I am not feeling too great, this could be an illness induced rant, but here goes. Kim Kardashian’s marriage is done, after 72 days, Justin Bieber may or may not have fathered a child at the age of 16. Here is the real question, why are these people newsworthy? I understand the fascination with celebrities, I know I am endlessly fascinated, however, no one really believed that marriage was going to last, they should have spent their money on pre-marital counseling instead of three wedding dresses.
And Justin Beiber fathering a child at 16, when the girl was 19, number one is she stupid? She just told law enforcement she committed statutory rape, if it is true. And if it isn’t, well, she just traumatized a 16-year-old kid for nothing.
This world is crazy, and it seems to be getting crazier by the minute, I for one enjoy living in a pink bubble. I know for a while it seemed it was gone, however, I do believe it is back. It could be the sickness talking, but I don’t think so. It is hard to keep me down for long, psychologically speaking. I believe I am bouncing back to being me. Not quite ready to do battle with a feisty rooster yet, but getting there.
I am achy all over, my head hurts so bad, and, well, not to be gross, the bathroom is my new best friend.
Today is a hard day for my friend Tammi, so this is for her:
I knew your dad, I absolutely adored him, and know he absolutely adored you, his legacy lives on. Your artistic gift comes from him, he was a musician, you are a fantastic artist in your own right. My favorite memory of him is still the time you made me ask if you could go somewhere with me. I don’t remember where it was we were wanting to go, but you didn’t want to ask him. I was a fast talker, and a long-winded one. After about 10 minutes of my non-stop talking, he looked up at you and said I don’t care where you are going just take her. LOL. Loved him. My parents loved him as well, I know they are neighbors in heaven and are having a grand party today, with Mr. Stane providing the music, my mom providing the refreshments and my dad providing the laughs. I know your mom is there with him as well, I wish I could have known her, but knowing you, I am guessing your mom is providing the warmth and charm for the event.
Hercules
Ok, so, on Sunday I watched three, back to back, Hercules movies, the Kevin Sorbo Hercules movies. The only thing that could have made it better would have been if Ares had been in any one of them. Who does not love Ares? God of War, the late actor Kevin Smith, so amazingly beautiful. I truly believe he was on the same level of amazingness as Dean Cain. If he had lived he would have given Dean a run for his money on my heart. And seriously, the Ares attitude, who did not love that cocky swagger and the large amount of sarcasm dished out? I was so happy when he went on to star in Xena and Young Hercules.
Truly tragic that his life was cut short. He is missed.
I am not feeling well today, I caught a bug or something, it started out as a major headache and has ended with stomach pains and, well, everything that goes with that. I will not go into details as I do not like being gross and disgusting.
I order new nail polish that came yesterday, so excited to do my toes, I have black polish and the silver crackle to go over it, I cannot wait to do my toes! Well that is all I have for now, I know not a lot, but I hope I inspired you to seek out your own Hercules day!
Come as you aren’t day
So today is Halloween, I usually love this holiday and actually love dressing up, I know you are all hugely shocked by this revelation. Ok, maybe not so much. However, this year is different, I have no desire to don a costume and do a come as you aren’t. Actually there is nowhere to dress up for, I didn’t have a party, there were no parties to go to and work is not having a dress up day today. They had one on Thursday with less than 24 hours notice. So not happening at that point.
So here I sit in just my jean skirt and sweater, boots of course, but no costume, just my fabulous self. Of course being in the mood I have been in lately maybe just being at work with my fake smile and fake chipper attitude is costume in itself.
Come as you aren’t, well, I’m not happy, I’m depressed, a lot, I’m angry, a lot and I am not chipper. Check, today I have come in costume, I am disguised as a happy, fulfilled human being, when in reality I have become a recluse, not wanting to leave my home, only going out when necessary. I need help, I need someone to take over my life and get it back on track. I can’t seem to pull myself out of the stupor I have been in.
Maybe next month, and by next month I mean December, Christmas is my favorite time of year, so maybe then I will pull myself out of this.
So, till next time, Happy Monday, Happy Halloween, Happy come as you aren’t day!
Fears
Since Halloween is I thought I would take a moment and share what really scares me, no it is not goblins, ghosts or anything else that goes bump in the night. Those things would be a welcome change to the reality of my life. No what really and truly scares me the most is losing my hair. I don’t want to be a bald wrinkled woman. I know that is considered to be vain and vapid by most, but truly, the most horrible things that could happen to me have already happened.
This month marked the first anniversary of one of my best friends death and also the 27th anniversary of my sons death. Some years are worse than others, this year has been bad, probably due to outside influences, but I miss Michael so much this year. Not being able to go and put flowers on his grave has been particularly hard on me.
I don’t fear death, I don’t fear dying alone, like so many people do, I have always known that I would die alone, I have spent the majority of my life alone, I have always known the end of my life would be no different. Really when you think about it, dying alone is preferable, when you die your body does strange things. Better for that to happen where no one can witness it, that way it wont be their last memory of you.
Michael, I love you, I miss you so much, there has never been a day that you have not been in my thoughts and in my heart.I wonder which one of your siblings you would be the most like. I wonder what you would have looked like at all of their ages, I wonder what it would have been like raising all of you, together. I know that your grandparents and great grandparents are with you and looking out for you until I can do that again. Love, Mom
The Horrible No Good Friday
This is the worst Friday I have had in a long time, I woke up with the worst headache, and I forgot my coffee at home. I made the most amazing iced coffee and left it on the counter. I was two minutes late signing in, a huge no-no in the phone company world, and I found out I am on a new team with a manager I do not want to be with. I think we can say this is my no good horrible Friday.
The only saving grace is I look good, it is sweater dress and boot day, I am wearing the most amazing BCBG sweater dress with leggings and black boots. I am very chic, at least in my mind I am. I truly love this weather, the cold, the wet, I hope it snows soon. I love wearing sweaters and boots and jackets and dresses with boots, the fashion choices are endless.
This is also Chewie’s favorite weather, he is already bugging me to go outside all the time, so I sit on the back patio and watch him. He goes out slowly, as if he cannot believe the perfect weather is here, he then lifts his snout towards the sky. It is as if he is giving thanks for the coolness then he prances outside fully and turns and grins at me. Man, I love that dog.
So we all know I am crazy, I have been made crazier by recent events in my life, I don’t know how to stop the crazy. My natural inclination is to be distrustful, I have been hurt a lot in my lifetime, and I had suspended that part of my nature for a while. It is back in full force, I have not control over it these days. If there is anyone out there who can help me reign myself back in, well any advice would be appreciated.
I have no plans this weekend, I think I will just relax and catch up on my DVR’d shows and eat fruit, since that has no Weight Watcher points. I need to get caught up on laundry and straighten my dresser. It is shameful. Maybe I won’t leave the apartment at all this weekend, I really don’t need to go anywhere, and I could have a pajama weekend. I wish I could sit and do nothing but eat ice cream, but that is not an option, as I do not want to gain any of my weight back.
Happy Friday to one and all, I hope your Friday is better than mine.
Skanky Women
It has been a rough week so far, waking up at 3am; however, getting off work at 1:30 has been nice. I would love to be able to take a nap, but I have never been a nap person. So off to bed at 7pm it is for me. Then it is hard to get to sleep, it was an ambien night last night, even then, I fight sleep. It is crazy, of course by the time I am able to get back in the groove of things my new tour will start. I will be getting up at 7am instead of 3am, being at work by 9am of course the downside is getting off at 6pm. That will be rough, but I shall persevere.
I don’t know what words to put on paper right now, there is so much going on in my head, women are a huge disappointment lately. Yes, women, not all, just some, women not respecting other women. Messaging men that are not with them, in fact with someone else, calling them, texting, emailing. Shame on all of you, then there are the women predators that we see on the news, teachers preying on their male students. Then there are the mothers that are harming their children. I am thoroughly disgusted and saddened at this point. I consider myself lucky to have the friends that I do. I am very blessed to be friends with women of integrity, honor and dignity. Women like Jan, Linda, Wanda, Tammi, Shannon, Shanon (yes two) and Kim. There are many others, too numerous to name, the ones I am disgusted with are not friends of mine, I refuse to be associated with women who behave in such a manner, the sneaky ones, that feel the need to continue a relationship with a man even though they are engaged to someone else, they just like to keep that other one dangling. So sad, really, that they are that insecure. I have my insecurities however they are based on events that have happened to me, and I do not go behind other women’s back and message their boyfriends, fiancés or husbands. If you are doing this, stop, you are hurting another woman and you should be ashamed of yourself.
So yesterday at work, there was an email sent out saying that tomorrow (now today) was costume day, seriously, one days notice! I could not believe it, I was all like, are you kidding me, no one has time to get a decent costume together in that amount of time. And no I am not dressed in costume today, I am dressed like Angie. Maybe that is my costume.
My Review of Girl Power t-shirt by Junk Food
Originally submitted at 80sTees.com
This DC Comics shirt features headshots of Wonder Woman, Batgirl and Supergirl. The words "Girl Power!" are in gold foil below the ladies. This shirt is charcoal grey and is composed of Junk Food's super soft 50% cotton / 50% polyester blend.
Rockin’ T-Shirt
By Angie the Wonder Woman from Plano, TX on 10/26/2011
Pros: Soft, Stylish, Great Colors, Figure Flattering
Best Uses: Date Night/Night Out, Casual Wear
Describe Yourself: Sexy, Classic, Trendy, Career, Bargain Shopper
Was this a gift?: No
I am not a tshirt kind of girl and I love this tshirt. It totally rocks! I love superheroes and this shirt is a great girl version.
(legalese)
Favorite Memory
Yesterday was a memory lane day for me, for some reason my dad was heavily on my mind. I was thinking back to my first apartment, in Owasso, in the bad part of Owasso. Yes there is a bad part; it is about half a block long and very scary. You will have to take my word for this. For those of you that live in Owasso, or have been there, it was the apartment building that is across from what is now Fishbonz. It looks exactly the same.
My rent was $300.00 a month, a huge amount back then, it was one whole paycheck, I got paid every other week. The next paycheck was electricity and food, there was no talk of cable or a telephone, water was included. I remember my dad would come every Saturday morning and bring me groceries, mostly fresh fruit and vegetables he and my mom had grown in their garden. Then he would carry the vacuum up the stairs and say well I carried it I might as well use it. He would vacuum my apartment. I don’t think he trusted me with the vacuum cleaner. Then he would make me pancakes and we would have breakfast together. The very first time he came over, he was looking around my kitchen for a mixing bowl and of course I didn’t have one. He muttered something to himself, left, a few minutes later came back with a metal mixing bowl.
I still have that bowl; it is my favorite mixing bowl of all time. I can only hope that I have given my children some fond memory that when I am gone they can pull it up and feel comforted by the fact that I loved them beyond anything or anyone.
So what is your favorite memory of your mom or dad, or both? I would love to hear!
More Thoughts
Today is the memorial service for my former minister, I have struggled with going or not going. I have made the decision not to go, not out of any protest or because of the way his life ended. I made the decision based on the fact I have not gone to that particular church in several years. The family remains in my constant prayers, I simply cannot imagine their grief.
I read something on, of course, facebook that struck me. A person said that it is strange that someone is judged by their last act on this earth. She was speaking of people who choose to end their own life. What that statement made me think of was my grandfather, my most vivid memory of him is his last day on earth and how he chose to live it. He was 82 (I think), that morning he worked in the garden, then off to the church to work on the roof. Yes, the actual roof, he climbed the ladder and worked on the roof, a man in his 80’s. Then he came home and worked on the car, the came in and sat down and had a massive heart attack. His last day on earth was devoted to the church he helped build, it was devoted to making sure his family had food to eat and transportation. That is how I remember him and how I, for lack of a better word, judge his life. What I am trying to say, in my most convoluted way is that we are all judged by our last act. Whatever it is, it is not unique to that particular situation.
I can only hope that my last act on earth will be as equal to his, he was amazing and it is a hard legacy to live up to.
I am going to choose to remember my former pastor for his service to his parishioners and to the community. His sermons at times inspired me and frustrated me, I believe with my whole heart he tried always to do what he believed God was telling him to do. Frustrated due to the fact I believe he had an antiquated way of looking at women in ministry. I have said that before and I stand by it. I don’t believe in sugar-coating things. However, I always admired him due to his beliefs. I know he will be missed, by his family, the people in the church, the people he touched during his mission work in Russia. He truly was a man of God.
Somber Thoughts Indeed
This weekend I heard horrendous news, shocking really, I saw on facebook that the minister of the church I had attended for 20 years had passed away. I had not heard that he had been ill, there were no reports of an accident. So I contacted a friend and asked what had happened. That is when I learned the horrible, sad news, it was by his own hand.
In all of the teachings that I have learned over the years being Baptist, taking ones own life was a sin. A mortal sin. Once it is done, there is no coming back, no asking forgiveness, nothing. When you are Baptist, being in mental anguish is never taken into consideration in any teaching. So this is very shocking and has left me conflicted. If you have read me for any length of time you know I was raised in a very strict Freewill Baptist household. When I moved to Texas I attended a very strict Southern Baptist Church, where this man was the minister, and still was after I left.
I don’t know what to say to my children, two of whom he baptized, I don’t know what to say to my friends that still go there. I don’t comment on facebook because so many people are writing things like “he is looking down on all of you”, well according to what he himself taught, no he isn’t.
However, I don’t believe God is as harsh as I was taught as a child and adult, I believe he does take mental pain and anguish into consideration. I do believe he will be lenient with his child. I know I have no answers to give my own children at this time, I do know that his family is in great pain. They will never be able to reconcile this act with the man they knew, what he did has long-lasting, long reaching effects. He has left a wife, children and grandchildren who will struggle with this situation for years. My heart goes out to them and my prayers are for them, and the parishioners he left to wonder and grieve.
I think of Sandi, who fought a physical fight for over 20 years, only to lose her battle. She never gave up, never gave in and never contemplated taking her own life. I still miss her, even a year later I think about her every day. I miss her every day, last week was incredibly hard, but I muddle through. I am hoping for a better week this week, I hope everyone has a good week.
