So I was on Facebook and saw something that made me incredibly angry. So much so I felt the need to rant about it. This was on the DNA page that I follow, a woman said that she told her brother that their dad was adopted. He asked how long she had known this and she said two years. Two years she kept this information to herself, then she presented him with a DNA test and told him to take it. He declined and said he needed time to think about this, he was upset that his dad had never told him he was adopted.
Apparently the dad didn’t tell the daughter either, she discovered this information on her own. This in itself did not anger me, there is so much wrong here, but it rests on the sister. Upon discovery she should have called her brother and said hey you know how I am into genealogy, well I did a DNA test and it turns out dad was adopted. He may not have known, back then no one talked about it, the children that were adopted had no idea. She should not have said here take a DNA test either, what the heck.
Here is what angered me, one person said of course he’s angry his grandpa is not his grandpa and his cousins are not his cousins.
This is pure crap, I am adopted, granted by relatives, however, my brothers are still my brothers, my sister still my sister and my parents are still my parents. My nephews and niece are still those things in my family tree. As a matter of fact in our official family tree I appear twice, and I think that is really cool. I love that about me, I love that I was adopted, of course I knew I was adopted.
When you discover shocking news like this a softer approach should be the norm, not the exception. And she should have called him and not waited two years.
Instead of presenting him with a DNA test, why not ask would you like to take a test to find out more information? It’s just common sense and a kindness, now the brother has been blindsided with information that he didn’t know, didn’t ask for and is rightfully upset and needs to process.
He still has his relatives, to suggest otherwise is disingenuous and wrong. Adoption does not negate relationships, instead it makes it richer, more nuanced. The dad’s parents wanted a child, someone could not raise theirs, so they allowed someone else to raise said child.
No one understands how hard this is on the birth mothers, what a difficult decision this is, instead of killing the child in utero, they gave birth and handed the child to someone else to raise.
It was taboo so many years ago to talk about, the birth mothers were sent off to give birth, never to talk about it again. They were shunned if they did, it left a lot of psychological scars for the women.
I believe that needs to be recognized, let’s praise these women for their selflessness, it would be easier to kill the baby in utero than give birth and never see that child again.
For the love of all that is holy, do not say you are not related to the family that adopted a baby. You are related, it is legal, it is like a marriage, you are related to the family you marry into. Even after divorce, in a lot of cases you still love your in-laws, the nieces and nephews from that side, they are still your family.
I’m done ranting, it’s Saturday and I am contemplating a trip to Costco, I know, that does make me crazy.
Oh, and hello China! I really wish you would leave a comment or send me an email to let me know what you are looking for, I could write about it and answer all questions. As usual any comments, criticisms or questions can be left here or sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.