Frenemies, a made up word that has been added to our cultural terms, it is applied to people in your life that seem to be friends, but they are in fact your enemy. Sometimes you don’t even know they are your enemy until it is too late.
I had one, I’m sure I’ve had more than one; however there is one that I can pinpoint. I thought we were friends, when in reality she was doing all she could to sabotage me at work. I know what you are thinking, work friends, please don’t let the place we met fool you. I thought we were real friends, go to her house for Thanksgiving kind of friends. Invited to her brother’s birthday party; her husband’s birthday party and even doing a charity walk with her mother. Talk on the phone outside of work, go out to eat, shopping together kind of friend.
People, who know me well, know that if I go shopping with you, I consider you a friend, shopping is my relaxation; to go with someone I am not friends with would defeat the purpose. I never defeat the purpose. Ever.
I didn’t find out about her perfidy until it was too late, when she had done something at work that made others take a step back. Even then I thought there had to be more to the story, there wasn’t, I found out then some hard truths.
She had been going to management behind my back for years, let me reiterate, years, telling untruths about me and generally badmouthing me, for what reason I will never know. When the particular incident happened, and I chose, in my capacity as a Union Steward, to stand up for the person she had betrayed it did not sit well with her.
I was cut off without a word, nothing, someone I had been to their house for holidays and family gatherings cut me off without a word. I got plenty of looks and words behind my back, but nothing to my face. I was shocked to say the least, then when everything else started coming out I was, well flabbergasted is the only correct word here.
I honestly had no idea this had been going on behind my back, I began to question all my friends I had made at work. Well, not all, but a lot, to my knowledge this frenemy, and possibly one other, were the only incidents.
I learned a lot from that lesson; I am still friendly, however now I am cautious, if someone will talk about others to you they will talk about you to others. My first clue with this woman should have been the time she told me that she and a friend from high school would get together once a week to look at old friends from school on Facebook, drink wine and make fun of how old they looked. She then looked at me and said I know you do the same. I said no, no I don’t, I look at people I knew in high school and see the same faces I saw back then.
How sad must one’s life be to look at others and find fault and make fun of their life troubles, I don’t hate my former frenemy, I pity her. She will never know what it is to have real friendships, she will continue alone on the path she has carved out for herself. Always sabotaging, always secretly hating, always searching.
Tired
Another jam-packed weekend is done; I am exhausted, trying to think of when I will have time to sleep. Not anytime soon. Next weekend is the family reunion, so excited about that! I can’t wait to see everyone, I will only be able to go up for one day, not the weekend, but it is one day I will get to see everyone.
This weekend started with me getting Tess after work on Friday, she got to spend the night! Saturday morning was up early, we had a girls breakfast at IHop and then shopping for the day’s festivities.
Everyone came over; by everyone I mean Jeffrey, Elizabeth Anne, Alex, Tessa, the Irishman’s three children and his ex-father-in-law. A packed house, seeing that it is summer it was time for hotdogs on the grill and pool time afterward.
I am still exhausted, I awoke today to rain, thunder and lightening, I so want to go back to sleep! Alas, I am still in class and cannot call in for a vacation day, so up for coffee, picking out something that will help me stay relatively dry and off for more learning.
Training is going well, I think we only have one or two more weeks, not really sure, then it is on the floor we go. I am excited to get to the work, nervous as well, like any new job. The only real way to learn it is to get thrown to the wolves.
Well, it’s a short one-today people; I am off to get dressed to begin my wet, soggy drive into work.
Blood Will Tell
Today I am coming to terms with what I thought I was; yes what, as in ethnicity. Family lore has it that we are part Native American on my grandmother’s side. A claim she vehemently denied, one we seriously thought she was not telling the truth about.
Allow me to digress for a moment, for Mother’s Day Jeffrey and Elizabeth Anne got me the Ancestry DNA test, I sent it in. The results came yesterday, I have always wanted to know exactly what I am. Now I know.
0% Native American, not even a small trace, I have more Spanish than Native American. Scandinavian, now that one was shocking to say the least, there are zero Viking stories in our family history. I now understand why I am so fascinated with Norse Mythology, this is starting to make sense.
The strongest bloodline that I have is Western Europe, which totally makes sense due to Thomas Testerman coming from that region in 1774. No Dutch or Scottish the way Grandma always said, surprisingly Irish, which I never believed.
I don’t know where to go with this information, I am not what I thought I was, I now begin a new journey finding out more about the genetic code I am made of.
Scandinavian makes sense in a way, because I am in 1642 in my research of my Grandmother’s side of the family and I am still in America. Since the Vikings discovered this country earlier than anyone else and settled here, it is not surprising we are made up of these brave people.
So, here is what I am: 52% Western European, 23% Scandinavian, 16% Irish, 4% English, 4% Spanish/Portuguese and a trace amount of Western Asia (Turkey/Syria region).
All in all, 100% American.
I told Tessa we are not Native American and she said I could have told you that. Then I told her we were Vikings, she nodded and said well yes, I have the hat. I should have just asked her what we are. Throw in Italian and Czechoslovakian
and you have my children. We are all such a mixture, it makes us who we are, whom we identify with is up to us.
I will have to adjust my inner thinking about my ancestral bloodlines, the research will continue and I will continue to be incredibly proud that I came from people that knew what they wanted and survived great hardships to attain it. To carve out a place for their progeny and future generations, and I will also be purchasing a Viking hat and Thor’s hammer.
Attitudes
Yesterday my good friend Shanon posted something on Facebook (of course) that brought up a memory of my grandfather. Her post was, “Being Nice to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you are mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them. Be Blessed!”
I was reminded of a story my grandpa used to tell of a man he worked with. This man HATED my grandfather with a passion. Every morning my grandpa had to pass him when going into work. He would smile and say a genuine good morning. After about 6 months the man couldn’t stand it anymore. He stopped my grandpa and said in the nastiest tone, why are you always nice to me? You know I hate you. My grandpa looked at him and said because Jesus commands me to. You can be as mean and as nasty to me as you want to be. I can’t control you. All I can control is my reaction to you. At that point the man broke down and began to tell my grandfather about his life. Because of this he was able to share Christ with this man. You never know how your behavior changes others.
This is what I, myself have to work on, you see, when I dislike someone who has treated me badly, it shows, on my face, in my tone, in my body language. Every ounce of my being says I don’t like you, I should not behave in such a manner. I had great examples showing me exactly why I shouldn’t behave this way.
Controlling your own behavior is really the only control we have over ourselves. Once we realize that we can then behave in a manner that is befitting what we say our belief system really is.
I say this for myself, I need to control me, not anyone else, as I write this I am reminded that the person this is speaking to is me. This is not one of those times I am irritated with others and am telling them they need to take a hard look at themselves.
I am talking to me, the man in the mirror as it were, it all starts there, within myself. We only have the power to change ourselves. We can’t change the way anyone else treats us, we can only change the way we treat them.
Take a Stand
Facebook, Facebook, Facebook you are my informant, my entertainer and my irritant. Riddle me this Facebook, why do people think that it is acceptable to do whatever makes them feel good? And the need to tell everyone this should be the societal norm?
I fully blame this hippies for this movement. Their do it if it feels good attitude has spilled over to all aspects of life.
Doing the right thing has nothing to do with feeling good. Ok, sometimes it does. But often times it’s rather painful to do the right thing. To do the honest thing, take the higher road so to speak.
If I see one more meme stating at the end if the day all that matters is if you are happy I think I’ll scream. Seriously, that is not all that matters. What matters is that you did the right thing. That you have not lied and cheated your way through the day. That you were true to who God made you to be. That is what matters.
As you go about your day, don’t think about what makes you happy, think about what you can do to ease the burdens of others. By doing so you will find your own burdens eased.
Take a stand, make a mark, a great quote by John Jakes. Go out and do just that.
Memory Lane
One of our trainers has approximately 18,000 songs in his library, seriously awesome. Yesterday, during a lull he took requests, several of the songs took me back to my skating days and summers spent in Owasso.
One of the songs brought up a memory I haven’t thought about in a long time. I can’t remember the year, maybe Tammi can.
Her family was going to Arkansas to clean out her grandmothers home, she had passed recently and they were closing out the Arkansas house. Tammi asked if I could go with them and of course my parents said yes.
So off to Sugar Loaf, Arkansas we go, it was the 70’s so of course we took our appropriate 70’s gear with us. Aquanet hair spray, platforms and plenty of blue eye shadow.
Her aunt and cousin came in from California; her cousin Cathy was the quintessential California girl of the 1970’s. Long flowing blond hair and a tan that would make the stars of today envious. There we were, the three of us, 70’s glamour as only teenage girls can interpret it.
We were out walking one day and saw two boys, we started talking to them and being that it was Friday we asked what they did for fun on Friday nights. One of them started to say nothing, the other hit him and said we all go down to the store on main street and hang out.
Great! We’ll be there! So we rush back to the house and get ready, now, if any of you grew up in that era you know exactly what that means. Tammi and I with our perfect Farrah hair; Cathy with her long flowing blond hair, blue, sparkly eye shadow all around, platforms and shorts.
Off we go, to this corner store, that the boys had assured us was the happening place. We walk in, decked out in all our glory, heads turned, boys jaws dropped and big strapping farm girls in overalls stared. The girls grabbed pool sticks and came towards us, the term we hightailed it out of there is appropriate.
We ran for the door and ran all the way back to the house, laughing our heads off. Those people must have thought we were hookers, the looks on their faces said they had never seen anything like us.
We spent the rest of the trip avoiding the corner store.
Memorial Day
A three-day weekend, that is what I first thought, I can rest up and relax, then I thought about why we have this three day weekend.
Memorial Day, it is a day where we, as Americans, reflect and honor the men and women who not only served our country, but gave their lives so that we may live ours.
As a person who has had many family members in the military this particularly hits home. The very first Testerman who came here fought for the freedom of this country from the British. He started it all, Thomas Testerman, I wish I could go back in time and know him. Have a conversation with him on his thought process and why he chose this country to land in, to fight for and to marry and have children. I wish I could tell him how it all turns out, how this family is so very proud of him for having the courage to come here for us.
I wish I could tell him of the countless generations of Testermans who selflessly joined the military, who fought the battles so we could continue to have the freedom he first fought for. I wish I could tell him about my Brothers, Uncles, Cousins and Nephew who have served. I believe he would be proud that we have carried on a tradition he started when he first signed up to be a patriot and a member of that first continental army.
I am so very honored and humbled to have known a great man by marriage, my ex-husbands grandfather. He served in WWII, and he continued to serve for many years after by helping other soldiers that were coming home. He gave so much to this country and I am honored to have known him.
I cannot forget my many friends who have served and the ones that continue to serve in the reserves. They have done and do things I could not imagine, simply so I can sit here at this computer and write this.
I have done nothing so brave in my life, I salute the ones that have, you are the real lifeblood of this country. Our protectors, our first line of defense, so on Monday we honor the ones that gave their lives so we can enjoy our freedoms.
Never forgotten, always treasured, our Armed Forces.
Respect
Is anyone else tired of women calling each other bitches? Especially on social media? I know I am tired of opening Facebook and seeing someone casually calling other women bitches. If we, as women, do not respect each other, how do we expect men to respect us?
We need to take a hard look at a society that enables women to denigrate one another so casually. It is our job, as women, mother’s, sisters, Aunts, cousins, to teach the children that are in our world to respect not only us, but themselves. How can we teach young girls to value themselves if we do not value ourselves? That is the real question; our daughters need to know that they are not bitches. They are vibrant, creative, intelligent creatures worthy of a world that respects them. We are the ones that teach them that.
We also teach our sons to respect women by how we treat each other. If your son sees you calling other women bitches so casually, will he grow up to respect women? Or will he call them bitches in a not so casual way?
This is not a good trend that is going on, it is a horrible trend; let’s end this for our daughters. Let’s end it for ourselves, I for one, do not enjoy being called a bitch, I find it insulting. You don’t see men on social media calling each other bastards (it’s the only equivalent I could come up with). I’ll give you an example of how a woman I know uses the term bitches, only I will substitute it for bastard.
“It’s leg day bastards!” Can you imagine a man saying that and it being perfectly acceptable on social media? Why then is it acceptable for women to say things of this nature to each other?
I know I will probably take a lot of heat for this, because, well, some women think by using the word, it lessens its insult. It does not. I will say this again; women using this word towards each other does not lessen its insulting nature.
Let’s lift each other up with our words, our actions and be an example to our daughters on how to treat other women. Let’s be an example to our sons on how to treat the women in their lives.
Parenting Rant
What’s up world? I haven’t been here in such a long time; it feels like an eternity, however I am sure you all were happy to have the break. Training is going well, I am enjoying the high energy of the trainers, I am also enjoying being in a room of people that genuinely want to learn what they have to teach.
There is also a team leader in the room with us, she is telling us a lot of great stuff about the job itself. This week we added the people from California, they seem to be assimilating nicely, however, I think they will be in for a shock once August gets here. They will be wishing for milder weather for sure.
I have something I have to get out, I am astounded by people, ok, parents, parents astound me and not in a good way. Do people honestly think children are born knowing how to do things? Basic things. For example, hygiene, do parents honestly think children are born knowing how to clean themselves? Do they not pay attention when a child has atrocious table manners? Why would you not teach your child how to hold a fork? How to cut their meat? How to clean up after themselves? Parents, you will be unleashing these wild beings into the world one day! The insanity of it all astounds me.
I made sure my children had table manners, that they could clean themselves and clean up after themselves. I taught them basic life skills, it takes time, it takes a modicum of patience, but it is you job!
Some things I am seeing today disgust me, why are people so lackadaisical when it comes to their children? Children don’t grow up, they are raised, it is how you raise them that sets them on the path to their future.
If you are uncertain on how to raise a child, I suggest watching the Andy Griffith show or the Walton’s, those will teach you a thing or two about discipline, love, attentiveness and raising good children. Ones that will become productive members of society.
I am not saying I was a perfect mother, however, I did put aside any selfish needs on my part and focus on my children when they were young. They were my reason for being on this earth and since I was the one (along with their father) who chose to bring them here, I took my responsibility seriously.
That felt good to get out, I’ll stop now, I have laundry to do, things to get ready for my workweek. Working 5 days a week is something I have not done in a while, still getting used to it!
Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day has come and gone, I know I usually talk about my own fantastic mother, however, I thought I would tell a little bit about the people that enable me to have that title.
First and foremost I am so beyond grateful to God that He gave me the ones he did, I seriously cannot imagine life without them. I don’t want to, the thought is unimaginable. I wish I could take credit for their personalities, quirks and genuine awesomeness.
Jeffrey is the most caring father, I love seeing him with Tessa, guiding her, sharing a sense of humor with her and loving her. He builds Legos with her on the floor and plays petshop as well, he really is an amazing father this this wonderful little girl. I could not be prouder of the man he has become, I wish I could take credit, however, I can’t. Jeffrey has a quiet strength, a quiet sense of humor; don’t mistake his quietness for weakness. He is one of the strongest people I know, I am so happy that God entrusted him to me.
Elizabeth is the most capable person I have ever met in my entire life, whatever needs to be done, she does it. Watching her with her four-legged children, and two legged, her birds only have two legs, I should have said fur and feathered children, is a revelation. She has always been good with animals, from the hamsters, birds, chinchilla, dog, cats and everything in-between, you can see what kind of person she truly is. Animals and children love her, she reminds me so much of my grandfather in that respect, animals and children flocked to him as well. She is now engaged to a man who comes with a child, she tells me that is her contribution to my grandmotherhood. I’ll take it. Her sense of humor is well developed and she has a knack for firing off zingers. Once again I cannot believe I was chosen to be her mother, incredible.
Alex is the baby, and in my eyes he will always be the baby, he has gone through a lot to find the path to manhood. I am incredibly proud of the way he has gone through certain things at a young age that would fell adults. He is turning into the man I always knew he would, thoughtful, sensitive and intuitive. I am in awe of his fortitude, I know he will continue to grow and thrive in spite of the adversities that have been thrown his way.
All three have a wicked sense of humor and when we are all together the zingers fly around the room at a pace that is hard to follow for a lot of people. We once had a guest for dinner that likened us to the Adams family, I’m not sure that is an apt description. We don’t moonbath, nor do we have wilted roses as centerpieces, I think this particular person had a hard time following the humor. There is nothing that gives me greater joy than having them all here with me. Listening to them regress into childhood insults, then flying forward to adult concerns is such an awesome thing to watch.
These are the people responsible for me being able to celebrate Mother’s Day; I celebrate them on that day. Their awesomeness, their humor, their caring spirits and their ability to make their mother still feel like she needed.
Angie World 