National Adoption Day

Today is national Adoption Day, a day set aside for families to finalize adoptions. Judges and court reporters and everyone else volunteers to do this job on this day.

It is a great day for families across this nation, children get their hopes of a family to belong to, parents get to become, well parents, with no fear of their children being taken away from them.

As everyone knows, I am adopted, to me this day speaks to me especially. I have an unique perspective on adoption, I was adopted and I gave a child up for adoption.

My adoption was by family, I chose strangers to give my child to, for incredibly selfish reasons. You see there was no way I could emotionally see my child at family reunions, get togethers, funerals, weddings, whatever.

There would have been no way I could have done it, it was selfish on my part. Me being adopted was the best day ever, me handing my child over, one of the worst.

And best, I knew it was the best decision I could have made for her. For her betterment, it was selfish to give her to strangers, but it was for her benefit to give her to people who could care for her financially and emotionally.

I celebrate this day, for the people who, for whatever reason, decide to adopt. You are heroes to these children, but I also celebrate the women that realize they cannot raise their own children.

If women were celebrated for recognizing their own heroism in giving children to people who can care for them the world would be a much better place. Instead we are shamed, it is shameful to talk about giving a child to adults who want to and are ready to become parents.

For decades girls and young women who became pregnant outside of marriage were shipped off to homes for girls like that. Girls that happened to had to be bad, right? So they were hidden, and after the baby was gone, it was never discussed again. It was something to be hidden and it was something to be ashamed of.

Think about it, to this day no one talks about these women, the ones that carry the children, nurture them in their bodies and then hand them over to someone else to raise.

It is an unselfish act, it is an act of complete surrender, you see, for the most part, we are not party girls. We are not reckless, we just got caught doing what everyone else was doing. Some girls were forced and the children are the result of that tragedy.

All in all, we are emotionally, financially and mentally not ready to raise a child, so we give them to people that can.

This is what we should be celebrating, in all of the talk of actresses holding parties to celebrate abortions, this is what we should really be celebrating.

Women who make the sacrifice of carrying a child they know will never be theirs. The ones that give their children to others to raise. We made the sacrifice of our bodies, they will never be the same. We made the sacrifice of our souls and hearts, because part of them will always be missing.

So on National Adoption Day, I celebrate you, the women who made it possible for people to adopt.

Any questions, comments or criticisms can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com.

Adoption Scare

Mark Wahlberg has a new movie that is coming out next week, Instant Family. It is about a couple that want to adopt and end up with three older children from foster care.

I will be going to see this movie, I hope it encourages people who want to adopt to go through the foster system and look at older children.

I was one of those older children, I wasn’t in the foster system, but I really was unadoptable by the world’s standard. Most people want babies, they want a child they can raise from infancy to adulthood. Typically older children have been through a pretty rough life and are harder to handle. It takes special people to take on this responsibility.

Older children also live with constant fear that they will be sent back if they are too difficult, which is hard to avoid in teenage years.

Usually there is a pivotal moment when the child realizes no matter what happens they have found their home.

I remember what mine was vividly, it wasn’t too long after I came to live with my parents. About 6 months in, I was sitting in class and someone came and said I was wanted in the Principals office. the whole class said ooooooohhh, of course, I was confused, I didn’t remember doing anything.

I went in and there was the Principal and my birth mother and my oldest birth brother and his wife. I just stood there, I thought oh they just called these people and didn’t want to see me again.

I just knew my life was over, it really would have been, these were not good people.

Unbeknownst to me, the principal had called my parents and the chief of police in Owasso. I wish I could remember his name, because he was incredible.

Just when June (birth mother) was telling me they had come for me, my parents burst through the door.

I instantly knew I was safe, my mom grabbed my hand and pulled me close to her. I knew right then I wasn’t going anywhere and they were not giving me up. My dad proceeded to just speak to June telling her that she had signed the adoption papers (before that I didn’t know that had happened and they were taking legal steps to make me theirs). He told her for once in her life do the right thing for one of her children.

Birth brothers wife then spoke up and she was talking to me and said we have your room ready, it’s your favorite color, yellow.

Yellow! My mom exclaimed, that shows you don’t know her at all, her favorite color is deep red. About that time the chief of police shows up, if any of my Owasso friends read this, please tell me his name.

He took one look at what was going on, he was good friends with my dad and already knew the story of me. He told those people, you have thirty minutes to get out of Owasso. If you ever come back to my town I will not need a reason to arrest you, I will just do it. Do not stop for gas, food or anything else until you hit Tulsa.

They left that day and that was the last time I ever saw birth brother. From what I have heard he is in prison now for multiple crimes. I saw June once more at my grandmother’s funeral.

But in that moment I knew I wasn’t going anywhere and I could be myself. I could fully be Angie and they wouldn’t want to get rid of me.

Adopting an older child is in a way a lot more work than starting with an infant, but it changes that child for the better.

I have said it before, I very literally don’t know what would have happened to me if my parents hadn’t adopted me. I will be going to see the movie and I am positive I am going to cry.

Any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here or sent to angie@angieworld.com

Things I’m Angry About Right Now

There are a couple of things that have me really angry right now. Angry isn’t the right word, you know what, it’s old fashioned pissed off.

First off, I have not been sick in years and now I have a low grade fever, sinus something, I don’t even know what, coughing and I am losing my voice. I am doing oregano oil, frankincense oil, lemon oil, geranium oil, eucalyptus oil and hot lemon and honey. Add the Tylenol extra strength night time cold plus medication and it is way pleasant right now.

I even did a bought in my sauna with the eucalyptus oil, all I did was get sweaty, I thought I would sweat this stuff out, no dice. I have even tried the faceblaster, it is supposed to be great when it comes to sinus issues.

I may have to break down and go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor, I have to literally be on death’s door before I will go. Oh add vitamin D to that list.

That’s the first thing, the second thing is a little for egregious, in my opinion.

I talk about this all of the time, this is not a huge secret, I am adopted, I was adopted by my great aunt and uncle. Great being the operative word in so many areas, but in this instance, age. I have stated before my dad was born in 1911 and my mom was born in 1913. This is not a secret. I have two nephews older than I, my siblings are way older, 28, 24 and 20 years older. Not a secret, my brother that just passed in August was a great-grandfather, again, not a secret.

So then why am I getting this whole oh I thought the person you call your nephew was your cousin crap. When I say um his mom is my sister, this person acted like they didn’t believe me. Would you like to see my adoption papers? I was legally adopted, I have the papers, I also have my birth certificate saying who my parents are. They match my siblings.

This is the kind of stuff I grew up with, oh it’s Angie, she isn’t real, kind of crap. I don’t need that from a near stranger, we might have gone to the same school, in the same hometown, but apparently you don’t know me at all.

Yes, this person acted like they didn’t believe me when I said my sister is my sister. Oh, she’s so much older than us, me: I was adopted. Her: oh I know but still. But still what? Why would I lie about that? Seriously, this is not something one says to an adoptee. My sister is my sister, my nephews and my neice are my mine, my brothers are my brothers. I have the paperwork to prove it, just in case anyone is interested.

We may not talk every day, but I love them all, with my whole heart. So to come at me like that, so not cool. Oh I deleted that person off of my Facebook, I don’t need that kind of person knowing anything about me.

Thanks for listening, this has been a fever induced rant, but it has been brewing for a few weeks.

As usual, comment here or at angie@angieworld.com. Until next time, peace, love and gossip. Extra points for anyone who knows where that line comes from.

Happy Anniversary Foy and Odela

January 13, one of my favorite days of the year, why, you ask, well I’m glad you did. It is the day that started everything, January 13, 1934, Foy and Odela went to the Justice of the Peace and promised in front of God and everyone to love, honor, be faithful, loyal and remain true to one another for a life time.

That they did, with a dignity and grace that is rarely seen these days. I know I have a tendency to romanticize things from my childhood, but these are the two humans I don’t have to exaggerate or give them qualities that they didn’t possess.

They were and continue to be my model for what true, romantic love looks like. They were the epitome of sharing, caring, laughter, love and discipline. They were truly perfect in my eyes, they always will be.

They lived through some of the hardest times this country has ever seen and came out without any bitterness or anger. They loved this country fiercely, just as fiercely as they loved one another.

My parents didn’t have to adopt me, they chose to, it was a daunting task, taking in a pre-teen with a bad attitude. They did, the attitude changed, the stubbornness did not, They told me they had no regrets, I believe them, the last words my mother ever said to me was I had been the best surprise.

I miss them every day of my life.

Today, on what would be their 84th anniversary, I know that it is truly special as they now have their youngest son with them to celebrate. I have said before, I don’t believe they are looking down on me and their other children left here on earth. Some things would make them sad, and there is no sadness in heaven, and trust me, those two are in heaven. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that my parents ended up anywhere else.

So there they are, in heaven, having a coconut cake to celebrate. My brother is there to help them eat the cake today, I know that makes the celebration that much sweeter.

My Thoughts on Simone Biles

Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not watch sports, so it should come as no surprise that I do not watch the Olympics. However, having said that, I do pay attention when our team (U.S.A.) wins medals. What caught my attention was Simone Biles, she defies gravity, she is graceful, athletic, amazing and dignified.
I say dignified, because what caught my attention about her at first was not her athleticism, it was the social media storm that involved a thoughtless comment from an announcer, Al Trautwig, he said on-air that Simone was raised by her grandfather and his wife and calls them mom and dad.
Well, it turns out while in truth her parents are biologically her grandfather and his wife, they are actually her parents due to a little thing known as legal adoption.
I have to tell ya my hackles were raised by this comment, being a fellow adoptee that was legally adopted by older relatives (my great aunt and uncle) this made my blood boil.
He then went on to make things worse when he tweeted “They may be mom and dad but they are NOT her parents,” the tweet has since been deleted.
This really made me want to find this guy and educate him on legal adoption.
My mom and dad may not have been my biological mother and father, but they were my mom and dad in the eyes of the law and I have to believe God.
Adoption is a covenant between an adult and a child that the adult will care for them, love them, put their well-being before their own, raise them, educate them and be there for the rest of their lives.
Sounds like parents to me, I read what Simone Biles had to say about the whole thing and this is where I am so impressed by this young lady, her only comment was “My parents are my parents and that’s it.”
I feel that way as well Simone, my parents are my parents and that’s it.
I decided to read up on her back story and it struck home how similar our stories are, her birth mother was incapable of taking care of her and her sister. They were shuffled around for a while, she to different foster homes, me to my grandparents and other places.
Then a family member stepped up and said I want them, she went on to say in the article I read that she remembered the first time she called Nellie Biles mom. The girls had been calling them grandpa and grandma, they told the girls they could call them mom and dad if they wanted to, it was their decision.
She went into her bedroom and practiced saying the words, mom, dad, over and over. Then she walked back into the kitchen and said “mom?” Her mother turned around and said “yes?”
And that was that.
Very much like my experience, I was calling mine Aunt Odela and Uncle Foy, after the adoption the scene in my home was very much the same.
They were my mom and dad, adoption is a real thing, it is a bond, a covenant between an adult and a child. I will be your guide through this world, I will teach you right from wrong, I will be there when you fail, I will be there when you succeed. You will not be able to shake me off.
What this reporter said was thoughtless and uneducated, I am going to assume he had great parents from birth and doesn’t understand what adoption is and what it means. I do hope he educates himself and feels bad for what he said.
After my adoption there were several people in my family, I will not say names, that would introduce me “this is Angie, she isn’t real”.
No one will ever know what that did to my psyche, it was already fragile and that fractured it further. Until, my mother, my amazingly beautiful mother, told me this: With the rest of them I got whatever God gave me, but you, you I got to choose.
I’ve never forgotten it, as I have never forgotten her final words to me: You have been the most pleasant surprise.
She got to choose me and it was a pleasant surprise, giving birth does not guarantee you will be a good parent. I hope my children think I am a good parent as I gave birth to them.
But I will tell you my mom, my mom was the best mom that God ever created, when He created her I believe He should have used her blueprints for all moms. But alas our world doesn’t work that way and not everyone gets to have a mom and dad like I had.
From the sounds of it, Simone Biles has gotten to have a mom and dad like I had. For that I am incredibly happy for her.
As always you can direct any comments or thoughts to angie@angieworld.com

My One Scandal

Last week, someone threatened to expose any scandals I had to the public. Well, I only have one real scandal, it’s not even something I’m ashamed of, or even embarrassed. It caused me great pain for many years, and still does to a lesser degree today.

Elizabeth Anne said, mom just write about it, I said well I need someone else’s permission to do that. My “scandal” doesn’t just involve me, it involves another person as well, so I asked them if I could tell the story. They have graciously agreed.

When I was seventeen I got pregnant, I knew the moment I realized I was pregnant what I would have to do. I was terrified to tell my parents; they had told me that if I ever got pregnant I couldn’t stay in their home. Before anyone condemns them, it is an age thing, I don’t condemn them, no one else gets to either. A few weeks before graduation my dad asked me if I was pregnant, I said yes, and true to their word, I had to find someplace else to live.

I went to the doctor, finally, he asked what I wanted to do, I said there was no way I could keep the baby. He helped me arrange the adoption, I didn’t know who would be adopting the baby, because in those days all adoptions were closed. There was no getting to know the new parents, no letters exchanged and definitely no pictures of the child afterwards. I knew I would be giving the baby up forever, and it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. To this day, it was the hardest decision I ever had to make.

I moved to an apartment in Owasso, now during this time there was only one apartment building and it was off of main street and 76th. It was in the slums of Owasso, up to that point, I didn’t even know Owasso had a slum. I paid a whopping $150.00 a month in rent. After paying rent and electricity there was very little money left over for food.

I don’t think my parents realized how bad things were until my dad made an unannounced visit to bring me vegetables from the garden. He opened my refrigerator and just stood there and didn’t say a word. We talked for a little bit, he left, then the next morning there was a knock on the door.

There stood my dad with a bag in his arms, he came in and went straight to the kitchen. He brought everything to make pancakes, even the bowl. To this day that is the same bowl I make pancake batter in. You see, they didn’t abandon me, they just wanted me to learn the lesson, if I make adult decisions, I would have to live in an adult world.

From that Saturday forward, until after I moved out of that apartment, my dad came and made me pancakes.

On one doctors visit, the doctor asked me what I was going to do when I went into labor, I said I guess I’ll drive to Tulsa to the hospital. I still remember the look on his face, he said what about your parents, you see he was our family doctor. I explained about the apartment, he said come see me tomorrow.

I went back, he said he had spoken to the people who were adopting the baby and they wanted to pay for a phone for me. I said no, because wouldn’t that mean they were buying my baby? I was so young, so, well, stupid, he explained no, they would pay to put the phone in and pay the bill until I had the baby, then if I wanted to keep the phone I would have to pay the bill after that. He also called my parents, he explained to me that they would take me to the hospital, that I would not be able to drive myself.

When the time came, I called my parents, they drove me to the hospital, my mother didn’t leave my side until they took me to the delivery room. Then, she was born, I saw the top of her head, it was filled with hair, it was dark. I heard her cry, I asked if she was ok, then passed out from all the drugs they had given me.

When I was in the hospital room recovering, I asked one of the nurses once if I could see her, hold her. I wanted to tell her I loved her, I wanted to tell her I couldn’t take care of me, how could I take care of her. I wanted to tell her I was giving her to people who would love her and take care of her. I trusted that because I trusted our family doctor, he knew the people, he would never have arranged for a child to go to someone who was abusive. I wanted to tell her that if she wanted to ever find me, I would be easy to find. I didn’t know how at the time; I just knew I would make myself easy to find.

The nurse told me no, she gave me a scathing look and said I made the decision so I would have to live with it.

Live with it I did, and it was painful, made worse by the death of my first child after her, someone told me that God was punishing me for having given her away.

Years went by, I remembered her every July 27th, I remembered her every day, I would look at my children and wonder if she looked like any of them, I would wonder if she acted like them.

Then one day, in 2005 I received an email, it said I think we may be related. I just sat and stared at it for a really long time.

There it was, the contact I honestly didn’t believe would ever come, it was her, and she looked exactly like me, except with blue eyes. She had children of her own and became curious about me after having her own daughter.

We had a rocky start, I won’t tell that part, because it is really her story, however, today we are forging a relationship. She is forging relationships with her siblings and we are happy.

She doesn’t call me mom, I am not her mother, she had very good parents, to which I am extremely grateful.

That is my scandal, once again, I am not ashamed of what I did, I did the right thing, I faced my responsibilities by giving my child the best home I could at the time.

Irritated… Again

It is a total coffee morning and Big Al Mack just said every stripper he knows is in college. Well then, that woke me up, I fell asleep early last night and slept hard. Made up for Sunday night, when I didn’t sleep at all, well, once, then woke up screaming.
Ok,so, there is a news story that makes me so angry I could spit. It is a case where a woman gave her child up for adoption, the birth father contested it and was given his child. Key words there, his child, blood, birth, family. The adoptive parents want the baby back, no, not baby at this point, child. This whole case makes me physically ill, the father of this child wants her, period, end of story.
That should have been the end of the story, but it’s not, for whatever reason the South Carolina courts have finalized am adoption that should not have happened in the first place.
The adoptive parents are in the wrong, I understand how painful it is when you are adopting and the birth parent says no, I want my baby. I have seen this happen, it is brutal, however when a person sets out on the adoption path they are told this could happen.
At this point I have very little sympathy for the adoptive parents, to me they are not a sympathetic people.
They have hired a PR firm, they have ties to the superior court judge, who finalized the adoption after the child went to her birth father (just a note adoptions are not superior court issues), they continually speak to the press.
The birth father on the other hand, serves in the Oklahoma National Guard, and does not speak to the press, nor does any member of his family.
My personal opinion is leave this child alone, if you have this kind of time and money you could have adopted several children that actually need a good home. That have no parents that want them, go forth, help a child that needs it!