Hi Michael, it’s your birthday and you would have been 36 years old. I often wonder who you would be now, would you be the typical big brother? Who would your siblings be if you were still with us? Would Jeffrey be different because he would not have been the oldest?
I’ll never have those answers, you left us way too soon, I miss you every single day. I know it’s been a long time since you went to heaven, but there are days that my arms still ache to hold you one more time.
You were a complete surprise and a complete happiness. Every time I hear Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go I think of you and dancing you around the house singing to you. Your belly laughs filling the house, making a home, you loved that song. Even the song for the L’eggs pantyhose, when I would do your leg exercises and sing that song. You would laugh so hard at that one, I can still hear your laugh, still see the joy in your eyes.
I know without a doubt you are in heaven, your grandma and grandpa there with you, along with your great grandparents and great-great aunt Effie. I know they are taking care of you until I get there, but will you still be a baby?
Do babies who have passed away still grow in heaven? Will you be an adult when I see you again? Will you know who I am? I don’t have any answers, I still have no answers as to why you died.
SIDS is such an enigmatic infant death, everything they say causes it, you weren’t around. No smoking, no low birth weight (you were 8 pounds 10 ounces), you weren’t a premie. None of it, I have no answers and at times it gnaws at me.
I miss you and love you and look forward to seeing you when God is done with me on this earthly plane.