I have writers block, I am hoping by writing that I have writers block it will help dissipate it. So far no, still blocked, you would think I would have a lot to write about since I have been gone for a while, however there are things I’m not sure I have permission to write about.
Hmmm, what do I think I can tell, well you all know I was in Oklahoma for my Aunt’s funeral, I don’t feel as if I have permission to write about the actual funeral as that is intensely personal and I do not want to be disrespectful to my cousins or Uncle.
I can tell you it was wonderful seeing my cousins in spite of the circumstances, had a wonderful conversation with my cousins Paula and Cindy. Seeing my Aunt Estelle was icing on the cake, she looks amazing, she will be 100 in July and still has her mind in tact, which is wonderful. Longevity runs in our family, especially for the women, I cannot wait to be 100, I am going to insist everyone wait on me hand and foot. I plan on being incredibly eccentric, insisting everything around me be painted purple, or red, I have yet to decide, maybe one week red, the next purple. I want people to look and me and say wow that old woman is a pistol.
I think my cousin was a little shocked I travel with my own coffee maker, but seriously I cannot leave my coffee to chance, I need coffee in the mornings. It is not even a want or desire it is a NEED, I need the caffeine in order to start my day off correctly. Nothing else works like coffee, it is comforting, awaking to the aroma of coffee brewing, I don’t think I will ever give it up.
Well that is all I feel like writing for now, maybe later I will write about the story my uncle told at the funeral, it was just fantastic and showed exactly how they were with each other.
Headstone
A life well lived, that is what I want on my headstone, I think I have finally decided.
I would like a purple coffin, tons of music, food, fun and laughter. Yes, laughter, I want people to be happy that I went home and to celebrate a life well lived.
They say home is in your heart, I have Jesus in my heart, does that mean I am in heaven on earth?
There are days my mind wanders to what heaven will be like. I imagine it with the streets of gold, which morph into visions of the Elysian fields. Maybe I read too much, nah, no such thing as reading too much. However, I could have watched too many episodes of Hercules and Xena.
The bible tells us that everything we love is in heaven. If that is the case I believe I will see Chewie again, and Arthur and my cat, and definitely Gypsy and Whiskers. I am going to need a big backyard with my mansion.
I believe I will be greeted by my son, mom, dad, grandpa, grandma and Great Aunt Effie. Then I will go visiting, I will see my birth mother, my aunts, uncles and cousins that have gone before me. What a celebration we will have.
When I leave this earth, and no matter how much I think of myself as being immortal, I know it will happen, I want everyone to know I have had a really good time during my tenure here. That my life was worthwhile, that I contributed while I was here. That I did a good job with my children, I had the privilege of raising. I am always amazed God gave me the ones he did.
I want everyone to know how they have influenced my and my thought process. My deep love of Oklahoma, how proud I am to be an “Okie”. To have the influence of Owasso in my life, the stability and acceptance I found there, and my best friend for life.
I would like everyone to know I had morals, that was instilled in me from a young age by my grandparents and later my mom and dad.
How much all of my Sunday School teachers meant to me, how much I respect them. Having been a Sunday School teacher myself I know how much work goes into preparing the lessons. Thank you for sacrificing to teach the classes I was in.
I would like very much to know that my life has meant something, that I was an influence to others as they influenced me. As I am about to travel to Oklahoma to celebrate the life of a woman who influenced many, I think about what will be said about me when I go home.
I wonder if others are ever as preoccupied with these thoughts as I am or if it is a trait unique to my family.
Looks
I stopped at Starbucks today, it was a venti passion tea for me, unsweetened, I hope everyone is proud of me.
Do you ever have that time in your life where you don’t know what you are supposed to be doing and other times you are so sure of where your life is going? I feel as if I am at a precipice, I can’t explain it, and at my age it is incredible, but I feel like I am on the edge of something huge happening. In a good way, not a foreboding way, I just feel like my life is about to take a huge turn.
I wonder what is in store for me, sometimes; well a lot of the time, I wish I knew my future, I so want a crystal ball. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Wait, no, no it wouldn’t, there are some things I would not have wanted to know in advance. On second thought, I think I’d rather my life just unfold without me knowing what lies in front of me.
I wish I could give up, not in life, but food wise, I know you are all tired of hearing about this; however, I want to be able to eat whatever I want. Whenever I want, no worries about it going straight to my waist, hips, thighs, arms and well everywhere. I believe that is what heaven will be like, where I get to eat whatever I want without consequences. I wonder what it is like to be one of those people, do they think about it, do they appreciate it. I wonder what it is like to be naturally beautiful without need of cosmetics, plastic surgery and other things to make ourselves into society’s idea of beauty. I also wish I were one of those people, alas I need the help of cosmetics and would love to have plastic surgery.
There is a story in the news about a man who sued his wife for fraud, as she had plastic surgery to make herself beautiful before he met her. Then after the birth of their child he found out what she used to look like as the child was not beautiful like he expected. He won as she had never revealed what she used to look like. It begs the question, when you have had work done, do you tell when you begin to date someone? Do you tell them you have Botox treatments? That you color your hair, your nails are acrylic and you had your teeth straightened as a child? Aren’t some of these things a given? I know very few women who do not color their hair, paint their nails, wear makeup, make themselves pretty. We are ingrained from childhood that we need to be better versions of ourselves in order to attract a mate. So after having attracted that mate, do we then come clean that not everything about us is “real”?
I live in the Dallas, Texas area, this is the beauty capital of the world, yes even more so than Hollywood, this is it people. Women are expected to look like Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, big hair, makeup and nails; if you are not the Texas ideal of beauty you will not attract a man. That is what the popular belief is, and I will tell you, men keep it going. When a man talks about what kind of woman he wants in his life, intelligence is far down the list, hot is the word they use. And I have to tell you I am sick of the word hot used as a description, except when referring to fire. What happened to beautiful? Pretty? Cute?
The pressure to be society’s idea of “hot” is exhausting, it is exhausting to be a woman today, so of course we use what is available to us to continue to look acceptable. I know I do, I have been using Mary Kay skin care since I was in my 20’s and it has done me well. I look good, for my age; there is the rub, for my age. I hate that as well. Who decided what I should look like at my age, at any age? Who was that person? I can tell you this, it was a man, men say they want a natural woman, they don’t. No one does, trust me on this. I know I will get some heat for this one, but I for one will continue to take care of myself, color my hair, do my nails, make sure I look the best I can. For my age.
Things I have Learned
I have learned a lot writing this blog, I have learned if people behave badly they will try and justify it, just a word, nothing justifies bad behavior. Apologize for the behavior, if you are truly sorry, if you are not, well then that is between you and God. I would like everyone to remember, God can see through roofs, he knows what you are doing at all times. A little disconcerting I admit, however, it does keep me from going through life with no worries to consequences.
I have learned that we all have a story, and sometimes our stories are similar, and sometimes my story has helped someone. Whether it was to find acceptance, or to find a way to forgive, move on, or relief that they were not the only ones. When you meet someone for the first time, remember, there is more to them than what you can see. People have layers, like onions, and like onions when you peel them, sometimes you cry and sometimes it smells. Figuratively, not literally, if you literally peel someone you will go to jail. Remember that!
I have learned that not everyone thinks I am brilliant, this I do not understand as I believe I am incredibly brilliant. For those of you who don’t know me, that was tongue in cheek, some might actually think I believe I am the best thing going. Oh, wait, I do, I believe I am fearfully and wonderfully made and God did some really good work with me. I believe we should all wake up, look in the mirror and proclaim that today is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. And take a good look at ourselves and appreciate what God has created. I know I have my moments of self doubt; however, on the whole I have a healthy sense of self and appreciate my intellect, looks and personality. I think everyone should take stock of themselves, really look at the good aspects of who you are, if the bad outweighs the good in you, change it. It won’t be easy, but you can do it, I have belief in you. You can do it.
I have learned not everyone believes men and women can be true friends, however, I am here to tell you that is not true. It takes work to have this kind of relationship with the opposite gender, but it can be done. My BBFF and I are shining examples of this, I would not trade our friendship for anything, it is worth any effort put forth. I could not ask for a better friend, someone that listens to me and gives me the male point of view. It is not always what I want to hear, however it is always what I need to hear. I believe God has given me a very special friendship, and has blessed this friendship. Try it, you might be pleasantly surprised. But you can’t have my BBFF; he is very busy placating me.
I have learned I can say anything I want here and no one can say squat, there I said it, in this realm I am the Empress, I rule supremely. If you don’t like it, don’t read, move on to another blog. Being able to write whatever comes to mind is incredibly freeing, everyone should try it, I am not anonymous here, my friends and family read this. They however are used to my honesty, I rarely hold anything back, I have learned tact over the years, so what I say is softened somewhat, however, it is still truth.
If you have learned anything from reading me I would love to know, please feel free to comment.
Lettuceless Salads and Sweater Dress
Well it’s Tuesday and it’s snowing, I am happy, remember snow = God’s love, it blankets you and makes everything beautiful. My mom, who knew how much I love snow, used to tell me that snow was God’s way of telling me he loves me. I was so happy to see it this morning, like a long lost friend who has come to visit, no matter the length of the visit, they are always welcome.
Today is sweater dress and purple boots day, thank you to Elizabeth Anne for the boots, they are still my favorites. They match my purple purse that was also from Elizabeth Anne, I am a lucky mom. I’m having a really good outfit day; I should take a picture, because I look good, except for the remnants of the fever blister. Talk about being brought back to reality, it’s always something.
I would like to take a moment and give a huge shout out to Spanx, I love them, I believe they are the best invention ever, they make me look good. Especially considering the food fest I was on in December, Spanx is my best friend right now.
So I got these new things, Salad additions by Lean Cuisine, so far I am enamored, I tried the Asian chicken one yesterday and today I will be trying the southwest chicken. I am a huge fan of salad, as long as there is minimal or no lettuce. I am not a huge fan of lettuce; I am a huge fan of the lettuceless salad, what is that you ask. Well, it is everything but the lettuce, all the good stuff, the chicken, the croutons, the cheese, all that stuff. Not to worry, I am putting lettuce in these, I am trying to be good after being bad for so long.
I won’t go on and on today, I just want to enjoy the snow while it lasts, it is supposed to be 40 degrees today so that means the snow won’t last. I wish it would snow for days, maybe on my birthday it will do that, that would be amazing.
Memories
Well, it is Monday, I don’t know what to think, I am loving the weather, I did not like being out last week with eye issues. Yesterday was my parents wedding anniversary and my aunt passed away, bitter sweet day. My heart goes out to my cousins in the loss of their mother; I know what it is to lose that one person who is always in your corner no matter what. Even when you expect it, even when you know they will no longer be in pain, it’s hard. It is hard to accept, it is hard to find peace, it is hard to reconcile that your mom is gone. My thoughts are with them, my heart breaks for them, and yet I can see my grandmother and grandfather greeting her with open arms.
I have to tell you all, my grandmother was only fond of two of her daughter-in-laws that was my Aunt Laura Fay and my Aunt Dorothy, and they were the only ones she had really good words for. The rest, she didn’t say anything about, except for my Uncle Laverne’s wife, she was bitter towards her, but Aunt Dorothy and Aunt Laura Fay she loved. So I can totally imagine the greeting that Aunt Dorothy is getting right now. My Great Aunt Effie loved everyone, she was a lot like my mom, and I never heard her say one bad word about anyone. EVER. She was truly amazing; I know she was there as well to give a huge hug and a huge welcome home.
I know I write a lot about my parents, and with yesterday having been their anniversary I feel the need to tell a story. I have to be honest; I don’t remember which ones I have told before, so if this one is a repeat, please forgive me.
I never saw my parents argue, like ever, the only time I saw my mom slightly perturbed with my dad was during the period where he was teaching me to drive. I can only imagine the conversations they had in private about this; I never witnessed any of them. Well this one time, my dad was under the hood of the car and told me to give it some gas, which I did. He then says put the car in neutral and give it some gas, I said I don’t want to do that dad. He said it’ll be fine, so I put the car in what I think is neutral and give it some gas. Imagine my surprise when the car went flying backwards, knocking the fence down and leaving my dad standing there with a wrench in his hand with a surprised look on his face. Mom comes flying out of the house and points at dad and says these simple words “drivers Ed”. Turns and walks back into the house. I look at my dad, he looks at me, and says, well, hmmm I guess that settles that, now let’s fix that fence.
I really miss them, their humor, their wisdom, their influence; I know my cousins will miss their mom like I miss mine. She was kind, gentle and always put others before herself, it was no wonder my grandmother thought so highly of her.
There’s a Stye in my Eye
So far in 2013 I have had an eye stye and a fever blister, however, I am on the mend, so still good, I hope everyone else is having a better start to their year.
So far on Conversations we have tackled teenage curfews, do they work, or are they antiquated, they do work and are not antiquated, so keep it up parents. Let your children know their limitations within the confines of the home and the consequences if they break the rules. Open communication is the key, that is what we learned while talking with Pastor Purvey, very informative show.
This week we take on depression and what the bible has to say about it, i think you will also find this very informative and hopefully if not helpful to you personally, perhaps someone you know. We all go through it, none of us are immune to depression, it hits at some point in our life. However, there are things that you can to do combat it, first off, talk to someone, that is the most important key. I believe. Keeping things internalized will just compound the issue and it will eat at you. Not healthy, trust me, someone out there has been where you are and has something helpful to tell you.
Well I am feeling better today, so it is off to run a few errands, the Irishman’s daughters are selling Girl Scout cookies, so if you would like to order some, email me.
The Story of Thomas Testerman
I have a need to write this out, it is how the first Testerman came to America, this is the story that both my grandfather and my dad told me. I would like any Testerman’s out there that find this to add their story as well, all of the ones I have ever met all have the same story so far. So here goes:
Thomas Testerman came to America fighting on the side of the British, he was a Prussian mercenary, he was more than likely born in deep poverty as rich men did not become mercenaries.
He came here in 1774, was actually captured at Ticonderoga, the American officers came to the imprisoned mercenaries and told them if they fought for them at the end of the war they would give them land. They would be able to stay. Thomas took them up on that offer and never looked back, legen says he was given a valley in Virginia. One of my brothers was stationed in Virginia when he was in the army and actually found them, and they did have our story.
Thomas had 3 sons, only one would inherit, the oldest, one went to upper state New York to seek his future and the other went west. The one that went west, well that is mine, eventually that line settled in Missouri then moved to Oklahoma during one of the land rushes.
An interesting side note, I understand the Testerman’s and the Livesay family married each other, a lot, if you look up Livesay, they were the premier wagon builders in the country in the 1700’s and 1800’s.
Well that is the story of Thomas Testerman, I even named my youngest son after him, so proud he had the courage to better himself and so happy he took a chance on an untried country and settled here. I wonder if he can see what his progeny has done with the opportunities we have all due to him.
Stroke or No?
I think there is something wrong with me, my left eye lid is swollen and hurts, I have a fever blister, without ever having had a fever, I did the only thing I could. I looked it up on WebMD; I may have had a stroke. I am at work, so odds are no one will notice, I may end up going to the Care Now place, the eye thing has me a little worried.
I am back at work after a long time off, the weekend was a little strange, the Irishman now has weekends off, starting this past Sunday. He took Saturday off as well this weekend; it was weird having him there, not in a bad way, just weird. I think he woke up ready to go to work on Sunday, he stayed up till 6am and then I think he woke up and thought he had to go to work at 10am.
We will see if spending actual time together breaks us apart or we actually stay together, stay tuned folks.
My eye hurts so I am not going to go on forever today, pray I didn’t have a stroke.
Disgusted
So I bought these two sweater dresses, that on me turned out to be just sweaters, no way would I wear these as a dress! One thing dropped on the floor and well, let’s just say everyone would get an eyeful. Police would be called, probably end up in jail, and I am too pretty to go to jail.
Ok, so, something is really bothering me and I need to get it out, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, it seems these two have procreated. Here is my thing, she is still married, since when did it become acceptable in our society to still be married to one person and get pregnant by another? All of the media outlets are extolling the conception of this child, turns out there is no hiding these days where one conceives a child. It was conceived near the Vatican, do we really think Jesus was looking down saying this is a good thing? NO! We do not! Kim you are an adulterer, this should not be extolled in the media, young girls should not be happy about this. Kim sent a tweet out saying she was sorry her dad and his mom could not be a part of this. Really? Kanye’s mom would probably hit him upside the head, what is he thinking getting involved with a woman who could only stay married for 72 days and can’t seem to get a divorce? Clean your house before you start adding to it, and here is a huge surprise, the state of California considers her husband to be the father of the child until it is proven otherwise. Hmmmm, wow, really, it is assumed a womans husband is her baby’s father? Such radical thinking.
I for one am disgusted by this behavior, I am disgusted by the people who think this is ok, it is not ok, it is never ok. Where have the morals of this world gone? Is this what we are really reduced to? Being inundated by immoral people in an immoral world?
Angie World 