Author: Angie World

So, I go to the amazingly handsome ENT, who proceeds to go over my CT Scan results. He starts off by telling me he doesn’t understand how I can breathe at all due to a severely deviated septum. However that is not the problem, because I can breathe, quite well, he says I have had this most likely my entire life. The nasal cavities themselves are clear and look good, however there is swelling on the sides of my nasal cavity and swelling around the nerve that actually allows you to smell.
He put me on nasal sprays and is sending me to a neurologist. he is completely confused as to why this is happening.
I will continue in my quest to be able to smell the amazing aroma at Starbucks. That is what I really miss the most. Walking into a Starbucks and closing my eyes and allowing the aroma of brewing coffee to wash over me. I long for the day I am able to do that once again.

Today is the day I get the results from my CT scan, a little daunting if you ask me, what happens if I just skip it and ignore everything…. Am I really better off knowing what is going on in my nasal cavity? I mean do I really need to smell anything? EVER? As long as I know I bathe and smell good, isn’t that enough? Do I really need to know how everyone else smells? I do miss walking into Starbucks and allowing the richness of the coffee aroma wash over me. That would be a sacrifice. So off I go to find out my fate. If I am dying, I am going to start doing all of the things I want to do in life, singing at the top of my lungs in public, dancing in the museum, living on nothing but coffee and chocolate. And spending time with the most amazing children on the face of the planet.
Right now my immediate fear is getting a turkey neck, we all know what those are, Harrison Ford has one, I do not want one, I refuse to allow anyone to take my picture from a side view. I do not want to know if one is forming. My birthday is in February, if anyone would like to donate the services of a plastic surgeon, I would be appreciative.
Donations are rolling in, we have some wonderful things to raffle off, we are collecting more this week and next, and of course if you find anything after that please contact me, I will take things up until we end this on October 22.
Wish me luck!

It is that time of year again, yes the time I begin begging. I am fundraising for United Way, I am very excited about it. I feel the work we do has an impact on the community around us. Everyone is so generous with their time and money and also with items given to us for raffles and door prizes.
We have the sports jerseys for sale again, $60.00 for genuine team jersey’s, of which $15.00 from every sale goes towards United Way. Last year I bought three of them for Christmas presents. I was even able to get Jeffrey one that they call a throwback. it was a Roger Staubach one. He was happy. So message me, call me, email me or skywrite your order! I will take it any way I can get it!
Had an amazing weekend in Owasso, Oklahoma, I saw my favorite nephew, partied like it was 1999, or in actuality like it was 1980ish with Tammi and new friend Traci, the band totally rocked my visit! Then spend the rest of the time with Linda and Bill and some of their kids. Well they have five, you can’t really expect me to keep track of all of them! Kidding, I know exactly which ones were there, and which ones I missed. They all had me ready to move back up there, of course that is the way I feel every time I go there, then I come home to my life and realize I really like Texas. I so cannot leave my kids and Tessa, I don’t know if the Irishman would move with me. Long distance relationships are not easy. So there you have it, in Texas I shall remain, besides I don’t know if the town of Owasso could seriously handle not only me and Tammi together, but me and Linda together!

Today on Facebook, of course, a good friend of mine, Shanon, who has a morning show on Heaven 97 KHVN said she and her radio partner were going to be discussing women who sleep with married men. I have been the wronged woman in that scenario, so today I would like to say a few words to the women who do this. Actually I want to speak to the one who did this to me in particular, so here it is an open letter from the hurt wife, girlfriend or fiancé, just pick which one you are and this letter is on your behalf.

Dear Other Woman,

You think you have won, but you have not, you, in fact of have lost, and lost big time and I am going to tell you why. It is because you have betrayed your own kind, womankind. We are supposed to be united, we are woman hear us roar, it was a song, our anthem. But then you came along, you looked in, saw my life and wanted it for your own. What no one told you was that life came with a price. The price I paid for you taking that life, well, it was emotionally damaging for me, and my children. But you are an emotionally damaged person yourself, so that is not going to affect you, no the price you will pay will be eternal. The man that left us for you will not remain faithful, if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you, he will always be looking for the next one, the younger one, the prettier one. The one that will now laugh at his inane jokes, and yes he knows they are inane, but you are still expected to laugh. He will move on from you, never fear, you will be left by the wayside just like I was.
No the price you pay, is eternal loneliness, because you will never be satisfied to have something of your own. You will always want what someone else has; I was an unfortunate victim of that. I believe you are this way because you lack something, perhaps pride, pride in who you are, where you come from, pride in just the fact you are a woman. Perhaps you are weak; perhaps you have low self esteem. Whatever it is that makes you go after men that are with other women, you need to figure it out, you need to fix it.
As women, we are supposed to look after one another, the way Ruth looked after her mother-in-law even after her husband’s death. That is the way we are supposed to be with each other, supportive, loving, always lifting each other up. We are not supposed to want to destroy another woman and her children’s lives; we should be trying to find ways to make each other lives better, stronger, easier. If I had known you before you had done any of this I would like to think I would have been your friend and if you had come to me I would have talked you out of going for someone else’s husband/boyfriend/fiancé. I would like to think that I would have lifted you up in prayer, told you when you felt weak to call me. Together, as women we will overcome whatever it is that gives you this impulse. I know what you are thinking, I know nothing of this, but I do, I have a cousin, who is a great deal older than I, who had 3 children with a married man. I remember this, my grandmother had disowned her, it was a huge thing in our family, women do not do this kind of thing. My cousin was convinced the man would leave his wife and be all hers, after the 3rd child he left my cousin, penniless, destitute and without child support. It was horrible, in the end she was alone, she had caused another woman pain, and now she would have to pay the price.
Eventually so will you, you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? Is trying to take this man, who does not belong with me, worth it? If he is with someone else he is not your soul mate, he has already found someone, committed to her, put a ring on it, he belongs to someone else.
I hope any woman out there contemplating doing this will stop and think about the women it affects; it is long lasting and long reaching effects

It is almost that time again, yes, the presidential election time, and I am not looking forward to it. Our country is in terrible shape, the current administration continues to blame the former one for their missteps, and the choices that are out there are, well, disheartening at best.
Where or where is a Ronald Regan when you need him? Someone to rid in on their trusty steed and save the day, a cowboy, tall, commanding, tough when he needs to be and understanding when that is called for? When did we become a country of pacifists? When did that happen? I wasn’t paying attention, it slipped by me and countless others. Why are we not getting tough on some issues and why do we continue to try and save the world from their selves? Yes children are starving in Africa, but children are starving here as well, in our country. Save us first, then save others. Texas is in a serious situation with the drought conditions, no relief in site, yet the federal government doesn’t think it is that bad. Perhaps the President should come tour our state, oh wait, he’s on vacation. Sorry Mr. President didn’t mean to interrupt your good time with our bad one.
And before you write me off as a Republican who does nothing but criticize the current administration, let’s get this straight, Sarah Palin is a joke, Michele Bachman is scary, Mitt Romney well, no comment, the one I really like who has the least chance is Tim Pawlenty, he’s too nice, so far, he may show some teeth later on.
I am seriously disheartened by how many of my facebook friends “like” Sarah Palin, that woman is just scary, and illiterate, uneducated, by choice!! And if she is joking on not knowing American history, well it is a poor joke at best, at worst it is tacky. Her comments are unconscionable as she tries to rile up the people with the least education and the least understanding of well anything that has to do with the judicial system, the bill making process (was I the only one watching School House Rock?) she seems to cater to the lowest common dominator. I also want to know why she was talking to when she was talking about Joe six-pack. Who is that? And winking and calling herself a maverick. I will be honest, I can’t stand the sound of her voice, it is grating, her accent is repugnant to me. I don’t understand her popularity; perhaps someone can explain it to me.
Anyway, now is the time for real change, not surface change, now is the time for hard work, on the part of the American people and the American political machine. We want someone who can be effective, not push their own agendas, but do what is best for the whole. Who are you? I’m waiting for you.

Today is not an easy day, it is the anniversary of my Mom’s going home, that is how we refer to death, the whole week has really been difficult, and Tuesday was Michael’s birthday. Michael is, was, my son, he died at 12 weeks of age. I miss both of them terribly, still, Michael has been gone 27 years, my mom has been gone 8 years. I thought things would get easier, well, yes the pain has lessened somewhat, but the longing to see them, hug them talk to them has never lessened.
I won’t bore you with stories of my mom today, I know I have a tendency to go on about her; I won’t bore you with stories about Michael, simply because those are incredibly private and still very painful. What I will tell you today is that if you are dealing with lose and personal pain, you will have excruciating days and you will have magnificent days. There will be days where you will think of the people missing in your life and laugh at the thoughts that enter, the amazing times you had with them, the fun times, the simply goofy times you enjoyed. There will be times where the pain is unbearable and you spend the whole day crying, watching one sappy movie after another because on that day they mirror your soul.
What they say about time being the great healer, they are right, your heart does heal, you do carry on with life, you have your successes, you have your failures and you have these pockets of incredibleness. You wish you could share it with the ones that are missing, I am here to tell you that you will, one day, you will see them again. It will be amazing and joyous and everything you want it to be.
In the meantime, sit up straight, raise your chin, plaster a smile on your face and embrace your emotions, because they are all you really have. Your emotions, I am not a big believer in subduing ones emotions, they are there for a reason, they are there for you to deal with pain, happiness, sorrow, joy and sadness. If you subdue them how will you ever recognize the good ones? The hard to deal with emotions are there for a reason, I firmly believe we learn lessons from the pain. And after it is over and we have made it through to the other side we are able to help others through their pain.
I miss you and love you Mom and Michael, please hug each other for me, and know that I will see you again and we will catch up then.

So yesterday it was back to the ENT to try and figure out why I can’t smell anything, well I can smell it if it is very strong and right in front of me. This has been going on for over two months now and is getting a little ridiculous. They put me on a round of steroids; he said that he believed the nerve was damaged due to the antibiotics. He even said he thought I would end up cancelling my next appointment because my sense of smell had returned. It did not; it didn’t even get a little better. Yesterday they tell me that I will now need a CT scan on my head. Finally! I will get to see what is going on in there, because I gotta tell you that even I am not so sure all the time.
So many thoughts swirl around in my brain, that at times it is hard to silence them so I can sort everything out. And I really need to sort some things out these days; it is a jumbled mess up there and doesn’t seem to be getting better. I am usually very good at figuring my life out; everything is black and white, cut and dry. But these days’ areas of grey are seeping in and I find myself confused. I wish I were as good at taking my own advice as I am at doling it out. I seem to be very wise when it comes to others but when it comes to me I am an idiot.
I don’t like to think of myself as a hard person, but I know I am tough, I bark orders like a drill sergeant, my dad even used to tell me that. I have always had a forceful personality, I do not cry, well very rarely, just at things like Ice loves Coco, not at the real life stuff. If you wrong me I can cut you off in a heartbeat, so why am I having problems now? life is funny, throwing you curve balls, just when you think the path is straight, your life is all figured out, you know exactly what you will be doing until you die, at the age of 110, the road not only curves, it is now on a precipice, you wonder, should I just jump or wait for the parachute?
That is where I am at now, the precipice, of course I cannot tell you what that is, and what I am jumping away from or will I jump into it? Only time will tell.