Body Image

I just read an article on Yahoo! Shine regarding a bikini for large women, it is dubbed the fatkini, by the designer, not me. There is a picture there of a large size model wearing the suit.
Now I am nowhere near a size 20, however the model looks to be, she is pretty, but significantly large. I went to the bottom of the page to look at the comments, almost all comments were from men. They were not kind, in fact they were brutal, it makes me not want to don a swimsuit at all. Once again I am nowhere near the size of the woman in the photo, nor am I as pretty in the face as the woman in the photo.
This makes me seriously wonder what men think of me when they see me, do they see the frumpy woman that has given birth five times, 4 c-sections, and say what a disgusting lump of a woman. This is seriously disheartening, the hatred and vitriol for women in this world.
We work hard, we have children, and yes, we gain weight and our bodies are less than they were at 16. The comments at the end of the article suggest that all women should look exactly the way they did before childbirth. Now I m not saying that you should let yourself go and just get as big as a house. No, we need to be healthy today, to live to see our grandchildren and great grandchildren, we need to leave the confines of the house and take a walk. We need to watch what we eat, say no to the junk food all the time, a treat once in a while wont effect us if it is not an every moment activity.
However having such hatred for the different body types of women has reached an epidemic, has it always been this way, or are we now seeing it more with the advent of social media?
I don’t have an answer to that, I myself, have always considered myself a looker, I did go through a heavy phase, I have battled and continue to battle that war. I feel at times I am winning; at times I am losing, however I continue to battle. I want to live to see Tessa grow up and do great things. I want to live to see Elizabeth Anne have children and I want to be around to spoil them. I want to live to see Alex graduate college and do amazing things with his life. So I battle on, however, I am now greatly aware of how men see me.
As a lump, a disgusting whale that should be harpooned, I am sad and want to hide in a tent.