Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

Can men and women be friends without the physical getting in the way? That is the question that the movie When Harry met Sally asked and seemingly answered, however, the answer was erroneous. Because their answer was no, my answer is yes, if, and only if, there has never been anything physical to begin with.
Take Jess and myself, best friends, for many years, we have proven the rule, men and women can be friends, but remember, we have never dated. So rule proven.
I do not believe that men and women can be friends if they have dated or had a physical relationship. There will always be something there, a hidden joke, a look, an untoward message, a wink a nudge. It is disrespectful to your current relationship to keep these men or women around. Get rid of them, you will never be just friends if you have seen that person without clothes on. It is a fact, and a proven one, look at the movies, read Dear Abby, look at Facebook and any dating website. If you are keeping these people around you are asking for trouble, or else you cannot commit. If you cannot commit and get rid of the unseemly people in your life then you need to say goodbye to the one you are dating.
That is the way I feel, that is the way I have always felt, this is nothing new with me.
It has been on my mind a lot lately due to the avenues that Facebook opens, it is so tempting to see what your old boyfriend/girlfriend is up to, and why not be friends. Well for just the reasons I have outlined, if you are in a current relationship it is disrespectful to the person you are with. If you are single and they are single go for it, see what rekindles, see why you broke up in the first place. I guarantee the reasons are still there, whatever they may be.
I know for a Friday this is a deep subject and I am sure to get some backlash and perhaps some support for my view, either way I welcome all comments.
I hope you have a good Friday and a great weekend!

3 Replies to “Can Men and Women be Just Friends?”

  1. It is difficult, mind you, but definitely possible. Yes, you and I are one of the ones who can make it work… but we both agreed at the very beginning of our friendship that we would kill each other if we ever dated. And since our friendship has evolved into more of a sibling-type-thing (or maybe a cousin thing, meaning absolutely no disrespect to my ACTUAL sister who rocks beyond words), perhaps that “ickyness” of moving into a dating relationship has helped cement us into the “just friends” category.

    But that kind of relationship takes a level of emotional maturity (yes, yes, I know… I just called both of us mature… I am going to wash my mouth out with soap right now) that many people do not have. Many women are looking for self-affirmation in others, and get that from relationships with men. To quote the Great Guru Xander, “teenage guys think about sex while looking at floor tile.” Non-teenage men are not much better as a whole.

    I liken it to the “familiar relationships” that Heinlein portrayed in his Future History series. Yes, it is theoretically possible for groups of people to all free and equally love others as long as they do so selflessly. In practice…. not quite as easy.

    So yes… I think what you say is possible. Just very difficult to do in practice.


  2. My daughter came to visit this wnkeeed and I watched as she read your blog. A piece of her heart went out to you as she wrote her message and we talked a bit between sentences. I told her one thing I learned from a time when I was in a very sad place and was desperately trying to get to the other end of it – to see it behind me. I noticed that the people who I saw every day, those who were the closest to me when it started, hurt for me soooo very much that they had to sometimes break away from me for awhile. I felt very much like a pariah in my social circle, at work and, it seemed, every where I went. People could see the angst in my expressions, the pain through the windows of my own eyes and they could not bear to be face to face with me. I thought I eventually understood it – I believe it was that I represented everything they did not want to happen to them or their own children – that I represented some of the awfulness of what could be done to a woman and her child. I held that belief, whether real or imagined by me, because I had to forgive them when I did come out to the other side of it all. I thought I had great insight to them and their thoughts at the time. I came out arrogantly thinking I could live through anything to come my way for the rest of my life. I was invinceable, except to one thing that I knew I couldn’t get through and thank goodness I’ve never had to experience that. But now there are two things I know I am not invinceable to. When I look back as I near my 60th birthday, I know that I would not have chosen the experiences I’ve had but that I am who I am because of and in spite of them and I’m good with who I am today. I have no advice to offer you today – no healing words of wisdom from a stranger. I too have joined the long list of those who hold up hope for you until you can hold it up for yourself and your once again. Hope Floats


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