I haven’t posted in a few days because, well, one day I was very tired, the next very busy, then tired, then busy, it is just a vicious cycle. I am still trying to get into the swing of my new schedule, this past Wednesday was spent recording with Shanon J for our Easter show airing tonight on KHVN Dallas/Ft Worth station, you can find it on the Tunein Radio app, so please listen.
I am currently sitting here watching It’s Complicated, I love this movie, I think Meryl Streep is just fantastic and pairing her with Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin is nothing short of genius. I think it says a lot about how complicated divorce is, and how it seriously affects the family when the man leaves the mother for another woman. Even into adulthood it showed how the children feel about it. It also shows how long the woman feels the after effects of the cheating. I don’t like the moment in the movie where Meryl Streeps’ character sleeps with her ex. I don’t think that is an accurate portrayal. I do not think there are a lot of wronged women having sex with their ex. I could be wrong about this, however, I don’t believe I am. I hope I am not wrong about this, why would you go back to someone who has done this? After you have moved on? Gotten a divorce, it’s been 10 years, and the other person is married to someone else. Who does this? It makes for good entertainment, but that is it, entertainment. I don’t believe people should do this in real life. I don’t believe people should cheat on each other, I find cheating abhorrent, I don’t believe God intended for man to do this. Oh wow, look it’s in the top 10, it’s a biggie folks, so if you are doing this, stop, now, immediately. Get on your knees and beg God’s forgiveness, fortunately you can do that, and He will forgive.
That’s it, must get ready, big, busy day today, going with Elizabeth Anne for an adventure, then off to see the Irishman lose his hair and beard.
Dream
I woke at 3am unable to get back to sleep, I got up and turned off the timer on the coffee maker and am having coffee, I will be having a lot of coffee. Forewarned is forearmed.
I woke from a bad dream, i have not had a bad dream in a really long time, this one, i believe was particularly telling. I was in Colorado, which is usually a happy dream, however in my dream I had gone there to recover. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I looked pretty mangled. I was all hunched over and my hand was all curled up, my right hand. I was in a house, with stairs, which I could not get up, so i was pretty much housebound. Then came a huge snow storm, which, once again is usually a happy dream for me. However this time I could not fend for myself, I couldn’t go to the yard and get firewood when the power went out and had a hard time making myself something to eat.
There was a knock on the door and a man was standing there, I don’t know what he looked like, he said the town sent me to take care of you during the storm. So, of course, I did in my dream what I would really do in real life. I said, I’m fine, I don’t need any help.
I woke at that point, I woke with an overwhelming sense of sadness, you have to understand, I am rarely sad, like ever. Even when I think of my deceased parents, I miss them, especially my mom, but I am so happy that I will see them again.
I know I go on a lot about snow, it is a metaphor for me, it tells me God loves me, and as silly as that seems, it is what it is. I have not had snow in a couple of years, I am feeling stressed, an overwhelming sense of sadness had enveloped me.
I believe that God was talking to me in the dream, telling me He is always here, I don’t need snow to remind me of His amazing love for me. Also to accept help when it is offered, which is a hard lesson for me, I am incredibly independent and have been my entire life. It is hard for me to accept help, I will try to be more open to that.
Today is Friday, a real Friday, so I shall be obtaining Starbucks on my way to work, I do believe I have earned it with my rough night. Also, party at Wanda’s tonight! Woo and Hoo!!
Queen vs Princess, Which are You?
I find myself irritated a lot lately, and as usual I am going to share my irritation with all of you. On Facebook, naturally, I have been seeing a lot of posts from women who want to be treated like a princess. I look at those posts and think why, why a princess. I am an adult woman, I do not, in any way shape or form wanted to be treated like a princess. Princesses are normally children, they are told what to do, what to wear, what to eat, how to behave.
I am not ok with that. I don’t want to be a princess, I want to be a queen, and I want to be treated as such. I like making my own decisions about what I wear, eat, drink, think and how to behave, if I wanted a man to treat me like a princess I would be way more whiny and childlike.
I have a theory, if a woman wants to be treated like a princess she will find a man who will treat her that way, if she wants to be treated like a queen, the man who deserves her will find her.
I never wanted to have someone tell me how to behave or what to do, I always wanted an equal partner, a king if you will, that was worthy enough to rule with me.
I was watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (don’t judge) and one of the housewives, Yolanda, was practically accosted by her husbands ex-wife. They were at a party and the woman was telling a group of people that Yolanda treated her husband like a king. She was being derisive by the way. Yolanda told the woman, of course I treat him like a king, why not when he treats me as a queen.
I thought, that’s it, that is the way it should be, husbands and wives treating each other like royalty, ruling the household with equal power.
that is what God intended when He created man and woman, he created Eve from a rib bone, not a heel bone, or head bone. A rib bone, side by side, man and woman would rule over their domain. When did everything become so mixed up?
Where is my Winter?
It is snowing everywhere but here. Even in Texas it’s all around me, but not where I am, it is like there is a bubble around the Dallas area. I know I wax on in regard s to snow, however, I love it. I always have, I remember once when I was around 4, and it snowed all night. The next morning I jumped out of bed and ran outside. I laid in the snow right in my pajamas; I was beyond happy, until Grandma hollered at me to come in and get dressed and eat my breakfast like a normal child. As you can see I have had a lifelong affair with the white stuff.
It’s not only snow I love, its clouds, rain, lightening and thunder. I am not a fan of sunshine, yes; I do realize that puts me in the minority. I realize I live in the wrong part of the country, however it is where my children are and I will continue to live here and suffer, in not so much silence.
There are times when the clouds are dark and heavy, I feel as if I can reach out and touch them. I feel their heaviness envelope me, it gives me comfort. It’s God’s blanket wrapped around me.
Coming home yesterday evening, there was a definite line. Sunshine on one side, beautiful dark clouds converging on the other, I felt comforted by the sight.
I know it is an odd happening, me being happy being surrounded by dark and dreary and depressed in the sunshine. I wilt in the heat and come alive in the cold. The opposite of the majority of humans. My winter is a bust; I sit here wondering what I did to anger God. Why is He withholding His love from me? I don’t understand why I can’t have just one day of snow.
Early Present
So, I had something strange happen yesterday, when I collected the mail I had a surprise delivery. The magazine Guideposts was sitting in my mailbox, why is this strange you ask. Well, I didn’t order a subscription to Guideposts, I know you are still wondering the significance of this happening, I’ll explain.
When my mom was alive she would give me a subscription to Guideposts for Christmas every year. I loved it; I loved all of the uplifting stories, real stories of real people experiencing miracles, small and large. Stories of God’s constant presence, stories that would make me laugh, cry and just feel good. Since my mom passed away I have not received the magazine.
My birthday is Sunday, I feel like I have been given a gift from my mom. I don’t know how this ended up in my mailbox, I am going to go with divine intervention, it has my name on it, my correct address, not a place I lived when my mom was alive, so I know it was not something lingering in their system. I am going to consider it an early Birthday present; perhaps God is sending it in place of my snow.
A strange, wonderful present, I am not going to analyze it, which is my habit, I am just going to enjoy my present from my mom.
More Parenting Rant
Now that I have gotten on the subject of parenting I can’t seem to let it go! well here goes another rant, I have been told over the years that I am lucky that I have good kids. Luck? Luck had nothing to do with my children and how they behaved and continue to behave. It was by hard work, discipline and raising them in church. Yes I fully believe raising them in church had a huge part of how they turned out.
I remember one time, when Elizabeth Anne was about 2, before Alex was born, we were in Wal-Mart and she was just sitting in the cart, calm, no issues and I saw a woman from church. This woman had a child about a month older than Elizabeth that was out of control, running up and down the aisle, pulling things off the shelf, she was saying, “now honey” ugh. She looked up and saw us, and she said how do you do that? I said, do what, she said get her to just sit there. I looked her straight in the eye and said healthy fear. Elizabeth Anne, even at that age knew there would be consequences to running up and down the aisle and behaving badly. This woman allowed her child to rule her home and there were never consequences to any actions.
Sure there have been rebellions over the years, however when you set clear-cut rules, with clear-cut consequences for actions, and follow through, there will be fewer of those outbreaks.
I actually had a child correct me once, not my child mind you, in my own home! I was so shocked that a child would correct an adult. I looked at that 7-year-old and said never do that again. This is my home, you never correct an adult, you might be able to do that in your home with your mother, but never with me. Shocking that this child was so casual in her correcting. I was honestly floored.
Same child was allowed to run wild in public, I put an end to that when she was with me, she was running wild in the mall and I told her that if she continued I was going to march her to security and call her mother to come and get her. The look on her face was priceless, no adult in her life had ever taken her to task before. Same child no longer behaves that way in my presence. It was crazy.
When I hear horror stories of some people’s children I think, it is true, what you sow you so shall reap. If you sow the seeds of discipline issues, of disrespect, of passiveness, of godlessness, then when these children are older you will reap that. If you sow the seeds of respectfullness, an ability to speak their mind without being rude, if you sow the seeds of faithfulness, of showing them the love of God, the holy spirit, Jesus, then when they are older they will return to that if they do turn away for a while.
If you let your children know there are real consequences for their actions, you are preparing them for the world, preparing them for the workplace, for life. If you do not, you are preparing them for a life of discontent. Your choice, will you choose wisely?
Things I have Learned
I have learned a lot writing this blog, I have learned if people behave badly they will try and justify it, just a word, nothing justifies bad behavior. Apologize for the behavior, if you are truly sorry, if you are not, well then that is between you and God. I would like everyone to remember, God can see through roofs, he knows what you are doing at all times. A little disconcerting I admit, however, it does keep me from going through life with no worries to consequences.
I have learned that we all have a story, and sometimes our stories are similar, and sometimes my story has helped someone. Whether it was to find acceptance, or to find a way to forgive, move on, or relief that they were not the only ones. When you meet someone for the first time, remember, there is more to them than what you can see. People have layers, like onions, and like onions when you peel them, sometimes you cry and sometimes it smells. Figuratively, not literally, if you literally peel someone you will go to jail. Remember that!
I have learned that not everyone thinks I am brilliant, this I do not understand as I believe I am incredibly brilliant. For those of you who don’t know me, that was tongue in cheek, some might actually think I believe I am the best thing going. Oh, wait, I do, I believe I am fearfully and wonderfully made and God did some really good work with me. I believe we should all wake up, look in the mirror and proclaim that today is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. And take a good look at ourselves and appreciate what God has created. I know I have my moments of self doubt; however, on the whole I have a healthy sense of self and appreciate my intellect, looks and personality. I think everyone should take stock of themselves, really look at the good aspects of who you are, if the bad outweighs the good in you, change it. It won’t be easy, but you can do it, I have belief in you. You can do it.
I have learned not everyone believes men and women can be true friends, however, I am here to tell you that is not true. It takes work to have this kind of relationship with the opposite gender, but it can be done. My BBFF and I are shining examples of this, I would not trade our friendship for anything, it is worth any effort put forth. I could not ask for a better friend, someone that listens to me and gives me the male point of view. It is not always what I want to hear, however it is always what I need to hear. I believe God has given me a very special friendship, and has blessed this friendship. Try it, you might be pleasantly surprised. But you can’t have my BBFF; he is very busy placating me.
I have learned I can say anything I want here and no one can say squat, there I said it, in this realm I am the Empress, I rule supremely. If you don’t like it, don’t read, move on to another blog. Being able to write whatever comes to mind is incredibly freeing, everyone should try it, I am not anonymous here, my friends and family read this. They however are used to my honesty, I rarely hold anything back, I have learned tact over the years, so what I say is softened somewhat, however, it is still truth.
If you have learned anything from reading me I would love to know, please feel free to comment.
Snow = God’s Love
I think by now you all know how I feel about snow, it is the great equalizer, it makes everything it touches beautiful and pristine. It is simply perfection, it is God’s tangible proof He loves me that is my belief. Even a little snow makes me happy, on Monday, here in North Texas, God sent a message, He sent snow, to give a message of hope. It was a smattering, not enough to cover the rooftops, but it was enough. Enough to start my week off the right way, to let me know that everything is going to be ok.
As the week goes on I am reminded daily that I am loved and everything will turn out ok, as my grandmother used to say, it all comes out in the wash. It all works out in the end, and in the end it really doesn’t matter. She had a way with words.
I have not had sugar this week at all, well, natural sugar in the form of fruit, but that is acceptable, I have had no processed sugar. I have had no artificial sweeteners, no diet cokes, I can tell my body feels better, but my taste buds want sugar, my brain wants sugar, my whole being wants sugar. I shall persevere, I will not give in, I will not eat sugar. Until Christmas.
Today is my Thursday, tomorrow is my Friday, and I am going to go with hot Passion tea for my Starbucks treat, no Snowman cookie, nothing sweet, it will be fine. I have some amazing news, I have not been sick in 13 months; I have not had a sniffle, a fever, stomach bug, nothing. I know my doctor has forgotten who I am at this point because I have not seen him in over a year. This is amazing; I usually get sick twice a year, like clockwork, but not this year. Not since getting off of the artificial sweetener and moving to local honey. I don’t know if there is a real correlation, however I am going to take it.
Vengeance
Vengeance. What a delicious word, we all dream about it, taking vengeance on someone that has wronged us. I am not talking illegal things here, I am talking immoral things, I am talking the somebody done me wrong things. As the song goes.
Here is my question, when you have the opportunity to exact vengeance, do you? The bible tells us that vengeance belongs to God; it is not ours to mete out. It is in our human nature to want to right the wrongs, but is it the right thing to do.
I, personally, am a person who has the nature to want to seek out those who have wronged me and mete out punishment. I fight this all the time, I know exactly which relative I inherited this from, my grandmother, I know without a doubt she was a woman that could have sought vengeance and dealt the punishment without impunity. I never saw her do this, but I know her nature as I have inherited it, I am so much like her it is a little scary.
I saw no evidence whatsoever that my mother possessed this human frailty, if she did; she was very good at putting a lid on it. I strive to be more like my mother, but it is a daily battle, the urge to exact vengeance on all that have wronged me is so strong. I fight with it; it is human nature, not a Christian nature. So, to trust that God will take care of everything is incredibly difficult. We may never see the havoc wrecked in another person’s life for all of the things they have done. Because trust me, if they have wronged you, they are not that great with others. They have wronged a lot of people in their lives; it will come home to roost. You reap what you sow, I am a firm believer in that, if you sow lies and you cheat your way through life, then in the end that will come directly back to your nest.
God has a funny way of working things out, I do believe He has a sense of humor, my life is proof of that, my very existence at times is proof of that. If you look closely believe at times He does allow us to see what has happened as a result of the action of others. So, instead of exacting vengeance, I step back, I don’t do anything and simply pray. I actually have learned, in my life, to pray for those who have behaved in a less than honorable way towards me. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to learn, but I did, and I am better for it. If we can learn the hardest lessons in life, to let go and actually walk in faith and not in sight, then our lives are better for it. We have peace where others have none; we have an assuredness that in the end, we get to go home. That is the best feeling of all.
Helping Hands
Life is an amazing journey, it is not an experiment, it is not something you barrel through, it is a journey, that if taken in the right manner can lead to adventures, joy, love and endless possibilities.
I am constantly amazed at this place and time God chose to set me down in, at times I have thought perhaps He had gotten the timing off. I am part old-fashioned, and new fangled, at times I don’t fit in anywhere and other times I fit in everywhere.
There are times I am positive I am God’s comic relief, I have said it often my life could be a sitcom, when the wars and pestilence and bad behavior of humans gets to be too much, God switches the channel and has a chuckle. He is not the only one amused by the happenings in my life, Elizabeth Anne finds comic relief in a lot that I do.
The one thing i can say about my life is that it is never without surprise, that it is rarely boring, that I am surrounded by amazing humans.
I am often amazed at what I see happening in other people’s lives and how they handle it and how they turn it around and make something positive out of the negative. I know one woman who has started a foundation that helps women who want to get out of the adult entertainment business. It is called ROTH, Reach out to her, she is amazing, reaching out to these women, finding safe havens for them, getting them job training and teaching them by example and by word about the amazing forgiveness that is God. It really makes me think about how we should all be reaching out to each other and lifting up instead of pushing down. I can only hope and pray that if I ever am called to help someone I will be there and be positive.
Heady thoughts for a Friday, but there you have it folks. I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday, in the words of my dear friend Sandi, Go out and make it happen.
Angie World 