Cold Soul

I love the cold. Anyone who knows me knows that, as a matter of fact the very first thing people learn about me is my love of cold weather. I am all about wintry weather, however, I hate the wind and I hate cold, windy weather in April.

If it’s going to be cold, like my soul, I need it to be dark, like my soul. Sunshine and cold is a cruel joke.

I know I said earlier I was ready to date, I think I’m going to take that back. I don’t think I’m ready for all of that emotion. It’s all too much, and I don’t think I’m going to be that good at it. I believe I live too much in my own head. Maybe I’ll stick with my books, television and movies. It never hurts to live vicariously, right?

Besides I’m too old for all of that, I think God is telling me to just be alone. And think about it, what if I met someone who lived in a different state? Maybe my home state. Could I move? Would my children graciously let me go? Would I be able to come back every other week and pick Tess up from school? What about shopping? Do they have good shopping? I don’t know.

I do know that I have never been good at sharing myself, my thoughts and feelings, hopes, dreams, my life. I always have held back. I am not too trusting when I comes to that. I fully expect to be hurt so I try to not get too attached. If I do get attached it is just so incredibly painful.

So alone it is.

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