Category: General

2016 is looking like it is going to be a great year, for nerds and geeks everywhere, myself included. Let’s start with Batman vs Superman the Dawn of Justice. Introducing Wonder Woman to the mix. My head may explode, as you may know, or not know, I don’t know, I love the superhero mythology.
Before you say, what, those are comic book characters, I would say yes, they are, however there is a whole mythos that surrounds them. Wonder Woman literally, she comes from Amazonian warrior women, she is the daughter of Ares and Queen Hippolyta. Literally a Demi-goddess, in Greek Mythology. If you are not familiar with the backstory I suggest you google it, it is way too long to go into here.
Superman, let’s take a look at him, a super being sent to earth to save mankind, without the whole dying for us thing. There are so many similarities that it is also worth some research, the first book I suggest you read is The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. A fantastic read for everyone.
In it he delves into the human need for heroes, for a something, someone higher than a mere human. Our psyche is hardwired to look for something beyond ourselves, an explanation to our universe.
With the world in so much turmoil it is only natural we escape into the world of caped heroes, that we dream of our world being rescued by a being not of our world.
Of course this is not going to happen, I am a devout Christian and I do believe the end is coming, and humans are trying to hurry it along.
However, that does not stop me from loving the world of super heroes and heroines, my first love was Superman, I added Wonder Woman, Thor and Captain America as I grew. I also grew to love Science Fiction. I cut my teeth on Star Trek and Dr Who, and don’t even get me started on classic horror films and books. Frankenstein’s monster, The Wolf Man, and Dracula!
Of course we cannot forget my immense love affair with anything Joss Whedon, from Buffy to the Avengers, he is my geek crush of the century, well last century and this one.
I don’t believe it takes away from my Christianity to love these stories, I don’t love Christ any less, and I don’t believe they are real.
I still hold out hope for mankind, I still hold out hope that the Vulcans will eventually contact us. Although to be honest, reading the news and looking at the tabloids (purely in line at the supermarket) they will NEVER contact, especially if they monitor our airwaves, such as E! and all of the “reality” shows. Especially the ones on TLC, seriously, I’m embarrassed to be human sometimes.
I am excited for 2016, for so many reasons, but several stand out, Captain America Civil War and Batman vs Superman are two that jump to mind immediately.

So, on Facebook, a friend of mine tagged me and challenged to post five pictures I feel beautiful in. Interesting. That is the only word that comes to mind as I am not beautiful, I never feel beautiful and I most certainly have no pictures that I am beautiful in. No amount of lighting will ever make me look beautiful. I am not even passingly pretty. I am reminded of that every single day of my life.
I will not be posting any pictures; I have made a decision to never post another picture of me at all. On any form of media, it’s too painful to look at it afterward. I will only post pictures of animals or funny pictures. Or my children and Tess of course, however, fewer of those and with the majority of my social media on strict privacy control.
There was an episode of Angel (brilliant Joss Whedon) where Cordelia is rendered unconscious due to her visions. They were never intended for humans, and she meets Skip, a full on demon who explains this to her. He takes her on basically a vision quest, but what struck me is when he tells her that most people have an idealized vision of what they look like. However, she doesn’t, because, well, Cordelia is beautiful. But the point is she saw herself the way she actually was.
I see myself the way I actually am, I have never been beautiful, pretty or anything else that causes heads to turn.
I have no illusions regarding my looks, oh, sometimes I have more bravado than most days and I can fake it really well. The whole look at me I’m pretty façade is just that, a façade and as I become more aged the façade has been stripped down.
So no more selfies, no more photos of me, no photos plastered all over the internet for all to make fun of. To point and say who does she think she is, thinking that she looks good, when in actuality the truth shines through.
I don’t even think I have a good personality to make up for it, I read a lot, I watch geeky shows and movies and do not have an exciting life. I used to be envious of women who are truly beautiful, my BFF Tammi is so pretty, she was actually a Mrs. Oklahoma. Julie Sunday, a former Miss Oklahoma, was so pretty. My parents would hold her up as an example of what I wasn’t. I don’t think they meant to really do it, just a generational thing.
So, here I sit, not posting the five photos I feel beautiful in, because there are none in existence.
To all of you out there, the pretty ones, the beautiful ones, enjoy it! Revel in it, take care of it, cultivate the inside as well as taking care of the outside, because eventually the inside shines outward.
I guess my insides are not that pretty either, as nothing is shining outward with me.

I’ve decided I will no longer advertise my blog on Facebook and Twitter. This way I can write what I want, no one really reads this anyway, and the few people that actually see my Facebook and Twitter updates won’t miss being inundated with blog updates. 

It’s raining and cold, therefore perfect, I have the back door open. I love it, the rain soothes my soul, the cold matches my personality. 

My mood today is morose, more thoughts on how truly alone I am in this world. I wish it would snow, a blanket of white would be lovely. I don’t feel alone when it snows, I feel God is speaking to me when it snows. 

Christmas will be here soon, I’ll decorate this weekend. I love Christmas, however, I’m still alone during that time. Sometimes I drive down the street of houses lit up with so many lights and my heart hurts. I realize that it’s just me looking at lights, I don’t have anyone to look at them with me. 

I still remember the year my children told me they didn’t enjoy driving around looking at lights. I haven’t been out to look since, it’s not as fun alone. It just serves as a reminder of how I will spend my dotage. 

Maybe my nursing home will have lights I can look at. I have no illusions, I will be in a nursing home. My children all have their lives, as it should be, their lives have no room for a crazy old woman. Which I am sure I will be. 

That’s all I have for now, I’m going to go back to the rain. 

I hate Thanksgiving, there, I said it, the thing you’re not supposed to say. It is a day that reminds me of what I don’t have. I don’t have a family to spend it with, my children spend the week with their dads’ family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they do that, I would never want them to miss out on that. 

Getting back to me, my parents are deceased and I don’t have any siblings. I know what you are thinking, I could spend the day with friends. I did have an invitation, but the thing is, I feel out of place. Like I’m intruding on someone else’s family. 

I’ve felt that way my entire life, like I’m intruding, not really belonging. My birth mother should never have had children, she had four, she gave all of us away. But not before we were scarred. 

I’m happy I was adopted, I had great parents, but I didn’t belong. Their children made sure I knew that, I was introduced as Angie, she’s not real, she’s adopted. 

So, I hate Thanksgiving, it just shines a light on my inability to belong. 

I know this is a day I’m supposed to reflect on everything I’m grateful for, but it’s hard for me. I am thankful to God I have a roof, food, job and amazing children. 

I’m thankful I get to spend time with my granddaughter. I’m thankful both her mother and father allow me to spend time with her. 

It doesn’t take away from the fact that this day is hard as I feel like it gives me a glance into my future. That I am not real, I don’t matter in anyone’s life, when I die I won’t be missed. 

I’m happy for all who have families they get together with and celebrate this day with. But I genuinely hate Thanksgiving. 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, a bad habit, I know, however, with all that is happening in the world and in this country it is unavoidable. I can’t do anything about what is happening in the world abroad, however as a citizen of the United States of America I do have a voice. It’s a voice that really won’t be heard, however, I can choose to speak.
I have been thinking a lot lately about Civil Disobedience, reading Thoreau is ubiquitous in American high schools, so it should not come as a surprise that the events happening in our country brings that to mind.
The one thing that stands out and I keep repeating in my head is his argument that individuals should not permit a government to overrule their consciences, the people have a to not acquiescence to a government that makes them agents of injustice.
The main things that drove Thoreau to make these statements and write and give lectures on this was the Mexican-American war and slavery.
He was very anti war and anti slavery, while I know we don’t have slavery today, partly in thanks to people like him and them speaking out actively doing something about it, we do have war.
It seems, every day, we are closer to that war being fought on our own soil, something that has not been done since WWII. I am not including September 11, 2011 in this as our own planes were used against us. There was nothing for our military to fight back against on that day, the events just unfolded in a shocking and horrifying way.
It seems we are at a crossroads again in this country, just the way we were in 1848, when the collective conscious said no, no to slavery and no to the Mexican-American war. The war didn’t stop, but people spoke out about it, and their voices were heard.
We are an unique country, we can speak out, we can say no, we have the right to stand up and tell our government we will not acquiesce to tyranny, we will not give up our right to bear arms, we will, as a people stand up and be heard.
There seems to be an underlying current in our great country in these times, we are tired of the status quo, of being thought of as weak by other countries. It is a situation we are not used to, since the shot that was heard around the world was fired in Concord. I believe we forgot who we were for a while, we became complacent, and in complacency you will find apathy and stagnation.
We are waking up, we are finding the people that are supposed to look after our best interests here and abroad are indeed not. And, yes, I do know it has been this way since the beginning of time, however, here, in this time, in this place, people are waking up.
It is not right to tax a people to the point of breaking, and no you do not deserve a free college education. You are provided a basic education for free, anything beyond that is on you, go work for it. Show the world you are not a whining, selfish children, show the world you care about the country that you live in.
If you want to change the way things are done, read Henry David Thoreau, all of his works, it is worth the time and effort to do so. I don’t know if they still have students read Walden in high school anymore, however, if you have read it, re-read it.
I know there is a bit of rambling here, I am filled with rambling thoughts, therefore must get them out in the that way.

The other night, here in the DFW area, we had a storm, where I live it was a light show. I ran outside to watch it, decided to try and capture it on film as it were. Ran back in for my camera and could never get what I wanted. It was then I realized I was supposed to enjoy it, not capture it, so I stood and watched God’s incredible show. And it was truly glorious and a balm on my soul.
I believe, in today’s society, with the advent of so much technology that we forget to be in the moment. We are always trying to capture it on our cell phones or other devices, that I believe, we miss out on the pure enjoyment of the moment.
I was reminded of that with the lightening show, I am grateful the camera didn’t capture it and I took the time to put it down and simply watch.
Don’t get me wrong, pictures are a powerful reminder of situations, family moments, lost family and friends. However, sometimes it is just nice being in the moment and enjoying what is happening around you.
I still have not added Facebook back to my phone, nor twitter, the only place I see it is on the computer. I get on my computer in the mornings to read Dear Abby and look at the comics, I love starting my morning like that, gently. Also, to write this, I don’t enjoy writing on my phone, too small and I am too old. Bad eyesight and all that.
Also, since the election is coming up, in all honesty, I don’t want to see it, the mud slinging, the oh if you are voting for so and so unfriend me. If one cannot be friends with someone who thinks differently politically, well, you don’t deserve any friends.
I am more focused on stress levels and growing in my relationship with God, I believe that those are the important things for me right now. I do believe there are some seriously messed up things going on in this country right now and they will only get worse before getting better.
I do not feel the need to air that on social media, or to criticize or be criticized by people who think differently than I.
I am going now, I will be enjoying the quietness and perhaps watching a movie before Doctor Who tonight. What? You knew something nerdy had to work its way in here somehow.

I made a decision last week, I decided to get off of social media for a while, as in Facebook and Twitter. I admit I still looked at Instagram because, well, the pictures are fun and I don’t get notifications for that one. Except when tagged or Elizabeth Anne wants me to see something.
I deleted Facebook and Twitter from my phone, I did this for me, not because someone said or posted something I didn’t agree with. I’m an adult, I can handle it when others don’t think like I do.
I wanted to see what life was like without those two things, an experiment if you will. I have to say I enjoyed it, we live in a world that is barraged with others are doing, thinking or saying. Instantly, the news is but a touch away, knowing what our friends are doing is right there.
The experiment made me realize that I liked it not being on my phone, I will keep it deleted for now, I say for now because no one knows what the future may bring.
I am back on Facebook and twitter on the computer only. If I am away from the computer, which is a lot, I tend to go on in the mornings or when I want to express a thought. Or make my grocery list, I do that on the computer so I can print it out, my handwriting leaves a lot to be desired.
I did find one thing fascinating, I kept getting messages on Facebook, it taught me a lesson. Not everyone reads everything I write. So therefore I don’t need to put everything on there. Which I didn’t, but now I know I am not the center of everyone’s universe. Shocking!
For those of you that don’t really know me, that is sarcasm, so I say hello to social media in a limited amount.

As a parent we never stop worrying about our children, even when they are adults and make their own decisions. We do our best as parents to instill in them the confidence to make their decisions, to steer their lives their way. There comes a time when every parent has to let go.
There is one thing I want my children to always remember, all of them, no matter what, no matter what amount of time passes, how old they become or where they land in life. I will always have their backs, every single time. I will always be in their corner, whether they need a cheer leader, a champion or silent approval, I will always be that person in their lives.
When I became an adult and went into the work world I was shocked to find that everyone didn’t love their parents the way that I did. But then again, not everyone had the same kind of parents I was fortunate enough to have. I can only pray that my children feel about me the way I felt about my parents.
I always knew my mom was in my corner, my dad as well, but his was never silent cornering, his was sometimes loud disapproval of my choices and loud directives to what I should be doing. It was all done with love, I have nothing bad to say about that kind of parenting. However, I strive daily to be more like my mom, if I am just a third as good as she was, then I will have accomplished something.
So I say this to you, always remember I am here, I am never going to judge you, I will always love you and I will always be in your corner.

Rhetoric:  the undue use of exaggeration. Get used to it folks, we are in for a rocky year, this election year is going to be brutal. All gloves are off, people are just nasty, and I am not talking about the politicians.

Facebook is already filling with memes depicting each side as ignorant and evil. As usual I will not be expounding my side here or on Facebook. I refuse to be drawn into pointless arguments. Anyone who knows me well will know who I will be casting my vote for.

I am really tired of a lot of things lately, wait, tired is the wrong word, disgusted, that’s the word. I am disgusted that police officers are being hunted like animals and shot down, I am disgusted that people think guns are the problem. People, mental illness and the media, those are the problems.

I am disgusted by parents not taking responsibility for their actions, leaving small children alone so they can drink or do drugs. It’s called adoption people, look into it, give your children to people who want them and will take care of them in an appropriate manner. I am a huge advocate of adoption, being that I was adopted myself.

I am disgusted by the ignorance of our history, people spout random thoughts like they are facts. They are not, read a book, better yet, read a history book, read several, not just one, get several different accounts of the same event. Somewhere in the middle is the truth.

I read, on the internet, of course, that the rest of the world doesn’t view our Revolutionary War the same way we do. The article suggested it wasn’t that important. Stupid, stupid author, of course our Revolutionary War is not that important to different countries. It’s OUR Revolutionary War, our break for freedom, not theirs, I read it and thought how ignorant does one have to be to just throw something together and it lands on Yahoo news as gospel. Then I realized that was a stupid thought as almost every story on Yahoo news is inane and stupid. I did the only thing I could, I quickly and quietly closed my browser.

Ignorance is invading our society at an alarming rate, I have to be honest, I am terrified for the future of our nation, no, the world. I am terrified for the future of our world, I am however not terrified for my own future. I know what happens to me when I die and I am good with it. More than good with it, you see I will be going to Heaven. However, while I am here, I am commanded to help where I can and have been taught since I was a child to take a stand, make a difference.

I shall continue to take a stand for what I believe is right, having said that, I do believe I shall become controversial for a moment.

Why have we not defunded Planned Parenthood already? Those videos are disturbing, and another thing, it is a life at conception, it is not just a cluster of cells, and they are pulling out babies from the womb! BABIES. Call them what they are, they are not fetuses, they are babies. I was an unplanned pregnancy, so happy abortion wasn’t readily available when my birth mother became pregnant. Perhaps some of you should be as thankful, you are here to spread rhetoric around like it is truth.