I like sitting in my car on my lunch break. I listen to the radio, sometimes read a book and play on my phone. Today I am so very tired, I seem to be tired all of the time lately. It seems there is not one time I am brimming with energy. Perhaps I have some sort of energy zapping disease. I don’t know what it could be. I do know I need some uninterrupted sleep, I am not willing to take ambien again. I do not want to sing the night away. That is not pretty, the sound of my voice belting out songs, just gross.
Yesterday was our nations birthday, I celebrated my freedom by working. Then Taco Bueno after, that wast reward. I work because I don’t have anyone to celebrate with, my kids are with their dad. It’s always been that way, first he had a lake house, now he is in the country. Way more fun with him. I get that.
So I work and get Taco Bueno, which makes me happy.
I was able to give motherly advice today, which makes me feel needed.
I just learned that this month is national ice cream month. How can I be skinny with things like this happening in the world!!! I am fighting a losing battle. I just need a good, old fashioned flu.
Life After Death
There’s a Beatles song that says one is the loneliest number, I disagree, I believe one to be a great number. Maybe I feel that way due to the fact I have really been the number one all of my life. I learned to be self reliant at a young age, learned that the only person I could ever really count on was, well, me.
I know I talk a lot about my kids taking care of me when I’m old, ok, I talk about Elizabeth Anne taking care of me. However I really don’t expect her to, I want my children to not have the burden of taking care of me when I am old. I fully expect to be alone when I die, it is only fitting since I have been alone since birth.
I often think about where I want to be buried, in Texas or Owasso. I am leaning more toward Owasso. My son is buried there and I don’t like to think of him being alone. I also don’t want my children burdened with thinking they have to visit my grave.
I think about death a lot, perhaps due to the fact I have been going to funerals regularly since I was a little girl. I think about heaven, who I will see, who I won’t.
I wonder if I will get to see my BBFF because everyone knows that the Baptist and Catholics are segregated. Will I have to share my mansion? Does everyone have their own? Can I share if I want to? Can I choose my age? Because I seriously want to be 16, wild, fun, no worries and able to play my music as loud as I want. How many animals can I legally have? Can I get a lion? All these questions, very few answers.
Summer Nostalgia
Well summer is upon us and with it brings nostalgia. I feel it keenly certain times of year, this is one of them.
My mind is filled with memories of the little white house in the country. Of fresh fruit and vegetables that we picked, plucked or dug ourselves.
My favorite was the green tomato, I LOVE fried green tomatoes, cliche for a southern girl I know but there you have it.
I would go down to the garden as soon as the tomatoes were big enough to fry, pluck one off of the tomato plant and take it to my mom. I would say look what I found and she would fry it for me. Until this became a habit, one day she said if you pick anymore tomatoes before their time I am going to tan your hide. Totally hollow threat coming from my mom, however I knew if she got my dad involved that would change the situation. So I said what if one falls off and I find it on the ground, she said in that case of course we can fry it up. You see we didn’t waste anything God gave us. A week later I walked into the house, green tomato in hand and said look what I found on the ground. Mom stare in full force, “and just how hard did you have to shake that tomato plant for it to fall on the ground?” Blink, blink, swallow, swallow. “Well you worked hard for this one, it’d be a shame to waste it.”
One week later my mom came whistling through the house, hand stretched out, green tomato in it. “Look what I found on the ground.” From that time forward that was our joke. Whenever we had fried green tomatoes it must have fallen on the ground.
There is something so basic, so primal about working the land. Growing food and animals to feed ones family and in hard times your neighbors.
There are times I miss it, digging in the dirt, the feel of it, the aroma, the life sustaining nutrients it gives us via fruits and vegetables.
My parents had a gift, farming is a gift, not everyone can do it. My grandpa and my dad had two gifts, farming and mechanics.
I am sometimes amazed at how all three of my children exhibit abilities that my grandfathers side if the family has.
My sons with their mechanical abilities and love of cars, which comes from both sides of their lineage. My dad said my ex-husband was the best mechanic he had ever met. That was high praise coming from my dad. Jeffrey and Alex have inherited a double dose of car knowledge. Their grandpa and great grandpa would beam with pride if they could see them now.
Elizabeth Anne has the touch when it comes to animals, great and small. They love her and she loves them, once again something she inherited from her grandpa and great grandpa. I know without a doubt my dad would have loved nothing better than to go to her farm and give her advice on her animals. I can see my grandpa there, in his overalls walking the land with her and telling her stories about when he was a boy growing up on the farm.
When I look at my children and their abilities and how they have chosen to channel them I am filled with pride at how they are thriving. Even as the grow into adulthood I still look at them with the eyes of a mother and am amazed at what God gave me in them.
Confessions of a Non-romantic
I have never been an overly mushy person, you know the type I mean. With the advent of social media we can clearly see who these people are. I am continually shocked that people put every aspect of their life on the Internet.
Their romantic life, I have always been a private person by nature. I keep things close to the vest as it were. You can talk to me for an hour, walk away and realize I never told you one personal thing about myself.
I have never been one to NEED another person in my life, I would be perfectly content to be alone. I know what you are thinking, it’s easy to say things like that when you have someone. Well, you, who say that, don’t know me. Several of you that do know me can verify the truth of that statement. If the Irishman dumped me today I would be sad but not devastated, I would miss him for a while but never chase after him.
Some mistake that for coldness, however, I call it self reliant. I don’t depend on anyone but me for my happiness in life. I am not a big believer in happiness anyway, I hang my hat on joy instead, my soul has great joy.
On to a different topic, I hate this time of year for many reasons, but today, I hate it for my bad hair. My hair is so curly in the humidity, why didn’t God give me good hair. Elizabeth Anne has great hair, so I guess as long as my daughter looks good that’s all that counts. It’s too late for me to achieve prettiness anyway.
Peace out homies!
Life Choice Dilemma
The heat is fully upon us and I loath it with a passion; I am so totally not a summer person. I would do so well in Alaska, I think; I say I would do well in Alaska or Antarctica, however one does wonder has Texas ruined my ability to withstand the cold?
I think about that a lot, I love the cold, was raised in brutal winters, which I thrived in, but not having been in that environment for over 25 years would I survive a real winter. I like to think I would, but I have my doubts, oh trust me I do not do well in 100-degree heat, but would I do well in below zero conditions? I have the boots for it, I have the sweaters and coats for it, I even have hats, gloves and scarves that would enable me to withstand a brutal winter. However, could I? That is the question I ask myself a lot. I really believe that I need to go somewhere on vacation that would allow me to experience real winter.
Maybe a week in Alaska would cure me of wanting to be somewhere bone chillingly cold for a few years. I am thinking Alaska in January would make a good honeymoon. What do you think Irishman, could you do a real winter with me?
Probably not, he complains if the temperature dips below 50 degrees, I seriously don’t understand people like that.
My daughter thrives in summer, huge surprise because she was born the same month that I was. We are both children of winter, but she hates the cold, rain, sleet, ice and all that comes with it. She literally comes to life in the summer; when I retreat from the world, she welcomes it. This is disconcerting as we are alike in so much of our personality traits. I don’t know what to think about this situation.
My boys, on the other hand are more like me in this respect, which is equally surprising because they are both summer children. One born in August and the other in July, one would think they would love the heat, but they don’t. Perhaps they will inherit their mother in the winter months so we can enjoy them together and I shall torture my daughter in the summer with my whining.
I am preparing for my dotage, someone is going to have to listen to all of my stories over and over, I am choosing all three of them, that way they can bond in their misery of having to take care of their mother. I plan on being an incredibly eccentric old person, wearing outrageous outfits consisting of loud colors and tottering around in heels too high for an eighty year old. I suspect I will have broken hips in my future due to this inability to give up high heels.
Happenings
Sometimes in life people mistake niceness for weakness, I do believe that people are crazy when they do that. It takes real strength to be nice to certain people; I refuse to go to hell because some people cannot control their idiocy.
Make no mistake, I will not allow you, and you all know who you are, to take advantage of me or demean me in any way. I will, and have, reported you to the proper department within the major corporation I work for. Trust me, I left nothing out; you will be taken to task.
Enough of that, today was recording day with Shanon J, I am so proud of the work we are doing; it is nothing short of awesome. I hope you all are listening and enjoying the topics we are covering. If you are new, the website is http://www.convosate.com, you can listen to previous shows and leave feedback.
I am still recovering from my feeding frenzy at the family reunion, everything was so amazingly good. It’s hard to say no to family members giving you food, one simply does not do that. I love food, I admit it, I should have been born with a tapeworm or something. Instead I was born into the body of a farm worker, short and steady, close to the ground to do farm work. It is so frustrating, all I want is to be beautiful and thin, instead I am plain, short and squatty. Not a great combination when one lives in Plano, TX, perhaps if I lived in a farm state then I would fit in. oh well, one works with what they have, so therefore I wear spanx and makeup. Fixes a lot of issues that I have, heels help with the vertical issue that I have. Other than that all is good here deep in the heart of Texas.
My Man of Steel Review
I finally saw the new Superman movie; I have to say I went with mixed expectations. I had reviews that were not so kind, however, since I am an open-minded person, I decided to go and form my own opinion.
I am a superhero junkie; I cut my teeth on Greek and Roman mythology, making a progression to Egyptian and Norse mythologies as well. I was well versed in the hero world when I discovered Superman comics at the age of 6. I remember being entranced, fascinated, this could actually happen. A being not of this planet, sent here from his dying planet, he lands in Kansas, the heartland of America.
He receives his moral code from his salt of the earth parents; I have to say that Kevin Costner and Diane Lane did an excellent job portraying Jonathan and Martha Kent. We should all be so lucky to have parents that steer our morality while accepting who we are at the core of our being.
I was not disappointed by this movie, I am not going to give any spoilers, I will just give my thoughts and feelings.
Russell Crowe was a great Jor-El, we understand why he sent his son to save humanity, why he did the things he did. We feel sympathy for his mother Lara, having to put her son in a ship built for one. Not knowing who was going to raise him, would they love him, accept him, nurture him and help him grow to be the man he needed to be. The ultimate sacrifice made by a birth mother, to give her child to the unknown when she was not able to be there for him.
I read reviews that said there were no moments of humor, however, I saw several moments, they were subtle, but there. Perhaps the reviewer didn’t have a sense of humor, or needed it to be in your face humor. Either way, this was a good movie, a good reboot, of course no one will ever take the place of Christopher Reeve, his Superman is iconic. Unrepeatable, lightening in a bottle, as it were, one of a kind.
This movie does not try to be something it’s not, it is refreshing, Amy Adams is a good Lois Lane.
Lois Lane was my second female role model, the first being Lt. Uhura, Lois Lane made me want to become a girl reporter. She was fast talking, cigarette smoking, in your face, give me an answer woman. She first inspired me to write, my mom was my second writing inspiration.
All in all, I recommend you see this movie, whether you are a novice Superman fan, or a die-hard, comic reading nerd of a fan, like me.
My Taste Discovery
I think by now everyone has a tiny clue as to how I feel about food. Sometimes, in life, one comes across something so perfect it makes your eyes roll into the back of your head.
You experience such sinfulness it cannot be good for you. I have come across such a creation. It is touted as a diet food; however, with that first bite you will not believe it. It is a creamy chocolate outer casing filled with liquid caramel. When one bites into it, a taste explosion happens on your tongue.
You bite into it and the first thing you notice is the creamy chocolate, then comes the surprise. The liquid caramel flows onto your tongue, covering your taste buds in a molten, golden delight. It is quite literally a party in your mouth.
These amazing things are Skinny Cow Divine Filled Chocolates, the caramel ones, not the peanut butter. The peanut butter ones do not have the same eye rolling effect, they are ok, but not heaven sent.
Run, do not walk to the nearest store to purchase these, now, a word of warning, you will not find them everywhere. Tom Thumb does not have them, Target does, grab them, however, do not be greedy, I want to find them when I go to the store.
My Crazy Weekend
The Family reunion has come and gone and I am extremely happy that I went. I saw cousins that I didn’t know existed and cousins that I hadn’t seen since last year and some I had seen in between reunions. I was happy to see my Aunt Laura Faye there; she has become the heart of our family, the elder that we all look toward for stability, guidance and at times discipline. I am happy to report she was good, a little emotional at times, to be expected, this is her first reunion since her beloved husband passed away. However, she showed what she is really made of, sugar, spice and a spine of steel, she didn’t let the younger cousins get away with much, imparting wisdom and love all at once. We are lucky to have her in our family, I look at her as see what my Uncle saw in her, strength, beauty, intelligence all with a sense of humor.
I was happy to see my cousin Sherry come with her husband, even if it was for a little bit, I was sad my cousin Pat could not come. He was sorely missed; I don’t know if he realizes how much everyone thinks of him. He is a truly good man, Pat if you read me you better come next year. I told everyone I tried to talk you into coming! Cousin Cindy can cook, and it’s good!
I ate my way through the weekend; I ate brisket, fried pies, cookies, potato salad, chilidogs and everything else I could see. I totally forgot to be on a diet, it is a good thing I don’t live near these people, I would be 800 million pounds, I would not be able to fit on the campground if I lived near them.
Seeing all of the younger children run and play and get reacquainted from the year before brought back memories of all of my cousins coming to my grandma and grandpas house. I used to love it when they would come, the whole house would fill with shrieks of laughter, and just busyness. I miss those days, I look back on them with the eyes of the child I was. I can see them all so clearly, my grandpa, always smiling, eyes permanently crinkled in laughter. My grandma telling us kids that she was going to be on us like a duck on a June bug if we didn’t behave. Aunt Effie, whose very name invokes peace, calm, tranquility, if a child was in distress she was there with a comforting word.
There is a world that no longer exists that I will never forget, when I sit very still and close my eyes I am transported to. I am so happy to be connected to my family again; I missed them all so very much.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mom and dad an inordinate amount, and loved the life I had in Owasso. It was the best thing that happened to me and took my life in a direction that it would not have gone otherwise.
That does not lessen my happiness with being back with my cousins and it does not take away from what I felt for my mom and dad. Turns out I can have the best of both worlds.
Father’s in my Life
With it being Father’s Day soon I wanted to talk about the Father figures I have been fortunate to have in my life.
The very first male influence in my life was my grandfather; I cannot properly express how much I loved that man. To this day not one person can say anything bad about him in my presence. Not that anyone has anything bad to say, he was nothing short of awesome. My earliest memories are of him teaching me to read, taking me for car rides and buying me a nutty buddy and telling me not to tell grandma. Especially if I was too full to eat dinner after that, but my favorite memory are of the two of us eating apples.
I would sit in my rocking chair (which Elizabeth Anne has now) and he would sit in his recliner, he would peel the apple and then slice it. I would eat the peeling and he would eat the apple slices. He didn’t have teeth, well he had them, but only wore them to town and church, so he couldn’t chew the peel. It was our time, we would just talk and munch our apple, he taught me to love animals, to grow green things and appreciate laughter. He taught me that Jesus loves me and showed me, on a daily basis exactly what it meant to be a Christian. I am so fortunate that man was my first male influence.
I was so blessed to have wonderful Uncles in the mix, Uncle J.H., Uncle Walter, Uncle Albert, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Cecil, Uncle J.D. and so many male cousins. Pat, Albert, Gary, Larry just to name a few, they were all older and all influenced my way of thinking and my moral compass.
They laid the foundation for the man who would become my Dad, he was, blood wise, my great Uncle. He and his wife, my great Aunt would adopt me and become my mom and dad.
He taught me to laugh; life was too full of wonderful things to be serious all of the time. He taught me to find humor in everyday events; he built on the foundations of respecting the earth, taking care of what God gave us. He also had a deep love of Jesus and God, taking me to church every time the doors were opened. Teaching me to respect others beliefs, and learning everything I could about them, in order to witness more effectively. He taught me to read everything I could get my hands on, to educate myself in order to argue logically, and win. He was a great debater and enjoyed the fact that I could, in fact, hold my own with him.
He taught me discipline, a work ethic, be early, he would say, respect others time and smile. Treat others the way you want to be treated and you wont go wrong.
I’ll never forget him, I’ll always think of him as my Dad not my great uncle, he built on the foundations that my grandfather and other male family members started. He gave me a place to call home, a place filled with laughter, love, discipline and a strong relationship with Christ.
Angie World 