I Love Me More Than I Love You

I have a confession to make, I have never really dated in the way I believe normal people have. I had to really think about it, I got married at 19, stayed married for 10 years, I dated one person after that and when he said we’d make pretty babies I ran away to Colorado for a week. Thank goodness cell phones were not ubiquitous back then. He had no way of contacting me.

After that I didn’t date, I focused on the three humans I was responsible for, they were the life I chose. They deserved my time and attention, I know a lot of single moms meet men and remarry with great success. However, in my case, there was no way I could have allowed a man into my household. He would have wanted to be able to discipline my children and that was never going to happen.

I was and remain a bit of a control freak, I knew that it was not in my nature to relinquish that amount of control in my household. I saved myself and some man a great deal of heartbreak by being as self-aware as I am.

Then when the kids were grown enough I dated one man, got engaged to said man, and that was disasterous, but it lasted for a good amount of time. Time I wasted, so much wasted time.

Now, here I am, 54 years old and never dated, I am a serial monogamist, that is what I am. I just want one and done, is that too much to ask for?

Dean Cain, I seriously need you to just show up on my doorstep, fall in love with me, my dog and cat and that be the end.

Credits roll, we laughed, we cried, we danced at our wedding and people applauded.

Unfortunately real life isn’t like that.

There is this line in the first Sex and the City movie that Samantha says, “I’m just going to say the thing that no one is supposed to say, I love you, but I love me more.” That is a great line, and it fits me.

I do love me, a lot, there are only a few people I love more than me, I gave birth to the majority of those.

I have incredibly high standards these days, I don’t think it is too much to ask for intelligence, integrity, kindness, sarcasm, humor and good looks. I mean, seriously, I have all of those things, why would I not want those things in a mate? I don’t want an opposite, I’ve tried that and it was disastrous, a couple of times.

I find I cannot be a serial dater, it is stressful for me, I know that old saying, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your king (I don’t want a prince), but I’ve done that bit. From now on I am going to just Nancy Reagan it, no more frogs, I am waiting for a king to show up. Where he will be, I don’t know, maybe on a trail in Montana, maybe on a goat island in Oklahoma, maybe here in Texas.  I do know it will not be a fellow Owassoan, that was majorly disastrous. However, I have always said God has a sense of humor, especially when it comes to my life. Having said that, I will put no constraints on what God has in mind for me. I just know he will be funny and handsome, cute, good looking, at least in my eyes. Oh and did I mention age appropriate, no more inappropriately aged men, that equals disaster as well.

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