57 and Counting

So today is the day after my birthday, I begin my 57th year on this planet. I don’t know what to think, I am now 7 years older than my mom when I was born. My children are all adults and my granddaughter is fast approaching adulthood.

I am here with two cats and a dog, well a husky, almost the same as three cats. 

I have had a life in these past 57 years, I have amazing children, amazing friends and I haven’t accomplished anything that 16 year old Angie wanted to.

Wait, I take that back, I now have purple hair, 16 year old Angie wanted that very much. Other than that I have done much with this life. 

Perhaps that is why God didn’t bless me with the life He has others. I have had to struggle every single day of my life. I am alone, I live in silence, except for the television and when I talk to the animals. 

This past year has taken away my ability to see the people I work with daily, it has taken away my ability to go to the movies and to take my granddaughter to the movies. 

So here I sit, in silence except for the tv and the occasional conversation with my animals.

I know, I’m alive, something to be grateful for, and I am, I am also grateful for a good roof over my head and plenty of food. 

There was a time in my life those things were precarious, no longer, there was a time in my life when I had $20.00 left after paying bills, to buy food for myself and my three children for the week. God provided then and He continues to provide. Trust me, I am not complaining, but there are times when I see what He has done in other peoples lives and I think He must really love them. And I realize I am not highly favored, I am minimally favored. I was not blessed enough to have ever had anyone love me romantically. I was not blessed with a ton of money, I have struggled for everything I have. Perhaps that is why I appreciate it that much more. 

This birthday is really a reminder of everything I don’t have in my life, have never had in my life and will likely never have in my life. People who have someone in their life that loves them in that romantic way will never understand what it is like to be someone like me.

I was married, he later told me he had never loved me, we had 4 children together, one that passed away as an infant. I had loved him, he held me in great contempt and left us.  

I waited a long time to date, I raised my children first, I felt like they deserved a steady home. Not one that had a revolving door, no one will ever be able to tell me I didn’t do the right thing. I have zero regrets in raising them in a household with just us, I would never have allowed anyone to discipline them besides me.

Then I did date and it was disastrous, the man was horrible but I didn’t find that out until it was too late. I thought I had better discernment than that, but alas I didn’t. 

He was an alcoholic, a chronic cheater, liar and a abysmal human. I was so happy to be rid of him, that I truly enjoy my singular life.

I will never date again unless God brings me the man and sets him down in front of me and says this one. This is the one I created for you. Until then I will enjoy my life in the fortress of solitude.

I do have great friends, my Bestie, Shay, had wings and brownies delivered to my door for my birthday yesterday. Such a great surprise! She even had them write happy birthday inside the box.

The life I lead now is much preferable to being with the wrong person. I don’t regret my marriage, I have the most amazing children, I don’t regret that at all. 

I do regret the one after him, that was horrible and I really think that moron gave me PTSD, once again, poor choice on my part. Also, he gave the Irish a bad name, I’ll never date anyone from Ireland, I’ll always judge them based on this man’s behavior. Right or wrong, it is how I view all of them now. 

So that is it, here I sit, content with my life, with only one regret. Not too bad.

As usual, any comments, questions or criticisms can be left here or sent to me at angie@angieworld.com.

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