Well Christmas has come and gone, I can finally talk about what I got my children for Christmas that I thought was so fantastic and could barely wait to give them. My mom, their grandmother, was amazing, she was smart, funny, kind and anyone who met her felt instantly at peace. She was also a published author, she was published a lot in a newspaper out of Kansas called Capper’s Weekly. Back in 1956 they asked for their readers to write about experiences in coming across the country in a covered wagon, they asked for family legends or first hand experiences. Some of the people who wrote in were in their 80’s and 90’s and told first hand experiences of coming across this great nation in a covered wagon. Well my mom wrote in, she wrote two stories, they accepted both of them, they printed the best stories that came in, my mom was the only one to have two stories printed in the book. This book goes in and out of print all the time. I was able to find the publisher and ask that they notify me when they put the book in print again. They did so this past summer, I was able to order each of my children their own copy, they now have a tangible part of their Grandma Testerman that they can keep their entire lives. I hope they cherish this as much as I enjoyed being able to find it for them. If you ever get a chance, check out the book, My Folks Came in a Covered Wagon, well worth the read. I feel we lose so much of what made this country truly great, the spirit of adventure, of survival, of exploration, my forbearers were explorers. They first came here from Prussia and moved all across this country, from Virginia to Missouri, to Upper State New York, to Oklahoma and all the way to California. I think my children have this sense of exploration, they love going places and seeing different things, they may have a double dose as their father’s side came here from Italy, went to Chicago and landed in Oklahoma, along the way moved to all different places in this country and abroad. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and checked out the tips Shanon J and I gave on the show and put on the website http://www.convosate.com, we will next be talking about how to survive New Years as a singleton.
Humanity
I am self medicating this morning, with strong doses of coffee and music from my era, Boston, Journey, Andy Gibb and of course The Bay City Rollers. Some mornings these things are needed more than others, this is one of those. Last night was good, I stopped by my friend Wanda’s after work and that is always a good time. I told her my Scott Baio story; I thought she was going to pass out from laughing so hard. It’s a good story and I tell it well, if you are a really good friend and offer me a cookie I might tell you the story.
This morning is really good coffee, the Irishman made it, and yes Jess, I am too lazy to make my own darn coffee. He makes it better than I do, I don’t even know how he does it, he will not reveal his secret to me. I will ferret it out, never fear, Angie is on the job.
Today is sweater dress and boot day; if you are following me on Twitter or Instagram you can see the boots. Oh I posted on Facebook as well, I do love my boots. Seriously, is there anything better than a really good sweater dress and boots? I love boot season! I ordered two new sweater dresses I hope they get here soon. Sweater dress season only lasts a minute here in Texas; I plan on taking full advantage. Soon I will be too old for sweater dresses; no one wants to see an 80 year old woman in a sweater dress. Ugh. I know I don’t want to see myself at that age dressed inappropriately.
Right now I am listening to America, Daisy Jane, I seriously love that song, it can do no wrong in my eyes, or ears I should say. You all should listen to it, it really is amazing, if you do listen please share your thoughts on the song with me.
I have decided to focus on the positive that I see in people, acts of kindness that restore my faith in mankind. It’s easier this time of year to find those acts of kindness because everyone wants to do something at Christmas, I do believe I will hold off on my search until January, after the warm fuzzy thoughts of Christmas time have passed. 2013 will be the year of humanity; I have to believe that, the year that we truly look at each other and see that we are all the same. No matter the color of our skin, the religion we practice, we all want the same things in life. A better life for our children than we had safety, love, compassion and understanding. I shall strive to be a better human in 2013 that is my New Years resolution; I rarely make them due to the fact that I cannot keep them. However I am confident I can keep this one. I am not quite sure how I will become a better human as I am a pretty darn good one right now. I shall keep you posted on my efforts.
Hair, Christmas and Stuff
I am trying to decide what to do with my hair; I need to have it done, cut, color the whole nine yards. It has blond in it now, I have officially been every color except black, I have never had black hair. I do believe I am too pale for black hair, I would look like a Goth person, not saying that is a bad thing, it just would make me look, well, silly.
I know what you are thinking, with everything that has happened the past few days how can I sit here and write about inconsequential things. Well, I don’t want to write about my feelings on what has happened it makes me incredibly sad. I have chosen to not partake in the conversation about gun control and who is to blame. I choose instead to write about things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of life.
So back to my hair, when I was a red head I enjoyed it, however I am really pale, my own dark brown suits me, probably because that is what God intended, however, my theory is, if he wanted me to stay that color he would not have created all of these wonderful colors. I really like the blond, I don’t know why but I feel like it suits me, personality wise, I have found that people don’t expect nearly as much from you when you have the blond in your hair. Maybe that is what I need now, low expectations of me; however I can only keep that up for so long. Then the original brown haired girl rears her head, oh maybe a warm caramel color, something in-between. I totally need to think about this, I liked when my hair was purple, but I am a little long in the tooth for that now, perhaps when I am 90, then people will just think I am eccentric and not weird.
I so cannot wait until after Christmas and I can tell you all what I got my children for Christmas, I am so excited. I really hope they love it and will cherish it the way I do, I have been sitting on this since the summer, it’s hard keeping it a secret for so long. I am not good at keeping presents a secret, when I buy it I want to give it!
So Thursday at 9:00 am CST I will be free, I will be running out of this building to finish my shopping, buying the food for our Christmas Eve feast and wrapping presents. Don’t forget Conversations with Shanon J and Angie B, which will be on this week as well. I am getting some great feedback from listeners, remember if you have missed any of our shows you can catch up on http://www.convosate.com and subscribe to our podcast on ITunes. For those last minute gift ideas check out our shop, you can get all kinds of goodies there.
Thoughts
I love Christmas, I do believe I have said that before, I say it a lot, because I do, sincerely, with my whole heart. However, this time of year is hard, it is hard on a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, for me it is because I miss so many people. I tend to be more nostalgic this time of year, thinking back to Christmas’ past, where I perceived things to have been perfect. Mostly pulling memories from my childhood, I remember Christmas spent at my grandparents, when all of my cousins would be there, I don’t really remember the presents, I remember the warmth. The joy, the merriment of all of us being together. I remember how happy I would get when my cousins Cindy and Pat would walk through the door. I remember the smells of the food, I remember the laughter of the adults and the hugs from my grandpa and my favorite aunts and uncles.
The thing that I love doing the most at Christmas time I have not done in years, it is the only activity that really requires someone to do it with you. I love looking at Christmas lights, however if you drive around alone you just look like your casing places. I used to take my children, but then one year all three of them told me they hated doing it. So I stopped torturing them and I have not gone since. I miss it, I really do love seeing the lights and playing Christmas music on the radio, however, it is the one thing I will not do alone. It just looks and feels weird, I have no one to do it with me, so it makes me sad to not do it, and that is when emotion overtakes me.
We have our celebration on Christmas Eve, this year will be no different, I often wonder if there will come a day when my children tell me they no longer want to do that. I hope not, I will miss that terribly, if that ever happens I will probably stop celebrating all together. I don’t say this to have anyone feel sorry for me, it is just a simple fact.
i have not put up my tree this year, I probably wont, there is no one here besides me that would enjoy it anyway, so why bother. I have a couple of Santa’s that I have out year round, they belonged to my good friend Sandi, I don’t put them up because they remind me of her and it comforts me.
This year will all of the horror in the world, I hope everyone takes the time to tell the people who are important to them that they love them and how much they mean to them.
Loss
Well I gave up sugar again, I started last week, I am feeling better physically and yet craving it so very badly. I love sugar, if I could marry sugar I would, but I am staying off until Christmas, then I admit I plan on indulging in homemade sugar cookies and my no bake oatmeal cookies. Then back on the wagon, which will be hard however I know I can do it.
Does anyone else have this issue? A huge addiction to sugar, where you actually have withdrawal symptoms when you cleanse it out of your system? I am irritable, a little shaky, not quite the DT’s, but close, no hallucinations, yet, man, its tough!
Saturday’s show was really good, in case you missed it you can listen on our website, http://www.convosate.com, we are also in ITunes, you can subscribe to the podcast and it will download automatically. We talked about grieving and the holidays that is something I face every holiday and have for a long time. When one is surrounded by older people from a young age you face grieving sooner than you should have to.
There are so many people I miss this time of year, my grandparents, my parents, my son, my great aunt Effie, one of my best friends Sandi, Chewie. I also have a grand daughter who is in heaven; it is a tough time of year. However, I have my memories and I hold them close to me, they comfort me, they sustain me. I have so many memories of Christmases with my cousins at my grandparent’s house, the warmth, the laughter, the food. Those early years the memories are jumbled, but they bring such warmth to my soul, it is almost like I can reach out and touch them.
When I get sad, and I do get sad at times, I think back to all of the happy, fun times I have had with the people I miss and it makes me smile. I also think of where they are now, and the amazing celebration they are having. I know without a doubt they are having the best time, because everyone I know that has passed, they are in heaven. I honestly don’t know how people who don’t believe in a higher power handle grief, where do they think their loved ones are? I know without a doubt I will see my people again, I will have a joyous reunion with them, I will get to hug them, laugh with them and catch them up on all that happened after they left us. They will take me around and introduce me to relatives who went before I was born. I have vivid images of what it will be like, however, I know that I don’t have an imagination vivid enough for how it will really be.
Christmas Romance?
When did Christmas become a romantic holiday? That is the question of the day, everywhere you look the media is telling you that you have to be part of a couple to celebrate the holiday to the fullest. From the commercials to the movies to the songs, everywhere you look, it is romance. This holiday was never meant to be a romantic holiday, it is the time we come together to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, where in that does one get be romantic?
We are inundated with it, even the animated shows, Rudolph gets Clarice in the end, Kris Kringle finds his Mrs. Clause, Frosty even gets a wife in Frosty Returns. All the great Christmas movies are romantic, Holiday Inn, Love Actually, The Holiday, It’s a Wonderful Life and even THE Christmas Story, Mary had Joseph to take care of her.
It is my belief that we need to get away from this, we need to acknowledge this is a season of giving, of ourselves, to others, not focus on romance, or gifts. We need to stop focusing on romance during this time; it should be a time of love, not romantic love, but humanity love. A time to focus our attention on the important things in life, taking care of our fellow man, praising our Savior, celebrating God’s love for us. He loved us so much he gave us his only begotten son. That is what this season is about; He gave go much to us, why are we not giving to others? Not material things, but our time, our attention, our services.
I am going to do something for someone other than myself this season, I don’t know what yet, but that is my vow. I encourage all of you to stop listening to the media, stop looking for romance during this season and really open your hearts and do something for someone that doesn’t require money. Do something that simply requires your time and perhaps a skill you have that someone needs. Cleaning someone’s gutters or raking their leaves, maybe shoveling snow out of their driveway if you live up North.
I would love to hear how you handle all of the romantic images thrown your way during this time, does it affect you or do you really not notice?
My Theory
I have a theory, a theory on why women seem to be behaving badly on a higher level these days. I formed my theory last night, at the annual Christmas shindig of The Ladies that Lunch. We were talking about how enjoyable it was to get together and talk just the girls. One of the women then said that women don’t have an outlet like they used to, in the days before electricity, internet and television, there used to be sewing circles, quilting bees and other gatherings, where the men raised barns or helped with the crops and the women would gather, talk, share experiences, give advice to the younger ones or comfort a grieving widow, mother or sister. Then came the industrial revolution, people moved to the cities, where there were still the sewing circles, the quilting bees and the general feeling of helpfulness. Then came the suburbs, coffee clutches replaced sewing circles, then came WWII, women went to into the workforce like never before. There was no time for coffee clutches, quilting bees or sewing circles, this is when women began to lose close contact with one another.
When you don’t have the close contact with women friends it is easy to betray them, it is easy to hurt someone faceless. With the internet, text messaging, instant messenger, facebook, twitter and yes myspace, you can behave as badly as you want and no one will find out.
Only that is not the case, someone always finds out and someone always gets hurt. Women need to get back to gathering together. We need the camaraderie, the support of other women, when we lose that we lose a closeness, an accountability, we lose a part of ourselves. I would never dream of purposely hurting another woman, I believe it is because I have close friendships with so many, I meet on a monthly basis with a group of women that give me support, love, acceptance and a place where we all listen to each other and commiserate, celebrate and lift each other up. I wish other women had this, perhaps it is time to bring back the sewing circles, coffee clutches, quilting bees and even the book clubs.
Christmas Memories
Well Christmas is upon us and it is time for me to do a spreadsheet to keep up with Christmas presents for people and my Christmas budget. Yes, I do that, I keep a spreadsheet; it makes life easier to keep track of what I get for people and the amount of money I spend. I don’t charge anything, I spend cash, this way I don’t owe anything after Christmas, makes for a very stress free January.
This time of year is filled with highs and lows for me, while I love Christmas and I love spending it with my children and Tess, I miss so many people this time of year. I really miss my mom; I keep her memory especially close to me this time of year. I make her dressing recipe, I cook things in her cooking pot I have and I have a couple of her ornaments for my tree. She always delighted in Christmas so much, she was truly a blessed person, she loved opening her home and heart to all, she encouraged her children and grandchildren to invite others to partake in the festivities. I remember she used to buy extra gifts, generic ones for boys and for girls. She didn’t want anyone to feel left out if they arrived unexpectedly, they would have a gift to open along with everyone else. There are so many reasons my mom was loved by everyone who came into contact with her, this small gesture is just one of the reasons, when you walked into my mom and dad’s home you knew you were welcomed.
I tend to be more nostalgic this time of year, I know, I am nostalgic all year long, however this time of year it is magnified, so if you have not experienced that with me before, well, welcome to December. I’d like to be able to promise I won’t go overboard, however, I will not lie to you, it is going to happen. I miss the snow, snow and Christmas just go together, I hate that we only have it here every once in a while. We did not have it last year, but the year before we did, it is not looking good this year for snow; however I am keeping hope alive.
In the country, at my mom and dad’s house, when it snowed, it was amazing, magical, beautiful, especially when the moon was high in the sky. The snow covered trees sparkled like they were covered in silver glitter, glistening, making everything amazing and wondrous. To this day, when I am sad, I close my eyes and conjure the images of days past, when it would snow and make even the starkest of landscapes amazingly beautiful.
I hope everyone has a magical Christmas, and an amazing New Years, that is my prayer for all of my friends this time of year. I would love to hear about some of your favorite memories about the holiday season, what you used to do as a child, the things your parents used to do that you now continue with your children.
Snowman Cookie Deprived
Welcome to Wide Awake Wednesday, it is the time for dancing and celebrating, you made it to another middle of the week! Why yes, I have had coffee, so nice of you to ask, and no, it is not too much. It is just enough of the sweet nectar of the gods to provide much needed energy. Let us all recognize that this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. I love that song!
Well I am day three and no sugar, well, no cookies and candy, I am having fruit, so I guess that is natural sugar. So day three with no Starbucks snowman cookie, I am grieving at saying goodbye to my friend the snowman, he and I had a good run. I looked him up on the Weight Watcher points; he alone is 11 points, that is like 2 meals! In one little, harmless looking cookie! That man is pure evil; he is sweet, sugary, amazing evil. I miss him.
As you all might know I have a love/hate relationship with food, I love food, I am not a foodie, I have the dietary tastes of a 10 year old. I love things like puffy Cheetos and snowmen cookies, mini tacos from 7-Eleven, it is really sad. I wish I were one of those food snobs, who like only the best ingredients and makes things from scratch. But no, I like only things that are bad for me, things that create a wondrous party in my mouth. Like the snowman cookie, that first bite, first the hat, the cookie itself melts in your mouth, the icing is just a perfect blend of sugar and cream cheese. When you bite into it and allow the taste to settle into your tongue, it is just perfection.
Contentious, that is my relationship with food; I seriously wish I could eat anything I wanted and never gain an ounce. My BFF, Tammi, is like that, always skinny, always able to eat what she wants, when she wants. I am so jealous! But not in a bad way, in a good way, a way that makes me work hard and stay half way decent looking.
I will be eating on Christmas, no point counting, no looking, just eating, sugar cookies, no bake cookies, honey baked ham, dressing, green bean casserole, the whole nine yards. Oh and don’t forget deviled eggs, love those things!
My Thoughts on Thanksgiving
It is the day before a major American holiday that most people associate with food, when in reality it is supposed to be a day of reflections and giving thanks. On Thursday, September 24, 1789, the first House of Representatives voted to recommend the First Amendment of the newly drafted Constitution to the states for ratification. The next day, Congressman Elias Boudinot from New Jersey proposed that the House and Senate jointly request of President Washington to proclaim a day of thanksgiving for “the many signal favors of Almighty God”. Boudinot said that he “could not think of letting the session pass over without offering an opportunity to all the citizens of the United States of joining, with one voice, in returning to Almighty God their sincere thanks for the many blessings he had poured down upon them.” Interesting, no mention of turnkey, dressing or football, it begs the question, when did this sacred American holiday become bastardized? It is now only about food, football, dysfunctional families and shopping. Yes, shopping, let us all get up and leave our families, sit in the cold and make a mad dash into the store to grab up some electronic device that we really don’t need in the first place.
What I am proposing is that we get back to what Thanksgiving was really supposed to be about, don’t do away with the food, family and yes you can keep your football, but let’s really give thanks to God for all that we have in this country. Let us sincerely pray for the leaders of our country that they will indeed make good decisions for us and let us pray for our friends, family and neighbors.
I am beyond thankful I was born an American citizen, I am proud to be an American, if you do not want to be in this country, we are not stopping you from leaving. I am tired of people who live here, who are not from here, bad mouthing this place, this country, who has given so many so much. So this Thanksgiving, let’s really give thanks, I know I am thankful that I have the opportunity to work and make the money that will pay for Christmas without me going into debt to provide a nice Christmas for my children and grand child.
What are you thankful for this year? I would love to hear from you.
Angie World 