So I saw pictures of me from the party I went to last Friday night, wow, all I can say is wow. Why has none of my friends told me how hideous I truly look? My arms look like giant ham hocks hanging off of my shoulders. It was raining so my hair was out of control, is it ok to tell everyone who posted a picture of me to take it down?
You know, there are times I think I look pretty good, then I see a photo, or pass a mirror, or see the look in a certain man’s eyes. I know I am old, wrinkled, saggy and just plain old-fashioned ugly. I should get a job where I can stay home out of the public eye, that would save countless people from being grossed out.
On an up side, my day off was fantastic, I did laundry, drank a ton of coffee and watched old episodes of Dark Shadows. That was my favorite show when I was a kid, I loved it, I was probably too young for it, but my grandma let me watch it. Pure, old fashioned greatness. I didn’t leave my home one single time, I could do this forever, I think deep down inside I could be a great agoraphobic. I could stay in my home, order food in, never leave, and be perfectly happy. Except for when the next Avengers movie comes out, then I will be at the theater to watch the minute it hits the screen.
Today is my Monday/Thursday, that makes me happy, this weekend I have the Ladies that Lunch. Oh I would leave my abode for that as well, once a month get dressed up and leave the house. Perfect. Does anyone else feel that way? You could just stay in your pajamas for days on end, never seeing anyone, reading, eating, being alone. It’s great for introspection, I could solve all my problems if I just had time to sit and think about them for a while, uninterrupted. This is why we do not have world peace, no one gets any real alone time anymore. The world leaders should each take a month, the same month, go inside, and not come out until they figure out why they can’t get along with anyone, and why there are starving people in the world. I am brilliant. People just need to listen to me more often, or for the first time.
Ok, now for the word of the day: utopia – an ideal place, or state. Sentence: I dream of a utopia where everyone dresses according to their body type, their actual body type, not their imagined body type.