so down to earth and seemed genuinely happy that people had come out for this.

I have to tell you before I continue that she is truly one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. You see these people on social media and on television as well and of course there is great lighting, filters and editing. So you wonder if they really look like that in real life. She does.

She has gotten so many question regarding her makeup routine she decided to do this event and show people what she does.

Now I have been experimenting with skincare and makeup since I was 13. I have also been a Mary Kay Skincare Consultant since 2001. I do know a lot of things, but I learned some things last night, which I will be implementing in my makeup routine.

I know I’ve talked about it before, but I really love her skincare line. I originally bought the Cool Down spray for Elizabeth Anne for Christmas. Then I went back and bought myself the Dewing it and Cool Down, then bought everything.

I will also say this, I am a long time listener to the show, I remember when Jenna first came on, I feel like I’ve watched her grow up. I am so proud of the woman that she is, she is a positive role model for young women.

After she was done with her makeup tutorial, she asked if we had any questions, she said she would answer anything.

She answered personal questions, she answered Halloween questions and she answered business questions.

My take away from the whole evening was when Jenna said if you are passionate about something and really want to explore it, just do something. Just one thing a day, get out of your house, get out of your comfort zone and just commit to doing one thing a day.

In this day and age where women seem to love tearing each other down, she was refreshing, she actually embodies the Mary Kay way, lift women up, praise to success, share ideas. What a breath of fresh air, we should all be lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Not just women, all of us, I am very excited for her future and so happy she welcomed all of us into this place and shared so much with us. There seemed to be women from all walks of life there as well, and different ages, there was even a policewoman. Everyone was super nice and friendly and it was just a pleasant evening and I am so happy I left my house and did something.

Oh I almost forgot! Jenna’s mom Candy was there, what a delight meeting her! She was so sweet and genuinely happy to be there and supporting her daughter. You can tell she is Jenna’s number one fan.

I will put the links to Camera Ready Cosmetics and Fitish, oh CRC was such a fun place, they do a lot of fun makeup things and even movie and television makeup. Special effects sort of things, if you want to do something fun for a Halloween party give them a call.

On the Dean Cain front, my bestie Shay has offered to keep Storm, I am going to talk to her and tell her how needy my dog is and let her know what she is in for. That way she has the opportunity to say um no, I do have a lead on a dog sitting place as well. Keep your fingers crossed people.

As usual any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com

https://camerareadycosmetics.com/

http://fitish.com/

Inspired by Kellie and Allen Evans

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I am a huge fan of Kellie Raspberry of the Kidd Kraddick in the morning show. Yesterday was the anniversary of Kidd Kraddick’s passing, the whole show is in my prayers. Kidd’s death hit me hard, and I had never met him in person. However I invited him and the crew into my home and car every weekday morning. They have made me laugh, cry and think, without Kidd they have carried on admirably.
Which gets me to the heart of my thoughts today, I have been listening to Kellie and her new husband, Allen in their podcast. A Sandwich and Some Lovin’. I love the name.
Well during one of them they were talking about how Allen makes a bucket list every year. It is not New Years Resolutions of doing better on a diet or anything like that. He actually makes a list of things he wants to accomplish during the year. I thought wow, that seriously makes sense, why wait until you are on death’s door to make a list of things to do. Why not do that yearly while you are healthy and can enjoy doing those things.
It’s kind of late this year for me, I am out of vacation days due to the kind of year I have had, however I am thinking ahead to next year.
On my list for next year is the trip to Wyoming/Montana, Yellowstone Park with some friends. 4th of July in Florida, I hope to talk Elizabeth Anne into going with me. I really want to see the Disney Fireworks for 4th of July. I think that would be spectacular.
Comic Con San Diego will be on my list for 2019, I will have to really budget for that one. It has been my dream for many years to go. I think about how much fun that would be, so many geeks, nerds, dorks, comic loving, science fiction aficionados in one place! I would literally be in heaven!
I will be thinking of other things to put on my list as well.
Following their love story and listening to them with their new podcast has also done something else for me. It has made me hopeful for the future. Now I am not so sure the alone life is what I will end up with.
Perhaps I will meet Dean Cain and we will fall head over heels in love with each other. Or maybe a Dean like man, we’ll see.
Until then I intend to live a life that honors God in every way I can. I will enjoy this life He has given me and I will do and see as much as I can.
If you have any thoughts on this you can comment or you can always reach me at angie@angieworld.com

Keep Lookin’ Up

Easter was the first time ever, that I had all of my children on a holiday, it was nice, the only one missing in the family was Tessa. It was her mom’s turn for Easter.

I would like to make it clear I don’t consider myself Stacy’s mom, she is my daughter, but I am not her mother. She has a mother, she has a father, and they have and continue to be good parents to her.

I haven’t written in a while because my thoughts are scrambled, there is too much going on in the world, in the United States, in Texas and in McKinney. It’s insanity I tell ya, the world is totally going to hell in a hand basket faster than we can imagine.

So, the Irishman has decided we are married, he told me that we were, I scoffed, he said look it up. Sure enough, in Texas, we meet the requirements of common law marriage. AS a matter of fact, if we broke up, we would have to divorce.

Now he has it in his head that we need wedding rings and has changed his status on Facebook to married.

I really don’t know how I feel about this, in his mind I think he sees it as a renewed commitment to me. To our relationship, to let others know he will not entertain interference from outside forces. Maybe this is more of a reminder for him, than I, that he is in a relationship, that we do live together and have since 2010. I don’t know, it’s just kind of unsettling to come home to ring size papers everywhere.

The days are getting longer, there is no chance of me getting snow this year, I am sad, I didn’t get it once this year. Not one single time, it is disheartening, when there is no snow I believe God is angry with me, that there is something I was supposed to do for him and didn’t.

I’ll have to figure it out before next year, as I want snow, desperately want snow, it is the great equalizer of the world. The way it blankets the earth in pure, sparkly whiteness, making even the ugliest of landscapes beautiful. There is something magical, pure, a giant blanket giving the earth warmth. I miss it, I crave it, I need it and it renews my soul, my soul is hurting this year from the lack of snow.

Yes, I now it sounds crazy and no, I do not care, you have your thing, I have mine.

I do look forward to summer, to being able to have Tess more, to take her to the pool, skating, bowling and maybe a trip to the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum. That would be incredible.

That is a trip my mother always wanted to take, so me taking Tessa would be honoring her memory. Then maybe a side trip to Silver Dollar City, how fun would that be! I’ll have to map it out and see how far it is and see if there are hotels near these places.

I know there is around Silver Dollar City, the other is in question.

TTFN, see ya soon, and remember keep lookin’ up, cause that’s where it all is! (Yes a Kidd Kraddick quote to end this)

Blessed

There are times when I think my life is just, well, horrible, then I get a call from Alex or Elizabeth Anne will send me a text or I will hear from Jeffrey. Every morning I wake up to the sound of the coffee maker going off, coffee that was put in there the night before by the Irishman. I know without a doubt my life is not horrible, that my life is incredibly blessed.
I don’t use the word lucky to describe me, there has been nothing lucky about my life, there have been times of incredible blessings from God however.
If someone came in and looked at my life as a whole, from the moment of my birth they would think that I am the most unlucky person ever. They would see that I wasn’t wanted by my birth mother, that she left the hospital without me, I think they would miss the fact my grandparents came to the hospital and paid for me so they could take me home.
I think most people would look at it and think, poor little girl, no one really wants her, I think they would miss the fact that two people did indeed want me and eventually got me. I am blessed to have had the parents I had, I am blessed to have been raised with a moral code, a code that tells me the difference between right and wrong.
I am blessed to have the children that I do have, the ones I raised to have a moral code, to know the difference between right and wrong. To know that they have a mother that will stand by them, if they do something they are not supposed to, I will call them out on it. I will not allow them to go through life with an air of entitlement, I will not only call them out on their misbehavior, I will stand with them through the consequences.
I will tell them I am proud of their accomplishments, without giving them false praise, you see that too often on television. The reality shows are filled with young hopefuls whose parents have told them they can sing, dance or whatever, when in fact they cannot.
I am blessed to have the job that I do, to get up every day and go to work and for the most part like what I do, I like the people I work with, that is also a blessing.
I am blessed to have the friends that I have, from my BBFF to my BFF to all of them, so many, too many to name individually.
I am incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be on the radio, I will be forever grateful to Shanon J, for asking me to do Conversations with her. I am still shocked that she asked me to do the show with her as I had no broadcasting experience. Well, except for the 3 times I have called into the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning show. Besides that, no experience. Every time I walk into the radio station offices I feel nothing but acceptance and warmth from the people there.
I am not lucky, I am truly blessed.

Tribute to Kidd

Last night was the public memorial for Kidd Kraddick, I was able to attend. I am so happy I went to say see you later to this great man.
J-Si said it best when he said that he had heard from people that said they didn’t understand why they were grieving so hard when they had never met Kidd. He told us that we did know him, how he was on air was exactly the man he was in his “real” life. There was nothing faked for ratings, he was who he was.
It is no surprise that a man who showed us every morning how large his heart was would pass from an enlarged one.
The tribute was perfect, his daughter sang, I believe her dad would be extremely proud of her. She has grown to be poised and self assured. We, who have been listening for a long time, have watched her grow up. Or rather, heard her grow up, from bath time with Caroline to listening to her in the car on her way to school. Seeing her honor her father in song was incredibly heartbreaking and joyous all at the same time.
My friend Pam and I took the train downtown to pay our respects. I am grateful she went with me, she is also a fan so it was nice to be there with someone who understood. We had a Kidd worthy adventure, especially getting home. If you are a listener you will get that reference.
I got home way later than my normal bedtime, loss of sleep well worth it.

Life

With the passing of Kidd Kraddick I am thinking a lot about what my life says about who I am. There is nothing more difficult than looking at yourself and seeing who you really are.
Kidd touched so many lives, leaving a legacy of do what you love, help others while doing it. I am searching for what I really love, I have two things in my life that I genuinely love doing, I don’t get paid for either and I don’t know how to get paid doing them. Quitting my job to do them full time is not a viable option.
So I am left to ponder and pray, I want so much to find my purpose in life. What am I supposed to be doing? What does God want me to do?
I don’t really know what I’m good at, I have asked others what they think I’m good at, no one seems to have a suggestion. Apparently I am not good at anything, so I guess an unfulfilled life will continue. I feel restless, I know I need to do something, I need to be still and listen to God. I need to take my own advice.

God Speed Good and Faithful Servant

Keep looking up, cause that’s where it all is; those are the words that ended the morning show I listen to 5 days a week since 1994. That is when I started listening to Kidd Kraddick in the morning; I was there for bath time with Caroline, and yes the creepy version bath time with Kellie.
I have had the pleasure of calling in several times over the years and once my daughter; Elizabeth Anne called into the show. To rat me out for letting her eat popsicles for breakfast. I wonder if she remembers that. I was mortified.
When my children were young, during the school/work week, television wasn’t allowed during the morning rush, it was Kidd and crew that started our mornings.
I could always count on him to not say anything that I would find hard to explain, or anything inappropriate when the kids weren’t in school. As a matter of fact, there were times Kellie would say school rule when things looked like they were going a different direction and Kidd would save whatever it was until after school bells rang.
I could always count on them to make me laugh, to make me cry, to inform and entertain me. He has always made my work mornings enjoyable, bearable and on Fridays he started the weekend off right with Flush the Format.
Elizabeth called me last night and said had I heard, I had not, I ran to the computer to see if it was just a horrible hoax or the truth. This man, who seemed like a part of our family for so long was gone, it was true. Kidd had gone to be with God, and yes I fully believe he did go there, he lived his life as an example of how a Christian should be. Giving selflessly to children and their families that needed a break, to forget they were ill, broken and tired. Over the years I have listened to the Kidd’s kids stories, been moved to give, moved to tears and moved to action.
I know it sounds strange to say a DJ, that I have never met in person (I have met Kellie) was like a member of our family, however that is what he was good at. Coming into our homes, cars and workplace, comforting, relating and informing, he was never brash, always soothing and even while doing does that make me crazy he never made anyone feel less than. That my friends is a gift, to get people to tell the crazy things they do in secret and make them feel normal about it.
My heart goes out to his daughter and to his ex-wife; even after divorce he said not one bad thing about the mother of his child. That is a real man, on air he said she was the best thing that ever happened to him and just because their marriage didn’t last forever, their relationship would.
I will miss you an inordinate amount Kidd Kraddick, you gave so much of yourself that I believe you wore your heart out here on earth. I am positive God said to you well done and welcome home. I know you are there with the mother and father you missed so much after their passing.
My prayers are with your family and your radio family.

Friday Musings

So today on the Kidd Kraddick Show, Kellie Raspberry said how long can one continue to use the excuse “I’m still carrying the baby weight”. Well, my “baby” is 21 years old and I am still using that excuse for my lack of, well, weight loss.
So far it has been an uneventful week. I spent Tuesday evening with Elizabeth Anne, shopping for shoes for her, she said the one thing I thought I would never hear from her, “those heels aren’t high enough”. Music to my ears. Wednesday was spent organizing my Mary Kay inventory and cleaning the office area and organizing the bedroom. I plan on tackling the dinning, living and kitchen areas this weekend. Spring cleaning in full force and it makes me not happy as I hate it. I really want a maid, the minute I feel I make enough money for one, she is there! Or he, I will not discriminate; men can clean just like women. Oh a man maid, I think I like it.
I do believe this world is becoming increasingly vulgar, I hear it more and more in casual conversation, in stores, in the park, everywhere. Surprisingly, to me, the biggest offenders are women, I don’t know why that surprises me, but it does. I remember when I was about 15, I was watching television with my mom and they said the H word. I say it like that because that is what I remember thinking, oh, wow I can’t believe the said the H word in front of my mom. I was so embarrassed; I just sat there thinking maybe she didn’t notice. She did, and I will never forget what she said. She sighed and shook her head and said you know it is a real shame. I said what is? She said with all the words available in the world, the one they chose to use was a vulgar one. It’s so sad that they have such a limited vocabulary. Well that struck a chord with me, even at that age I took such pride in my vocabulary. I had read the dictionary, I scored exceptionally well on tests and played word games. I decided right then and there that before relying on vulgar words I would exhaust my knowledge of other descriptive words.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am no angel, and I do let loose, however I have to be extremely angry for it to come flying out of my mouth. I would urge everyone to look at their words, listen to themselves, then try and find an alternative. If you can’t, so be it, however remember there are so many words available just waiting to be used. I suggest the dictionary as reading material, and Shakespeare, and the Bible, all have wonderful words in them.
Happy Friday, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend, enjoy the cold, wet weather.

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