Meanderings

I’m finally normal, how did this happen you ask. Good question, I was listening to Dr. Oz on the Kidd Kraddick show when someone asked him what the optimal temperature should be for a good nights sleep.

He said 64 degrees, I was blown away! I’m normal! That is my best sleeping temperature! I have always slept better in the cold, this is not a new thing.

Since entering menopause I like it even colder. It has been 49 degrees at night here recently. I still sleep with the air conditioner on.

Since switching to the different plant based estrogen and the progesterone cream my hot flashes seem to be under control. Which is a great relief.

Hotworx has been a God send, I look forward to it and feel better after going. I have also started drinking lemon water and have done away with drinking watermelon water. My heartburn seems to have lessened since making the change. It is not gone completely but it is on the way out.

My joints are not aching, my tiredness is going away, the weight is also going away. My exercise pants are getting too big. I have to pull them all the way up, old man style. It is quite the look. So sexy.

I’ve come to the time of year when I am emotional. I am not an emotional person but here we are. I’ve had so many people that I love die and this time of year is a reminder of all that I don’t have.

I don’t have, nor have I ever had anyone in my life that loves me. In a romantic way. I’m allowed to mourn what I have never had and and never will have. I’m too old and no man wants an old woman going through menopause. I’m not stupid nor unrealistic.

I also don’t have family to spend holidays with, oh I have Christmas Eve and I relish that. Which explains why I have a tendency to go overboard with gifts.

But Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Years, well I’m on my own. Saturday my ex-husbands wife invited me to Thanksgiving with them and my children and their family.

Honestly it’s humiliating, to be looked at with pity by the father of my children and his wife. She doesn’t mean it to be that way, please don’t take this the wrong way. She is a lovely woman who is extremely kind. But I am humiliated, being a loser who has no one in their life who wants to spend that day with me.

Everyone knows it, but to be faced with it is not pleasant. I don’t know how to politely decline, I may just ignore it and hope she forgets.

I usually work, that day so I don’t have to face anything, but my office now closes on Thanksgiving. So maybe a Buffy marathon is in order.

I don’t write this for anyone to feel sorry for me or to give advice. Seriously there is nothing worse than someone who has family and a romantic partner trying to tell me I have so much to be thankful for. I know I do, it’s just this time of year is hard. I miss my mom, I miss my dad, I miss my son, I miss my grandparents and so many cousins and aunts and uncles. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. That’s all.

I have made the decision to not share my meanderings on Facebook anymore. This allows me to write much more freely. I hope you all have a good day, if your parents are alive go see them, listen to their stories and hug them.