Soul Food is my Nemesis

Soul food is my nemesis, cake pops are my enemy, I grew up with a steady stream of fried chicken, chicken and dumplings, cornbread, collard greens and fatback, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, fried catfish and yes my grandmother even made chittlins. I had uncles that lived on pickled pig’s feet, a more disgusting concoction I don’t know of. These things are not good for weight loss, weight control, cholesterol, sodium intake, or so they say. My grandfather had fried chicken every morning for breakfast, he lived to be 82. Maybe he would have lived longer if he had watched what he ate, however he was not overweight and was incredibly active.
Then comes me, I am short and squatty, can’t get anorexic to save my life, and I do not eat that food anymore! Maybe I should go back to it, that way I will have something to blame. Oh yeah I do, cake pops at Starbucks. Man those little things pack a lot of sin in them! I lament the fact I was not born tall and willowy, being born short and squatty is a horrendous affliction. I try and fight it, wearing 4 inch heels, things that make me taller and therefore look slimmer. I don’t know if it works. I refuse to look at pictures of myself and if I catch you taking a picture of me, I will ask you not to. I do not photograph well and it is embarrassing. The older I get the worse it is, I think I am getting squattier. Is that a word? Must be, it was not autocorrected. That tells me more people are afflicted with this condition.
We should fight back! Hold a telethon, raise funds for genetic testing, we need to find a cure for this horrible disease. Is it a disease or a syndrome? I really don’t know the difference. If someone can enlighten me that would be great; in the meantime, I shall continue to fight in my way. Laying off the cake pops, not eating my beloved country food and starving myself.
Happy Friday!

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