Here I am back again to grieve on here, today is the day my mom went home. August 11, 2003, ten years after my dad went, she followed him. She would tell me during that 10 years that all she wanted to do was go home. I knew what she meant, before you think my mom was suicidal, she was not, she had Alzheimer’s, during her lucid moments she knew that.
She would say to me that she hoped she went home, because she knew she wasn’t in her right mind and she didn’t know what she did during those times.
I told her that in no uncertain terms was she going anywhere else. God knew her heart and knew how she behaved in her right mind.
I miss my mom, if I’m being honest I’m envious of people my age that still have their mom here. I was only 39 when she left, that is way too early and I always say I didn’t get to have her as long as I should have.
But I did have her for the right amount of time, it is due to her that I am any kind of mother at all. I learned from her, everything I know in that arena comes from her, she was amazing.
Just sitting next to her in silence made you want to be a better person. She had a quiet, calm presence, her soul was at peace and it showed. She had a joy that radiated out of her very essence, anyone that ever spent time with her came away being a better human.
I wish I could change the last ten years of her life, without the love of her life the Alzheimer’s came on much earlier than it would have with him by her side. I fully believe that and no one can change my mind about that.
On this day I choose to celebrate her, celebrate the good things I inherited from her. Whenever we would discover something we had in common she would say it was by osmosis.
It was, nurture over nature, this proves it, we both like quirky things. For instance the heel of the bread, we both love that, and the bread with all of the seeds in it. The whole grain, pancakes, hot chocolate and grilled cheese sandwiches. I know to some looking in that seems mundane and would think everyone likes most of those things.
But I got those things from my mom, no one can tell me anything different.
I hope she is celebrating with her daddio and Jesus today, celebrating her heavenly anniversary. The day she was whisked away from all of the suffering and reunited with my dad and she got to see the face of Jesus.
She was an amazing woman that gave so much of herself to everyone around her. she was the backbone of our family, she was the heart of our family, she was the glue of our family. I hope all of you reading this have someone like my mom in your life.
If your mom is still here with you, please hug her, listen to her stories and eat her food. That’s really all she wants from you.