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Music Memories

I was listening to the radio coming into work and Foreigner came on, what an awesome band, I have the best memories associated with Foreigner. Especially my senior year in high school, Tammi, Tonya, Pam and I would fly down 169 singing Urgent at the top of our lungs. So much fun, such good times, especially on Fridays, those were special days, those were pep assembly days. And, well, one must celebrate pep assembly day appropriately, oh wait, I can’t tell those stories!
So many stories I cannot tell, why you might ask, well, due to the fact that Elizabeth Anne reads every one of these posts. All of my musings are there for my children and later my grandchildren to find and there are some things I would rather they not know.

Which means I have so many stories in my head that cannot come out, EVER, I am in such big trouble if I ever get Alzheimer’s or dementia. Then all those things are going to come out, in a huge way, because they are right there at the surface, waiting to be told. I have no one to tell them to! Only the people that remember them as well, shared memories are really the best.

Fridays in Owasso, was the best, in the fall there were football games, the Skate Ranch and well pep assemblies. In the spring there were pep assemblies for basketball, wrestling and baseball, so much to tell and no one to tell it to. Such a sad state of affairs.

Music is such a great way to relive memories, just yesterday, my co-worker, Wylie, mentioned a singer and I named the song! Andrea True Connection, who could forget More, More, More. Best song ever, hands down, my ultimate favorite. Then I had to ruin it for him and tell him what the song was about, I was kinda sorry to do that, but not really.

Every Christmas, now, when I hear TSO I remember how I saw them in concert with the Irishman and he asked me to marry him after the concert. Those are good memories, but tellable, not like my Foreigner memories.

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Mixed Emotions

I have such mixed emotions about the people searching for their birth families on Facebook, it is such a public forum and adoption remains a very private issue. I was adopted so I feel I have a valid view point on this. I have other things in my life which gives me another unique view of this issue as well. One I will not get into here.

My thought is this, the woman who gave you up did so for a reason, for most birth mothers this was not a selfish reason, it was indeed selfless in nature.

It was painful, hopefully you will never know the pain that went into the decision she made when she gave you up to be raised in what was hopefully a happy home.

A home that could afford to give you the things she could not, a home that could give you not only material things but love and stability.

It was painful and for some shameful, and here you are on Facebook telling the world of her pain and shame. There is no way I would want to come forward in this public manner to say hey everybody it was me that got knocked up and had to give their kid up.

This is such a private matter, and really needs to be handled delicately, allow this woman some dignity, some privacy. Do the research, in this day and age most adoptions are not closed and have not been since the 1980’s.

Do your due diligence, don’t post this on Facebook, research, find her in private and then if she wishes to announce to the world she has reconnected with her long lost child let it be her decision.

You will never understand the pain of what she went through, the difficulty, the sleepless nights. Every adoption went wrong movie on Lifetime will literally stab her in the heart. She will want to know what happened to you, she wants to know that you had a good life, she longs to know that.

Just know how painful it was for her to give you up, the decision was not done lightly, and I know I may take a lot of heat for this opinion. But it is just that, my opinion, and I stand by it.

 

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Gifts and Talents

I have begun something new, I have started putting 3 teaspoons of Organic Apple Cider Vinegar in my morning 16 ounces of water. I’ll let you know how it goes, if there are any effects, it is supposed to help with belly fat and weight loss. I have an over abundance of both to lose, I still lament the fact I was not given the gift of skinniness.

I look around me and think wow God really loved some people, they have gifts and talents galore and well, I have none. Typing fast is not a talent, it is a side effect of having Mrs. Breedlove for a typing teacher. Reading fast is not a talent, it is a side effect of having spent my nose in a book since before I started kindergarten. Those are the only two things I am good at, I am good at reading and typing, you cannot make a career out of those things.

I could sit and wish I were born beautiful, thin, full of wisdom and witty, however I am none of those things. What I do posses is an abundant love for my children and grandchildren, but I suppose everyone feels that way about their offspring. I also posses an abundant love for Jesus and God, but I suppose every Christian feels that way about their Savior.

I wish I knew what to do with the rest of my life, tech support is becoming, well, stressful, being screamed at because you sat on your remote and don’t know how to fix it is not my fault.

Sometimes I wish I had finished my degree in Journalism, ok, all the time I feel that way, the one thing I love doing more than almost anything is writing. I love putting words to paper, well, you know what I mean, and sending my words off to the world.

There is something so satisfying about getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper, once again, in this day and age, that is metaphorical.

My head is not always a sunny place, if is filled with self-doubt, self-loathing (all about the weight) and self-regret, not finishing things, like college.

I loved going to college, I didn’t go until I was in my 30’s, I got married at 19 and started having kids, then after the divorce I made a decision to go to school. It was tough, I had three jobs, three kids and a full course load. I don’t think I slept in two years, I look back and seriously don’t know how I did it. After two years I was offered a job at the major telecommunications corporation, where I still work. It was a blessing, one I will not forget, the job literally saved my family, I was able to quit all three jobs as that one was more than the three put together. I also quit going to school, my children needed me at home, with them, I was happy to be their mom.

See when I had them, I made the commitment to be their mother, once again, happily, so they had to come before anything else. So in essence I don’t regret not finishing college, because it was worth it to be there fully for my children.

My job has been good to us, I will always be grateful for the opportunities it has afforded me and my children. There are certain things I will never complain about, being a mom (I made the choice to be one, they did not make the choice to make me one), my children and my job. I may say some things about it, like, please stop screaming at the people that are trying to help you, but you will never hear me complain about my job.

I do wish I had any talents or gifts, but I guess there are so many people in the world and only so many talents and gifts to go around.

 

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Thoughts

I am so happy that all of my women friends have integrity and morals, I’ll leave it at that.

Well this is the rainiest May I have ever seen in my entire life, it is insane, I know we needed the rain and since we have had this rain the drought that has plagued Texas is officially over. However, enough is enough, I pray we see sunny days soon.

Yesterday afternoon I was fortunate enough to spend the day with Cecily, she is my newest granddaughter. We had a blast, we laughed and laughed, we colored with crayons and with chalk, then I fed her sugar, a lot of sugar, then I gave her back. The job of a GiGi was done, and done well.

Tonight is family dinner night, so I get Tess and Cecily, that makes me happy, it makes me happy to have my children and their families around me.

So last weekend I broke my glasses, it was an emergency of epic proportions, there was no way I could go to my optometrist and wait a week for new glasses. I remembered that Alex had gone to lense crafters in Fairview. So I called them and made an appointment, I had to wait a day, luckily I had contacts so I wasn’t completely blind.

Saturday I went in, the optometrist remembered Alex, she told me what an amazing job I had done with my son. She said he was so nice, well spoken and respectful, she went on to say for someone so young to behave in such a manner was a pleasant surprise and she could tell I had raised him the right way.

As a mother I was beyond words, you always want to hear good things about your children, but to hear someone validate you as a parent, well it was a balm on my soul.

I love my new glasses, BTW, I ended up getting Ralph Lauren frames again, due to the fact they seem to be sturdier than other brands and I wear mine practically around the clock.  I need sturdy and pretty, it can be a hard combination to find.

The Irishman and I have decided that Vickery Park will be our place, we will be going back there, I have to admit it was a lot of fun.

Next week we are supposed to dry out, I can only hope so.

 

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The Weekend Adventure

Turned on the television and what to my surprise Dirty Dancing was on, it is such a sweet, innocent movie. I know the title is misleading, but when I watch it, it is so innocent, Baby is, well, a baby really. A novice in the world, she just wants to help people while quietly rebelling against her suburban upbringing.

I think I like it so much because I was a bit of a rebel myself at that age, wanting to rebel against my country upbringing, I wanted to conquer the world.

I didn’t conquer anything, and everything I was rebelling against I went back to, except the country, I can’t live in the country. I can visit it, but I NEED to be near a city.

The bible was right, (huge surprise) train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

They may rebel for a while and go down a path that curves and twists, but then it straightens itself out. I often wonder if my parents would be proud of me, today, as I am, I guess I truly won’t know until I die. My grandpa, I really wonder about him, I was a total grandpa’s girl growing up. He was my first father figure, my first hero, my first role model, he could literally do no wrong in my eyes. To this day if someone told me he did wrong I would scoff in derision.

So, yesterday, I went with the Irishman to watch his beloved soccer team, Manchester United, play their last game of the season. We went back to Vickery Park for this event, once again, not disappointed with the food or the service. They really are awesome, I highly recommend them.

I met his soccer watching buddies, was not disappointed there either, what a group of characters! They were so fun to be around I may go next season as well just to watch and listen to them! From my vantage point, I sat at the bar, they all share such a deep comradery when it comes to this soccer team, they sang songs, laughed, yelled, cursed and drank their way through the game. And it was glorious to watch, I am glad I went, partly due to the fact they all loved me. But also to see the Irishman in his element, with his friends and doing what he loves doing most in the world.

Then it was on to spend time with more of his friends, ones that I have known for a few years now, always enjoyable to be around them. I laughed so hard that when I woke up this morning I thought I had done an ab workout yesterday!

Then home to collapse, drugged the Irishman up with Benadryl, he has a rash, an allergic reaction to something. Don’t know what as he didn’t tell me until I said why are you scratching so much. He is a man, I know that is generalizing, but it is generalized for a reason! They never admit something is wrong until one finds them face down in the dirt unable to move. An exaggeration of course, however, accurate.

Signing off on the Memorial Day, remembering the men and women who fought courageously for our country, and gave their lives so I could sit and write about my trivial thoughts. Today I salute you and the sacrifice you made for this country and for your families who now have to live life without your physical presence.

 

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My Review of Vickery Park

We have had rain here in Texas forever, I love the rain, an inordinate amount, however this is getting to be a bit much for even me. I have sandals, wedges and gladiator shoes to wear and this weather is not conducive to that type of footwear.

Last night the Irishman and I went out, now it has been a long time since we have gone out on a real date, it was long overdue and it turned out to be a fun evening.

We went to a place he frequents, a lot, and I do mean a lot, Vickery Park, I wanted to see what the draw was and why he stays till 3am sometimes.

We sat at the bar, the two women who waited on us were really great, they paid the appropriate amount of attention to myself and him. This is where a lot of female restaurant workers go wrong, they don’t pay attention to the woman, they heap it all on the man. I have been in a place like that, a certain waitress named Ashley at Lochrann’s comes to mind.

Anyway back to Vickery Park, Erika and Madison were the women behind the bar, Erika was there first and when we walked in, of course she knew who the Irishman was. She beckoned us over and said sit at the bar.

So we did and she was awesome, she shook my hand, introduced herself and told me it was nice that I finally had come in with him. She asked me what she could make me in the way of a drink and I told her surprise me. Surprise me she did, it was delicious, then Madison came in, I finished that drink, she asked what I was having, I said I don’t know, so she surprised me. Hers tasted like a cherry limeade from Sonic.

Both women took such good care of us, and even good-naturedly posed for pictures with the concoctions they created for me.

All in all it was a pleasant evening and I enjoyed it immensely, I will be going back to visit again. It had the feel of a neighborhood place, I even met the manager, he was very nice and personable.

I will be going again Sunday morning, it is the last soccer game of the season, although I have to be honest, I don’t know when it starts and when it ends. Well I guess it ends now, but I think it starts again in like a week. The Irishman wants me to wear one of his soccer shirts so I will be supporting his team. Thank goodness I have lost weight so I can do that.

Speaking of losing weight, and inches and gaining muscle and strength, I am still on my journey and am losing inches and pounds.

For Mother’s Day Elizabeth Anne took me clothes shopping because all of mine are getting too big. That was a fun day, I love hanging out with her and shopping, she has good taste, and all of my friends are jealous that I have a daughter who treats me to a shopping spree. Not all, but totally some.

 

I broke my glasses and have an emergency appointment today to get new ones, I am going to a Lense Crafters because I seriously cannot wait a week to get my glasses. I found my old contacts and am wearing those, I feel exposed without glasses hiding my face. I rely on them to hide some of my reactions and facial expressions.

 

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Life is Good

I love the Fridays that I get Tess from school and we have a family dinner, this past Friday was no exception. Tess and I have fun until the others get here, then we all have fun together. Have I mentioned my kids are funny, smart and amazing lately? The only one missing was Alex, I missed him when he doesn’t get to come to dinner.

I have had someone tell me that having a meal with us is like being with the Addams family, I’ll take it, the barbs fly fast and furious around here. You have to be quick on your toes if you want to keep up and be part of the conversation.

Saturday was another awesome day, not only was it not raining for the first time in weeks, Elizabeth Anne and I went shopping. It was my Mother’s Day gift from her and her husband, a shopping spree. And spree we did, I got a lot of awesome new clothes that I needed! Losing weight and getting fit is not for the faint of heart when it comes to wardrobe.

Then it was Ladies that Lunch day, another great one in the books, the laughter and fellowship was just incredible. I feel so fortunate to be a part of this group of women, I am so proud to call them not only my friends, but my sisters.

I come home, let Stormie out, and what does she do, being a Husky, you can probably guess, yes, she found a new escape route. One I thought I had blocked really well, however with this rain, the ground is so soft it is easy for her to burrow out.

I truly got my exercise in yesterday, I had to follow her about a mile, in wedges, not chase, because if you give chase it will be 3 miles. Then when I did catch her, I had to carry her part of the way because I didn’t have a leash and she was trying to run with me holding her collar. So here I am, in a skirt, wedges and hair everywhere, mine and hers, carrying this big Husky. I am sure it was a sight to behold, huge shout out to the two gentlemen that stopped and tried to help me. One was a chicken delivery guy and he even brought out a bag that had chicken in it to try and entice her. No luck, she is on to that little trick, as we have taken meat out to try and get her to come.

Hole is once again plugged and it is once again raining horrendously here, I love the rain, let me amend that, I  LOVE rain, however, this is getting to be a bit much for even me.

Oh I almost forgot, the best part of yesterday, when Elizabeth Anne walked into the house, she looked at me and said “you are looking really skinny mom”. Best. Daughter. EVER. She is totally in the will.

Let me tell you who is not in the will, that would be my darling granddaughter Tess, we were at the grocery store checking out and the cashier heard Tess call me Gigi. She said, what, you’re a grandmother! I would never have guessed, you look so young, did I mention she is now my new BFF? Anyway, I thanked her, profusely, then Tess says, you don’t look that young, you look like my Nana, her Nana is 70+. Then Tess just laughed and laughed and I said um I can take that ball and video I am buying you and put it right back. Which made her laugh harder, the cashier thought it was adorable.

I wanted to mow the lawn today, however, I shan’t, in this weather, so laundry and going through my closet and getting rid of clothes that are too big. Life is good.

 

 

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How I got my Name

I was telling the story of how I got my name to one of my co-workers and he said, that’s a really great story, you should write that down. I realized I have never written it down. When I was born, I was the last of 4 born to a woman that should have never had any, she gave all of us away and didn’t name one of us. My name was up for grabs at the time, my grandmother wanted to name me, my grandfather was getting ready to take her to the hospital to name me when he thought to ask her what the name was going to be.

She told him Billie Jean, legend has it he stopped the car in the drive way and told her there was no way a granddaughter of his would be named Billie, he made her get out of the car and go into the house. She had no choice as she didn’t know how to drive, so they waited, until after I was officially named, had a birth certificate and it was legal.

Since my birth mother had no interest in naming me one of my cousins, Linda Sue, asked if she could name me, of course she was told sure, what did it matter anyway. Angela Jean was chosen, and that is who I am, for the most part.

My adoptive mother didn’t like Angela, she thought it sounded snobby, so she said Angie suited me much better, she was right, I am Angie and this is my world.

 

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Parental Hypocrisy

Parenting hypocrisy, let’s all think about that for a moment, it is at a monumental high right now. There is a woman in the news who was filmed disciplining her teenage son, whom she caught in the midst of the Baltimore riots, throwing rocks at the police. She did what I would have done, what my mother would have done and what any woman I grew up surrounded by would have done. She marched into the midst of the riots grabbed her son and began to beat the daylights out of him.

She is being hailed as the mother of the century, I would simply call her a mom, a mom who has raised her children with discipline and expects better of them. Here is where the hypocrisy comes in, most parents of today, in America, don’t believe in corporal discipline. Spanking is barbaric, there are better ways, reason with your child, talk to them, allow them to make their own choices.

I don’t understand that, at all, hopefully, my children know, without a shadow of doubt, if I saw them doing what that young man was doing, I would do exactly as that mom did. Discipline transcends skin color, what was that, I’ll say again, discipline transcends skin color. I have often said there is only one race, the human race, we might have different ethnicities, different skin tones and raised in different parts of the earth, but we are all human. If you truly believe what the bible says, we all are created by God, we all come from Adam and Eve.

To think, we are being ripped apart as a society by what can be found in a child’s crayon box, color, we cannot change what happened in our country’s history. However, we can change our future, we can be better than our ancestors were, we can all work together to create a stronger country.

The in-fighting needs to stop, I know I am white, about as white as one can get being of Viking, German and Irish descent, however I am also about as American as one can get. Some of my people have been here since the 1600’s, the rest arrived in the 1700’s, therefore I shall voice my opinion on this country and what is going on in it today.

Today, that is the operative word, today, not yesterday, not in a past century, today, we are a diverse nation. The most diverse on the planet earth, we should be celebrating the fact that we are truly a melting pot, healing our wounds and coming together.

Our future generations might look back on this time in our history and be as horrified as the majority of us in this generation are when we look back at things that happened in the past. We need to learn from the mistakes of our forefathers, we need to learn from their successes as well.

Be a parent, raise your children with discipline, that does not mean raise them with cruelty and abuse, but teach them right from wrong. When you see them on the streets doing things they did not learn in your household, be a parent and grab them and take them home. Before they, themselves end up a statistic, that goes for parents of all skin colors, of all ethnicities. Don’t be a parental hypocrite, saying this mom is mom of the year, when you, yourself do not discipline your children.

 

 

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Skinny Rant

I want to be skinny. There, it’s out, my big secret, I feel so much better. (Does anyone but me feel the sarcasm in that last statement?) I have never hidden the fact that being skinny is my main objective in life. It has been since I was born, I say born because I, honestly, not remember a time I didn’t want to be skinny. I was a chubby kid, a chubby teenager, well, until about 16, then I was ok. Just ok, not skinny.

I grew up in an era where skinny, thin, beautiful women ruled the world. My best friend was even one of those creatures. It was not a good time to grow up chubby.

I have battled my weight my entire life. It’s like God said I’m giving you a brain and a nice speaking voice but the rest of it, you’re on your own. Good luck kiddo.

Battle it I have, one time, in high school, I ate nothing but celery for an entire month. To this day I cannot just eat a stalk of celery by itself. It’s traumatic, I have flashbacks.

When people try and admonish me for wanting to be skinny I very literally roll my eyes. I want to say you have never been me, you don’t know what it is to be the fat one in a friendship or the fat one in a relationship for that matter. For some odd reason, I am only attracted to thin men. I am a total glutton for punishment. Being married to someone who can eat whatever they want whenever they want was torture. Having children who are the same way was nightmarish. Although I would like to interject here, I am beyond thrilled they will never know the absolute heart wrenching pain I go through on a daily basis.

I work hard and deprive myself of all the things I love. All because I do not want to be 300 pounds or more.

I love sitting, I love puffy Cheetos, I love sweets and chocolate with a passion. I really miss diet coke and movie popcorn dripping in fake movie butter, throw in some milk duds and my head might explode. I cried a little just writing that.

So, before you decide to tell someone, who states they want to be skinny, be happy with yourself, perhaps think about it. I will never be happy with the way I look from the neck down.

I will say I a very happy with myself from the neck up, I am pretty, not beautiful, not gorgeous, but pretty, in a completely old, country kind of way. I clean up really well with the right lighting and makeup.

Being skinny is my goal, I will never achieve it because I have super fat thighs and they just are not going anywhere. Oh and while I am on this topic, I do not, in any way, shape, form or fashion want a big butt. I would very much like my hips, thighs, buttocks, stomach, calves, arms and chest to just disappear. I am sure the Irishman would agree, I completely can tell he is tired of living with someone who looks the way I do.