My head and my heart are full, it is difficult to pull my scattered thoughts together. However, I feel a need to get them down before I completely blank out on the events of the past two days.
I left home yesterday to gather with my family at the family reunion, I was both nervous and excited. All of the people there I had not seen in years, all my family, every one of them a Testerman, in some form or fashion.
Of course I got lost, called Cindy for help and she put Albert on the phone, I almost lost it, I had not heard his voice in probably 20 years. He was able to talk me in, and even met me at the road to ride with me to the campgrounds.
I got there and someone said “Hey, that’s June’s youngest” to which I replied yes I am. My aunt Laura Fay jumped up and grabbed me and hugged me, I think it was the best hug I have had in a really long time. I saw my uncle J.H., looking just like my grandmother, he favored her so much. I grabbed his hand, I saw Larry and Richard who both came over and just hugged me. It was all I could do not to bawl like a big fat baby. Richard told me that he used to spend weekends with my mom and dad, how he had loved them, and there had been no one like my mom. It is a strange family history when one is adopted by family, you see Richard was talking about my adopted mom and dad. And I agree wholeheartedly, there was no one like my mom, so good hearing it from others. We shared our memories of our grandparents, our aunts and uncles and other cousins. We remembered the ones that had passed on, we laughed at our hijinks as children and looked at the younger generation knowing they would try some of the same things we had done.
We shared our history, the stories we had all heard and everyone contributed bits and pieces that others had not heard before. I found out that I am part of the family lore, a thing that happened when I was in elementary school. I wont repeat it here, but it is funny and it was amazing hearing it being told. Albert told it, he said “I heard of one of us kids that in school said…..” I squealed with delight and said OMG that’s me! He laughed and said he knew that. Pure greatness.
I found out that one of my favorite aunts, Linnie, her middle name was Cordelia, explains why I am so fond of that character. I found out I had been missed, my cousin Amy told me that she felt I had just fallen off the face of the earth. That everyone would talk about me, but no one knew where I was. I am so grateful for facebook for taking me back home.
From the minute I walked into the reunion, I felt loved, welcomed and wanted, I will miss them until I see them again.
Goals and Reality
I meant to wake up much earlier, however, last night I took two Tylenol pm’s and slept for 12 hours. I have to stop doing that, I don’t like sleeping more than 8 hours, I feel like I am sleeping my life away when that happens.
I have a lot of errands to run, then it is off to Oklahoma, if I decide to go today, I still am undecided, I guess I will know when I get in the car and start driving north. Being in Oklahoma has a way of renewing my soul. Right now I am sitting here, enjoying my coffee, the television is on with an old episode of the Dick Van Dyke show playing. It is a great start to what I know is going to be a great day.
Had a terrific conversation yesterday with a friend regarding goals, listening to God and what to do to achieve the goals that He has in mind for you. I know what I want to do with my life, I think I have always known. I have taken paths that will only enrich what I want to do, what I know I am meant to do with my life. It is my passion, it is my soul, I have been doing it forever on a private basis. In the recent years you all have been the recipient of my passion.
Yes, it is writing, not only writing but writing about my opinions, whether people want to hear them or not, or I guess I should say read them. If you don’t agree with what I have to say, then you have the option to not read.
I have very controversial opinions rattling around in my head, I wold love to write about them, however feel that some people would become incredibly upset. The older I get the more I seriously don’t care if people get upset with my opinions.
Ronald Reagan, I loved him, he stood for things, that today, people are apathetic toward, he stood for pride in America. He stood for defending our country and he loved his wife Nancy above anyone and anything on earth.
I am passionate about history, the history of this country to be exact, I am passionate about knowing what was in the heads and hearts of our ancestors as they fought for freedom. I wonder what they would have thought about the way the country has turned out so far. I am fascinated by Thomas Paine, it was his words that galvanized a rebellion. I would love nothing more than to spend time researching him, going to the LIbrary of Congress to find all of his works, perhaps even a diary or two, to really get into his thought process.
I have so much I want to say and feel I have so little time to say it, well, must stop saying it for now as I do have to start my day, run my errands, pack my bag and run away from home!
Zombie Behavior and Relationships
There is a pair of turtles that have been together 115 years that is a long time, recently the female apparently has become disillusioned with the relationship. She began biting the males shell, letting him know she was not happy. I wonder what he did to deserve such treatment; did he not clean the home? Did he leave food on the floor? What does one do to deserve shell biting?
It made me think, if a couple has been together for over one hundred years and cannot make the relationship work, then what hope do the rest of us have? Will I eventually begin some aberrant behavior to get rid of my partner? Hopefully I will not bite him; I am not on bath salts, nor a zombie, so I don’t think that will happen. So here is the thing, when we are done, what do we do to drive the other person away? Do we realize we are doing it at the time? I have no answers to these questions, I was just curious.
Tomorrow I am going to Oklahoma for my family reunion, a little nervous, a lot excited and happy to see everyone. I can hardly wait to get going, errands in the morning then I plan to head out around 11:00 am. I don’t know when I am coming back, Saturday or Sunday, still not sure, will pack for both days. Tried to talk Elizabeth Anne into going with me, she said she is not sleeping in a tent. Next year I will plan better and rent a hotel room. It was too late this year and they were wickedly expensive, so earlier in the year book it I will.
Word of the day is altruistic, meaning: unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. Used in a sentence: Today I shall exhibit altruistic behavior in regards to my fiancé and not bite his shell.
Stagnation = Death
Do you ever feel like your life is standing still? That is called stagnation, if your life is standing still it is stagnating. My grandpa used to say that one should never be content in life, contentment leads to stagnation and stagnation leads to death. He was always reading, always learning, always doing, he was a great man and a great example of a life well lived. No, he wasn’t wealthy in material means, he was wealthy in knowledge, in faith and in love. Yes even a cynic like me can recognize when someone loves well, I wish I were more like him.
You see I feel like I am stagnating, I am not moving forward in my life, I feel like I took a turn somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. I should be in a different place now, I should be doing something with my life. Defending the helpless, making a difference, perhaps even furthering my education. I feel as if my grandfather would be disappointed with the life decisions I have made. I never wanted to let him down, of all the people that have influenced me, he is the one person that I never wanted to disappoint.
I don’t know what I want to do, or what I should do to get my life moving forward again, I don’t know where to start. I know only I can make those decisions, I have often said that I wish God would come down and show me the map of my life. Show me what turns I am supposed to take, the forks in the road to avoid. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you look at it, we have free will. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy my free will, however once in a while being told what to do would be nice. Like when we are children, wear this, eat this, don’t stick your hand in the fire. Things of that nature, I really wish someone would have told me, don’t stick your hand in the fire. Metaphorically speaking, of course, as adults, we are expected to already know how to make the correct decisions for our lives. However it is not always so simple, so clear cut.
There are days I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of apathy, no where to go, no one to turn to, then I remember the one constant in my life. God. He is always there, and he always listens. I still want him to tell me where I am supposed to go and what road my life is supposed to go down. However I am the only one that can make these decisions, I really, want to make the correct decisions.
The Horrible No Good Morning
I have so many thoughts in my head, not a great morning, rough start, another bad Starbucks experience. When oh when will I learn? NEVER go to the Starbucks at Campbell and Central in Richardson, TX. I used to love that one, it is where the Irishman and I used to meet during his split shift. We had a lot of good talks and laughs at that Starbucks, but this early morning crew just cannot get it together. I am paying you money! Listen to what I want! Is that really so hard? Never again, lesson totally learned now.
I shall take a moment and breath, relax, release, Whitley Gilbert taught me well, there I feel much better.
Today is my first Friday, I know you all are tired of hearing about that, however I shall never get tired of stating it. Tomorrow will be spent doing laundry and getting ready to go out-of-town Friday. I am going to my Testerman family reunion and I am so excited and nervous.
Yes nervous, these are my real cousins, my real family line, as you all know I was adopted. However I was adopted by my great-aunt and uncle, so I stayed in the family. However, this branch are the ones I grew up with until my aunt and uncle adopted me. I have not seen some since I was 12 years old. Some I have not seen since my grandmothers funeral, some I have not seen in roughly 20 years.
I am most excited to see my cousin Cindy, she was always more like a sister than a cousin. I have missed her greatly and cannot wait to hug her. I know some might think this is crazy, that I have not seen them in so long. Life gets in the way, that is all there is to it, nothing more, nothing less.
This is also Father’s Day weekend, it makes me miss my dad and my grandpa, a lot, they were my male role models. The ones that taught me how men were supposed to treat women. The ones I have been searching for all my life it seems. Since my grandfather and father were brothers in reality, they were so similar. They both had strong morals, both strong Christian men who studied the word of God. They both had a great love of the land and farming, animals and family. I miss them both terribly, I wish I still had them to go to and ask their advice on different matters.
Enough, I am going to make myself cry, way too early and it has been way too horrible of a morning. I have come to a decision, I cannot force myself to watch the Choice, no matter how much I want to support Dean Cain. I have found re-runs of Lois and Clark; the New Adventures of Superman on the HUB, Sunday nights. I will stick with that, at least it is fun-filled, less bimbos and, well, Dean is in tights.
Weekend Update
There was a lot happening this weekend, it all started Friday evening, meeting with Paulina for my Susan G Komen volunteer assignment. I was to be a race monitor, that meant I would have a golf cart, very excited about that, and yes, it was as fun as I thought it was going to be. We met with Sergeant Spears of the Plano police department and she gave us the 411.
Saturday I was at the site at 6:00 a.m., yes, very early on a Saturday, picked up my volunteers and carted them off to their assignments. We had Parkwood; I dropped my people off at the barricades, with instructions not to let anyone in a car onto the race side of the street. I got to drive up and down making sure it was all going ok and there were no issues. I had one mother and daughter team that I dropped off, gave them their instructions and left. I drove back by; they were laying out on the road. I thought surely that is not them getting a tan, or perhaps they thought I meant for them to be human speed bumps, or maybe they had passed out from heat stroke. I stopped asked it all was well and they very happily informed me that they were great. Drove by again, they had moved on to petting a puppy on the opposite side of the barricade. I thought Lord don’t let anyone offer these two some candy, drove back by, they were gone. So if anyone knows what happened to these two, please let me know.
After the volunteer gig, I went to visit Jeffrey and Tessa, great visit, so much fun, I just adore that girl. I cannot believe she will be going to kindergarten in the fall. It just doesn’t seem possible, I remember the day she was born, she has owned my heart since that day.
When the Irishman came home Saturday evening, he said so are you going with me tomorrow? I said what is tomorrow? He looked at me and said I have asked you no less than three times to go with me to see Ireland play in the European playoffs. Of course this was foreign talk to me, however, one thing I understood quite well. Pride. Pride in the place you come from, he was immensely proud that his home country had made it this far in the competition. So I said yes, I would go with him, I am glad I did, it meant a lot to him that I was there with him. The look in his eyes when his team took the field, was very moving, I got a little misty eyed for him. His team did not win, but it was amazing that they had gotten so far to begin with.
That is the end of my exciting, fun filled weekend. Next up, family reunion, I can hardly wait!
Friday, Starbucks and Dean Cain
It has been a strange couple of days, I have had nightmares two nights in a row, the first night was about one of my children. So I do the only thing a mom can do, I text all of them and make them all tell me they are ok. I irritated one as he was asleep, but you know what, I don’t care, I needed to know. So there. They were all fine by the way, but the bad feeling would not go away until I heard from them.
Last night the dream was about me, I was in a house and I had all of the doors locked, however when I went into the garage and got in the car and left someone ran in behind me. I saw him, so I backed out, closed the garage door, went into the back yard and looked in the window. I saw him, the burglar, making himself at home; he was sitting and watching my television! So I yell really loud 911, because that was what I was taught to do in high school. The burglar turns and sees me and gets up and has a machete, and starts to run toward me, I run out of the back gate and jump in the car and before I can drive off I wake up. I was terrified, horrible to wake up without getting away, now I will never know.
So many things happened yesterday, what to address first, well, I’ll go in order, the big meeting. It was a lot of fun, I was not wrong to look forward to it. I do believe they are learning that you praise to success, not berate to mediocrity. The new 2nd level manager and the first level managers gave out kudos and prizes for perfect attendance for the first quarter. The people with the top numbers were recognized as well as new team leads. The only thing that happened that I was sadly disappointed with was a trainer, there was a jeopardy like contest and the contestants were drawn randomly. He was one of them, instead of answering the questions; he was feeding the answers to another contestant. I felt this was inappropriate and unprofessional, this was supposed to be a fun thing, not a cheating thing. He should have answered and let everyone know why he was in a training position. To cheat, sad and wrong.
The rest loved it, we all clapped for our co-workers that won prizes, happy for their recognition, it almost felt like a Mary Kay meeting, I loved it.
The second thing is a not so happy thing, it was the premier of the Dean Cain show, however, I could only stomach about 10 minutes of it, as Dean was not in that segment. I have recorded it and will fast forward to his part, although I don’t even know if I will do that. I can see why I was not considered for this show. The girls are the typical ones you see on the bachelorette or MTV dating shows, more bimbo than nice girl. Of course that seems to be all men want these days, bimbos. Good luck when you procreate with them. Anyway, I don’t think I will be watching this Dean Cain offering as I am sickened by the premise.
On an up note, it is Friday and I am having Starbucks, Venti Passion Tea Lemonade unsweetened of course. So I want everyone to have a fantastic Friday, I hope you enjoy your day and your weekend. Oh I will be volunteering at the Susan G Komen run in Plano tomorrow, I am a race marshal, I can’t wait! Come out and cheer on all of the runners!
Rain = Happiness
So on my day off it rained, and rained and rained, and I loved it, the only thing I love right under snow is rain. I wish it would rain everyday, I would be happy with that.
Tonight is the new show with Dean Cain, I am still smarting over the snub, if he met me he would know that we are destined to be together. Me love you long time. I am still undecided if I am going to watch or not, I may DVR it and then fast forward to just Dean’s parts. That would be the wise thing to do, I would get irritated watching all of that drivel. I am sure it is going to be a bevy of young women who will do anything to date a celebrity. No matter who they are, remember I love Dean for Dean, not for his celebrity. Of course it is his celebrity that brought him to my attention in the first place. Oh damn you double-edged sword.
Today at work should be interesting, out new 2nd level manager has called a meeting of the whole center. In the past these things have never gone well, due to the management style of previous, well, managers. However, I have high expectations for this one, the little I have seen, he seems engaged, connected and sincere. Sincere in his desire to make our center the best it can be, to bring up morale so people will want to be there. I am looking forward to the meeting, will report back.
Well Peeps, I must start my second Monday of the week, Monday/Thursday, yes I am bragging. Till tomorrow then, I shall bid you adieu.
Things I hate with a Passion
Today I was watching the View and Joan Rivers was on talking about things she hates, I, of course, started thinking. What do I hate? Well, I am going to tell you a few things that I hate.
I hate screaming children in stores, before anyone says oh their children, let me tell you, I never allowed my children to scream and throw fits in public. Ask them, they will tell you that they did not do that. It is called healthy fear, my children knew the consequences of their actions and they knew throwing fits in public would be punished. So, control your kids people, make them stop screaming in public. I don’t care what they do in the privacy of your homes, however, when you make my shopping experience less enjoyable, I do care.
I hate people who say that they never watch television. Seriously? We know you do, we know you are probably the ones keeping the horrible programming on television. Such as Dancing with the Stars and Survivor, oh and let’s not forget American Idol. If you really want to do some good in the world, stop watching that crap! Keep actors employed.
I hate people who say, oh I forgot to eat today. Really? I have never in my entire life forgotten to eat. Of course only skinny people say this, perhaps I will as well if I ever achieve that level of thinness. But for now, stop saying that please, especially in the presence of those of us who need to lose weight.
I hate when overweight women say they are real women because they are fat. Being overweight does not make a woman real. What makes a real woman is one that respects other women, that tries to better her part of the world and one that has the courage to stand by her convictions. No matter the size. So if you believe the only thing making you real is your weight, think again. You actually need to look within yourself and find something else, something substantial in the way you deal with the world.
I hate liver, yes liver, it smells and has a weird texture and tastes nasty. No matter how much you tell me that it is good for me and will replenish the iron in my body, I will never eat it. I don’t want to be around it and heaven help the person who has me over for dinner under false pretenses only to try and feed me liver. Yuck.
I hate the hot Texas summers, even though I have chosen to live here for the rest of my days, I will never learn to love the heat. I want snow and lots of it, give the heat to Mexico and bring the cool weather here.
Starbucks, Weight Loss and Friday
I did something horrible yesterday, I fell off the wagon, I had sugar, and while most of you might think its ok to fall off once in a while, it is not ok for me. Yesterday I had a bite of hummingbird cake and of pound cake. Last night I crashed, literally my body crashed from all of the sugar, I went home from work and by 8:30 I was passed out. No Tylenol PM or wine was involved, I promise, it was a sugar crash, I slept hard and woke up feeling like I was coming off a three day binge. Horrible. I am a sugar addict, I cannot have it, I have consequences to eating it, a lot of people don’t and that’s fine but I do.
Dieting is simple in nature, you eat less, exercise and you lose weight, it is not easy, there are pitfalls, and there are temptations everywhere we look. You cannot walk into a store without being assaulted by the temptations of candy, cookies, cakes and pies, they are at the checkout counter, they are when you first walk in. I fight this everyday, yesterday I caved, I fell off the sugar wagon and paid a price. I will not be doing that today, back on the wagon I am. I am angry with myself this morning, I forgot my yogurt at home, every morning I have Greek yogurt and I love it, I forgot it. I did remember my blackberries, but man I need some protein, especially after my binging yesterday. Oh well, I shall persevere.
I am very happy today is my first Friday of the week, I have made a decision, not life changing, however important for me. I have decided to only have Starbucks on the real Friday of the week. The reason for this is I want to keep my relationship with Starbucks special; I also want to keep my wallet somewhat fuller and my waistline slimmer. I love Starbucks and there are healthy choices to be had there, my favorite is a Venti Passion Tea Lemonade unsweetened, so good, so good for you. However, I still love my coffee treats, these days I like them soy milk and low fat, low sugar, but even then they still have a lot of points. I like using my points for other things, so, once a week Starbucks and I will be getting together to cement our relationship.
I hope everyone has a great day, I have great plans for tomorrow, I will be getting my hair done, can’t wait to see Beatrice and hear about her trip to Kenya. Then I will be seeing Thomas Alexander, not many people know this, but I named him after the very first one of my ancestors that came to this country in 1774. I don’t think his dad even knows this, alright peeps I am totally outy!
Angie World 