Achilles Heel

Well hello old friend, I have missed you, I am sorry I have not been inspired to visit you, however I am here today and have some things to tell you.
When I am not in a good place emotionally I gain weight, that is the way I have always been. My entire life, this is the way of my metabolism, so for the last year I have been packing on the pounds, enough is enough. I refuse to live in a body that is not what it should be. Even at the age of 50 I should be prettier than I am right now, I am taking things back into my control.
I have been watching my friend Gladys and my friend Vicki becoming disgustingly healthy for a while now. A long while. Gladys is local, and goes on and on about the place she is going to. I decided to follow suit, she pointed out there was a Groupon to her place and suggested I purchase it. Then she took it a step further and told the owners about me and one of them began talking to me on one of Gladys’s posts. Long story short, I purchased and have an appointment Monday to go see them and get my physical life under control.
Once the physical is under control, the mental follows very closely behind, it is a sad statement that my inner shows on the outer. Physically, not emotional wise, if you spoke to me you would never know the turmoil that goes on in my brain.
After my mom died I went on a binge and it was horrible, it took Elizabeth Anne saying mom, you are grieve eating to make me sit up and take notice.
Notice I did, shedding more than 100 pounds; I so do not want to go back to that Angie and will fight not to.
I have always been a chunky thing, starting at birth, I weighed over 9 pounds then, large for then, large for now. And just kept going, I don’t know why God chose me to give this affliction to, I just know it is something He wants me to conquer, it is my cross to carry. My row to hoe, my albatross, and any other metaphor I can come up with.
I gain weight easily, one slip up leads to another and another and another, I am not a person who can ever say oh I forgot to eat today. My goal is to be skinny, I do not care how that sounds and I do not want any criticism for it. I grew up in an era of skinny women. Twiggy, Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson, they were all the stars of the day and they were skinny, I so wanted to be one of them. But I was a chunky teenager, living on celery to maintain a normal weight. Oh and let’s not forget my BFF, Tammi, she was and still remains thin, I have always been envious of her non-weight issues.
So, here we go again, back to my horrible cycle of losing weight, it has and always will be my Achilles heel. Please, no arrows at it, it is vulnerable.
Besides Dean Cain will NEVER notice me if I am not skinny…. Must be skinny will be my mantra… See you on the other side.

One Reply to “Achilles Heel”

  1. I agree binging is not good…and I am happy that your going to get physically fit. I am proud of you…..Even though I have not seen you in a few months hehehehehe. And I know when you loose weight you feel so much better emotionally. It makes you a new person. But heavy, thin or any way….you are an awesome person. Remember there are thin people who want to put on a few pounds and can’t. Love you the way you are always.


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