Morose

I’ve decided I will no longer advertise my blog on Facebook and Twitter. This way I can write what I want, no one really reads this anyway, and the few people that actually see my Facebook and Twitter updates won’t miss being inundated with blog updates. 

It’s raining and cold, therefore perfect, I have the back door open. I love it, the rain soothes my soul, the cold matches my personality. 

My mood today is morose, more thoughts on how truly alone I am in this world. I wish it would snow, a blanket of white would be lovely. I don’t feel alone when it snows, I feel God is speaking to me when it snows. 

Christmas will be here soon, I’ll decorate this weekend. I love Christmas, however, I’m still alone during that time. Sometimes I drive down the street of houses lit up with so many lights and my heart hurts. I realize that it’s just me looking at lights, I don’t have anyone to look at them with me. 

I still remember the year my children told me they didn’t enjoy driving around looking at lights. I haven’t been out to look since, it’s not as fun alone. It just serves as a reminder of how I will spend my dotage. 

Maybe my nursing home will have lights I can look at. I have no illusions, I will be in a nursing home. My children all have their lives, as it should be, their lives have no room for a crazy old woman. Which I am sure I will be. 

That’s all I have for now, I’m going to go back to the rain. 

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