Change. A small 6 letter word, yet we all go through them every single day, we don’t even realize they are happening. We go through physical changes, emotional, mental the whole gamut.
Some changes are so subtle we don’t even realize they are happening until its too late.
I look back to when I was on high school and the way I looked. It is so sad to look at pictures and realize that was the best I was ever going to look. I feel like I wasted my looks, I didn’t understand the power they had. It’s too late for me to skate by on my looks. I have to rely on my brain. Thank God He had the foresight to know I would lose those looks and had me develop my thought process.
Really it was my grandfather who planted that seed by teaching me to read at 4. My dad, who taught me to argue with logic, if I had not been equipped with these skills, reading, thought, argument and logic I shudder to think what would have happened if I had been relying on my looks when they disappeared.
I look at society today, the women that young girls are looking up to and it is scary. You see beautiful women that have absolutely no thought process whatsoever being touted as role models.
Parents with young daughters should turn off the television and introduce their daughters to Mary Shelley, a published author at a time women were not being published. Especially with the subject matter, she wrote a horror story. That still lives on today, her mother was Mary Wollstonecraft was a respected philosopher. Another well educated, well spoken, insightful woman at a time women were not being educated.
So turn off Disney, turn on the written word, teach your daughters it’s great to be pretty (I myself have the most beautiful daughter like ever) but having a brains and beauty is a truly awesome combination.
Rain
I awoke to rain, life giving, life affirming blessed rain. Rain renews my soul; it is what gives life to the planet, to all of us. From the ground up, it refreshes us, renews us and is the affirmation that life goes on.
I pray that the rain washes away all of the ugliness and brutality if just for a moment from all living things.
I find the rain soothing, a balm on my soul, it cleanses me, almost like snow does, I find it calming.
I know this is going to sound strange, but maybe not, when it rains I sing Nothing But the Blood, I equate the rain with washing away of sin. Yes, I know the song says blood, not water and if it were raining blood, well, that would be apocalyptic in nature. It’s a metaphor for how I feel the rain cleanses, I believe God uses the rain to cleanse the earth much like the Blood of Jesus cleanses our souls. It’s my belief; you don’t have to agree with it, it’s how I see things not you.
I had the best day yesterday, very relaxing, I didn’t do a whole lot, I got my eyebrows done, now I can wear my contacts without being embarrassed, got some things at the store. Then came home and read, an actual book, not an ereader book. I love real books, the feel, the smell, the weight; it is nothing short of wonderful for me. I love the written word, I am always in awe of someone who can put pen to paper and use his or her imaginations to make my imagination come to life. When the person can actually string a sentence together. Please do not get me started on one of the worst written books on the face of the planet today. I still cannot believe anyone read that horrendous piece of, well, garbage. Once again, it wasn’t the content it was the writing.
On that note, I shall leave you all to finish my book; I need to find out what happens at the end.
Happy Birthday Alex
Today is a special day, I know what you are thinking, well, yeah, it’s Friday, it is indeed, however, today is Thomas Alexander’s birthday. We always knew his middle name would be Alexander, it was tough choosing the first name, however, I am proud to say it is after the very first one of my ancestors to come to America on the Testerman side.
It is a day I remember well, we were so excited to welcome him the nurses thought we were in to have our first child, they were shocked to learn he was going to be our last. I think he came into this world smiling, he did it fast, he would wake up smiling. He never woke up crying, Elizabeth Anne nicknamed him Mr Sunshine Face because of it, she would run to his room and say “mommy, Mr Sunshine Face is awake!” I think Jeffrey was just happy to have another boy in the family, this way he was not outnumbered.
He quickly became just as adventurous as his brother and sister, making me wish I had 4 sets of eyes and 4 pairs of hands, always full of life, wanting to explore.
Today he is 22 and still has that smile, still wants to explore the world, learn new things and remains one of the top three things in my life I am most proud of.
He not only works two jobs but he goes to school as well, he is a daredevil in a truck, car or motorcycle, which makes me nervous. He has thought provoking ideas and we have these great conversations, even if we don’t agree on some things, he still knows how to intelligently debate his side. I am so proud of that, he is passionate about his beliefs and not afraid to voice them, however, not belligerently.
So, happy birthday son, I love you more than you will ever know, you make me proud every day that goes by.
Bad Day
Ok, so, today as I was walking into work someone walking behind me said dang who has that big booty? That was me, the woman who said it meant it as a compliment. That is not a compliment to me, it has sent me into a tailspin, my self esteem is in the dirt. It already lives there as far as my body is concerned, and now it is just gone.
Telling a woman she has a big butt does not go over well unless the woman is dating Sir MixALot, I am not dating him.
This just makes me want to live on exlax and water for the next six months. I don’t even want to see what I look like from behind to elicit such a response.
Just so you know, if you are my friend, never, ever, tell me that!
I already know I am as fat as an elephant, so disgusting, no one should even look at me. No selfies for me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, maybe a picture of my feet, if they are not fat that day.
Dean Cain Goodness
So I saw an episode of The new Dean Cain show, wow, he is even better looking! How did this happen? He is sporting an evil Spock look. I am more in love now! Yes, I know if I ever met him in person a) I would make a donkey out of myself 2) he would not even give me a first glance III) I am too old and too fat for him to notice. I can still look at him and dream, age and unattractiveness cannot take that away from me.
I am so tired today, yesterday was a full day with not only Tessa but two additional little girls. We went swimming, then Jump Street, McDonald’s rounded out with a trip to Costco. I need a week to recover! Sleep is elusive, it is not my friend. I am hoping I can catch up this weekend.
Well I am done for now, I have to quit writing to continue dreaming of Dean!
Riled
So, I was talking to Jose and he got me all ruled up, I climbed on my soapbox right onto my high horse.
Here’s the thing God can see everything, everywhere. Through walls, in buildings, in a field, in a box with a fox. He sees all, knows all, will judge all. Some people don’t seem to know that, or understand that. Please do not lie to my face then tell me you are a Christian.
I will call you out in a heartbeat, I don’t care who you are. I am astounded by the way people behave. Oliver North will tell you that the old I was just following orders doesn’t fly in a court of law and it will not fly with God on judgement day.
It seems people have lost the ability to treat others fairly and with dignity, respect. Forget rewarding loyalty, backstabbing and blatantly being a sycophant is the order of the day.
When will humans learn this is not the way life is supposed to be? When will all of us start lifting others up instead of seeing people who think for themselves as a threat?
Closer to Human Happiness
I just learned the most amazing thing. Dean Cain is back on television in a scripted show. I just might die happy now, could it be I am going to actually experience human happiness? I am not a big believer in happiness but man, Dean Cain on television weekly certainly brings me closer to being a believer.
The question is how did I miss this??? I am usually on top of breaking Dean Cain news.
Ok here are the details, it’s on VH1 and called Hit the Floor, you will have to look up dates and times. I will be setting the DVR to record every episode. I can totally see what my days off will now entail. So feakin’ excited!!
I don’t know why I ever thought of replacing my undying devotion to Dean with Christian Kane. I mean I love Christian Kane but I LOVE Dean Cain. Not in a weird stalkery kind of way but in a, oh heck, I can’t even lie here. I would totally stalk him if it were feasible. I can’t even downplay it, so embarrassing. I think I love him more than the Bay City Rollers. They have not aged well, he has.
So happy.
A New Day
There comes a time in every relationship when one has to take a good hard look at it and decide if it is worth continuing. I am at this point in my relationship with Candy Crush or whatever you call it. It is more work than fun and I am continually frustrated with my progress. At times it seems to taunt me with the way it seems easy enough then it takes me days to get through a level to continue on. I am going to have to give this serious thought.
In happier news, we celebrated my beautiful granddaughters birthday yesterday. She is so funny, beautiful, smart and simply amazing. I can’t believe she will be 6 tomorrow, the time goes by way too fast.
I got to spend time with her Saturday as well, Jeffrey needed to do some shopping for the party so I got to at with her. Yay me!!
Today begins another work week, another week to get back on the bandwagon. As far as dieting goes, cottage cheese and strawberries for breakfast followed by salad for lunch. All I really want is puffy Cheetos and diet coke. I have not had diet coke since the beginning of March. No soda whatsoever. I feel bad for me.
I did have cake and ice cream yesterday at the party. So now I have to be good.
Friday
I like sitting in my car on my lunch break. I listen to the radio, sometimes read a book and play on my phone. Today I am so very tired, I seem to be tired all of the time lately. It seems there is not one time I am brimming with energy. Perhaps I have some sort of energy zapping disease. I don’t know what it could be. I do know I need some uninterrupted sleep, I am not willing to take ambien again. I do not want to sing the night away. That is not pretty, the sound of my voice belting out songs, just gross.
Yesterday was our nations birthday, I celebrated my freedom by working. Then Taco Bueno after, that wast reward. I work because I don’t have anyone to celebrate with, my kids are with their dad. It’s always been that way, first he had a lake house, now he is in the country. Way more fun with him. I get that.
So I work and get Taco Bueno, which makes me happy.
I was able to give motherly advice today, which makes me feel needed.
I just learned that this month is national ice cream month. How can I be skinny with things like this happening in the world!!! I am fighting a losing battle. I just need a good, old fashioned flu.
Life After Death
There’s a Beatles song that says one is the loneliest number, I disagree, I believe one to be a great number. Maybe I feel that way due to the fact I have really been the number one all of my life. I learned to be self reliant at a young age, learned that the only person I could ever really count on was, well, me.
I know I talk a lot about my kids taking care of me when I’m old, ok, I talk about Elizabeth Anne taking care of me. However I really don’t expect her to, I want my children to not have the burden of taking care of me when I am old. I fully expect to be alone when I die, it is only fitting since I have been alone since birth.
I often think about where I want to be buried, in Texas or Owasso. I am leaning more toward Owasso. My son is buried there and I don’t like to think of him being alone. I also don’t want my children burdened with thinking they have to visit my grave.
I think about death a lot, perhaps due to the fact I have been going to funerals regularly since I was a little girl. I think about heaven, who I will see, who I won’t.
I wonder if I will get to see my BBFF because everyone knows that the Baptist and Catholics are segregated. Will I have to share my mansion? Does everyone have their own? Can I share if I want to? Can I choose my age? Because I seriously want to be 16, wild, fun, no worries and able to play my music as loud as I want. How many animals can I legally have? Can I get a lion? All these questions, very few answers.
Angie World 