Dealing with Loss

Today is not an easy day, it is the anniversary of my Mom’s going home, that is how we refer to death, the whole week has really been difficult, and Tuesday was Michael’s birthday. Michael is, was, my son, he died at 12 weeks of age. I miss both of them terribly, still, Michael has been gone 27 years, my mom has been gone 8 years. I thought things would get easier, well, yes the pain has lessened somewhat, but the longing to see them, hug them talk to them has never lessened.
I won’t bore you with stories of my mom today, I know I have a tendency to go on about her; I won’t bore you with stories about Michael, simply because those are incredibly private and still very painful. What I will tell you today is that if you are dealing with lose and personal pain, you will have excruciating days and you will have magnificent days. There will be days where you will think of the people missing in your life and laugh at the thoughts that enter, the amazing times you had with them, the fun times, the simply goofy times you enjoyed. There will be times where the pain is unbearable and you spend the whole day crying, watching one sappy movie after another because on that day they mirror your soul.
What they say about time being the great healer, they are right, your heart does heal, you do carry on with life, you have your successes, you have your failures and you have these pockets of incredibleness. You wish you could share it with the ones that are missing, I am here to tell you that you will, one day, you will see them again. It will be amazing and joyous and everything you want it to be.
In the meantime, sit up straight, raise your chin, plaster a smile on your face and embrace your emotions, because they are all you really have. Your emotions, I am not a big believer in subduing ones emotions, they are there for a reason, they are there for you to deal with pain, happiness, sorrow, joy and sadness. If you subdue them how will you ever recognize the good ones? The hard to deal with emotions are there for a reason, I firmly believe we learn lessons from the pain. And after it is over and we have made it through to the other side we are able to help others through their pain.
I miss you and love you Mom and Michael, please hug each other for me, and know that I will see you again and we will catch up then.

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