I was standing in the kitchen when I had a sudden memory of my grandmother, I was about 4 or 5 and I wanted something in the kitchen. I don’t remember what, but knowing me, it was probably a cake she had just made. She told me no, I told her she hated me, nobody loved me. She stopped, turned, looked at me and began to sing, Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I’ll go eat worms. I just stared at her, then burst out laughing and skipped outside to presumably find worms.
There is no one that loves us more when we are at our most ridiculous like family. I have since sung that song many times and it has always brought a smile to my face.
The more I look back, the more I know how my grandparents and great aunt Effie formed who I became in those first years they raised me. Yes, raised, I didn’t simply grow up; they raised me to become a responsible adult. A contributing member of society, a proud American, a vocal Christian and someone who stands up for those who can’t stand for themselves.
Someone who doesn’t back down from life, who faces the challenges head on and makes difficult decisions. I look at society today and wonder where the parents went? When did raising children to become adults go away? Where did these parents come from that believe children are born knowing all they need to know? Do they not realize if they don’t teach them morals, dignity, grace under pressure, how to think for themselves, no one will?
I take Tessa to places and am blown away by the way parents do not watch their children at these places. I am also blown away by the bad manners of these parents as well, their parents were also lacking in the skills necessary to raise adults, apparently.
My grandfather taught me such a strong sense of what it means to love this country, while my grandmother taught me how to wither someone with just a look, and that food meant love. My great-aunt Effie taught me that in all things love really is the answer. Whether it is to admonish someone for bad behavior or to simply helping a stray animal.
They were the first three adults in my life; the things I learned from them are standing the test of time.
Reflection
I like scramble eggs, however, I only like the yellow part, so one day I got the idea to separate the egg whites and the yellows and scramble them separately. I decided that since egg whites were so healthy I would give them to Chewie to eat. I would have the yellow, I put the plate with his food down and he eagerly went to it. Looked at it, sniffed it, turned his nose up at it. I guess even a Wookie knew the white part is disgusting and tastes bad.
I had scrambled eggs this morning, I did not separate them and I missed feeding part of my eggs to a Wookie. However I did have a crazy eye here eagerly awaiting her share.
I don’t know if that makes the dogs crazy or me, probably me, I should do the bit does that make me crazy, however there would be too many items to list.
I have a headache and my stomach hurts today, I hope I am not getting what the Irishman had, or maybe I do. He lost twenty pounds in roughly 2 weeks, I could live with that, then I would only have 20 more to go. Bring it on germs, bring it on!
Yesterday was a day where I was doubting myself, I have them every once in a while, doubts on my looks, as I am getting older and have had no plastic surgery. I know how I see myself, I often wonder how others see me. I think I look pretty good, but I know in reality I am looking old and haggard. I so do not want to be an old crone.
I don’t know where my obsession with looks came from, I remember my grandmother and great aunt Effie were always old and always wrinkled and I always thought they were beautiful. My mother never had plastic surgery and I always thought she was beautiful as well.
When I look in magazines, I see what I am supposed to look like at my age and I know I don’t look that way. I see women in the store that are so thin, and I know no matter how much weight I lose I will never look like that. My legs are huge and seem to never go down in size. It doesn’t matter what I do, they are still there, glaringly large, so huge compared to everyone around me.
So yesterday was a bad day as I realize I am old, fat and unattractive, luckily I can look at myself in the mirror sans glasses and see me as I was in high school. Way better than beer goggles.
My Grandpa
I have discovered a new past time, Draw Something, you draw something, send it to your opponent for them guess what it is you have drawn. Yesterday I had the word Grandpa, so i drew a red Ford Falcon along with a stick figure, my opponent was my cousin Pat. He got it. Only one of my cousins would have gotten that. I remember that Ford Falcon so well, I remember riding in the front seat sans seatbelt, going for ice cream with Grandpa. My grandfather rocked, he had fried chicken or fried fish for breakfast every day, he had a wicked sense of humor and loved his garden. He did the laundry, not my grandmother, he did the sewing as well. He used to make me Barbie dresses out of my old dresses. I really wish I still had some of those doll clothes. He taught me the best soil to plant potatoes in, how to read and passed on a great love of animals. He was my favorite person on earth. He went home in 1977 and to this day I still miss him terribly.
If I could have 20 minutes with him today I would tell him how much he meant to me and how I try to live up to the standards he taught me. What I really remember the most is him reading the bible on the front porch, wearing his overalls, I think that is why I put my boys in overalls so much. Because they reminded me of my grandpa and it was something I could do physically to connect my children to him. I remember his smile, always there, always welcoming. My cousin Pat looks a lot like him, it is uncanny, to date I have yet to see another relative who looks like my Grandpa.
He loved wrastling and Gunsmoke, and yes, I meant to type wrastling, that was what he called it, they were the only two things he watched on television that I can remember. I also have vivid memories of the way he ate apples, he would peel them, and give me the peels and then slice the apple, salt it and share with me. He had ill fitting dentures and could not eat the peels, to this day I still eat my apples this way.
I loved going to church with him and Grandma and Great Aunt Effie, I don’t think I have the proper words to express how they made me feel. Safe, loved, wanted, welcomed, and above all a sense of belonging. That is what grandparents are supposed to make you feel, I can only hope I give that to Tessa.
Angie World 