I’m sitting here drinking my coffee, watching Buffy, and contemplating my week, trying also to wake up. Sunday nights/Monday mornings are always a little tough, I go to sleep too late and have to wake up way too early. It is made better with my coffee, I did come to the conclusion the Irishman was correct, it was the brand of coffee that was making my stomach hurt so bad.
I don’t know what I would have done if it were actually coffee hurting me, that would have been a calamity of epic proportions. Can you imagine me with no coffee? Me either, without coffee is there even a me? Heady question for such an early morning.
This weekend was full, well Friday night and Saturday were, it was spent with Tessa, se is absolutely amazing. She was waiting for me when I got home on Friday, when we came inside she said Gigi, I miss Chewie, I said yeah me too. She looked at me and said I don’t think you should get another dog Gigi, you’re not ready. Wow, out of the mouths of babes. She is right of course, I don’t think I will ever be ready for another dog, Chewie was a once in a lifetime kind of companion, I feel honored to have gotten to be part of his life.
Saturday was filled with green pancakes and swimming, so much fun playing in the pool with Tess, she makes me young. After her dad, Jeffrey, came and picked her up, I collapsed in a heap of sheer exhaustion. There is a reason I had my children in my youth, I had energy, I took an incredible nap and then did nothing.
Sunday was spent doing nothing as well, I did a lot of nothing this weekend, and I am not afraid to admit it.
I do want to say watching the verdict being announced in the Sandusky case evoked emotions of relief for the victims of this horrendous man. Throughout the trial he seemed at times smug and others jovial, always a smile on his face. A smile. He devastated young boys lives, and he sat there smiling, his wife saying oh that never happened. I never heard anything. Didn’t she think it odd that he went into the basement with young boys? I would have. I hope the victims of this monster can rest a little easier at night knowing that their bravery helped stop his actions. They have saved future boys from this monsters hands, I pray for their peace of mind.
On a lighter note, I have a slight sunburn, I slathered myself in Hawaiian Tropic oil to try and get some color onto my incredibly white skin. I think the burn will turn brown, then I wont be so pale, would be nice if I had some color for summer.
Starbucks, Weight and Plastic Surgery
I have two problems today, well, ok honestly more than two, however two that are bothering me. First up, caffeine, coffee in particular, Wednesday my stomach started hurting. I believe I told everyone I was finally getting what the Irishman had and I was going to lose weight. Was very excited, however the pain went away as the day went on, I thought oh well. Then yesterday it came back with a vengeance, I narrowed it down to coffee, yes, my love betrayed me. The pains started about 45 minutes after I had ingested coffee, my co-worker and friend Jason said it was a sign I should give up coffee, he has been harping on this particular subject for a few weeks. I advised him that no one in their right mind would want to see me off of coffee.
I was talking it over with the Irishman and he said the pains started when I changed coffee brands, I have a habit of buying whatever is on sale and Costco had one on sale that I had picked up. I had never bought this particular one and I thought maybe he has a point. So this morning I am experimenting, I stopped at Starbucks and picked up a coffee. We all know that Starbucks and I have a very special relationship and they have never let me down. Well, yes, they have but it has been certain locations, not the brand in general. I stopped at my favorite location, Custer and Parker, love that one, today proved no different. Fast, friendly and professional, they are simply terrific. I’ll keep you all informed about the results of my experiment.
Next issue, my weight, come on you all had to see that coming a mile away. Yesterday I told Jason I need to lose 49 pounds; he just stared at me like I had lost my mind. He said Angie no way you need to lose that much, you’ll look bad, just bones. I explained to him since he is a black man he doesn’t understand; don’t be shocked, we have open honest conversations about what it means to be white or black in any given situation. So I explain to him that white men don’t like women who are not skinny, they want the size double 0. He said that is crazy, I said well welcome to my life. So when my other friends and co-workers Kissa and Kay come in, the conversation comes up again, this time, I was informed that I do not have a white girl figure, that I have more of a black girl figure with hips and thighs and those are never going away.
They are probably correct, as long as I can remember I have had huge hips and thighs, nothing makes them go away, even when I was a size 4, they were enormous. I don’t know what to do to get to where I want to be. I want to be so skinny that people tell me I need to eat; I have always wanted that, I think I need to stop eating altogether that might solve it. I work so hard for nothing, I’ll never be skinny, I’ll never be pretty enough, smart enough, oh wait, never mind the last one, I am really smart, except on this issue, then I turn into a crazy woman. If anyone knows how I can get white girl skinny, with really skinny thighs and hips, please tell me your secret, without plastic surgery. Can’t afford that at this point in my life.
5 Hour Fights and Dallas
Yesterday was my day off and I did nothing, yes, nothing, well a few loads of laundry, but really, I did nothing. And it was good. I did manage to watch a documentary on Ronald Reagan, they showed the moment when Nancy Reagan said goodbye to him. It still breaks my heart and I sob like a big fat baby, watching her heartbreak. Saying goodbye to a man she had loved so passionately for so long, just sad.
My stomach hurt yesterday, I think I am getting what the Irishman had, finally, I want to lose 20 pounds in two weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me! So not fair that a person who does not need to lose weight got that particular illness. I don’t know why good things can’t happen to me.
Sunday night was another new episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, an explosive episode, the show down between Jacqueline and Teresa. I fully believe both women are wrong at that juncture, I know Jacqueline was concerned for Teresa, seeing all of the tabloid reports, however, you can’t expect your friends to tell you every detail of their lives. Now, on the other hand, seeing the tabloid, Teresa is going to jail, perhaps Teresa should have told Jacqueline, if things were really that bad I would have told you. Absolutely. It obviously is fine if Teresa is doing so much construction to her home, adding carports and garage apartments, not something that is cheap. Even if your husband does that for a living, you still have major expenses. I do not believe she doesn’t have control over the covers that she gets paid for; the tabloids are a different story. Those print whatever they want, they don’t care and they only pay informants. So both women in the wrong, seriously a 5 hour argument??? No way I would have sat there for that beating; I would have been done with that in 5 minutes.
Dallas was last night, I am seriously loving this evolution of the show, I love that they kept the theme, updating it of course, but the same sweeping tones, showing scenes of the city I love so much. The pure evilness of JR, just wow, Larry Hagman has not lost a bit of his timing. The younger actors could take more than a few lessons from him, he is pure greatness. One can tell he simply delights in playing this character, it comes across in his delivery, his expressions, everything. Love it, will continue to watch it.
So the Irishman has a new schedule that he begins next week, he will be working Friday through Monday, the only day off we will have together is Wednesday. With the new schedule, this week he works 6 straight days. So we had no day off together, we used to have Sundays, but this Sunday he will be at work, did I mention the hours, 11:00 am to 9:30 pm. It really is as if we are having a long distance relationship and we live together.
Cabana Boys and Starbucks
I need a vacation, a vacation where all I do is sit on a beach with a cabana boy bringing me alcohol treats with little umbrellas adorning the glass. I have so much to process right now, a vacation would do me good, my mind and my heart are full.
There is a part of me that wants so badly to go back home and be near my family, I miss them so much, it was so amazing seeing them this weekend. However I feel like I didn’t get to catch up with everyone, I could sit and talk to Richard for hours about family history. Listening to Larry’s stories was just greatness, I love his wife Donna, she is just a sweetheart. I feel as if I didn’t get to visit with Cindy long enough, I need to visit her one on one, but it was good getting to know Paula’s girls.
I will not be moving back to Oklahoma, I like Texas too much; it is just sometimes I wish I were more connected here. My children really keep me anchored here; they are Texans, through and through. Even though Jeffrey was not born here, he claims to be Texan. I wonder what would happen if I reminded him he was born in Oklahoma, he would probably just shake his head. As for me, well, I would love to live in New York, or Alaska, even Montana, I want to go somewhere cold, however, I would like to live where they have shopping as well. So, New York would be the best place for me, I don’t know how long I could handle it, before being driven completely insane, but I would love to give it a go.
I have a lot of things to say and I feel that I have a short amount of time to say them in, I don’t know why I feel such an urgency to impart every single thought in my head, but there it is. I feel a need to get it all out, even the inane things, like my addiction to caffeine, and yes I know it is an addiction. Even today I am having an inordinate amount of coffee.
I have it at home then bring it to work with me in my extra large Starbucks insulated cup, so good, so amazing. God’s way of saying I love you Angie, I will believe that till the day I die. I have traced back my caffeine addiction to my grandmother, she used to give me milk coffee when I was little and it grew from there. I will be forever grateful to her for giving me the elixir of life.
The More You Think, The More You Are
It’s Monday and I am exhausted from a very full weekend, I need another day to rest, oh wait, I will have that on Wednesday. No need to take a vacation day, I am loving this schedule.
Well, I ate my way through the family reunion so now it is time to get back to serious eating, my stomach hurt all day yesterday. Probably due to the sweets I am not used to consuming, but it was well worth whatever pain I felt. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Those people can cook, it totally skipped me, for which I will be forever grateful.
So this morning I sit with my coffee, still ruminating the events of the weekend, I will be for a long time to come.
As for now, it is time to get the day started, coffee has to be consumed, shower has been had, makeup and hair to come. The day will be great I just know it, if you believe it, then it will be so. I leave you with this thought, whatever the mind believes the body can achieve. I believe I will be successful today on my job, with my coworkers and in my personal life. Go out and make it happen.
Happy Father’s Day
I am still overwhelmed by the weekend, however today is Father’s day and I feel compelled to write about the two men whom I considered father figures in my life.
The first one was my Grandfather, he was my first male influence, he taught me how to read, he taught me about history, not only our family history, but our country’s history. They were intertwined, he had to teach both to me. He taught me about the land, farming, animals, how you had to take care of both because they take care of you. He was a great man with a great love of life, an amazing sense of humor and a love for God that had to be witnessed first hand to appreciate. He found humor in every day happenings and passed that on to me, to this day I miss him and tell stories about him to anyone who will listen.
Next up was my dad, he was my adopted dad, in blood lines he was my great-uncle, my grandfather’s brother. It will not be surprising to learn he was a lot like his older brother, he had a keen mind, a sharp sense of humor and a gentleness that was hard to resist. He taught me what it meant to help others in need, we might not have had a lot of material things but what we had, was shared. If he saw someone in need that person was helped, immediately. There was no great discussion, it was all action, he gave me a sense of pride in helping others. He had great wisdom, I believe that was his gift from God, wisdom, I didn’t always put into practice what he had to say, but I always listened. I hope he knows that he taught me so much, and as an adult I do put into practice much of what he taught me.
He was a man who loved the land, he was happiest working in the garden with his beautiful wife by his side. You can’t really picture him without her, they were a team, in every sense of the word. Their marriage was simply beautiful, they would laugh at each others silly jokes and sit side by side watching Wheel of Fortune every night. With them I witnessed the most romantic thing I have ever been privileged to see between a man and woman, they read the bible out loud to each other every night. Something so simple, yet so profound, they taught me not to settle for less than the best that God wants for us.
I miss you so much Grandpa and Dad, I hope that you are having the best time in heaven and I hope that you know how much you gave me, a simple little girl, while you were here on this earth.
Testerman Family Reunion
My head and my heart are full, it is difficult to pull my scattered thoughts together. However, I feel a need to get them down before I completely blank out on the events of the past two days.
I left home yesterday to gather with my family at the family reunion, I was both nervous and excited. All of the people there I had not seen in years, all my family, every one of them a Testerman, in some form or fashion.
Of course I got lost, called Cindy for help and she put Albert on the phone, I almost lost it, I had not heard his voice in probably 20 years. He was able to talk me in, and even met me at the road to ride with me to the campgrounds.
I got there and someone said “Hey, that’s June’s youngest” to which I replied yes I am. My aunt Laura Fay jumped up and grabbed me and hugged me, I think it was the best hug I have had in a really long time. I saw my uncle J.H., looking just like my grandmother, he favored her so much. I grabbed his hand, I saw Larry and Richard who both came over and just hugged me. It was all I could do not to bawl like a big fat baby. Richard told me that he used to spend weekends with my mom and dad, how he had loved them, and there had been no one like my mom. It is a strange family history when one is adopted by family, you see Richard was talking about my adopted mom and dad. And I agree wholeheartedly, there was no one like my mom, so good hearing it from others. We shared our memories of our grandparents, our aunts and uncles and other cousins. We remembered the ones that had passed on, we laughed at our hijinks as children and looked at the younger generation knowing they would try some of the same things we had done.
We shared our history, the stories we had all heard and everyone contributed bits and pieces that others had not heard before. I found out that I am part of the family lore, a thing that happened when I was in elementary school. I wont repeat it here, but it is funny and it was amazing hearing it being told. Albert told it, he said “I heard of one of us kids that in school said…..” I squealed with delight and said OMG that’s me! He laughed and said he knew that. Pure greatness.
I found out that one of my favorite aunts, Linnie, her middle name was Cordelia, explains why I am so fond of that character. I found out I had been missed, my cousin Amy told me that she felt I had just fallen off the face of the earth. That everyone would talk about me, but no one knew where I was. I am so grateful for facebook for taking me back home.
From the minute I walked into the reunion, I felt loved, welcomed and wanted, I will miss them until I see them again.
Goals and Reality
I meant to wake up much earlier, however, last night I took two Tylenol pm’s and slept for 12 hours. I have to stop doing that, I don’t like sleeping more than 8 hours, I feel like I am sleeping my life away when that happens.
I have a lot of errands to run, then it is off to Oklahoma, if I decide to go today, I still am undecided, I guess I will know when I get in the car and start driving north. Being in Oklahoma has a way of renewing my soul. Right now I am sitting here, enjoying my coffee, the television is on with an old episode of the Dick Van Dyke show playing. It is a great start to what I know is going to be a great day.
Had a terrific conversation yesterday with a friend regarding goals, listening to God and what to do to achieve the goals that He has in mind for you. I know what I want to do with my life, I think I have always known. I have taken paths that will only enrich what I want to do, what I know I am meant to do with my life. It is my passion, it is my soul, I have been doing it forever on a private basis. In the recent years you all have been the recipient of my passion.
Yes, it is writing, not only writing but writing about my opinions, whether people want to hear them or not, or I guess I should say read them. If you don’t agree with what I have to say, then you have the option to not read.
I have very controversial opinions rattling around in my head, I wold love to write about them, however feel that some people would become incredibly upset. The older I get the more I seriously don’t care if people get upset with my opinions.
Ronald Reagan, I loved him, he stood for things, that today, people are apathetic toward, he stood for pride in America. He stood for defending our country and he loved his wife Nancy above anyone and anything on earth.
I am passionate about history, the history of this country to be exact, I am passionate about knowing what was in the heads and hearts of our ancestors as they fought for freedom. I wonder what they would have thought about the way the country has turned out so far. I am fascinated by Thomas Paine, it was his words that galvanized a rebellion. I would love nothing more than to spend time researching him, going to the LIbrary of Congress to find all of his works, perhaps even a diary or two, to really get into his thought process.
I have so much I want to say and feel I have so little time to say it, well, must stop saying it for now as I do have to start my day, run my errands, pack my bag and run away from home!
Zombie Behavior and Relationships
There is a pair of turtles that have been together 115 years that is a long time, recently the female apparently has become disillusioned with the relationship. She began biting the males shell, letting him know she was not happy. I wonder what he did to deserve such treatment; did he not clean the home? Did he leave food on the floor? What does one do to deserve shell biting?
It made me think, if a couple has been together for over one hundred years and cannot make the relationship work, then what hope do the rest of us have? Will I eventually begin some aberrant behavior to get rid of my partner? Hopefully I will not bite him; I am not on bath salts, nor a zombie, so I don’t think that will happen. So here is the thing, when we are done, what do we do to drive the other person away? Do we realize we are doing it at the time? I have no answers to these questions, I was just curious.
Tomorrow I am going to Oklahoma for my family reunion, a little nervous, a lot excited and happy to see everyone. I can hardly wait to get going, errands in the morning then I plan to head out around 11:00 am. I don’t know when I am coming back, Saturday or Sunday, still not sure, will pack for both days. Tried to talk Elizabeth Anne into going with me, she said she is not sleeping in a tent. Next year I will plan better and rent a hotel room. It was too late this year and they were wickedly expensive, so earlier in the year book it I will.
Word of the day is altruistic, meaning: unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. Used in a sentence: Today I shall exhibit altruistic behavior in regards to my fiancé and not bite his shell.
Stagnation = Death
Do you ever feel like your life is standing still? That is called stagnation, if your life is standing still it is stagnating. My grandpa used to say that one should never be content in life, contentment leads to stagnation and stagnation leads to death. He was always reading, always learning, always doing, he was a great man and a great example of a life well lived. No, he wasn’t wealthy in material means, he was wealthy in knowledge, in faith and in love. Yes even a cynic like me can recognize when someone loves well, I wish I were more like him.
You see I feel like I am stagnating, I am not moving forward in my life, I feel like I took a turn somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. I should be in a different place now, I should be doing something with my life. Defending the helpless, making a difference, perhaps even furthering my education. I feel as if my grandfather would be disappointed with the life decisions I have made. I never wanted to let him down, of all the people that have influenced me, he is the one person that I never wanted to disappoint.
I don’t know what I want to do, or what I should do to get my life moving forward again, I don’t know where to start. I know only I can make those decisions, I have often said that I wish God would come down and show me the map of my life. Show me what turns I am supposed to take, the forks in the road to avoid. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you look at it, we have free will. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy my free will, however once in a while being told what to do would be nice. Like when we are children, wear this, eat this, don’t stick your hand in the fire. Things of that nature, I really wish someone would have told me, don’t stick your hand in the fire. Metaphorically speaking, of course, as adults, we are expected to already know how to make the correct decisions for our lives. However it is not always so simple, so clear cut.
There are days I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of apathy, no where to go, no one to turn to, then I remember the one constant in my life. God. He is always there, and he always listens. I still want him to tell me where I am supposed to go and what road my life is supposed to go down. However I am the only one that can make these decisions, I really, want to make the correct decisions.
Angie World 