Category: General

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Self Doubts

My job in the telecommunications industry will soon be gone, my soon to be 17 years experience seems for naught. I am trying to figure out how all of my experience translates into other areas. It is a bit daunting, everyone keeps telling me how lucky any other company would be to have me. However, at the age that I am, and companies will ask, what is there for me to move to? What job am I capable of doing?

When I ask for specific examples of what other think I might be good at, I hear crickets. No one has anything, just platitudes, and while, typically, I love a good platitude, now is not the time. I need specifics of what people think I would be good at.

I would love to be able to explore the radio thing more fully, since beginning Conversations with Shanon Jay I have gotten the bug. I love being on the radio, having a platform in which to vocalize my thoughts is nothing short of amazing. However I would need to go back to school to learn broadcasting. I do love school, I love the learning, but once again, at my age who would hire me to be on the radio? I do Conversations for free, so it isn’t a job per se.

I don’t know what I am good at, customer service yes, but seriously; do I want to be in a call center the rest of my life? Is that the only thing I am good at? Is that all there is to me? Isn’t there more? Does anyone see anything more in me?

That thought is depressing, that is all I am good for, placating people, and that is what customer service is. Placating. Big time, I’m good at it, yes, but I would love to move on from it.

Am I so bad at everything else that no one can give me any kind of help in figuring out what I am supposed to do? I have put in for other jobs within the major telecommunications company I work for, so far, no bites, no one wants me. Depression is setting in, not for long because I really can’t stand to wallow in self-pity. I was raised to believe that was one of the biggest sins of all, to wallow, not to pull oneself up, not to rely that God will show you a path.

I believe God will show me the path I am supposed to be on, I pray I recognize it when it is in front of me.

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Strangeness

We are having very strange weather for March, weather.com says it is 50 degrees, I don’t believe it; I was outside and it is wickedly windy and cold. I did not ask for this in March, I asked for this in November, this is crazy.

I am incredibly tired today, I slept hard, sound, but with crazy dreams, they were really bizarre. I was at work and people were just disappearing, not leaving, disappearing, it was like being on an episode of Star Trek. They were going the way of the red shirts.

I am glad to have woken up to coffee; perhaps I can find my equilibrium yet, we shall see.

I have a question, it is a question I have pondered many times over the years, why do people assume that simply because some speaks with a Southern dialect they are stupid, uneducated, simpleminded? I am here to tell you I have been misjudged, because at times my Southern accent can get, well, Southern. When this happens, and I can tell the person has written me off as simple due to my accent, I unleash a slew of dollar words, as my grandmother would say, and they sit up, pay attention. I had to call Jeffrey’s English teacher to task, when he was in high school, it was ridiculous, I could tell by her tone she was dismissing me out of hand because of my dialect. It tends to come out when I am angry, really angry, and I just let her have it, I told her she was the very picture of ridiculousness to dismiss a parents concerns simply based on the way they were speaking. She perked up and actually apologized, there have been times that I have seen it in my workplace. People make fun of what they see as a “hick” accent. I don’t see it that way; I love the colloquialisms of the Southern parts of our country. They bespeak to a time we spoke English, I miss the sayings of my grandparents and parents, I love the beauty of our language as a whole.

I love hearing the different accents and sayings all across our country, we are all Americans yet we all have different dialects, accents, sayings, it is all fascinating. Well, to me.

I’ll end this missive by saying, don’t judge a book by its cover and don’t judge a person by their accent. Listen closely, you might just learn something new, don’t be hornswoggled, and don’t lollygag, go out and have a fantastic day.

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My Friday News

Friday started out on a very good note, first off to help my friend Wanda with her email issues. Then Tessa time, we decided to go to the movies and see Mr. Peabody and Sherman. An excellent movie, very much in the true spirit of the original cartoons.

It was during the movie that my phone began going off, texts, phone calls, completely blowing up. I didn’t know what was happening. I looked at one of the messages and really couldn’t believe what I saw. After the movie I looked at all of them and listened to my voicemail.

It was bad, 43 people in my office of 73 were being let go, by inverse seniority, they are to be off the books by the middle of May. I just sat there, stunned, not shocked so much as emotional. Thinking of all of the people that I have known now for 7+ years, it was overwhelming. They have two months in which to find other employment within the large corporate machine we work for. I will be praying constantly and consistently for them, that they find other employment within the company.

Why within the company you might ask, well, that way they don’t lose their seniority, they don’t lose pay, they keep their benefits and can stay with the company.

For some this might be the push they needed to start that business they always wanted to, to become something more than tech support.

I want to say this, I work with some of the best people I know, they are smart, loyal, funny and resilient, they will land on their feet, of that I am positive.

I started thinking about the people that sit in close proximity to me. I will be alone on my row, they will all be gone, I am having a hard time comprehending that.

I ask all that read this to pray for my friends and co-workers as they try and go about their normal day, all the while finding employment. Pray for their strength, pray for guidance that they follow the path that God will have them go down. Most of all pray for their mental well being, I can see where this would get them down, depression is a real concern for some, this could also cause physical health issues for others.

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Another Bachelor Rant

Once again I find myself totally disgusted with the show the Bachelor, seriously, why are women still participating in this claptrap? I will reiterate, I don’t watch this pure unadulterated crap, however, I cannot escape hearing about it on my favorite radio show, or being inundated with updates on twitter and Facebook.

Apparently, this last bachelor was probably the most honest one to date, and confirmed what we all have known all along. This is nothing but an opportunity for a man to have sex with a bunch of women and it’s not called cheating, because he is taking each one out for a test drive. On national television, sickening, I will say this, Juan Pablo was honest, it is being reported he told one contestant that he loved having sex with her, but really didn’t know her. He didn’t say sex by the way; he was incredibly crude in his comment. The woman took offense, my reaction was, um aren’t you the one that was participating in this? You willingly bedded a man you barely know for fame.

Women! STOP! Just stop selling yourselves for momentary fame, what are you doing? Are you making your parents proud by this public behavior? Are your siblings happy for you? That you have just sold yourself, your soul, your body, your dignity for what? Fifteen minutes of fleeting fame? To the woman offended, I say why? You did this to yourself, you signed up for it, you told this man by your actions that you would happily allow him to use you without even knowing him that well.

This man has a daughter, he just taught her that she is easily discarded by men; he taught her she doesn’t deserve respect. She will seek out men who treat her the way he treats women. I wonder if he will be ok with that?

This show is nothing short of a prostitution ring; women are willingly participating in this disgusting show of misogyny. I am saddened by the lack of good judgment that women are showing. I am also saddened by how many women watch this! Calling it romantic!!! Romantic!? Are you kidding me? This show has nothing to do with romance; it has everything to do with cheapening women and denigrating the morals of whole generations.

If you want a romantic story check out the book of Ruth in the Bible, now there is a romantic story. Ruth didn’t cheapen herself to catch a man; in fact he was drawn to her loyalty, her obedience to God, her modesty. Shame on all that watch this and allow it to continue.

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What to do with Hurt Feelings

Something happened to me that quite literally left me speechless, because it was so unexpected, so blatant in the fact that someone let me know that I didn’t matter to them. This was shocking in the fact that I have been there for this person more than once throughout the years. How many years you ask, around 30 years.

I can write this because I know if they don’t have time for me, they don’t have time to read me. I feel confident even if they did read this they would not recognize themselves.

I have to temper this with this person is not the only one I have gotten this response from. I asked them to listen to my radio show that I do with Shanon Jay, the past shows are on the website, one can listen at their leisure, the shows are only 15 minutes long, one can even listen in their car if they have a smartphone and an axle cable, or blue tooth.

I later asked this person if they had listened, the response was I don’t have time for that. I thought to myself, wow, what if I had said that to you all those years ago when you needed help. I was simply asking them to listen, as I had valued their opinion, for an honest review of the show. I was told I was not worthy of 15 minutes of their time.

It struck a chord with me, I’ll be honest it hurt my feelings, however, I quickly shook myself off and tried to forget the incident. However, it has left a sour taste regarding said person, especially when I consider friends that I have listen, friends I have not done the things I have done for this person. They listen; they give their opinion and encouraging words.

I received some very good advice today from another friend who said “Ideally you say ok thank you and then turn to those who will support you.” She went on to say “I know I understand hon. I expect people to treat me the way I try to treat them. But sometimes there may just be things in the other person’s life that keeps them from doing what we would expect. Something unknown. Allow yourself to be hurt for a time them move on and forgive them. Maybe they will be there next time. OR (and this is GOOD) maybe God desires someone else to be your supporter this time.”

Very wise advice, I will be taking this advice to heart and walking away, I will remain purely Facebook friends with this person, not really expecting anything. I can tell you this, if they need me in the future, I wouldn’t hesitate to help them in any way I could. Because that is how I was taught to be, in a home, that very literally put God first, putting God first means helping those who are in need. Even if it is something as simple as listening to a radio show.

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The Things I learn

I have a confession to make, every morning while I am getting ready for work I watch old episodes of the Andy Griffith show. I have always loved that show, especially the older ones, the ones in black and white. I appreciate the gentle humor, a story told in 30 minutes, a lesson learned. There is always a lesson to learn, whether Andy is getting his hat handed to him by the women of the town or watching him parent Opie and admitting to a little boy when he, the parent, has made a mistake and must own up to it.

One can learn a lot from watching this classic television show, I think, in today’s hectic society, that this show is exactly what people need. A chance to see life in a slower pace, appreciating those around you and taking the time to interact with others.

With the advent of smart phones, tablets, computers everywhere, we are losing our ability to interact in a personal way. This is my belief, I find myself being drawn in, I carry my smart phone with me, ever connected to the world at large, but not interacting in person. Alex tells me he hates the computer, I am beginning to agree with him, he rarely texts me, instead he calls. We talk person to person and I like it, you can convey so much more voice to voice than you can in text messaging.

Elizabeth also calls me, now she and I text a lot, but that is because for 11 hours a day, 4 days a week, I am at work and not able to take calls. So she and I communicate a lot via text and twitter.  Jeffrey is more of a face-to-face kind of child, he prefers communicating in person. I enjoy that as well.

I am going to preface the next thought with I am not Catholic, however, it is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Typically, if one is Catholic, they give something up for Lent, for 40 days they sacrifice something they love. At least this was my understanding, until I asked my BBFF about it, going the route of what are you giving up. He said nothing, he hadn’t practiced this in years, I said I was very disappointed as he was my go to Catholic. This was his response:

“Actually, giving up stuff for Lent has been out of favor for a decade or so. It is the THOUGHT behind the giving up, namely sacrificing to prepare yourself for the Death of Jesus, that is important. While giving up is not bad, doing a more “positive” sacrifice is better.”

I thought this was a perfect response and gave me a better understanding of his belief system. Yes even after all of these years I can still learn something about my BBFF. You see we never stop learning about others, there is always something new to learn, something to discover.

So, here is my challenge to you, go out and have an actual conversation with someone, face to face, voice to voice. Learn something about someone you have known for years. Please report back.

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Dancing with Happiness

I have decided that Tuesday shall become Wednesday in my world as my BBFF said that I do not have a Wednesday, so he inspired me to acquire one. So, welcome to Psuedo Wednesday!

Today brings the dawn of a new day, a day to get things right, to begin anew, to be thankful for all of the miracles in one’s life. Our family has a huge miracle, I don’t know if I have permission to talk about it here, let’s just say God is alive and well, sitting on His throne and has His hand in every aspect of our lives. That being said I very much look forward to our family reunion this summer to celebrate this greatness with my family.

I have discovered the song Happy by Pharrell Williams, I literally cannot stop dancing, I was chair dancing all day yesterday at work. This morning, the first thing I did upon waking, yes, even before coffee, I put on the song and danced around the kitchen with Stormie. She was very happy to be dancing so early in the morning, perhaps one day I will post a video of her dancing. We dance together quite often, it is a lot of fun. Even now as I type this I am dancing in my chair, what a great song, if you are ever in a bad mood, put that song on, it is impossible to stay down while wanting to bounce.

I’m back now, took a break to dance again, LOVE this song. I come from a long line of dancers. My great grandparents on my grandmothers side used to win Charleston contests. You might scoff, but you try and do the Charleston, not so easy huh.  Those of us from the South are typically good dancers, all the hot weather, going without shoes makes one move.

I am off to have a great day, because our days are what we make of them, remember, take a moment to reflect on all of the miracles in your life. I promise there are many, then give thanks, lift your hands to the heavens and give a great big AMEN.

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My Review of Spa Esoteric

Yesterday I went and had the facial Jeffrey gave me for my birthday, and I was not disappointed. The place he chose, Spa Esoteric, is located in old McKinney, in a house that is over 100 years old. When I walked in the door I was immediately put into a calm state, the atmosphere was nothing short of perfection.

My appointment was with Irene, she was gracious and welcoming, she explained to me step by step what was going to happen and how my skin was going to react. She expressed surprise at my age, in a good way, and put me at ease immediately. She told me she would not be chatting during the facial; she would only talk to me if she needed to tell me something about my skin.

I immediately fell in love, I do not enjoy chatting during my facials or massages, I want to relax, not talk. She asked what products I use, I told her I was a true Mary Kay user; I have been using the products for 25 years.

The Chocolate Cherry facial was beyond any expectations I might have had, my skin felt wonderful afterwards. She told me that whatever I was doing was working, she did recommend I use something gentle in the line on my face and only exfoliate twice a month for the type of skin I have.

She did not try and upsell me on needless products; she did not try and convince me that I need to change my current products. She told me that it was working for me, just be a little gentler with how I handle my skin.

I noticed that they do more than just facials; they have a full service salon within the building. I will be going back and enjoying the services they have to offer.

Please check them out at www.spaesoteric.com, well worth a trip to historic downtown McKinney. I believe in spending dollars locally, so I will be using them again and again. For many things, check out their website, make an appointment and enjoy. Especially if you live in McKinney or the surrounding areas.

The day got better from there, Alex had the day off and came over after my facial, then I went and picked up Tess from school. I made dinner, Jeffrey and I ate together then the Irishman came home with his two girls and Alex came back and I fed more people. There was plenty for everyone and they all seemed to like it, the only one missing was Elizabeth Anne and her fiancé with his daughter. Hopefully next time an impromptu family gathering happens she will be able to come down for that.

I have decided that whenever I pick up Tessa I will be making dinner, so maybe next time I pick up Tessa Elizabeth can plan on coming down and hopefully her intended will be in town so he can come as well.

That’s all I have for now, I hope everyone has a great day and enjoys the artic blast that is headed our way.

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Civilization

Last night I was watching the show Vikings on the History channel, it is a great show, well done and historically accurate in the attitudes, costuming and general feel of the times. I am a history buff, anyone who knows me, knows that, I love reading, studying different time periods and seeing the evolution of humankind.

The sheer brutality of that time period is breathtaking, from the rugged terrain in which they had to survive to the brutal way they related to one another. It was survival of the fittest, to think that a lot of us would never have survived in that environment. Childhood illnesses that are quickly dealt with in this time period were fatal then, a while back Alex told me that he would never have survived childhood in the past. He is correct, he had many illnesses growing up, without modern medicine he would not be with us.

I look at how far we have come as a race, the sheer will to survive and grow in our technical knowledge, medical advances and our civility. I wonder how long it would take to throw us back into survivalist. I watch The Walking Dead and Revolution; both shows deal with catastrophic events within the human race. The programs show how very quickly that veneer of civility would become stripped away. How it would quickly become survival of the fittest, without the laws that man has imposed upon himself that comes with civilized society, we quickly go back to true human nature.

It is not true human nature to help one another out of the quagmire; it is true human nature to survive, at any cost. As civilizations have grown, humans have evolved into societies, we care for one another, we lift each other up, watch out for our neighbors. How quickly would that leave us if we had to forage for food, if we had to defend our homesteads? I like to think that we are not like the characters on television or in the movies that we have grown past our violent natures and would continue to watch out for one another.

I have high hopes for the human race, studying history as I have, we do seem to continue to grow as a civilization. However, there are pockets of humans that do not seem capable of growth, when I look at those societies the first thing I notice is the brutal terrain they live in. I seriously wonder if the physical environment is a factor in the way we grow as humans.

Here, in America, we have carved are surrounds to be what we want them to be, we have built cities, laws that ensure freedoms to all, innocent until proven guilty, on and on. I do wonder though, how long after the lights go out do we remain civil?

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Excited

Well a full weekend was had; I find I need a weekend after the weekend to rest! Friday was spent cleaning and shopping for the Ladies that Lunch event I was hosting at my home.

Saturday morning was up and at ‘em early in the morning, sweeping and mopping, can’t do that the day before with a sheddy dog in the house. Then setting up for the ladies, then the actual event. I do believe it went off without a hitch, except for the person who doesn’t like dogs. I explained Stormie is not a dog, she is a Husky. There is a huge difference.

Then off to Jeffrey’s who had picked up my Bountiful Basket for me, it was all organic this time. I split it with Jeffrey and Alex as there was no way we could eat all of that before it spoiled.

Then Sunday was a visit from BBFF, his son and his new Husky Cody, very exciting, just a few incidents of territorial behavior from Stormie. Otherwise I do believe it was a good beginning of friendship for the two pups.

Then The Walking Dead, this show has me on the edge of my seat every week, I am so tense afterwards. Great show, great writing, acting, directing, the whole shebang is had here. If you are not watching I suggest you catch up on Netflix, well worth the time.

Then Monday was back to work; I have not interacted with said person from previous post yet. They work Tuesday through Saturday, so today will be the first time I will have any interaction. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal, except my disdain is furthered by the fact they made this person a trainer. Partly due to them being so bad on the phone, that is how things are handled. Oh, you’re bad at your job; let’s give you more responsibility, which furthers my frustration. Oh well, this is only 40 hours of my week, and really only 30 with this person, a small amount, I shall not allow it to change me. Did I mention we share a manager now and I have to see and hear this persons voice at our daily meetings? Prayers people!

Exciting weekend ahead, starting with a chocolate cherry facial on Friday, then Tessa, the Irishman has his girls this weekend. Then The Walking Dead, so excited!

Oh did I mention I received my copy of Thor The Dark World last night? A day earlier than the release date, this is what happens when you are a Disney Movie preferred customer. You get perks. My perk, Thor.

This is it, I can feel it, this is the movie that I will assimilate into, I have to choose my outfit carefully.